Gaming The Europa Universalis 4 Experiment II (sign ups for Experiment III open)
- Thread starter Phil Jones Face
- Start date
Not me, guvnor.
Tactics Tim Shakesey decided to send all his armies to Scottish Canada. You've done the ol' switcheroo, trading Great Britain for Canada.
With that force I could take the whole North America. Good bye Ol' Blighty
After @Dr. Dwayne's victory over Solius, he threw an extravagent party to celebrate, with much vodka being consumed. The following morning, his advisors found it difficult to rouse him.
"Grand Prince.. Grand Prince", they shook him. "the French, Venetians, Poles and Lithuanians are here!".
"Good.. pour them a drink" slurred Dr. Dwayne.
"No.. no! They have invaded!"
Dr. Dwayne bolted upright in his bed. "What? Am I still drunk?"
No, he wasn't. He now had the headache of @maniak's colonial war vs @PSV, @WI_Red and @Organic Potatoes to deal with. In addition to this, @Dan and Lithuania had invaded simultaneously.
By this point, maniak had been completely sieged down by PSV. But crucially, the war goal was in north America, where the Danish were much stronger than the French and had captured all their colonies. maniak knew that he could force a white peace if he held on for long enough in America, while his country at home burnt.
One by one, maniak forced the invaders into ending the war. Genoa and Organic Potatoes accepted white peaces. It looked like PSV would follow suit, but he stubbornly persisted. It wasn't the colonies that was accuring the warscore - PSV couldn't reach them. It was Dr. Dwayne's lands that they were gaining score from. Eventually maniak came to terms, ceding a large chunk of his north American empire.
With Dr. Dwayne now out of the maniak-PSV war, he groggily turned his attentions to Dan and Lithuania. The odds were long - he had taken a beating from the French, but it was a possibility he could fight back the Polish/Lithuanian alliance. Then @altodevil happened. Dr. Dwayne went back to bed with a bottle of vodka, muttering "I was one province away from forming Russia!"
The result was a foregone conclusion at this point and the terms would be savage for our Russian grand prince.
Now, what of our David (Great Shakesey) vs Goliath (Scotland) story? Well, unfortunately this fairy tale didn't come true. Great @Shakesey was humiliated in his war vs Scotland, ceding back some Scottish territory and the majority of his north American colonies.
Elsewhere, @Crackers is making gains in central Germany. It only took for him to be deposed as the Emperor to start swinging his dick around again.
And finally.. in southern Italy...
"Grand Prince.. Grand Prince", they shook him. "the French, Venetians, Poles and Lithuanians are here!".
"Good.. pour them a drink" slurred Dr. Dwayne.
"No.. no! They have invaded!"
Dr. Dwayne bolted upright in his bed. "What? Am I still drunk?"
No, he wasn't. He now had the headache of @maniak's colonial war vs @PSV, @WI_Red and @Organic Potatoes to deal with. In addition to this, @Dan and Lithuania had invaded simultaneously.
By this point, maniak had been completely sieged down by PSV. But crucially, the war goal was in north America, where the Danish were much stronger than the French and had captured all their colonies. maniak knew that he could force a white peace if he held on for long enough in America, while his country at home burnt.
One by one, maniak forced the invaders into ending the war. Genoa and Organic Potatoes accepted white peaces. It looked like PSV would follow suit, but he stubbornly persisted. It wasn't the colonies that was accuring the warscore - PSV couldn't reach them. It was Dr. Dwayne's lands that they were gaining score from. Eventually maniak came to terms, ceding a large chunk of his north American empire.
With Dr. Dwayne now out of the maniak-PSV war, he groggily turned his attentions to Dan and Lithuania. The odds were long - he had taken a beating from the French, but it was a possibility he could fight back the Polish/Lithuanian alliance. Then @altodevil happened. Dr. Dwayne went back to bed with a bottle of vodka, muttering "I was one province away from forming Russia!"
The result was a foregone conclusion at this point and the terms would be savage for our Russian grand prince.
Now, what of our David (Great Shakesey) vs Goliath (Scotland) story? Well, unfortunately this fairy tale didn't come true. Great @Shakesey was humiliated in his war vs Scotland, ceding back some Scottish territory and the majority of his north American colonies.
Elsewhere, @Crackers is making gains in central Germany. It only took for him to be deposed as the Emperor to start swinging his dick around again.
And finally.. in southern Italy...
Clearly I got a nosebleed the other day for getting involved in European conflicts and I'm back to making pizza.
Our inbreeding programme clearly didn't pay dividendsAfter @Dr. Dwayne's victory over Solius, he threw an extravagent party to celebrate, with much vodka being consumed. The following morning, his advisors found it difficult to rouse him.
"Grand Prince.. Grand Prince", they shook him. "the French, Venetians, Poles and Lithuanians are here!".
"Good.. pour them a drink" slurred Dr. Dwayne.
"No.. no! They have invaded!"
Dr. Dwayne bolted upright in his bed. "What? Am I still drunk?"
No, he wasn't. He now had the headache of @maniak's colonial war vs @PSV, @WI_Red and @Organic Potatoes to deal with. In addition to this, @Dan and Lithuania had invaded simultaneously.
By this point, maniak had been completely sieged down by PSV. But crucially, the war goal was in north America, where the Danish were much stronger than the French and had captured all their colonies. maniak knew that he could force a white peace if he held on for long enough in America, while his country at home burnt.
One by one, maniak forced the invaders into ending the war. Genoa and Organic Potatoes accepted white peaces. It looked like PSV would follow suit, but he stubbornly persisted. It wasn't the colonies that was accuring the warscore - PSV couldn't reach them. It was Dr. Dwayne's lands that they were gaining score from. Eventually maniak came to terms, ceding a large chunk of his north American empire.
With Dr. Dwayne now out of the maniak-PSV war, he groggily turned his attentions to Dan and Lithuania. The odds were long - he had taken a beating from the French, but it was a possibility he could fight back the Polish/Lithuanian alliance. Then @altodevil happened. Dr. Dwayne went back to bed with a bottle of vodka, muttering "I was one province away from forming Russia!"
The result was a foregone conclusion at this point and the terms would be savage for our Russian grand prince.
Now, what of our David (Great Shakesey) vs Goliath (Scotland) story? Well, unfortunately this fairy tale didn't come true. Great @Shakesey was humiliated in his war vs Scotland, ceding back some Scottish territory and the majority of his north American colonies.
Elsewhere, @Crackers is making gains in central Germany. It only took for him to be deposed as the Emperor to start swinging his dick around again.
And finally.. in southern Italy...
I’d like to say it was a good run, but that would imply I actually stood up and tried to move. Oh well, I’ll go out doing what I did best: nothing.
I'm not crying. You're crying.
@WI_Red has passed on from this cruel world.
Here's a highlight reel of WI_Red's game.
Please post your favourite WI_Red moments below.
Elsewhere, @Dr. Dwayne roused from his drunken stupor and declared war on Sapmi, an ally of @Solius. These two really don't like each other. Solius attempted to defend his ally, but the war was incredibly one sided, with 65k Muscovite troops to Swedens 20k. The terms were harsh on the Swedes. And the borders ugly. But by capturing Novgorod from the Swedes, it finally allowed Dr. Dwayne to form Russia. Frustratingly, I can't find the tag to rename Russia. The usual places aren't working and google is not my friend. I hope it isn't too immersion breaking for you.
A couple years later, @maniak declared war on Sapmi too. And again, Solius felt duty bound to defend its ally. By now Solius' army had fallen from 20k to 14k troops compared to maniak's 50k. It was a quick defeat for Solius, losing more land.
Tactics Tim Shakesey decided to declare war on Scotland again. And again he hadn't learnt from his previous mistakes, by sending all of his troops to Canada, leaving the British Isles undefended. Despite outnumbering the Scots with 129k Great Shakesian's to 19k Scottish troops, Great @Shakesey was losing badly until somebody suggested he take the home fleet from their cruise trip in the Bahamas and transport the Canadian expeditionary force home. He did that and the Scots, taken by surprise by this new tactic, surrendered. They were exiled to the Shetlands.
In the Netherlands, @SilentWitness found himself under attack from Utrecht. This in itself wasn't an issue, Utrecht was much weaker and only had two provinces. But they were allied to @Dan for some reason. Despite being on the opposite sides of Europe.
The Poles beat the Dutch and SilentWitness was bullied into surrendering much of its continental and colonial possessions.
SilentWitness responded to this setback by deciding to ally a landlock African tribe in the middle of nowhere with 8k troops. I don't even..
@PSV declared war on Brittany, allied to Great Shakesey. The Great Shakesey decided he would revert to his old tactic of sitting in London while the French burnt down Normandy. With the grand British fleet again vacationing in the Bahamas, the French were able to win minor sea battles over the smaller British fleet defending the English channel.
The terms weren't too harsh on Great Shakesey.
In other news:
@WI_Red has passed on from this cruel world.
Here's a highlight reel of WI_Red's game.
Please post your favourite WI_Red moments below.
Elsewhere, @Dr. Dwayne roused from his drunken stupor and declared war on Sapmi, an ally of @Solius. These two really don't like each other. Solius attempted to defend his ally, but the war was incredibly one sided, with 65k Muscovite troops to Swedens 20k. The terms were harsh on the Swedes. And the borders ugly. But by capturing Novgorod from the Swedes, it finally allowed Dr. Dwayne to form Russia. Frustratingly, I can't find the tag to rename Russia. The usual places aren't working and google is not my friend. I hope it isn't too immersion breaking for you.
A couple years later, @maniak declared war on Sapmi too. And again, Solius felt duty bound to defend its ally. By now Solius' army had fallen from 20k to 14k troops compared to maniak's 50k. It was a quick defeat for Solius, losing more land.
Tactics Tim Shakesey decided to declare war on Scotland again. And again he hadn't learnt from his previous mistakes, by sending all of his troops to Canada, leaving the British Isles undefended. Despite outnumbering the Scots with 129k Great Shakesian's to 19k Scottish troops, Great @Shakesey was losing badly until somebody suggested he take the home fleet from their cruise trip in the Bahamas and transport the Canadian expeditionary force home. He did that and the Scots, taken by surprise by this new tactic, surrendered. They were exiled to the Shetlands.
In the Netherlands, @SilentWitness found himself under attack from Utrecht. This in itself wasn't an issue, Utrecht was much weaker and only had two provinces. But they were allied to @Dan for some reason. Despite being on the opposite sides of Europe.
The Poles beat the Dutch and SilentWitness was bullied into surrendering much of its continental and colonial possessions.
SilentWitness responded to this setback by deciding to ally a landlock African tribe in the middle of nowhere with 8k troops. I don't even..
@PSV declared war on Brittany, allied to Great Shakesey. The Great Shakesey decided he would revert to his old tactic of sitting in London while the French burnt down Normandy. With the grand British fleet again vacationing in the Bahamas, the French were able to win minor sea battles over the smaller British fleet defending the English channel.
The terms weren't too harsh on Great Shakesey.
In other news:
- maniak continues making gains in north America
- Salt Bailly is pushing into eastern Africa and through Mexico
- hobbers was overwhelmingly voted to replace himself as Emperor.
- SilentWitness made gains vs the Iroquois
- altodevil did altodevil things
- hobbers annexed Mecklenberg
- Dan has claimed the throne of Lithuania and annexed the Livonian Order and Riga.
- Dr Dwayne allied maniak. Because they hate Solius.
- nimic-Simbo continued attacking the tribes in Australasia.
- The Cat attacked Fezzan.
- Great Shakesey broke his alliance with Salt Bailly.
@hobbers you'll pay dearly for your insolence
Great updates @Phil Jones Face
Take that you Scottish shetlands!
All I wanted to do was topple the Papacy and then spend eternity drinking wine and perfecting pizza. Was that really too much to ask for?
I am become Rus.
Drama in the HRE.
Emperor @hobbers has demanded @maniak release Holstein as a sovereign state and allow it to rejoin the HRE.
maniak has refused the Emperors demands.
What will hobbers do in reply? Probably nothing tbh.
In Scandinavia, @Solius was savagely set upon by the @Dr. Dwayne (whose country tag I still can't fix) and @maniak alliance. Again. I think the only country not to have attacked Solius in the last 30 years is probably nimic-Simbo...
Oh. @nimic - @Simbo then declared war on Solius' for his colonial possesions. Which interestingly, were now larger than Solius' territory in Sweden.
The war went as you'd expect. Solius hangs on to a little territory in Brazil, in addition to his little territory in Sweden.
Months passed after the Solius defeat to the Spanish, before Dr. Dwayne and maniak decided they wanted another ride on the Solius merry go round. I think they're just toying with him at this point.
Utrecht came in for round 2 vs. @SilentWitness and again called in @Dan to do the heavy lifting. The outcome was a foregone conclusion and I was about to write my obituary for SilentWitness when the peace was concluded, before I noticed: he wasn't dead. No, far from it. Despite surrendering the Netherlands and some of his colonies to Utrecht, he lived on..
.. in Africa. That African tribe ally was going to be useful afterall!
Except it wasn't. Kongo declared on him days later and I begun to write my obituary for him again..
..but no, he moved again! These plucky Dutch don't know when they're beat. SilentWitness is now snuggled inbetween colonial Great Shakesey and colonial Scotland.
Great @Shakesey went back in for Scotland. Fortunately for him, with the Scots exiled to the Shetlands, he didn't have to worry about losing London for the umpteenth time. He secured the British isles and Scottish north America. SilentWitness left a good review of the Ivory Coast on Trip Advisor and Scotland has relocated to join him there.
In other news:
Emperor @hobbers has demanded @maniak release Holstein as a sovereign state and allow it to rejoin the HRE.
maniak has refused the Emperors demands.
What will hobbers do in reply? Probably nothing tbh.
In Scandinavia, @Solius was savagely set upon by the @Dr. Dwayne (whose country tag I still can't fix) and @maniak alliance. Again. I think the only country not to have attacked Solius in the last 30 years is probably nimic-Simbo...
Oh. @nimic - @Simbo then declared war on Solius' for his colonial possesions. Which interestingly, were now larger than Solius' territory in Sweden.
The war went as you'd expect. Solius hangs on to a little territory in Brazil, in addition to his little territory in Sweden.
Months passed after the Solius defeat to the Spanish, before Dr. Dwayne and maniak decided they wanted another ride on the Solius merry go round. I think they're just toying with him at this point.
Utrecht came in for round 2 vs. @SilentWitness and again called in @Dan to do the heavy lifting. The outcome was a foregone conclusion and I was about to write my obituary for SilentWitness when the peace was concluded, before I noticed: he wasn't dead. No, far from it. Despite surrendering the Netherlands and some of his colonies to Utrecht, he lived on..
.. in Africa. That African tribe ally was going to be useful afterall!
Except it wasn't. Kongo declared on him days later and I begun to write my obituary for him again..
..but no, he moved again! These plucky Dutch don't know when they're beat. SilentWitness is now snuggled inbetween colonial Great Shakesey and colonial Scotland.
Great @Shakesey went back in for Scotland. Fortunately for him, with the Scots exiled to the Shetlands, he didn't have to worry about losing London for the umpteenth time. He secured the British isles and Scottish north America. SilentWitness left a good review of the Ivory Coast on Trip Advisor and Scotland has relocated to join him there.
In other news:
- SilentWitness, not content with allying some random African tribe, has now allied Brittany - PSVs target.
- hobbers died. hobbers replaced himself as Emperor. The usual. At least Munich voted for Crackers this time.
- The Cat’s war with Fezzan went poorly, despite possessing nearly 2x the troops of their enemy and they agreed to white peace. Then days later, altodevil vassalised Fezzan. An opportunity missed.
- Salt Bailly attacked into Indonesia and lost a war vs a minor African tribe. I didn’t see how. But he paid 190 gold, so it couldn’t have been bad.
- altodevil allied Kilwa, to curb Salt Bailly’s expansion in eastern Africa
- nimic-Simbo are rapidly expanding on the western coast of north America
- Great Shakesey is rapidly expanding in Canada and into western Africa. He allied Brittany again because he has the memory of a goldfish.
- hobbers has allied Dr. Dwayne
You see what you get @Solius? Was it worth it?
THERE SHALL BE NO CURBING
1644 - 200 year update
1644 - 200 year update
Development (value of provinces):
Land army size:
Navy size:
Total income:
Mana generated (i.e, how lucky you've been with your monarch spawn stats or events and how much you've spent improving your country):
Ideas chosen (provide important buffs, generated by mana):
35: RedSky, Organic Potatoes, maniak, Dan, altodevil, Great Shakesey, hobbers
34: SilentWitness, nimic-Simbo
33: Dr. Dwayne, Crackers, Salt Bailly
32: Solius, The Cat
Army casualties (in combat + attrition
Navy casualties:
Dead players:
Religious map
Tech map (the greener you are, the more tech you've embraced and the bigger advantages you have over your neighbours):
The state of the HRE. It has passed 3 reforms:
The dynastic map:
Development (value of provinces):
- altodevil: 3486 (unchanged)
- nimic-Simbo: 2635 (unchanged)
- Salt Bailly: 1864 (unchanged)
- Great Shakesey: 1657 (+1)
- PSV: 1510 (-1)
- Dan: 919 (unchanged)
- Dr. Dwayne: 834 (unchanged)
- maniak: 764 (+1)
- Crackers: 667 (-1)
- RedSky: 456 (unchanged)
Land army size:
- altodevil: 590,000 (unchanged)
- nimic-Simbo: 316,000 (unchanged)
- PSV: 284,000 (unchanged)
- Great Shakesey: 262,000 (unchanged)
- Salt Bailly: 215,000 (unchanged)
- Dan: 125,000 (unchanged)
- maniak: 117,000 (new entry)
- Dr. Dwayne: 93,000 (-1)
- RedSky: 73,000 (new entry)
- Crackers: 69,000 (-2)
Navy size:
- altodevil: 278 (unchanged)
- Great Shakesey: 217 (+2)
- nimic-Simbo: 173 (+1)
- Salt Bailly: 171 (-2)
- maniak: 111 (unchanged)
- PSV: 103 (+1)
- Organic Potatoes: 63 (-1)
- Dan: 50 (+2)
- Dr. Dwayne: 39 (new entry)
- hobbers: 36 (new entry)
Total income:
- altodevil: 611 (unchanged)
- Great Shakesey: 341 (new entry)
- nimic-Simbo: 336 (-1)
- Salt Bailly: 321 (-1)
- PSV: 246 (-1)
- Organic Potatoes: 214 (-1)
- Dan: 166 (-1)
- maniak: 158 (new entry)
- Crackers: 106 (new entry)
- Dr. Dwayne: 99 (-3)
Mana generated (i.e, how lucky you've been with your monarch spawn stats or events and how much you've spent improving your country):
- altodevil: 78135 (unchanged)
- Great Shakesey: 72161 (unchanged)
- Organic Potatoes: 67745 (+1)
- nimic-Simbo: 67227 (-1)
- PSV: 65231 (unchanged)
- Dan: 63555 (+2)
- Salt Bailly: 63401 (-1)
- maniak: 62360 (+2)
- RedSky: 61370 (-1)
- Dr. Dwayne: 60242 (-1)
Ideas chosen (provide important buffs, generated by mana):
35: RedSky, Organic Potatoes, maniak, Dan, altodevil, Great Shakesey, hobbers
34: SilentWitness, nimic-Simbo
33: Dr. Dwayne, Crackers, Salt Bailly
32: Solius, The Cat
Army casualties (in combat + attrition
- altodevil: 3 592 312 (unchanged)
- nimic-Simbo: 1 075 324 (unchanged)
- PSV: 1 052 275 (unchanged)
- Great Shakesey: 957 998 (+1)
- Salt Bailly: 828 218 (-1)
- Dr. Dwayne: 793 658 (+2)
- Dan: 717 796 (-1)
- maniak: 549 295 (+1)
- Crackers: 438 277 (-2)
- hobbers: 406 224 (new entry)
Navy casualties:
- PSV: 154 (+2)
- Solius: 109 (unchanged)
- Salt Bailly: 100 (+1)
- altodevil: 87 (-3)
- maniak: 69 (+1)
- Oganic Potatoes: 62 (-1)
- Great Shakesey: 56 (new entry)
- nimic-Simbo: 52 (+1)
- Dan: 46 (-2)
- SilentWitness: 45 (new entry)
Dead players:
- Eboue (absorbed by PSV via personal union)
- MadDogg (killed by altodevil)
- Cheimoon (annexed by altodevil, made Chief Eunuch)
- GreatDane (died in League war)
- P-Nut (killed by altodevil)
- WI_Red (absorbed by PSV via personal union)
Religious map
Tech map (the greener you are, the more tech you've embraced and the bigger advantages you have over your neighbours):
The state of the HRE. It has passed 3 reforms:
The dynastic map:
The prediction holds true
I have a navy!
I think @SilentWitness must be John Connor. Skynet keeps sending Terminators around the globe to finish him off, but he keeps escaping.
This time, @PSV sent over 130k (yes, you read that right. one hundred and thirty thousand) troops to the Gulf of Guinea to terminate him. But SilentWitness sped away.
After John Connor escaped, PSV turned his attention to @Solius. The war forced Sweden into bankruptcy. Taking his remaining colonial possessions, Solius was now left with 1 landlocked province in Sweden, surrounded by his arch nemesis' maniak and Dr. Dwayne. Moving his capital back to Narke, they would welcome him home, right?
Indeed, Dr Evi.. @Dr. Dwayne couldn't wait to hold Solius in his tender arms again.
A year after PSV's victory over Solius, Dr. Dwayne declared war on the Swede. With one province left, this surely would be it. The Russians sieged down his capital in no time at all. The warscore ticked to 99%. I was ready to write up Solius' obituary and then the peace deal popped up.
Despite having every option under the sun available to him. Annexation, vassalisation.. you name it, Dr. Dwayne chose to ask for reparations from an already bankrupt Solius, made him renounce his claims to lands he can't seize and asked him to convert to Orthodoxy. Didn't your mother teach you not to play with your food, Dwayne?
Back in Great @Shakesey, he managed to have another civil war. This time he won it. Now we can add another notch to Shakesey's list of "wars that Shakesey can win". Scotland was getting lonely on there..
Back in central Germany, @Crackers continued making moves, declaring war on Wurttemberg, which he won comfortably. He gained land and a vassal.
Not long after the Wurttemberg war, Crackers declared war on Augsburg and called in @RedSky in to help him. Now, I've got a theory Crackers is playing 4d chess here. Bear with me. What if the incompetent dickswinging Emperor lark for the first 200 years was merely a ruse, to lure everybody in? What if he isn't a fool after all? What if he deliberately lost the League war, in order to lose the Emperor title, so he could force his rival @hobbers to pick up the mantle? What if he did all this, so he could repeatedly attack HRE nations, compelling hobbers to defend them in unfavourable wars as Emperor, thereby giving Crackers an opportunity to fight and take hobbers' land without the Bohemian being able to call in his own allies?
Or what if Crackers is just shit? I don't know.
In any case, Crackers and RedSky ended up at war with hobbers and they beat him comfortably. Crackers has achieved more in the last 50 years than he has the previous 150 combined.
This time, @PSV sent over 130k (yes, you read that right. one hundred and thirty thousand) troops to the Gulf of Guinea to terminate him. But SilentWitness sped away.
After John Connor escaped, PSV turned his attention to @Solius. The war forced Sweden into bankruptcy. Taking his remaining colonial possessions, Solius was now left with 1 landlocked province in Sweden, surrounded by his arch nemesis' maniak and Dr. Dwayne. Moving his capital back to Narke, they would welcome him home, right?
Indeed, Dr Evi.. @Dr. Dwayne couldn't wait to hold Solius in his tender arms again.
A year after PSV's victory over Solius, Dr. Dwayne declared war on the Swede. With one province left, this surely would be it. The Russians sieged down his capital in no time at all. The warscore ticked to 99%. I was ready to write up Solius' obituary and then the peace deal popped up.
Despite having every option under the sun available to him. Annexation, vassalisation.. you name it, Dr. Dwayne chose to ask for reparations from an already bankrupt Solius, made him renounce his claims to lands he can't seize and asked him to convert to Orthodoxy. Didn't your mother teach you not to play with your food, Dwayne?
Back in Great @Shakesey, he managed to have another civil war. This time he won it. Now we can add another notch to Shakesey's list of "wars that Shakesey can win". Scotland was getting lonely on there..
Back in central Germany, @Crackers continued making moves, declaring war on Wurttemberg, which he won comfortably. He gained land and a vassal.
Not long after the Wurttemberg war, Crackers declared war on Augsburg and called in @RedSky in to help him. Now, I've got a theory Crackers is playing 4d chess here. Bear with me. What if the incompetent dickswinging Emperor lark for the first 200 years was merely a ruse, to lure everybody in? What if he isn't a fool after all? What if he deliberately lost the League war, in order to lose the Emperor title, so he could force his rival @hobbers to pick up the mantle? What if he did all this, so he could repeatedly attack HRE nations, compelling hobbers to defend them in unfavourable wars as Emperor, thereby giving Crackers an opportunity to fight and take hobbers' land without the Bohemian being able to call in his own allies?
Or what if Crackers is just shit? I don't know.
In any case, Crackers and RedSky ended up at war with hobbers and they beat him comfortably. Crackers has achieved more in the last 50 years than he has the previous 150 combined.
What else are peasants for if not for killing? Boosts the morale of the troops!I think @SilentWitness must be John Connor. Skynet keeps sending Terminators around the globe to finish him off, but he keeps escaping.
This time, @PSV sent over 130k (yes, you read that right. one hundred and thirty thousand) troops to the Gulf of Guinea to terminate him. But SilentWitness sped away.
After John Connor escaped, PSV turned his attention to @Solius. The war forced Sweden into bankruptcy. Taking his remaining colonial possessions, Solius was now left with 1 landlocked province in Sweden, surrounded by his arch nemesis' maniak and Dr. Dwayne. Moving his capital back to Narke, they would welcome him home, right?
Indeed, Dr Evi.. @Dr. Dwayne couldn't wait to hold Solius in his tender arms again.
A year after PSV's victory over Solius, Dr. Dwayne declared war on the Swede. With one province left, this surely would be it. The Russians sieged down his capital in no time at all. The warscore ticked to 99%. I was ready to write up Solius' obituary and then the peace deal popped up.
Despite having every option under the sun available to him. Annexation, vassalisation.. you name it, Dr. Dwayne chose to ask for reparations from an already bankrupt Solius, made him renounce his claims to lands he can't seize and asked him to convert to Orthodoxy. Didn't your mother teach you not to play with your food, Dwayne?
Back in Great @Shakesey, he managed to have another civil war. This time he won it. Now we can add another notch to Shakesey's list of "wars that Shakesey can win". Scotland was getting lonely on there..
Back in central Germany, @Crackers continued making moves, declaring war on Wurttemberg, which he won comfortably. He gained land and a vassal.
Not long after the Wurttemberg war, Crackers declared war on Augsburg and called in @RedSky in to help him. Now, I've got a theory Crackers is playing 4d chess here. Bear with me. What if the incompetent dickswinging Emperor lark for the first 200 years was merely a ruse, to lure everybody in? What if he isn't a fool after all? What if he deliberately lost the League war, in order to lose the Emperor title, so he could force his rival @hobbers to pick up the mantle? What if he did all this, so he could repeatedly attack HRE nations, compelling hobbers to defend them in unfavourable wars as Emperor, thereby giving Crackers an opportunity to fight and take hobbers' land without the Bohemian being able to call in his own allies?
Or what if Crackers is just shit? I don't know.
In any case, Crackers and RedSky ended up at war with hobbers and they beat him comfortably. Crackers has achieved more in the last 50 years than he has the previous 150 combined.
@Dr. Dwayne this is bullying.
Probably very cathartic for your many victims in the previous one. Although I don't think you had much to do with @Dr. Dwayne's demise.
Just pretend you're playing as whoever Shakesey is fighting against at any given point. You'll always be a winner!
Would you prefer the alternative?
It's weird. I sorta feel I'm doing well, but I keep falling down the lists.
The lists can be skewed by temporary events. For example, on the 150 year update, Great Shakesey was completely sieged down by Scotland and maniak was being invaded by you. So they didn't appear on that years top 10 income list because they were in ruins.
In this years update, Great Shakesey has managed to avoid inflicting pain upon himself, so he's shot right ito the top ten at #2. Which as a result knocks you down the list.
I'd say you're plodding along nicely.
It's with great sadness I announce the passing of King @Solius of Sweden.
Solius was in many ways man born ahead of his time. A revolutionary, a man with principles, who didn't shirk responsibility. When the oppressed peoples of the Kalmar Union yearned for freedom and the resumation of trade on the continent, he stood up, led his people to independence and became an early promoter of easily assembable and exportable flat pack furniture.
When the oppressed peoples of Scotland cried out for allies to defend their sovereignty against Tactics Tim Shakesey, Solius heeded the call and offered them protection. Then he assessed the situation, realised Scotland didn't need his help, suggested they "simply march on London when the English next declare war" and left them.
When the Protestant princes cried out for a leader to free them from the shackles of Rome, they asked maniak, before quickly replacing him with Solius.
And in Sweden's hour of need, when Solius stood alone against the bullying Rurikovich dynasty, who came to Solius' aid? Nobody. He stood alone.
Shame on you all.
Elsewhere, the El Dude Brothers @Crackers and @RedSky are back on the warpath, leaving a trail of destruction and pizza boxes behind them.
Crackers was understandably anxious about engaging the 3 province Swiss confederation on his own. So he called in RedSky and 7 other countries to even the odds for him.
Crackers, like Solius, is not a man of his time. Or rather, Crackers should have been born 200 years ago. These are the sort of moves he should have been pulling in 1444, before the Ottomans tiptoed up to his border and laid towels all over his deckchairs.
PSV responded to this aggression by allying Switzerland after the war.
Over on the other side of the world, @nimic - @Simbo decided to declare war on Indonesia. And it was going well until they started fighting. I think they're going to need some reinforcements.
And finally, to round this post off, I've got a treat for you.
What happens when an unstoppable force collides with an immovable object?
A clash of titans, some might say. Empires, even.
A battle of the ages.
My dear friends, I present to you:
@altodevil vs @The Cat
The Cat lives to fight another day. He truly does have 9 lives..
In other news:
Solius was in many ways man born ahead of his time. A revolutionary, a man with principles, who didn't shirk responsibility. When the oppressed peoples of the Kalmar Union yearned for freedom and the resumation of trade on the continent, he stood up, led his people to independence and became an early promoter of easily assembable and exportable flat pack furniture.
When the oppressed peoples of Scotland cried out for allies to defend their sovereignty against Tactics Tim Shakesey, Solius heeded the call and offered them protection. Then he assessed the situation, realised Scotland didn't need his help, suggested they "simply march on London when the English next declare war" and left them.
When the Protestant princes cried out for a leader to free them from the shackles of Rome, they asked maniak, before quickly replacing him with Solius.
And in Sweden's hour of need, when Solius stood alone against the bullying Rurikovich dynasty, who came to Solius' aid? Nobody. He stood alone.
Shame on you all.
Elsewhere, the El Dude Brothers @Crackers and @RedSky are back on the warpath, leaving a trail of destruction and pizza boxes behind them.
Crackers was understandably anxious about engaging the 3 province Swiss confederation on his own. So he called in RedSky and 7 other countries to even the odds for him.
Crackers, like Solius, is not a man of his time. Or rather, Crackers should have been born 200 years ago. These are the sort of moves he should have been pulling in 1444, before the Ottomans tiptoed up to his border and laid towels all over his deckchairs.
PSV responded to this aggression by allying Switzerland after the war.
Over on the other side of the world, @nimic - @Simbo decided to declare war on Indonesia. And it was going well until they started fighting. I think they're going to need some reinforcements.
And finally, to round this post off, I've got a treat for you.
What happens when an unstoppable force collides with an immovable object?
A clash of titans, some might say. Empires, even.
A battle of the ages.
My dear friends, I present to you:
@altodevil vs @The Cat
The Cat lives to fight another day. He truly does have 9 lives..
In other news:
- altodevil begun attacking into India, which has a lot of high development provinces. He annexed Fezzan, giving him a land border with The Cat and is now attacking Kilwa, the African tribe he had allied to stop Salt Bailly’s expansion.
- Salt Bailly responded by allying Gujarat in India, the kingdom next in altodevil's path.
- Crackers is killing off electors quicker than hobbers can replace them. He’s now diplo annexed Wurttemberg.
- Crackers was allied to Munich, but then ended the alliance, seemingly planning on attacking them. Then RedSky allied them a month later. I’m not sure the El Dude brothers are on the same page.
- RedSky is randomly sending everybody gold. All the time. nimic-Simbo and Crackers have both received gifts this year. I wonder what dirt they’ve got on him..
- Dr. Dwayne has reached the far East through Siberia and is attacking China
- Great Shakesey has allied altodevil.
Goodbye @Solius
Had a busy weekend so found it hard to keep up. Great work though. Can't believe that I'm still surviving.
fecking hell I'm huge
I'm tipping everyone who buys a pizza.
Are we buds now?
Goodbye @Solius
Goodbye all. You can’t win ‘em all.
There appears to be a bit of handbags going on in the Americas.
It's difficult to ascertain who is at fault here, because @maniak doesn't read or write, but it appears he's angry at Salt Bailly over breaking a gentlemans agreement not to expand beyond Mexico. @Salt Bailly insists in the new world it's finders keepers, quoting Pope Organic Potatoes who drew up the Treaty of Tordesillas in 1494. Whatever the case, maniak is unhappy with Salt Bailly’s excursion into the Great Plains and is now supporting Salt Baillyian Mexico independence.
maniak has truly thrown down the gauntlet here. The Mexican colony provides ⅓ of Salt Bailly's income and over ½ his troop count. A loss of his crown jewel of colonies would be devastating for the Portuguese.
Now, down in the Indian subcontinent, you might recall that I recently mentioned Salt Bailly had allied Gujarat, an Indian kingdom directly in @altodevil's path, in the hopes that he could deter the Ottomans advance into the rich plains.
Well, Salt Baldrick Bailly's cunning plan was scuppered as altodevil decided go around Gujarat and has invaded Vijayanagar by sea instead.
With Balrick's plan foiled, he said feck it and declared war on Vijayanagar too. The race for India is on.
And finally, oh boy are we being spoilt. Two titan wars in the space of twenty years. I had barely recovered from the excitement of The Cat and altodevil’s bloodfest before this one popped up. And it came from absolutely nowhere.
“Dan has declared on maniak”
Wait, what?! I thought to myself, frantically clicking through the pop ups.
“Oh”
A smile slowly spreads across my face, now a canvass of happiness.
You might remember over the past few landmark updates it showed that maniak and Dr. Evi.. @Dr. Dwayne share the same dynasty, the Rurikovich’s. Well, it just so happened that Dr. Dwayne’s ruler had a sudden shock and died (was he visited by the ghost of Solius?) and more crucially, he had no heir. This meant that his relative, King maniak of Denmark has inherited Russia in the form of a personal union.
Desperate @Dan didn't like this hoarding of power one bit. So he has declared war on maniak/Dr. Evil and called in Lithuania to help.
I honestly couldn't call this one..
In other news:
It's difficult to ascertain who is at fault here, because @maniak doesn't read or write, but it appears he's angry at Salt Bailly over breaking a gentlemans agreement not to expand beyond Mexico. @Salt Bailly insists in the new world it's finders keepers, quoting Pope Organic Potatoes who drew up the Treaty of Tordesillas in 1494. Whatever the case, maniak is unhappy with Salt Bailly’s excursion into the Great Plains and is now supporting Salt Baillyian Mexico independence.
maniak has truly thrown down the gauntlet here. The Mexican colony provides ⅓ of Salt Bailly's income and over ½ his troop count. A loss of his crown jewel of colonies would be devastating for the Portuguese.
Now, down in the Indian subcontinent, you might recall that I recently mentioned Salt Bailly had allied Gujarat, an Indian kingdom directly in @altodevil's path, in the hopes that he could deter the Ottomans advance into the rich plains.
Well, Salt Baldrick Bailly's cunning plan was scuppered as altodevil decided go around Gujarat and has invaded Vijayanagar by sea instead.
With Balrick's plan foiled, he said feck it and declared war on Vijayanagar too. The race for India is on.
And finally, oh boy are we being spoilt. Two titan wars in the space of twenty years. I had barely recovered from the excitement of The Cat and altodevil’s bloodfest before this one popped up. And it came from absolutely nowhere.
“Dan has declared on maniak”
Wait, what?! I thought to myself, frantically clicking through the pop ups.
“Oh”
A smile slowly spreads across my face, now a canvass of happiness.
You might remember over the past few landmark updates it showed that maniak and Dr. Evi.. @Dr. Dwayne share the same dynasty, the Rurikovich’s. Well, it just so happened that Dr. Dwayne’s ruler had a sudden shock and died (was he visited by the ghost of Solius?) and more crucially, he had no heir. This meant that his relative, King maniak of Denmark has inherited Russia in the form of a personal union.
Desperate @Dan didn't like this hoarding of power one bit. So he has declared war on maniak/Dr. Evil and called in Lithuania to help.
I honestly couldn't call this one..
In other news:
- Crackers annexed Ausburg
- In response to PSV allying Switzerland, Crackers allied Brittany
- nimic-Simbo won their Indonesian war, taking a whole province. Australia is saved!
I should win this one.