Well, it was a good run for a while.
Gaming The Europa Universalis 4 Experiment II (sign ups for Experiment III open)
- Thread starter Phil Jones Face
- Start date
27 years to go.
Despite altodevils huge lead in development, I think it's finely balanced. Surprisingly, he only has a few hundred thousand more troops than the other top nations, but crucially, man for man the western troops are vastly superior to the Ottomans (anatolian tech group) at this stage in the game.
If, and it's a big if, a couple of the top western powers get into a war with him, it could be very interesting. They however seem to be more interested in striking up a coalition against Westphalia currently.
Despite altodevils huge lead in development, I think it's finely balanced. Surprisingly, he only has a few hundred thousand more troops than the other top nations, but crucially, man for man the western troops are vastly superior to the Ottomans (anatolian tech group) at this stage in the game.
If, and it's a big if, a couple of the top western powers get into a war with him, it could be very interesting. They however seem to be more interested in striking up a coalition against Westphalia currently.
Well that's...not...good.
It's the war I've been waiting 300 years for. But it's here finally!
No, not that one. Go back to your corner, altodevil.
Napoleon is at war with the Great Shakesy!
@PSV declared war on Brittany, who was allied to Great @Shakesy and @Crackers . PSV called in @Organic Potatoes.
On paper, Great Shakesy should have had a clear numerical advantage in north America, with 3 strong colonies to PSV’s one. However, PSV had left some troops over in America from its war vs the USA which made things interesting. The French expeditionary forces got off to a good start and marched on the Thirteen colonies. The British colonists were caught on the back foot.
In south America they were evenly matched with 1 strong colony each.
On the continent, PSV was in total control and able to simultaneously siege down the English possessions in France, while he marched on Crackers and annihilated his armies in Germany.
An attack on Organic Potatoes by Crackers was repelled by PSV. Venice still maintains a respectable fleet, so it is incredibly difficult to make landfall on Venice proper. Shortly after, the French turned north and carpet sieged all of Austria down.
The only front that Great Shakesy seemed to be making progress on was the south America theatre, but even then he faced a setback when the British fleet - the strongest in the world - failed to pick up and intercept a French convoy of troops to Colombia. The disembarked troops doubled the French presence from 30k troops to to over 60k, compared to the English 45k. Interestingly, PSV decided to split his 60k troops into two armies, which Great Shakesy was able to set upon and destroyed one of them entirely before the other could mutually support. It was even again.
.. until Shakesy took a bad fight and lost his army entirely. Now he was losing on two continents, with north America arguably being a draw.
Eventually, without British support on the continent and fully sieged down, Crackers was forced to concede defeat. Another heavy blow for the Austrians.
Not long after, realising he couldn't make the dash across the channel due to the British fleet superiority, PSV accepted a white peace. The only person to come out of the war fecked was Crackers. And he wasn't even the target.
(note, the casualties don't include Austria who had already peaced out by then)
While this was all going on, @maniak and his PU @hobbers were fighting the Netherlands. They were winning this comfortably. This in itself wasn't much to write about, until Westphalia decided to declare war on maniak and attack him with 600k troops to his 200k.
In the battles where the allies did enjoy numerical superiority, they were being soundly beaten.
Things were going badly for maniak. They were getting smashed on the battlefield, hobbers was sieged down and bankrupt and their Netherlands gains were being reversed.
No, not that one. Go back to your corner, altodevil.
Napoleon is at war with the Great Shakesy!
@PSV declared war on Brittany, who was allied to Great @Shakesy and @Crackers . PSV called in @Organic Potatoes.
On paper, Great Shakesy should have had a clear numerical advantage in north America, with 3 strong colonies to PSV’s one. However, PSV had left some troops over in America from its war vs the USA which made things interesting. The French expeditionary forces got off to a good start and marched on the Thirteen colonies. The British colonists were caught on the back foot.
In south America they were evenly matched with 1 strong colony each.
On the continent, PSV was in total control and able to simultaneously siege down the English possessions in France, while he marched on Crackers and annihilated his armies in Germany.
An attack on Organic Potatoes by Crackers was repelled by PSV. Venice still maintains a respectable fleet, so it is incredibly difficult to make landfall on Venice proper. Shortly after, the French turned north and carpet sieged all of Austria down.
The only front that Great Shakesy seemed to be making progress on was the south America theatre, but even then he faced a setback when the British fleet - the strongest in the world - failed to pick up and intercept a French convoy of troops to Colombia. The disembarked troops doubled the French presence from 30k troops to to over 60k, compared to the English 45k. Interestingly, PSV decided to split his 60k troops into two armies, which Great Shakesy was able to set upon and destroyed one of them entirely before the other could mutually support. It was even again.
.. until Shakesy took a bad fight and lost his army entirely. Now he was losing on two continents, with north America arguably being a draw.
Eventually, without British support on the continent and fully sieged down, Crackers was forced to concede defeat. Another heavy blow for the Austrians.
Not long after, realising he couldn't make the dash across the channel due to the British fleet superiority, PSV accepted a white peace. The only person to come out of the war fecked was Crackers. And he wasn't even the target.
(note, the casualties don't include Austria who had already peaced out by then)
While this was all going on, @maniak and his PU @hobbers were fighting the Netherlands. They were winning this comfortably. This in itself wasn't much to write about, until Westphalia decided to declare war on maniak and attack him with 600k troops to his 200k.
In the battles where the allies did enjoy numerical superiority, they were being soundly beaten.
Things were going badly for maniak. They were getting smashed on the battlefield, hobbers was sieged down and bankrupt and their Netherlands gains were being reversed.
So Desperate @Dan paid him a visit too.
maniak re-routed his troops to meet the new threat, but Dan-Lithuania had more troops combined than Westphalia even did (770k). This was only going to end one way, unless maniak could channel his inner @RedSky and go super saiyan on the Poles.
Narrator: he didn't go super saiyan
The Westphalian and Polish pincer offensive absoutely ruined the Scandinavians and maniak was left with 0 troops.
maniak first surrendered to Westphalia, who now takes the form of a huge middle finger. Rather apt. I wonder if Crackers is going to follow suit and take the form of shit?
He surrendered to Dan a little later. Brutal.
maniak re-routed his troops to meet the new threat, but Dan-Lithuania had more troops combined than Westphalia even did (770k). This was only going to end one way, unless maniak could channel his inner @RedSky and go super saiyan on the Poles.
Narrator: he didn't go super saiyan
The Westphalian and Polish pincer offensive absoutely ruined the Scandinavians and maniak was left with 0 troops.
maniak first surrendered to Westphalia, who now takes the form of a huge middle finger. Rather apt. I wonder if Crackers is going to follow suit and take the form of shit?
He surrendered to Dan a little later. Brutal.
I own @Dr. Dwayne too? 
I own @Dr. Dwayne too?
Wait, I hadn't noticed he was back. Ahaha ffs.
Welcome back mini-me. He's an independent one prov nation being guaranteed by Dan.
Should have ordered some ERP pizza, that's the secret to going super saiyan @maniak
Back in Italy, @RedSky declared war on Genoa, who was allied to @Crackers. RedSky called on the faithful @nimic - @Simbo to trash them again. It wasn’t really necessary at this point - RedSky had 200k troops to the combined Austro-Genoan 100k.
Days later, @Organic Potatoes declared war on Genoa too. Crackers again accepted the call to arms because he's a sadist. Organic Potatoes replied by calling in Westphalia. It was necessary at this point - Organic Potatoes only has an army of 36k
This meant Crackers was fighting nimic-Simbo, Westphalia and RedSky.
[I'VE EXCEEDED THE 20 IMAGES PER POST LIMIT, SO PRETEND THIS IS AN IMAGE OF ORGANIC POTATOES DECLARING WAR ON GENOA, WITH LOTS OF RED AND GREEN ON THE MAP]
Then RedSky fecked up. I cannot stress how big of a cock up this was. This is Moyes being appointed to Man United manager levels of cock up. Italy was RedSky's oyster. He had sieged down all of Genoa and could have simply taken the land and ran in a peace deal. But instead he thought he was billy big bollocks after his Napoleonic escapades last time around and decided to vassalise Genoa instead, while it was still at war with Organic Potatoes/Westphalia.
For the uninitiated in EU4 mechanics, this meant Genoa fell under his protection and he was now at war with Venice/Westphalia, as they had already declared war on Genoa. Crackers decided to switch sides to aid RedSky, which you might argue is more of a hinderance than a help, however crucially: Organic Potatoes then called in @PSV on his side. RedSky was literally surrounded on all sides. And it was all his fault.
Panicking, he called his allies nimic-Simbo and Great @Shakesy, which reignited the recently finished Anglo-French war. The war now looked like this for RedSky:
Because RedSky’s troops were at this point already in Austria, he was caught out in the open by the Westphalians and destroyed. Within days, his mighty army fell from 200k to 150k. Days later it fell again to 117k.
Crackers decided now was a good time to get out and NOPE’d the feck out of the war, escaping with a fortunate white peace deal.
Thus, world war 1 begun.
Things went well initially for the RedSky alliance. Great Shakesy controlled the seas and nimic-Simbo made inroads into France.
In the Americas, it was a foregone conclusion. Colonial France fell.
But then the tide turned. Milan was over run.
The only thing keeping RedSky at this point in time was the fact he was also at war with the Pope in a seperate feud. Because the Pope controlled Milanese territory, Organic Potatoes couldn't get the necessary warscore to end the war favourably. Thus, the Pope was cockblocking everybody into prolonging the war.
With Milan sieged down, PSV and Westphalia turned their attention to nimic-Simbo, pushing them back over the pyranees. The battles were particularly bloody.
Eventually it became too much for the Spaniards and they accepted peace on rather light terms.
The news of the nimic-Simbo surrender however awoke a new beast.
@altodevil immediately interceded in the war, replacing nimic-Simbo and joining RedSky's side.
RedSky, look what you've caused.
Days later, @Organic Potatoes declared war on Genoa too. Crackers again accepted the call to arms because he's a sadist. Organic Potatoes replied by calling in Westphalia. It was necessary at this point - Organic Potatoes only has an army of 36k
This meant Crackers was fighting nimic-Simbo, Westphalia and RedSky.
[I'VE EXCEEDED THE 20 IMAGES PER POST LIMIT, SO PRETEND THIS IS AN IMAGE OF ORGANIC POTATOES DECLARING WAR ON GENOA, WITH LOTS OF RED AND GREEN ON THE MAP]
Then RedSky fecked up. I cannot stress how big of a cock up this was. This is Moyes being appointed to Man United manager levels of cock up. Italy was RedSky's oyster. He had sieged down all of Genoa and could have simply taken the land and ran in a peace deal. But instead he thought he was billy big bollocks after his Napoleonic escapades last time around and decided to vassalise Genoa instead, while it was still at war with Organic Potatoes/Westphalia.
For the uninitiated in EU4 mechanics, this meant Genoa fell under his protection and he was now at war with Venice/Westphalia, as they had already declared war on Genoa. Crackers decided to switch sides to aid RedSky, which you might argue is more of a hinderance than a help, however crucially: Organic Potatoes then called in @PSV on his side. RedSky was literally surrounded on all sides. And it was all his fault.
Panicking, he called his allies nimic-Simbo and Great @Shakesy, which reignited the recently finished Anglo-French war. The war now looked like this for RedSky:
Because RedSky’s troops were at this point already in Austria, he was caught out in the open by the Westphalians and destroyed. Within days, his mighty army fell from 200k to 150k. Days later it fell again to 117k.
Crackers decided now was a good time to get out and NOPE’d the feck out of the war, escaping with a fortunate white peace deal.
Thus, world war 1 begun.
Things went well initially for the RedSky alliance. Great Shakesy controlled the seas and nimic-Simbo made inroads into France.
In the Americas, it was a foregone conclusion. Colonial France fell.
But then the tide turned. Milan was over run.
The only thing keeping RedSky at this point in time was the fact he was also at war with the Pope in a seperate feud. Because the Pope controlled Milanese territory, Organic Potatoes couldn't get the necessary warscore to end the war favourably. Thus, the Pope was cockblocking everybody into prolonging the war.
With Milan sieged down, PSV and Westphalia turned their attention to nimic-Simbo, pushing them back over the pyranees. The battles were particularly bloody.
Eventually it became too much for the Spaniards and they accepted peace on rather light terms.
The news of the nimic-Simbo surrender however awoke a new beast.
@altodevil immediately interceded in the war, replacing nimic-Simbo and joining RedSky's side.
RedSky, look what you've caused.
WTF @altodevil, how about getting involved before we're out? Jerk.
Quick mini post while this is all unfurling.
Crackers had just escaped certain death at the hands of Westphalia by white peacing out of RedSky's Genoan pizza deliveries.
So @altodevil declared war on @Crackers anyway. Crackers was allied to @The Cat
The Cat ran to Portugal tohide hang out with nimic-Simbo, but altodevil tracked him down and destroyed his army. It was quite an impressive size for such a small country tbh.
The Horde then over ran Crackers, who was chilling on the sidelines of the Milanese-vs-everybody war
The Cat used up another one of his 9 lives.
And if you squint, you can just about make out Crackers.
Crackers had just escaped certain death at the hands of Westphalia by white peacing out of RedSky's Genoan pizza deliveries.
So @altodevil declared war on @Crackers anyway. Crackers was allied to @The Cat
The Cat ran to Portugal to
The Horde then over ran Crackers, who was chilling on the sidelines of the Milanese-vs-everybody war
The Cat used up another one of his 9 lives.
And if you squint, you can just about make out Crackers.
oh christ
Why does denmark suck so much?
Utter chaos, I love it, what a great ending.Question as old as time.
I had optimistically thought I could blitz through the final 27 years yesterday evening and would have the game wrapped up before bed.
But then RedSky happened.
11 years to go.
Look at it this way, you've outlived 9 other players!
You just happen to be a warmonger and keep getting into scraps.
But then RedSky happened.
11 years to go.
Look at it this way, you've outlived 9 other players!
You just happen to be a warmonger and keep getting into scraps.
Brilliant ending, and still more to come.
So, where were we?
What happened next?
It was a race against time. The Ottoman troops were already assembled in Hungary, poised to strike at Germany, while @PSV and Westphalia's troops had the long march back across the pyrenees, through France and into Germany. The French had 700k troops in the field, the Westphalians 500k, but crucially Westphalia had only 13k reserve manpower. They were running on fumes after 9 years of constant warfare. Opposing them, the Ottomans had 1.7 million men assembled on the field.
And the Ottomans struck first.
@altodevil decided to focus on grinding Westphalia down, rather than the war goal of @Organic Potatoes. With no troops at home, Westphalia burnt. Its people after almost a decade of continuous conflict were wavering and begging for peace. @PSV and Westphalia felt they needed a decisive engagement to turn the tide, before the Ottomans overwhelmed them.
PSV raced to central Germany and checked the Ottoman advance. By now the western troops were better drilled and bore superior arms to the Anatolians. The myth of Ottoman invincibility was recediing..
In the south, Westphalia raced for Croatia, ready to meet the Ottoman advance head on.
But it was a trap. Westphalia's armies were lured in and routed from the field. Without the recruits to replace his soldiers and with growing discontent at home, Westphalia sued for peace.
With only PSV and Venice left in the war, Organic Potatoes sensed the futility of it all and also asked RedSky for terms. They were generous, with PSV only losing parts of colonial Florida.
The only enemy left standing now was the Papal States who still fought on in a separate war. nimic-Simbo quickly mopped up the Pope for RedSky, though the Milanese opted to take no Papal land, which was a shame as RedSky is so close to forming Italy.
Against all the odds, @RedSky had won. And it was a close run thing too.
Relying on Skanderbeg for the war stats, as the ingame war meter becomes unreliable when participants tap out. France and Westphalia did a lot of the heavy lifting, losing over 1m men each.
Elsewhere, Dan has begun annexing his PU Lithuania, albeit 400 years too late. With his current speed of progress, it'll take until 1863 for him to integrate them - long after the 1821 finish date. What a power they would have been!
- In a moment of madness, RedSky had triggered world war 1 and was completely sieged down.
- nimic-Simbo had tapped out after a bloody fight vs PSV and Westphalia in Iberia.
- Great Shakesy was relaxing in London while his colonial militia overan Florida and Colombia.
- altodevil was rolling up his sleeves and preparing to invade Germany.
- The Pope was holding everybody up by fighting a separate war with RedSky
What happened next?
It was a race against time. The Ottoman troops were already assembled in Hungary, poised to strike at Germany, while @PSV and Westphalia's troops had the long march back across the pyrenees, through France and into Germany. The French had 700k troops in the field, the Westphalians 500k, but crucially Westphalia had only 13k reserve manpower. They were running on fumes after 9 years of constant warfare. Opposing them, the Ottomans had 1.7 million men assembled on the field.
And the Ottomans struck first.
@altodevil decided to focus on grinding Westphalia down, rather than the war goal of @Organic Potatoes. With no troops at home, Westphalia burnt. Its people after almost a decade of continuous conflict were wavering and begging for peace. @PSV and Westphalia felt they needed a decisive engagement to turn the tide, before the Ottomans overwhelmed them.
PSV raced to central Germany and checked the Ottoman advance. By now the western troops were better drilled and bore superior arms to the Anatolians. The myth of Ottoman invincibility was recediing..
In the south, Westphalia raced for Croatia, ready to meet the Ottoman advance head on.
But it was a trap. Westphalia's armies were lured in and routed from the field. Without the recruits to replace his soldiers and with growing discontent at home, Westphalia sued for peace.
With only PSV and Venice left in the war, Organic Potatoes sensed the futility of it all and also asked RedSky for terms. They were generous, with PSV only losing parts of colonial Florida.
The only enemy left standing now was the Papal States who still fought on in a separate war. nimic-Simbo quickly mopped up the Pope for RedSky, though the Milanese opted to take no Papal land, which was a shame as RedSky is so close to forming Italy.
Against all the odds, @RedSky had won. And it was a close run thing too.
Relying on Skanderbeg for the war stats, as the ingame war meter becomes unreliable when participants tap out. France and Westphalia did a lot of the heavy lifting, losing over 1m men each.
Elsewhere, Dan has begun annexing his PU Lithuania, albeit 400 years too late. With his current speed of progress, it'll take until 1863 for him to integrate them - long after the 1821 finish date. What a power they would have been!
Less than a year after peacing out of the RedSky war, @PSV declared war on Brittany again. Because feck her. Christina stans4eva.
Like before, Brittany was allied to @Crackers and Great @Shakesy. This would trigger the third Anglo-French war in less than 15 years. What a clusterfeck.
The war would follow the same pattern as before. Great Shakesy would control the seas, blocking any invasion of Britain.
Crackers had a standing army of 19k. Which didn't last long vs @Organic Potatoes. Nor did his participation in the war, for that matter.
Great Shakesy comfortably controlled north America, but inexplicably failed to blockade the French ports again, allowing PSV to transport 50k troops to Colombia. He had to reroute troops across Mexico to quell the French invasion.
And he was over run in Africa. I don't even know how the French troops got there.
Unable to defend Ms Spears, Great Shakesy asked for terms. They were again generous, losing a solitary African province. Britney followed suit - Daddy PSV gained conservatorship over Britney. As Daddy PSV was bankrupt by this point from 20 years of near constant warfare, he took control of Britney's finances and had her held in a psychiatric unit.
1817
4 years to go
Like before, Brittany was allied to @Crackers and Great @Shakesy. This would trigger the third Anglo-French war in less than 15 years. What a clusterfeck.
The war would follow the same pattern as before. Great Shakesy would control the seas, blocking any invasion of Britain.
Crackers had a standing army of 19k. Which didn't last long vs @Organic Potatoes. Nor did his participation in the war, for that matter.
Great Shakesy comfortably controlled north America, but inexplicably failed to blockade the French ports again, allowing PSV to transport 50k troops to Colombia. He had to reroute troops across Mexico to quell the French invasion.
And he was over run in Africa. I don't even know how the French troops got there.
Unable to defend Ms Spears, Great Shakesy asked for terms. They were again generous, losing a solitary African province. Britney followed suit - Daddy PSV gained conservatorship over Britney. As Daddy PSV was bankrupt by this point from 20 years of near constant warfare, he took control of Britney's finances and had her held in a psychiatric unit.
1817
4 years to go
Imma die soon, I can feel it
For reasons not quite clear to me, @RedSky decided to declare war on a country he wasn't even near.
It was a fairly straight forward war for the Milanese. RedSky employed his tried and tested tactic of sitting on his arse, waiting for the enemy to attack him in the mountains, then batter them with rolling pins.
The war ended with RedSky gaining an enclave in southern Germany. Because reasons.
1820
1 year to go.
To the surprise of absolutely nobody, PSV decided on giving one last middle finger to the world. He declared war on the utterly depressed and despondent @maniak, who was allied to @The Cat
At this point in time, I was practically begging for the game to end. I couldn't bear the thought of @The Cat losing his last life, having made it so far. And I couldn't bear another "why is Denmark shit!!!!" post.
Fortunately for us all, they were to be saved by the bell.
Time waits for no man.
1821
The game had ended
(and my little Tongan island survived!)
FINAL STATS TO FOLLOW
It was a fairly straight forward war for the Milanese. RedSky employed his tried and tested tactic of sitting on his arse, waiting for the enemy to attack him in the mountains, then batter them with rolling pins.
The war ended with RedSky gaining an enclave in southern Germany. Because reasons.
1820
1 year to go.
To the surprise of absolutely nobody, PSV decided on giving one last middle finger to the world. He declared war on the utterly depressed and despondent @maniak, who was allied to @The Cat
At this point in time, I was practically begging for the game to end. I couldn't bear the thought of @The Cat losing his last life, having made it so far. And I couldn't bear another "why is Denmark shit!!!!" post.
Fortunately for us all, they were to be saved by the bell.
Time waits for no man.
1821
The game had ended
(and my little Tongan island survived!)
FINAL STATS TO FOLLOW
Glad my nation decided to wake up near the end. We barely did anything for the first 8 pages.
Thank you @Phil Jones Face very interesting.
@RedSky whens your pizza party?
Did I lose any wars?
Right now!
What a journey
Oh, feck the pope, stupid feck.
You're welcome. I hope people enjoyed the narrative.
Skanderbeg is shitting the bed currently and not loading saves, so the final stats post will have to wait until tomorrow.
It was pretty cool, mate, always a fun read
You shut your whore mouth
I've had a cursory look. Skanderbeg doesn't really track war outcomes too well, but it does appear that only 3 players went the entire game without paying any gold as reparations in peace deals.
Which suggests that you, altodevil and RedSky (how!) didn't lose a war all game.
Great work @Phil Jones Face , was fun to follow along.
Of course the reason I was only following along is because you let me get killed before the game barely started. I call shenanigans!
Of course the reason I was only following along is because you let me get killed before the game barely started. I call shenanigans!
He was obviously playing favorites. I wonder what this game has cost @altodevil. And I guess @Dr. Dwayne ran out of money halfway through.