Have voted for Xabi Alonso. Obviously a highly (completely?) unrealistic candidate, but he has a lot going for him and was a voteable option, so I couldn't resist the temptation!
Of the more realistic candidates, Thomas Tuchel might be a decent bet. With the presumption that: he's actually very excited about the job, will not try to influence transfer policy or needlessly meddle in the technical staff's affairs, and in coaching terms is somewhat close to the Tuchel we saw at, say, Chelsea.
- In his first season they had the highest points per game in the Premier League after Manchester City, leapfrogging from 10th to 4th from time of appointment to the end of the season.
- In this second season they had the highest points per game in the Premier League after Manchester City and Liverpool (both of these teams were simply a class apart).
- On the continental front, they beat the likes of Atlético Madrid, Real Madrid and Manchester City to win the European Cup in his first season, conceding only 1 goal in those 5 matches. The following campaign was not as successful but they did reasonably well against eventual winners Real Madrid in the quarter-final stage.
- As regards domestic cups, they reached the final of every single competition they participated in... FA Cup final in 2021 (had been knocked out of the League Cup prior to his appointment), as well the FA Cup final and League Cup final in 2022. Did not win any of them, but reaching all those finals was an accompishment in itself.
- Record versus big or big-ish clubs in all competitions (excluding penalty shootouts): Real Madrid (DWLW, goal difference of +1), Manchester City (WWWLL, goal difference of +1), Liverpool (WDDDD, goal difference of +1), Manchester United (DDD, goal difference of 0), Juventus (LW, goal difference of +3), Atlético Madrid (WW, goal difference of +3), Tottenham (WWWWW, goal difference of +9), Arsenal (LWL, goal difference of -1). Not too shabby all things considered.
Cons are pretty well documented by now: his teams don't always play swashbuckling football, he's marmite in terms of likeability, he can be disagreeable to a fault, given his track record he's not likely to coach us in the medium to long term (this is a con for some, others are more pragmatic and neutral), the Bayern Munich stint was a bit concerning to say the least, et cetera.
But, given where we stand... 8th in the league last season, poor on the continental front, still not fundamentally sound, routinely clobbered by rivals (considering our record in all competitions since 2022): Manchester City (
LWLLLW,
goal difference of -7), Liverpool (
WLDDWL, goal difference of -8), Barcelona (
DW, goal difference of +1), Bayern Munich (
LL, goal difference of -2), Tottenham (
WDLDL, goal difference of -3), Arsenal (
WLLL, goal difference of -2), I'd be satisfied with something approaching what he did at Chelsea: back to back top 4 finishes, doing quite well in the Champions League, reaching the latter stages of domestic cups, being fundamentally sound for the most part, and so forth.
This next manager doesn't necessarily have to be “the one”. Maybe we need to take things step by step, restore the club to a decent level of competency first, and level up as we progress (as opposed to building castles in the air from the very beginning). Manchester City took a while to get going, and new ownership had to wait 8 years for Pep Guardiola. Similar at Liverpool, where new ownership had to wait 5 years for Jürgen Klopp. Maybe Tuchel could prove to be “the one preceding the one”, or some such. The likes of Amorim, Hoeneß, Fàbregas, McKenna, Hürzeler are quite young (39, 42, 38, 37 and 31 years old respectively), Nagelsmann might decide the leave the German national team after the 2026 World Cup, and Tuchel has lasted an average of 2-ish years at Borussia Dortmund, Paris Saint-Germain, Chelsea and Bayern Munich, so the stars could feasibly align in terms of succession planning.