This is all a setup by Manchester City.
Be intrigued, be very intrigued!
The Master Plan Begins: Testing Manchester United’s Rash Decision-Making
Stage 1: The Sanchez Decoy
City starts their long-term experiment to exploit Manchester United’s tendency for rash, reactionary decisions. They pretend to pursue Alexis Sanchez—a once-brilliant, now-waning star. Rumours swirl about City offering him a lucrative deal, knowing full well United’s leadership cannot resist snatching him away in a panic. United swoops in, offering Sanchez a ludicrous £500,000-a-week wage package, and City quietly backs out, grinning.
Objective accomplished: United’s wage structure is thrown into chaos, their squad harmony begins to crack, and City notes their rivals’ predictable desperation.
Stage 2: The Fred Trap
With Sanchez’s success as a case study, City shifts their sights to Fred, a decent midfielder who fits their narrative perfectly. Guardiola pretends to admire Fred’s potential as a midfield maestro, with planted stories leaking to the media about City preparing a bid. Predictably, United reacts like a moth to a flame, paying £47 million for a player who, while serviceable, fails to live up to the hype City planted.
Objective accomplished: United burns another chunk of cash, and City proves their ability to control United's transfer policy like puppet masters.
Stage 3: The Maguire Bait
Taking it to the next level, City hypes up Harry Maguire, making murmurs about his "ball-playing skills" and leadership. City’s planted interest inflates Maguire’s price tag, convincing United to break the world record for a defender at £80 million. Maguire becomes a magnet for memes while City sit back and chuckle.
Objective accomplished: United spends a fortune on a defender who becomes emblematic of their defensive struggles.
Stage 4: The Ronaldo Coup
Now for the pièce de résistance of this phase: Cristiano Ronaldo. United were looking like a force again under beloved legend Ole Gunnar Solksjaer. City needed to act fast, they pretended to bring their long-time rival to the Etihad in a stunning twist, knowing the emotional chaos this would unleash at Old Trafford. United, unable to let their fanbase see Ronaldo in blue, jumps in with an inflated offer and reunites with CR7. But the cracks soon show—Ronaldo’s return disrupts United’s tactical balance and sparks infighting.
Objective accomplished: United’s nostalgia-driven decision causes internal discord, leaving City free to focus on their relentless machine.
They briefly feign interest in the equally disruptive Paul Pogba to tempt United to offer him an expensive long term deal, but somehow United inexplicably make the right call! Hence the need for the nail in the coffin...
The Amorim Gambit: Setting the Stage for Chaos
Phase 1: Guardiola’s Double Life
Here’s where it gets truly diabolical. Pep Guardiola secretly takes over as Sporting Lisbon’s shadow manager, using Ruben Amorim as a stooge to keep up appearances. With Pep’s tactical brilliance, Sporting achieves success, burnishing Amorim’s reputation as one of Europe’s brightest young coaches.
Why? Because City knows that when Pep’s time at the Etihad ends (whether by choice or as a result of their 115 charges), United will inevitably try to copy their formula. Amorim’s profile as a “Pep-like visionary” is carefully crafted by Pep himself.
Phase 2: Preparing the Final Blow
When it looks like City might face serious punishment for financial breaches, they pull the trigger. Stories are leaked to the press suggesting City is eyeing Amorim as Pep’s heir. This is pure bait. United, predictably, panics. After all, if City wants Amorim, he must be the real deal.
Simultaneously, City stages an internal “fallout” with Omar Berrada, their Chief Operating Officer, who “defects” to United. What United doesn’t realise is that Berrada is still acting in City’s interest. Once inside United, he aggressively pushes for Amorim, claiming he’s the next Guardiola.
United’s Downfall
United, convinced by the media hype, the fake fallout, and their obsession with City’s formula, hires Ruben Amorim. What they don’t know is that Amorim is utterly unqualified. Every bit of his success at Sporting was orchestrated by Guardiola, who was pulling the strings from afar. Amorim’s tactics fail spectacularly, and United spirals further into chaos.
City, meanwhile, quietly brings in a legitimate successor for Guardiola while watching United implode. The long con is complete.
The Aftermath
As Amorim’s United crashes out of Europe and tumbles down the league table, City consolidates their dominance. The 115 charges may still be looming, but Pep retires knowing he not only led City to unprecedented success but also orchestrated the long-term collapse of their greatest rivals. Fans and pundits eventually piece together the scheme, but by then, it’s too late. City have cemented their legacy, and United’s reputation is in tatters.
