RAWK Goes Into Meltdown (2012/2013)

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ciderman9000000 said:
The Hair

Raffa - Ferdy - Nemvid - Postal

Tony V - Miccars - Clevs - Youngie

Wazza - Bobby Van​
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Nice, but I think we need a Humongous something-or-other, really. And maybe The Clevzter?

Anyway, they're giddy for Sunday, and it's once again fanfic time on RAWK.

undry@RAWK said:
How referee could give us the penalty when Evra knocked down Luis and how they could redcard him after he head kicked luis. Penalty is taken by Gerrard and it's 1:0. Staying 10 men MU starts to panic and we keep scoring, corner - Skrtel leg volley 2:0. They start really panicking and Chicharito comes in - some of their midfield is out. Then Sturridge comes storming the center, should to shoulder, Gerrard volleys from the midfield Sturridge takes it turns and DeGea takes the 3rd out of his net desperately beating pitch with his hands.

Next comes when Johnson storms left interchages with Raheem, Raheem to Downing running from right, Downing througball to Suarez and Bahm! 4:0. Suarez comes and does dirty dancing in front of Fergie.

Fergie spits acid and calls on the Giggs to put some "wisdom". Immediately after he comes, Wisdom scores from outside the box with stunning long ball, Keeper-Hendy-Wisdom-Goal, it's 5:0.

Fergie bumps his head against his chair, manure fans start leaving, and bahm! Allen falls in the penalty box on RVP and there is a penalty, that RVP soooo jealous of Suarez getting ahead of him (almost) executes, then tadam! Pepe saves and does a long long ball on Sturridge, who runs in the penalty box, all defenders are on him he passes back to Suarez who nets the game down with the curve ball in empty net. 6:0 and he beats RVP.

Manures crying, game done.
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and DeGea takes the 3rd out of his net desperately beating pitch with his hands.
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Having trouble picturing this one: how is he getting out of his net if he's beating the pitch with his hands?

Apart from that, the rest of the text seems believable, of course.
 
That's like a draft version of Walk of Life, written by a pissed Mark Knopfler.
 
Hellboy said:
Their fanfics are so embarassing. That´s probably why some of them are totally fecking deluded.
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My favourite one is the one some poor bastard did the day after we won the Champions League and league double.

Basically had them winning the league and CL the following season, beating us in the final, complete with standard Fergie heart attack, and Rafa doing a Shankly or something cringe.

Loads of them lapped it up then some mod came along and killed the party. Can't remember exact words, but something like:

"Christ, is this what we've been reduced to, making up pretend stories of success? For the real thing, see Man United."

Can anyone find the link?
 
Yea that bit when Rafa Beneathus says thanks Bill seeing the ghost of Shankly. Hilarious. However, one of the all time favourites has to be 'Rafa is bringing back the glory years, and I do apologize Meester Ferguson, but there's absolutely feckall you can do about it' part.
 
Isn't all this fanfic-stuff how 50 shades of grey started? :nervous:

Although I suppose RAWKs version of that has already been made as well.
 
Wowi said:
Isn't all this fanfic-stuff how 50 shades of grey started? :nervous:
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You're right, and the RAWKites really should try and capitalise on their talent for this stuff, especially the one-handed-writing aspect.

and...and....YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS! The whole of Liverpool erupted.
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Cheers for bringing up that old classic, Krafwerker & Olly. Almost up there with 'the full impact of the Liverpudlian communion'. :lol:
 
Ermahgerd...

Right now its a bit like Se7en. Luis Suarez is John Doe sitting in the back of a car, and there's a load of journalists and football 'people' sat in the front in the roles of Mills and Somerset. And they're driving to Old Trafford.
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We were shellshocked. But then, a lone voice started to sing amongst the tears and recriminations:
“Outsideeee the Shankly gates, I heard a kopite calling...”

And, within seconds, the 45,000 Liverpool fans who’d made the trip joined in. The noise echoed around the City, a noise so loud, and so passionate, it nearly arose Caesar from his grave.

Gerrard, Carragher and Alonso, the sole survivors from Istanbul, suddenly felt possessed by the memories. Gerrard walked over to Nando and said: “This is fecking yours Fernando, go get it la.”
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:lol:

I also recommend this site:

http://bawkatrawk.blogspot.co.uk/2012_09_01_archive.html

don't think it has been updated in a while which is a shame but it has some absolute classic parodies of RAWK on there. Well worth a browse.
 
Note: Caesar's body was cremated, so I guess he'd have to 'rise like a phoenix' or some such RAWKese.
 
I just hope Spacegoat Suarez doesn't behead Frogie with the Sword of Damascus.
 
Kraftwerker said:
I'll have a look but my initial thought is RAWK needs no parody.
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It's fantastic mate :lol:

here's a relevant one with derby day looming :lol:

So the euphoria of the last few days following the return of the Messiah has begun to settle down a bit. We’ve played two games now and with Kenny’s genius and the expert input of title winner Steve Clarke we should have had 2 wins from the 2 games. Unfortunately it didn’t turn out that way.

And I know why.

On Sunday Liverpool Football Club didn’t just play the 11 men of Scumchester United. They didn’t just play the 11 men and 70000 southerners either. Liverpool Football Club, the might reds, had a much, much tougher opponent than that.

The man in the black of Satan himself. Howard Melton Webb.

Stevie G’s red card was one of the greatest injustices ever in the modern game. When the card was brandished by Bacon face’s stooge I was so disgusted I vomited everywhere. Sometimes now when I think about it I vomit again. If I could vomit enough to reverse the decision I would. I would vomit and vomit until dangerously, life-threateningly dehydrated - until the enamel had been stripped off my teeth.

I would vomit myself into a coma. For Stevie and for Liverpool Football Club. But the corrupt Premier League wouldn’t accept my sacrifice. Because they wouldn’t dare to acknowledge my martyrdom. It would be too dangerous for them to do so.

You can search high and low, from Lampard’s disallowed goal at the World Cup to the disallowed Tottenham/Roy Carroll goal against the scum, and you won’t find a bigger injustice in modern football. You can include the people of Rwanda and Haiti in that search and you won’t find a group of people more wronged that day than the fans of Liverpool Football Club.

The most down to earth, passionate fans in world football.

The running Vietnamese children in the famous Life magazine photo could not have been as distressed as we were, as we stood in open-mouthed disbelief. Standing and staring at the big screen in the pub unable to take in the corruption we were witnessing. If we had been able to get tickets we would have been there but alas it wasn’t to be and we had to bear the malfeasance inflicted upon us away from our brethren. Our brothers. Our heroes.

Our family.

But, with our legendary humility and famous dignity we left Old Trafford with our heads held high. With our unbounded deference and unbridled stoicism – not to mention our unmatched restraint, we moved on. Moved on together, ready to fight another day with class and optimism. We didn’t walk alone. Because we NEVER walk alone. We held our heads up high and we weren’t afraid of the dark.

Sadly the fraudulent officials and the Liverpool Football Club hating media conspired against us. Chipping away at us at every opportunity. Waiting for us to fail so they could pick through the ashes of our great club – Liverpool Football Club - with their interrogating gnarled sticks. Like a pack of baying hyenas waiting for the proudest, strongest Lion in the jungle to waver so they can pounce under cover of darkness and tear it to pieces.

Nobody could perform under that pressure. No men could be expected to go out in the next game against Blackpool and win under such intense scrutiny. Eleven men and their leader against the spiteful seething mob. A cauldron of hate. A cauldron of fraud.

And yet we came so close. Came so close to garnering an impossible 3 points against immeasurable odds. An insurmountable obstacle. Unpassable rapids of cynicism. But we almost climbed that mountain. Nando and the King had climbed on ahead and set up basecamp using every sinew to haul us closer to the summit – together. But an ill wind had already blown in from the criminals with power in the game. People who are rotten to their very core. And the white out drove us back.

But now the King has got Torres firing again I see bright times ahead. The sun is rising over the blessed, handing down its life bringing radiance. With Steve Clarke at the right hand of King Kenny we can come through the storm and walk on. Walk on with hope in our hearts.

When the flags are waving for the King on Sunday against the bitters the sheer overwhelming wave of emotion will be enough to ride roughshod over even the greatest of opponents. I’m welling up just thinking about the strength of feeling that we will witness. Now I’m crying a sea of tears...... Tears of hope..... Tears of love........ Now I'm pressing my fingers hard and deep into my temples and shaking uncontrollably.............. Now I'm masturbating..... furiously....... With the curtains open. My tears and semen flowing together in a river of reverence.

Reverence for Liverpool Football Club.

It will be a magical day. A day when the Holy Trinity will truly be resurrected and the world will stand in open-mouthed awe as we set off on a run that will take us all the way to the promised land of the Champions League.
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You can include the people of Rwanda and Haiti in that search and you won’t find a group of people more wronged that day than the fans of Liverpool Football Club.

The most down to earth, passionate fans in world football.
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I particularly liked how he followed up that first statement by declaring himself down to earth. A very special piece written by a very special someone.
 
Just got back from the Aldi and noticed the score on Ceefax. The mighty Reds 5 - Norwich City the canaries 2.
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:lol:

That 'Bawk at Rawk' thing is bloody good. :D
 
Sometimes now when I think about it I vomit again. If I could vomit enough to reverse the decision I would. I would vomit and vomit until dangerously, life-threateningly dehydrated - until the enamel had been stripped off my teeth.

I would vomit myself into a coma. For Stevie and for Liverpool Football Club. But the corrupt Premier League wouldn’t accept my sacrifice. Because they wouldn’t dare to acknowledge my martyrdom. It would be too dangerous for them to do so.
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Some people are beyond saving.
 
It is this crucial use of simple language that is helping the group to mould into the vision of the greatest coach in the omniverse. And is a vital reason why Liverpool Football Club is heading into an era of total football - and total football domination.

The second graph shows just how important linguistics are when educating players.

3dgraph.jpg
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:lol:
 
"Leg volley" :lol:
This page is fantastic. Also I can't work with that graph, put some god damn labels on, you tit.
 
Fantastic tribute to the King there mate. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’ve been crying floods of real, genuine tears since the announcement was made too. My wife and two kids are beside themselves. There is simply no point in carrying on anymore. I’m just hooking up the hose pipe to the Cavalier in the garage and then we’re all going to pay our personal tribute to the King by inhaling enormous amounts of carbon dioxide. Thanks modern football.
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......
 
Now I’m crying a sea of tears...... Tears of hope..... Tears of love........ Now I'm pressing my fingers hard and deep into my temples and shaking uncontrollably.............. Now I'm masturbating..... furiously....... With the curtains open. My tears and semen flowing together in a river of reverence.

Reverence for Liverpool Football Club.
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:lol:
 
/end thread:

Liverpool Football Club. Liverpool Football Club is the only way you can describe Liverpool Football Club. Failing to say Liverpool Football Club when referring to Liverpool Football Club is either banned, illegal, impossible, or a path to such ridiculousnessary that to come back from such an inadvertence, would be an exercise in miraculousnessness.
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http://bawkatrawk.blogspot.co.uk/2011/05/power-of-rawk.html
 
Liverpool Football Club. Liverpool Football Club is the only way you can describe Liverpool Football Club. Failing to say Liverpool Football Club when referring to Liverpool Football Club is either banned, illegal, impossible, or a path to such ridiculousnessary that to come back from such an inadvertence, would be an exercise in miraculousnessness.
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:lol:

Haha! I only posted about the "Liverpool Football Club" obsession the Scousers have last week in this thread!

It's beyond bizarre.
 
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