Rage Against the Machine v The X Factor: tragic, isn't it?
Sony's RATM take another fearless stand against The Man
Ah, the inimitable sounds of Christmas. The dulcet harmonies of children caroling. The sizzle of chestnuts roasting on a brazier. The crisp crunch of snow underfoot. And a tone-deaf pretend-anarchist screaming his petulant head off about nothing intelligible.
The latter, if we’re wretchedly unfortunate, will be the racket that greets those of us who tune into Radio 1 on Sunday evening to find out which single is the Christmas No1. And all because a snowballing horde of simpletons have decided that it would teach a lesson to The Man, The Establishment and The Record Industry (basically Simon Cowell) if they bought so many copies of Killing in the Name by Rage Against the Machine that it beat The X Factor’s Joe McElderry to the top of the charts.
It’s already been said a million times, but it seems to make no difference: this dunderheaded pseudo-protest will do nothing to harm Cowell, given that, like Joe McElderry, Rage Against the Machine are ultimately owned by his record company. (Rage Against the Machine style themselves as anti-capitalists, which is no doubt why they signed a contract with Sony.)
But that’s not the sole reason the RATM-backers are daft. If the point they wanted to make is that The X Factor gives karaoke-crooning automata an unfair advantage over more talented artists, then they should have thrown their support behind a song by a talented artist, rather than one by Rage Against the Machine, who in their long and dreary career have produced nothing but decrepit heavy metal. Joe McElderry is no Stevie Wonder but, by dint of being able to sing in tune, he displays greater musical ability than that crew of washed-up rent-a-rockers. “Well, at least RATM write their own songs.” Yes, but they’re catastrophically awful songs.
Alternatively, the anti-X Factor campaigners could have done something rather more mischievous and mass-downloaded not RATM but an absurd novelty hit: say, the Mr Blobby single that was the Christmas No1 of 1993. Joe McElderry beaten by RATM? Yawn. But Joe McElderry beaten by Mr Blobby – that’s a statement. To have made such a selection, however, would have required a sense of humour, something in short supply among RATM fans.
Mr Blobby’s lyrics, incidentally (”Blobby, oh My Blobby, you’ll always prove that Blobby is the best”), were no more fatuous than RATM’s. Killing in the Name is not an intelligent assault on capitalists, warmongers or the injustices of Western life. It’s the grunting melodrama of some pustule-encrusted adolescent refusing to take the binbags out.
Some sweet, well-meaning saps have even been dopey enough to download the RATM song on the grounds that some of the proceeds will go to the homeless charity Shelter. It presumably hasn’t occurred to them to donate directly to the charity itself. Doing the latter means that not only will Shelter get a larger slice of your money, you won’t be left with an abomination against music on your MP3 player.
If you want to rebel against the record industry this Christmas, here’s an idea: don’t buy its wares.