i’ve always lived around windsor and i’ve had a few run ins with the royals. i remember a time i was walking outside the walls of windsor castle on a night out. i’d just stumbled out of wetherspoons and was heading down towards the riverside when i head a shout of “oi, oi, you’ve got something on the bottom of your foot, mate!” i lifted my heel, whilst keeping the ball of my foot on the floor, looked back over my shoulder and down onto my shoe. i nearly jumped out of my skin when i heard a shout of “oooooo cooey, you big poofter.” and looked up to see the queen laughing like a drain and closing one of the windows in the castle before gesturing towards me with the international symbol for wanker.