That Imam sounds like a kind but conflicted man. But that’s inevitable with the way religions are based on charity, love and kindness but won’t move with the times and update their crazily old fashioned stance on sex and sexuality. That’s what creates the sort of situation you describe. How can you be as kind and loving as you want to be if you’re being forced to repeat hateful rhetoric about sexuality that society moved on from decades ago?
I'm from a place called Mirpur which is in Kashmir/Pakistan depending on your point of view or political stance. Most "pakistanis" in UK are from this area and not actual Pakistan. As a rule "we" came from very poor backgrounds (not all for any mirpuris reading this I'm speaking generally and the majority) and our elders were largely uneducated and mired in practices and beliefs in the name of religion, mainly Islam.
Being fortunate enough to have received an education (secular and religious) my biggest battle has never been against non Muslims and/or atheist folk but my very own mirpuris including close family. You maybe surprised that pakistani folk from say Lahore or Islamabad don't always look favourably upon the mirpuris. Mainly down to their "backwards" ideology/s.
I write that as I very much believe people from my background, particularly first gen are absolutely homophobic, often racist. No excuses just as is my experience.
The younger generation are more aware. Those who don't practice Islam pretend to do so in front of family but outside they do exactly what some folk have described. Those who do, do so so properly and are as much at risk of being argued against or ridiculed by non Muslims as they are by their elders.
Mosques are institutions which still to a degree are run by the elder generations with imams that are able to recite Quran (as in memorised it) but don't understand it. These imams are the ones who get represented in say media etc (see Muslim council of Britain) than the few mosques where the Muslims not only can recite but understand the Quran.
What this means, and is relevant maybe to your response above is that there isn't the hateful rhetoric. Let me be clear it doesn't shy away from Quranic teaching but it is "matter of fact". It doesn't then say Homosexuality is ok in Quranic teaching and certainly wouldn't mean promoting it. But it does say ok you are homosexual and that is OK but it is a sin according to Islam and something you will be judged for it. Again some of you will disagree strongly with this and that's absolutely fine.
I have a friend who smokes weed and has the odd drink. We have been friends all our lives. He is a Muslim. I don't hate him. I always advise him as he claims to be Muslim. I also have a friend who is atheist. I have known for less of a time than my Muslim friend but he is a beat friend category friend. He took smokes weed and drinks. I advise him too and certainly don't hate him. I chill with both. When the weed and drink appears I leave. When they are high or drunk I don't really engage. These are my friends.
Let me give you another example if I may. I pay zakat. It's basically charity and I absolutely believe in charity. I also believe in the freedom of Palestine ( and Ukraine but I mention Palestine due to the religion link). Yet I do not attend charity dinners and I certainly have never bought a free Palestine wrist band etc. I'm absolutely slated for this by Muslims I know. Yet I don't do it because Islamically this isn't the definition of charity. Me buying a wrist band is me buying a wristband. It's a transaction. My eating the dinner means it was a transaction not me giving to charity. Because in basic terms charity is something with nil return. There's more to it but I'm keeping it simple. Also any charity I give to has to give 100% of my money to the intended recipients. If they even take 2 pence for themselves it's not charity to me. Does that mean I'm not charitable? I mean I donate 2.5% of my saved income (includes commodities such as gold etc) to various groups Muslim or not. Not to show off but this has meant thousands at times. Yet I'm seen as not charitable because I didn't buy a wristband by some of my fellow Muslims?
This example is to show maybe a difference in understanding? Understanding as in how (for example ) the person above you simply put yes to the Imam in my example being homophobic. Yet to me he absolutely is not homophobic.
Sorry for going on. I didn't want to appear in preacher mode. At the same time I didn't want to argue against what some people have wrote about their experiences with Muslims. I absolutely agree some people are as described by some. I make no excuses for them by providing a historic background, just what I see are the facts warta and all. But also hopefully putting forward that people who are educating themselves in Islamic theology/ideology are not homophobic in the hate the individual/s sense but more a this is Islam but we won't be unjust to you.
I accept some may find it hard to get their head around it and some who will absolutely disagree. I'm not trying to preach or convert. Just disagreeing with not wearing a flag/colours means it's homophobic. In the end as long as we don't hurt each other as individuals, and to borrow words from Islam, to you your way and to me mine.
️