The estate agent inside did not realise he was close to football’s hottest property. Des Res took one look at this pasty-faced, shorn-haired, tracksuited youth and told him to move on. Rooney could probably buy the business now.
“Big mistake, big, huge,” as Julia Roberts advised a snooty Rodeo Drive shop assistant in Pretty Woman. The major error could now be Rooney’s.
Having submitted a transfer request at Manchester United, the England striker is linked with close-season switches to Chelsea and Paris St-Germain among other well-heeled suitors.
But why leave Old Trafford? It defies logic. Rooney needs conditioning, not a move. He has been angered at not starting some of the major games of the season, notably Real Madrid at home and Sir Alex Ferguson’s leaving do last Sunday.
Rooney is the type of footballer who craves constant involvement, whose physique needs regular workouts. He certainly cut a forlorn, frustrated figure looking on from either the bench or the private box.
But he must accept United hold all the aces in this game of high-stakes poker. The champions can survive without him. They have a new manager in David Moyes who will be granted generous sums to strengthen the team. And would Rooney be happy at Chelsea? Does he want to dislocate his family from their north-western roots?
If Premier League options proved minimal, could Rooney cope with life abroad? Would a star already on £200,000-plus a week necessarily earn more money elsewhere, particularly with the tax position changing on the continent?
The more the situation is analysed, the more the sensible conclusion appears to be for Rooney to focus on United, to work even harder on his fitness. Rooney must acknowledge the statistics. A striker of Robert Lewandowski’s quality covers 123 metres a minute in the Champions League for Borussia Dortmund. Rooney’s return is 105.
Due acknowledgement must be made to the reality that Lewandowski operates as the attacking focal point to a superior team than United.
United also have Robin van Persie, rather than Rooney, as their main target. But Lewandowski’s numbers are so impressive; namely the 10 goals and two assists in reaching Wembley. Rooney, having played 461 minutes in Europe to Lewandowski’s 1,000, has managed only one goal but four assists.
Rooney is not selling himself well to Europe’s elite. Ferguson’s cold-shouldering of the No 10 was similarly damaging. Slightly surreally, the 71-year-old Scot resembled Captain Mainwaring admonishing Corporal Pike with a “you stupid boy” rebuke. Wise up. Get your head down. Train harder.
Ferguson leaves, Moyes arrives. Rooney has history with Moyes, good and bad. The Everton manager gave Rooney his chance, helped his development on and off the field yet the pair parted, and even had an acrimonious legal skirmish. One can only imagine the United players, gathering before training at Carrington, asking Rooney what the new man is like. “He sued me once.’’ And won.
It is time to forget the past. The decision on Rooney’s future must be Moyes’s, not Ferguson’s, and made with a view to what is best for United. Rooney is worth keeping if he is happy and hungry, avoiding smoking and trips to Las Vegas.
Moyes himself must consider this: Rooney has every right to look around Carrington at training and Old Trafford on match-day and reflect whether he deserves to be down the pecking order.
He is far more prolific than Danny Welbeck, a colt who should train on in time. Rooney delivers more decisive passes than Tom Cleverley and Shinji Kagawa. Paul Scholes, Rooney’s sole rival for the controlled, killer pass, has retired.
And, oh, how quickly Rooney’s critics forget that sumptuous pass to create Van Persie’s volleyed second goal against Aston Villa. For a player frequently used out of position this season, Rooney boasts a decent goal return, 16 for United as well as six for England. He is only 27. He has still got it.
When he reports soon for England duty, Rooney should perhaps have a chat with Frank Lampard, Chelsea’s record-breaking goalscorer. Rooney should consider his own legacy.
He is on 197 goals from 402 appearances, fourth in United’s all-time list. Jack Rowley is third with 211 in 424, Denis Law second with 237 in 404 and Sir Bobby Charlton the revered leader with 249 in 758. Rooney could surpass the great Charlton within three years.
Rooney could leave or he could knuckle down and go down in history.