I'll give you he's more of a 9 than Firmino but he's still very wide ranging in his role off the ball.
This is breaking down a bit now...assists are the same for everyone, unless you want to go through hundreds of goals and assists individually and rank them it seems a bit of vague thing to say. Penalties are taken out because he doesn't take them, if he did it would be fair.
Not sure on the wording of mental contortions, my point has been quite simple - non penalty goals and assists he's not been a "disaster", especially given his role. To counter this you gave a list of which many of those players were incorrect and are now saying not all assists are equal, forgive me but it's not compelled me to change my mind. Could he do better, hitting the post 9 times suggests yes! But then, again, the issue they aren't in the race is down to their defence not attack.