Television We didn't all go to Gudger College

[R.N7]

We have roots here, Homer. We have friends and library cards. Bart's lawyer is here.

Uh, you have any sugar around here?

Sugar? Sure. Here you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?

Uh, no.

 

[Niall]

That is probably my favourite Simpsons episode.

"When you go home tonight, there's gonna be another storey on your house!"

 

[Bross]

Mayor Quimby: Look at this everyone, 12 dead snakes!

*Crowd boos*

Mayor Quimby: Im sick of you people! You are nothing but a pack of fickle mush-heads.

Woman in crowd: Hes right!

Man in crowd: Give us hell, Quimby!

*Crowd cheers*

 

[Bross]

 

[R.N7]

Can't talk now, Flanders. I've got a class to teach!

But you rang my...

Dad, for the last time, please don't lower yourself to the level of the mob.

Lisa, maybe if I'm part of that mob, I can help steer it in wise directions. Now where's my giant foam cowboy hat and airhorn?

 

[OneUnited24]

 

[R.N7]

You let me down, man. Now I don't believe in nothing no more. I'm going to law school.

Nooooooooooooooooooo!

Sir, the TV ratings for the launch are the highest in 10 years.

And how's the spacecraft doing?

I don't know. All this equipment is just used to measure TV ratings.

 

[Mrs Smoker]

"He said it was just a name!"

"What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula."

 

[arthurka]

I actually like the last series... I think it is one of the best of late!

 

[Señor]

Watched the new Simpson's World Cup episode the other day. Wow, it was so shit.

 

[Mrs Smoker]

Homer: Sugar man!

Skinner: Door-to-door sugar? What a marvelous idea.

What's that mother? ...I'm just talking to the sugar man! ...Mother, I'm a big boy, I can do
as I wish!

Excuse me.

Thanks a lot, Simpson, now I'm grounded!

 

[R.N7]

All right! I admit it! I am the Lindbergh baby! Wah wah! Goo goo! I miss my fly-fly dada!

Are you stalling for time, or are you just senile?

A little from column A, a little from column B.

Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?

Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that.

I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?

Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes.

...Well, touché.

 

[Mrs Smoker]

More Homer and the press.

Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further.

No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me. Get back! Get
back! Mist -- Mr. Simpson -- nooo!

Dramatization -- may not have happened.

 

[Mrs Smoker]

This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the
Simpson estate. Remember, by the way, to tune in at 8:00 for
highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came
and when Marge Simpson put the cat out...possibly because it was
harassed, we don't know.

 

[Mrs Smoker]

In our mad pursuit of the scoop, we members of the press
sometimes...make mistakes. "Rock Bottom" would like to make
the following corrections.

Spoiler

 

[villain]

"I may go a little easy on the old hickory-dickory stick, but that's just because my dad was hard on me when I was a boy."

"Whoopsie doodle."

"Oh, man! Ned spelled ink all over my poems. He's a real flat tire, I mean a cube, man. He's putting us on the train to Squaresville, Mona!"

"You gotta help us doc. We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas"

 

[R.N7]

Wiggum: Ahh. Nothin' beats a good porno movie.

Krusty: Chief Wiggum, is this a bust?

Wiggum: Uh, yeah that's just what it is...a bust.

Lisa: That story isn't suitable for children.

Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.

Lisa: Eww.

Homer, I don't think you should wear a short-sleeve shirt with a tie.

Ohhh, but Sipowicz does it.

If Detective Sipowicz jumped off a cliff, would you do that too?

Ohhh, I wish I was Sipowicz.

 

[Duffy]

 

[Mrs Smoker]

No wonder I don't remember that last one. 24th season...

 

[R.N7]

Marge: Bart, are you pulling up the carpet?
Bart: Uh-huh.
Marge: Why are you letting him do this?
Homer: I don't know.
Marge: Well, punish him.
Homer: All right, all right. Bart, go to your room.
Bart: See you in the funny pages.
Marge: How could you let this happen?
Homer: How could you let this happen?
Marge: I wasn't here.
Homer: Oh, how convenient.
Marge: Homer, do you want your son to become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper?
Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
Marge: Earl Warren wasn't a stripper.
Homer: Now who's being naive?

I love Homer's expression.

 

[Mrs Smoker]

Barclay.

Barry.

Bert.

Bort?! Oh come on, Bort?

Mummy, mummy! Buy me a licence plate!

No, come along, Bort.

Are you talking to me?

No, my son is also named Bort.

Some time later.

Mop and bucket man to the exit of the "Nauseator".

We got another jumper on the roof of T. G. I. McScratchy's.

We need more Bort licence plates in the gift shop. I repeat. We are sold out of Bort licence plates.

 

[R.N7]

 

[Duffy]

@R.N7 you diabolical...

 

[DJ Jeff]

Mah hobby is secretly videotaping couples in cars. I dinna come forward because in this country, it makes you look like a pervert—but every single Scottish person does it!

 

[R.N7]

Arr, I don't know what I'm doing.

Arr, I hate the sea and everything in it.

Captain McAllister, isn't it a fact that you're not a real captain?

(lowers his head in shame) Aye.

 

[gooDevil]

 

[gooDevil]

 

[R.N7]

Roger Meyers senior, the gentle genius behind Itchy and Scratchy, loved and cared about almost all the peoples of the world. And he, in return, was beloved by the world, except in 1938 when he was criticized for his controversial cartoon, 'Nazi Supermen Are Our Superiors'.

Oh, Okay, here it goes. I'm not sorry I had you, son. I was always proud...that you weren't a short man.

 

[OnlyTwoDaSilvas]

 

[Lynk]

"That game was fixed! They were using a freaking ladder for God's Sakes!"

 

[R.N7]

Hey, kids! Don't forget to watch my 29th Anniversary show! Featuring clips like this one of Sideshow Mel whacked out on "wowie sauce"!

Everyone's always kissing your ass! Well, I'm not afraid to tell you, you're a [beep].

Say, did I hear some carolers? Hey! It's respected private citizen, Tom Landry! And South American sensation Shooshisha- Shooshashi- Shoosh- Oh, boy...

 

[Duffy]

"We're here, We're Queer, We don't want anymore bears!"

Remember the time he ate my goldfish, and you lied to me and said I never had any goldfish. Then why'd I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off.

 

[Duffy]

"Look Marge, you don't know what it's like -- I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't HANDLE the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!"

 

[Duffy]

“Oh my god, space aliens. Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!”

Zzzzzzzzzap!

 

[gooDevil]

Bart:
Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel! They forced us to make wallets for export and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty:
Oh, my God! (sobs harder)
Bart:
Well, actually the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty:
Was it a nice hat?
Bart:
Oh, yeah.
Krusty:
Oh, my God! (sobs even harder than before)

 

[Archie Leach]

Lisa: I told dad that photo would come back to haunt him.

 

[R.N7]

Smithers, I want you to arrange a party for two at my estate, Marge, me, and do you think you could dig up Al Jolson?

Uh, do you remember we did that once before?

Oh, that’s right, he’s dead, and rather pungent, the rest of that night is something I’d like to forget.

Well, friend, you're going back where you came from...the curb in front of Flanders' house.

 

[Snowjoe]

Sky 1 showing the dental plan episode this thread title is from right now, its so good

 

[R.N7]

Stupid fingers!

 

[R.N7]

Well, I admit it looks bad, Flanders