The RedCafe Annual Awards 2011 | First Page Edited With Insults

Best e-fight 2011 - by rimmy

just how can two people who have never met in real life fall out so spectacularly over the internet? it seems impossible to me. i’ve often had long, fully blown arguments, that degrade into nothing more than a vicious spat of generic insults and full blown caps lock rage, with clivepartyanimal1993 from a pokemon forum i sometimes frequent, on this very subject. yep, i’ve often sat and pondered just how anonymous strangers can fall out so. i mean i’ve given it thought occasionally, it’s not something that keeps me awake at night. i have the sound of brewlio rattling through my bins, in an aroused state, to thank for that.

it is with great surprise that i announce that the winner of “best e-fight 20112011”, “faking its way to another e-award”, is none other than the infamous spat between brwned and boss, for their love-in in the attack the space thread.

the pair are believed to have settled their differences and currently reside in a small chalet in the new forest, where they are said to be “blissfully happy and contented” the pair have also found some common ground, alternating saturdays between watching united and browsing wikipedia for stats relating to non-league brazilian footballers who plied their trade in the 70's.

congratulations to the both of you, the looked into each other's mirror and liked what they saw. i’m thrilled to hear they're both so happy. i would ask which one of them is the women, but seeing as boss is awol and believed to be camped outside of hmv, awaiting the release of beyonce’s new album, i can only assume it’s Brwned.
 
Brophs said:
Best Banning

Some say he was a shameless wum who was playing us like fools. Others say that his only crime was loving football too much. All we know is, he’s called Scholesy.

Scholesy swept through the Caf like a slightly special needs-y hurricane with statements like “You can’t improve your technique after the age of 16”, “I don’t like Macheda’s personality”, “Nathan Delfouenso is better than Pato” and Modric is a world class centre-mid (let’s pretend for the sake of pride that he wasn’t spot on about that one).

He was able to turn any thread into an all-out war with such cutting remarks as “You window-licking feckhead” and “Modric is a gayboy lolllz” being thrown around (all in his direction, tbf). But he stuck to his belief that the best young player at United was Oliver Norwood (he signed up after he’d been banned and gave the game away by asking about Norwood in a thread that had nothing to do with him) and that’s how I want to remember him: utterly, utterly wrong.

Scholesy
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You missed his crowning achievement. "Even if we win 100 nil he still picked the wrong team."
 
jveezy said:
An interesting note about rednev's award. He received 42.3% of the vote. MUM received 15% of the vote for her award. A study conducted by the Institute of Small Non-Overlapping Sample Sizes has concluded that rednev is nearly three times as racist as MUM is nice.

Can't argue with that logic.
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:lol:
 
The obvious winner of this award, Boss vs Brwned received 19 out of 48 votes.

Strangely enough second place went to Boss vs the Caf with 12 votes.

Also worth noting is Boss vs AgainstAllOdds with 2 votes.

Boss is a busy man.
 
jveezy said:
An interesting note about rednev's award. He received 42.3% of the vote. MUM received 15% of the vote for her award. A study conducted by the Institute of Small Non-Overlapping Sample Sizes has concluded that rednev is nearly three times as racist as MUM is nice.

Can't argue with that logic.
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:lol:
 
Fair play to Scholesy - at least he asked Andy@Allerton 'Are you human?' and not, he assumed, an ABU bot powered by kryptonite and bitter tears.
 
Worst Banning

He was just like the Hurricane in that movie The Hurricane: a posh boy from Dalkey working in a petrol station as a social experiment. But the similarities didn’t end there; he was also punished for a crime he didn’t commit. Or at least a crime he did commit and boasted about for some unknown reason, then refused to admit to and take a slap on the wrist and then took to Facebook to complain about his banning and how the mods took this place too seriously. Not seriously enough to set up a Facebook page to moan about the Caf, but seriously enough to really annoy some people. Actually now that I think about it, The Hurricane was a fecking shit movie. But regardless, he’s a good lad who did his time in the newbs and it’s good to have him back in the mains.

The winner of this year’s worst banning award is Cold Zebra
 
jveezy said:
The obvious winner of this award, Boss vs Brwned received 19 out of 48 votes.

Strangely enough second place went to Boss vs the Caf with 12 votes.

Also worth noting is Boss vs AgainstAllOdds with 2 votes.

Boss is a busy man.
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:lol:
 
Brophs said:
Worst Banning

He was just like the Hurricane in that movie The Hurricane: a posh boy from Dalkey working in a petrol station as a social experiment. But the similarities didn’t end there; he was also punished for a crime he didn’t commit. Or at least a crime he did commit and boasted about for some unknown reason, then refused to admit to and take a slap on the wrist and then took to Facebook to complain about his banning and how the mods took this place too seriously. Not seriously enough to set up a Facebook page to moan about the Caf, but seriously enough to really annoy some people. Actually now that I think about it, The Hurricane was a fecking shit movie.
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:lol:
 
Worst Newbie Promoted 2011 - by the rimmopotamus

stagnation, we all fear it. normality, routine, the mundane, they are the stomping ground of boredom and tediousness. we've all seen them, we've all probably participated in them; the countless recycled arguments, the same protagonists filling the e-space with the same tired old quarrels and spats. familiarity breeds contempt, and familiarity and contempt breeds a randall. well alongside randall’s parents, a litre bottle of tesco value scotch, a pool cue, a bull mastiff and a deep, malodorous sense of remorse and despair. not to mention a hefty dose of mutual resentment.

so what better way to inject fresh life into the festering pool of sub-human pond life we call the caf than a freshly promoted newbie. is there a finer sight than a feeky or stevej, charging through the cantankerous rabble, in their armour; atop noble white steed, spearing the hopeless masses, and devilish, with their lances of gallant righteousness. that’s fancy knight lances, not the uppercnut variety, who reserves his own particular style of redcafe poster “spearing,” for de selby and r_nick.

sometimes though this wondrous knight can be no more than a grotty peasant, a grotty peasant perched atop a mangy donkey, which wheezily brays its way into battle, falls over, gets back up, falls over again, before finally rising one last time and succumbing to a slight dip in the road and staying down for good.

so without further ado, it is my pleasure to announce that the shock, sorry, that should have read clear, winner of the award for “worst newbie promoted 2011” is none other than kid cunto, who received a not insignificant 18 votes from the 32 cast. that’s over 16% of the total number of votes. my thanks goes stevej for aiding me with this tough calculation. feel free to pm me if you wish to join our maths club. your application will of course be declined, but it might still be fun.

if i could add a personal touch to this award, i’d like to take a moment to counsel kid_cunto. many will see this as a bad award, kc. many will ridicule you, their disparaging remarks will stain your soul and psyche for an age and no matter how you try, you’ll never be able to outrun their cruel taunts and jibes. but just you remember, you remember that when things seem at their darkness, i am there with you, for i too was once the recipient of the similar such award. it was best newbie promoted and i received nearly universal praise and admiration. i hope my empathy will be a crumb of comfort to you.
 
what did scholesy do to get banned on RAWK?
 
Brophs is surprisingly good at this. Brewlio, too.

And well done to CZ, R_Nick, and SteveJ.
 
Cunto!

Meme_-_Clapping.gif
 
:(

Well, I can’t say I’m surprised I’m coming home with this award, I am humble in feeling that maybe it is undeserving so I do owe a lot of thanks to the Caf’ for making this possible.
Worst n00b promoted, where do I begin? Am I a terrible newbie? Am I, as suggested by my name, a cnut? All rhetorical questions of course.
Fist let me begin by reminding all that without a Kid Cunto there would be no SteveJ, no good without bad. No Ying without Yang. I like to think I’ve provided the Caf’ with this wonderful Welsh lad.
I’ve enjoyed my rollercoaster of a year with the Caf’, I feel I’ve lots more to offer and contribute to this wonderful forum, given the chance of course. I’m grateful I’ve yet to be banned, if I am as bad as made out to be, that is. I’m also apologetic towards moses and brewlio, two wonderful men, without them I wouldn’t be here, I let them down. Also apologises to Sally Cinnamon and Luminous Lizard, two posters I was promoted with, who I’ve also surely disappointed.
I’m Kid Cunto, worst newbie promoted 2011, but I’m your worst newbie. Good Craig, good Craig indeed.
 
brewlio said:
if i could add a personal touch to this award, i’d like to take a moment to counsel kid_cunto. many will see this as a bad award, kc. many will ridicule you, their disparaging remarks will stain your soul and psyche for an age and no matter how you try, you’ll never be able to outrun their cruel taunts and jibes. but just you remember, you remember that when things seem at their darkness, i am there with you, for i too was once the recipient of the similar such award. it was best newbie promoted and i received nearly universal praise and admiration. i hope my empathy will be a crumb of comfort to you.
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:lol:
 
Kid Cunto said:
:(

Well, I can’t say I’m surprised I’m coming home with this award, I am humble in feeling that maybe it is undeserving so I do owe a lot of thanks to the Caf’ for making this possible.
Worst n00b promoted, where do I begin? Am I a terrible newbie? Am I, as suggested by my name, a cnut? All rhetorical questions of course.
Fist let me begin by reminding all that without a Kid Cunto there would be no SteveJ, no good without bad. No Ying without Yang. I like to think I’ve provided the Caf’ with this wonderful Welsh lad.
I’ve enjoyed my rollercoaster of a year with the Caf’, I feel I’ve lots more to offer and contribute to this wonderful forum, given the chance of course. I’m grateful I’ve yet to be banned, if I am as bad as made out to be, that is. I’m also apologetic towards moses and brewlio, two wonderful men, without them I wouldn’t be here, I let them down. Also apologises to Sally Cinnamon and Luminous Lizard, two posters I was promoted with, who I’ve also surely disappointed.
I’m Kid Cunto, worst newbie promoted 2011, but I’m your worst newbie. Good Craig, good Craig indeed.
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I voted for you for both worst and best newbie.

You are a man without middle ground, I will give you that. If you aren't posting great gifs in the 10K thread you annoy my by spamming the 10k thread with worthless images.
 
brewlio said:
Worst Newbie Promoted 2011 - by the rimmopotamus
..
sometimes though this wondrous knight can be no more than a grotty peasant, a grotty peasant perched atop a mangy donkey, which wheezily brays its way into battle, falls over, gets back up, falls over again, before finally rising one last time and succumbing to a slight dip in the road and staying down for good.
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:lol:
 
Biggest Wum

The winner of this award has won it on a few occasions in the past and though I don’t think he’s been around much this year, probably deserves this award as, if I know him, he’s been using that time away to work on another of his world class wums. Or just flogging Kenwood juicers door-to-door. From visiting his incarcerated wife to seeking advice on building a wall, Baz is a wum for every season, the sort of wum that other wums want to become. Whether he's dining out, dining in or even just dining alone, Baz gets it done.

Bazalini.
 
jveezy said:
Kryptix was second in the Worst Newbie voting with 5/32. Burrow managed to snag 4 votes in such a short time since his promotion.
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Burrow feels like he has been here forever and I can pay him no lower compliment than that.
 
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