What about the
DUDS XI?
GK: Nikopolidis aka Clanger, except in a Summer tourno.
RB: Abel Xavier, single-handedly decimated his side and condemned it to the scrap heap. Quite probably, the worst sheep ever.
CB: Terry. Capt. Lionheart can defend, can run, can head, can score goals, can lead the troops and be the rock around which one of the meanest defences in PL history was built. Unfortunately it was Chelsea defence and this is not a Chelsea forum.
CB or SW, only God knows: Koeman. Can't defend, can't run, can't head, can't tackle, he is not a stopper, nor is he a sweeper, he just stands there at the back like a lamp-post and pings the ball forward every now and then. Can take a mean free kicks but set pieces are rarely a source of goals, I'm told. Absolutely useless.
CB: Hummels. You know you've had a torrid tourno when you are prioritised for upgrade ahead of William Gallas at RB. Hummels was so utterly lost on the pitch that he has forced our hand into adopting a five-man backline at the expense of a midfielder, Eric Djemba-Djemba, who actually managed a good ten minutes outmuscling and outplaying a knackered Yaya Toure.
LB: Baines. He is an icon, we are told. No one seems to think he can defend and everyone consistently thinks he is the worst player on the pitch. All you need to be the worst player in the world is to have Moyes actively interested in you.
DM: Mascherano. Actually a good player, but his manager kept him on the bench and hidden from view while Deco and Scholes got ran over. The masses started calling out his name so loudly he managed to get himself on the pitch, helped kill off the game... and was promptly permanently replaced for the next game.
DM: Frings. OK, this guy didn't even play as he got fired before the tourno even started, favouring Mario Basler, who didn't get to play himself either. But that is not really the problem. The problem is that when the draw presented his side with a rival who called for a player of Frings' characteristics, we were told he wouldn't have played anyway as the extent of his destructive impact on the team's style and fluidity was such that it was better to face the consequences of leaving Zidane utterly loose. Depressing times for Torsten.
AM: Mata. Somehow managed to spend an entire game doing absolutely nothing at all. No one noticed he was on the pitch, nor cared. A peripheral figure, you know he is playing shit when people think the creative AM behind the strikers should leave the pitch for Wes Brown despite his side being 3-1 down in a knockout tourno.
AM: Aimar. Probably not his fault really, but how on earth did he end up in an all-round central midfield role alongside Paul Gascoigne?
CF: Samaras. Didn't get to play, just like Villa, so why he and not David? Quite simply because his manager had the opportunity to fire him but chose to fire Ubaldo Righetti instead. Yes, an Italian CB with 8 caps back in the 80s, must have been a bit good? Certainly would have fared better than the full-kit wanker.
PS: this11 seems to have changed the interface... but you still have to enter all names again every time
