Always nice to sneak up on people once and a while I guess
Anyways, it is something I can't really explain well in words, but I will give it a go.
There have been many times over the years I have doubted my faith, but no time more so than when I was in graduate school and dealt for the first time with people outside my sheltered Catholic community bubble. When I was the only religious person in my lab and was mocked, when I showed up on Ash Wednesday to journal club and the professor in charge told me my face was dirty, when a potential employer (as a post doc) informed me he expected me to work on Sundays as it was a better alternative to wasting time in church, etc. Each time the criticism was framed as "how can we take you seriously as a scientist if you believe in this shit". So why have I always returned to a position of faith?
First let me address the science side. As someone who devoted a decade to bench science and now another decade to enabling scientists I would say a good deal of my effort, energy, and time has been in the service of the pursuit of answers. I know that if I work hard and smart enough at determining a proteins function I will get there. Work further and I will figure out the MOA. Work further and I can find the active domains of the protein itself. And so on. The point is that questions yield answers but also more questions and I
know with 100% certainty there is always an answer to find. I guess you could say I have faith the answer exists.
So how does this mesh with belief in what many on here would argue is unanswerable? The answer is simple. It doesn't. Well, at least not in an objective, rational way. That's the thing though, as humans we are at our core irrational beings trying to find relevance and meaning in the world around us. For me I find that meaning in my faith. I find peace there when everything else is falling apart. During the worst times in my life I have had an anchor that keeps me from making destructive choices and in other times a compass that directs me. Others may scoff and say that all these things can be found outside Christianity or faith in general, and they would be right. They
can be found everywhere, but for me I found them in my belief in God and I
know with the same certainty I mentioned above that for me I have found the right choice.
We are all people of faith, whether that be in faith in science, faith in God, or faith in the flying spaghetti monster. None of us know everything. I know feck all about aeronautical engineering, but I get on a planes having faith that the engineers at Boeing (usually
) know what they are doing. It is why I will never understand those who take glee in mocking people of faith who go about their faith quietly or speak with disdain and use terms like "pity" and "sorrow".
Anyways that is my rambling and likely ineffective attempt at putting feelings down on paper (silicon?).