The Book of Mockney, IX, 14-30
And it came to pass that Mockers returned home from school. And Mockney's Dad, blessed be He, said unto him, "Son, I hear from the theme tune to Robot Wars that thou art come home from school; but I see thee not, for thou art invisible to me, as the lost turbot is hidden from its shoal." And Mockney did reply unto Him, saying, "Wha? I'm watching the telly." But Mockney's Dad, blessed be He, was unsatisfied, and He betook Himself into the living-room, and said unto him, "How was thy day? Didst thou strive to follow the words of thy teachers, or did their wisdom fall beside thee like the wasted seed of Onan?" And Mockney did reply unto Him with a sort of ambivalent grunt. And Mockney's Dad, blessed be He and all His progeny, was just about to reply unto him, warning him to stop speaking in the manner of a boar, when He noticed upon his wrist a timepiece of unknown provenance, and He said unto him, "Son, what is that timepiece of unknown provenance that I notice upon thy wrist? Whence did it come, whose is its owner, why dost thou wear it, and wherewithtofore canst thou explain its provenance?" And Mockney replied unto his father, saying, "Dunno I found it no-one's probly dad I'm watching this." And Mockney's Dad, blessed be He and all His progeny, including Mockney, even unto the nth generation, was much vexed by His son's words. And he said unto him, "Son, thou hast stolen this timepiece in defiance of thy Father's teachings. Thou art going to get such a hiding, and wait till thy mother hears of this thou little shit." And so saying, verily He did smite His son about the face and neck with moderate force. And Mockney did clutch his face and shriek unto Him, "feck's sake! It's like the Third fecking Reich round here!" And so saying he did run at haste to his bedroom weeping, though it was not clear even to him whether the salt tears were real or he was sort of making them come that his Father might feel worse. And Mockney's Dad, blessed be He etc. etc., did feel a great pity for his son, that he had but recently smitten. And in His shame, He took a lamb from His flock, which He kept pastured in a very cold box in the kitchen, and put it to fire. And when it was burnt through He did call unto Mockney, saying, "Son, set not thy heart against me, since I smote thee. For I have taken a lamb from my frozen flock and put it to fire, and lo, it doth smoulder pleasantly among potatoes. Come, eat with thy Father, and let us forget our quarrel." And Mockney heard his words, and though he still nursed anger in his heart, and was pretty sure his cheek was still red, verily he could smell the fumes of the lamb, and soon he felt a great hunger. And so he descended to his Father, saying unto him, "You could at least apologise." And they did sup together, and soon his Father began to speak of Leicester away and the injury to Henning Berg, and it became a great struggle for Mockney to stop himself joining in. And in this way they passed the evening.