Dear Kraft Cheese Slices,
I'm writing to complain to you today about the abhorrent conduct of a Mr. Ben Shepherd last night on an internet poll which was rig-rigged-rigged by various sources on the internet, on the website of Sky, a company you often use to advertise your tasty, pro-Manchester United cheese slices - which while being delicious are evidently in conjunction with the Football Association and MUFC in a sort of legion of evil, perpetuated undoubtedly by the sustenance and all-round nutritional value of the delicious cheese slices you advertise on Sky television. I demand immediate justice for Luis Suarez, not only by giving him an advertising deal with your cheese making company (thereby proving he isn't a racist - everyone loves cheese) but also a free life-time supply of said dairy products. In this act, we also want you to boycott completely Sky - MUFC and the Football Association. Also, if you could make sure you want it known at the highest level that Suarez did win the poll, not Nani, then know this, you'll never walk alone.
Free the Suarez one.
Your's truly
An anonymous associate of an unnamed football club.