RAWK Goes Into Lockdown 2017/20-18 Edition | LOLis Karius

[haram]

I find it comical how that lot moan about opposition tactics that park the bus or suffocate their supply line thus not allowing Klopp's only plan to work yet they didn't seem to mind that Benitez often did the same against other sides.

Perhaps they should moan about Klopp having the greatest front 3 of all time yet couldn't set them out to create a real chance. Sounds pretty suspect for the genius and creator of attacking football.

 

[King Kendrick]

If certain alternative league tables are to be believed then they are currently on course to miss out on 4th by 3 points. This does rely on Chelsea beating both them and Spurs at Stamford Bridge though.

"Then Kopites made an idol of Raphael Klopp, and cried out that he was the savior, and by his mighty sword they would come forth from the land. And in the end, they came fifth."

Ah, Plech really made a beautiful post.

 

[haram]

If certain alternative league tables are to be believed then they are currently on course to miss out on 4th by 3 points. This does rely on Chelsea beating both them and Spurs at Stamford Bridge though.

Chelsea are capable of defending and hitting Liverpool on the counter with Giroud as the long option and Hazard and Willian around him. If Liverpool slip up against Watford/Palace they'll feel the heat.

 

[No Idea For Nickname]

Their Spurs thread

Yep pretty standard for English stars to get that treatment, you forgot the classic "Oh that's just Scholesy, can't tackle to save himself hahaha" as he has his boot on someone's knee.

Oh god Scholes' famous "tackles", I'd erased that from my mind. That was just a different level of fawning all together from the media

Thanks for that. Now just remembered his little ginger pecker popping out after one of his challenges.

imagine these winning a European cup, would boil my piss.

Alli would surely fall down the steps

Well I think we can easily win it, and I think Spurs are on our level! They also showed against Juve that they're good, as I said, 160/180 mins they were by far the better team.

Another trophy, the "better team for 120 mins against juve" cup.

Who said its a trophy? This whole 'another trophy' thing is so tedious, up there with calling any club who loses a game 'bottle jobs'.

Its just clear proof that they're good enough to hang with the big clubs, they've progressed massively and deserve credit for how they played.

Spoiler: Spurs Thophy Cabinet

after Juve game

Couldn't have happened to a nicer team...
Bar Son, they are all pretty unlikable, from those that embody the worst about football (Alli) to those who are just devoid of personality (Kane)

Would add Erikson to the list with Son. He doesn't seem as much of a twat as the rest of them.

Eriksen's a liverpool fan. I love him. Not sure who'd he'd replace though given that our forward line is ridiculous.

Could play him as the furthest forward midfield player?

They're the Everton of London.

They wish. They're no where near Everton's history & trophy haul.

At least Everton have the famous Cuckoo Clock Trophy.

Arsenal sang that when they went to Goodison recently didn't they ?

"You're the Spurs of Merseyside"

 

[mav_9me]

Chelsea are capable of defending and hitting Liverpool on the counter with Giroud as the long option and Hazard and Willian around him. If Liverpool slip up against Watford/Palace they'll feel the heat.

The reality though is that Chelsea are not in good form, in a bit of a crisis. Can't see them putting on a run of wins.

 

[No Idea For Nickname]

Sgt Shitcoat's Spawny Tarts Club Gang Thread (Locked)
before our game.

You just know that these c*nts will draw Shaktar/Roma in the next round.

They won’t get to the next round

Sevilla will kick them out, and we'll draw Sevilla.

If de Gea is on, which he probably will be, this could easily be a 0-0.

However, we have Salah.

Mane, mane and bobby firmino.

You know, if we are 3 or 4 nil up in the 90th minute, I'd love it if the players blatantly let Martial score, just to rub salt in the wound.

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/...artial-transfer-after-25th-goal-a7697841.html

That would be fecking hilarious.

A late Antony Martial goal would pose a serious health risk to Martin Tyler though, the strength of his ejaculation launching him backwards with enough velocity to cause structural damage to Old Trafford.

, you had me in stitches Dench. Literally.

Danny Murphy giving Pogba a proper slurpy rim-job on the BBC website today, by way of apologising for being not totally complementary about him recently.

I'm honestly wondering if Pogba can make it all the way to retirement without any pundits admitting that he's just not that good.

'Joining us today is former united legend Paul Pogba'

Souness called him out for not being a good central midfielder just a couple of months ago iirc

Always thought that guy was a quality pundit and a stand-up gent

.

It should be noted though Souness once bought István Kozma to play in midfield. So... there's that

If Mourinho is working for RT, he’s a disgrace. They’re nothing more than state propaganda for Putin.

In his defense he's already a disgrace so it's not that big a deal.

 

[stevoc]

I always say that to my BIL.

Report him to social services mate, i'm sure they're familiar with cases like that.

It leads to behaviour like this in later life.

 

[SteveJ]

It wasn't Carra - it was someone on the grassy knoll

 

[Mockney]

Definitely. Just look at this gem from Paul Tompkins, who completely lost it:

What’s so great about this, is that you know exactly the kind of seething butthurt mindset you’d need to be in to write it. Convincing himself that a loss is a win, in the most flowery overwhrought prose imaginable, with the same righteous self justification as an addict. It’s both so transparently try hard, yet also so pitifully understandable. And all so reliably and consistently ‘Liverpool’...

What’s also great, is that he not only plays the “moral high ground” card for a game where they failed to creat a single chance or even meaningful shot during their supposed 2nd half dominance, but also decides it’s some noble, prideful hill to die on, inadvertently undermining the otherwise reasonable claim to being better entertainment, by proving so horribly bias & emotionally compromised by this rather straightforward game.

I mean, everyone knows the instinct to take solace after a hurtful defeat in some cathartic emotional populist bullshit. But only Liverpool fans manage to turn that phenomena into an art form. A really, really bad artform, given. Al Pacino’s Any Given Sunday speech by way of The Room, kind of art form. The 50 Shades as a ‘terrible online fan fic of the already terrible Twilight’ version of an art form.
They’re the Tracy Emin’s bed of football fans.

 

[SteveJ]

United fans taking the moral high ground over him doing that are hilarious considering they idolise someone for kicking a fan in the head who was giving him stick.

"It's an early shower for you...14-year-old girl."

 

[AlexUTD]

"It's an early shower for you...14-year-old girl."

"I was goaded Gary! i promise!"

 

[Katalinski]

Never forget

Now I see why are the whole generations of scousers so heavily traumatised last 30 years!

 

[Mockney]

"It's an early shower for you...14-year-old girl."

 

[SteveJ]

Never understood the pedestal people put a bit of saliva on.

 

[Zlatan 7]

That young girl was surely looking upto the saliva at some point with him being in a Range Rover.

 

[SteveJ]

Brendan's coming up the hill, lads:

Who's to say that he can't do it again? If he can almost win the league with Flanagan at left back then the man can do anything in terms of getting brilliant performances out of previously unheralded players. Bertrand, Lovren, Can, Lallana, Lambert and Markovic while selling Suarez and Agger. For a mere mortal, that would be a disastrous transfer window, but for Brendan he might just shrug it off and lead us to a trophy or two. And that's probably the worst case scenario, I'm guessing we'll end up with at least one more top attacker than is on that list in an attempt to replace Suarez.

Keep the faith, lads. Remember, there's a golden sky coming. And can't you hear the sweet, silver song of a lark, somewhere in the distance?

 

[SteveJ]

Lostrodamus:

I think this'll be the season a few come of age, Sturridge and Sakho can become world class, Coutinho and Sterling can take that next step up and who knows how good Lallana, Markovic and Henderson will be?

 

[SteveJ]

The aftermath of The Slip:

That evening, after much arguing, binning of 'champions' shirts, seething, mild violence and tears, I went for a walk. Cape still flapping behind me like a kingly robe, kit still snug to my flesh, looking like a Sports Direct Superman

 

[Carolina Red]

The aftermath of The Slip:

Cape

 

[SteveJ]

Another tragicomic blast from the past:

I've seen Luis Suarez in many places, particularly Tesco Allerton, but I once saw Luis in Costa Coffee in the Albert Dock - it was empty so when I stood up we caught each others eye, he held my gaze momentarily and to this day I wish I'd said "we love you Luis". Alas I didn't but he knew.

 

[Fridge chutney]

We should have a greatest of all time RAWK thread.

 

[SteveJ]

Somehow, this is even worse than the quotes above:

Do teams fear Steven Gerrard? You're damned right they do. He's got testicles the size of Jupiter's moons.
Do teams fear Raheem Sterling? If they don't, they are going to get torched.
Do teams fear wee Coutinho? They will, by God, they surely will.
Do teams hear the sound of cossack hooves at the impending approach of Le Czar, and quail? They should.
We go again. Fear ye any who stand in our way. The Reds are coming up that hill with fire in our eyes.
Behold, plastic villains, mancs and bitters, petrol gangsters and prawn-eating dandies, and despair.
We go again. Stand in our way and you will be trampled.
We go again.

 

[SmashedHombre]

Definitely. Just look at this gem from Paul Tompkins, who completely lost it:

The truth is that a team/squad that costs twice as much as Liverpool’s...

Starting teams:

United

De Gea - 18.9 mil
Valencia - 16 mil
Bailly - 30 mil
Smalling - 10 mil
Young - 17 mil
McTominay - Academy
Matic - 40 mil
Rashford - Academy
Sanchez - P/X
Mata - 37.1
Lukaku - 75 mil

Total 244 mil

Liverpool

Karius - 4.7 mil
TAA - Academy?
Lovren - 20 mil
Van Dijk - 75 mil
Robertson - 8 mil
Milner - Free
Can - 10 mil
Oxlade - 35 mil
Mane - 34 mil
Firmino - 29 mil
Salah - 34 mil

Total 249.7

So not quite 'twice as much', when you take 5 seconds to actually look.

 

[SteveJ]

More McGonagall-esque poetry from 2014:

We Go Again

A special season now is done
And sadly there's no title won.
But memories of how we played
Will hold us through these summer days.
One memory for me stands out
Our captain gives a rallying shout.
Emotion strong, he tells his men
We Go Again.

Those words so heartfelt and inspired
Don't change because of what transpired.
For Stevie is a man who leads
Desiring always to succeed.
Pushing himself and those around
To always reach for higher ground.
He bottled it? Go boil your head
Support your ****ing team instead!
As we back ours and know that then
We Go Again.

So Chelsea came and things went wrong
And now they sing that ****ing song
And flood the web with endless memes
Our captain's slip, their bitter dream.
Don't let them take those words from him
As if it's ruined by what they sing.
Don't let them say he fell on his arse
And gave the ball to Demba Ba.
Because though he did, we know he slipped
And from there they were well equipped
To defend their lead, to waste our time,
To keep their deep defensive line.
We know that horrid twist of fate
Was just one game of thirty-eight
As Mourinho spouts his bitter chat.
The Special One? The "Special" ****.
I'll stick with backing Rodgers men.
We Go Again.

I'm proud of reds who backed their team
And lined the streets as they made us dream.
I'm proud of our courage and conviction
As we battered all pre-season predictions.
I'm proud that at 33-1
We oh so nearly had it won.
I'm proud of our captain and proud of his words
And proud I'll remain despite internet nerds
Who hide behind computers and type on their screens
And have no idea what that passion means.
It means that they care, that they'll fight for the club
For those in the ground and for those in the pub.
For those who support us home and away
And even the gloryhunters who turn up in May.
The importance of that passion cannot be diminished
Though our best season for years had a frustrating finish.
You'll see how it matters next season when
We Go Again.

 

[amolbhatia50k]

Definitely. Just look at this gem from Paul Tompkins, who completely lost it:

This is an actual article?

 

[Giggs86]

I hear you. This'll be my first image post.

This should be framed next to the Mona Lisa at the Louvre. One of the most artistic creations of the 21st Century. So many levels to this.

 

[SteveJ]

Liverpool may be Barcelona. But Barcelona will never ever be Liverpool. They may be sexier than us, but they don’t have our lasting beauty.

Milner is proven world - class and Ings is one of the hottest English prospects.

We are not a feeder club. We are not a stepping stone to greater things. We are the arrival point for any player.

Now get benteke and we can go for the title with a front 3 of ings, lambert, benteke

(Suarez joins Barca) Big mistake Luis, the way we are going you have taken a step down.

(Benteke to Liverpool) I see his style similar to that of Brazilian Ronaldo.

(Benteke to Liverpool) Seems like we've got a taller version of Suarez.

 

[SteveJ]

Daniel Sturridge:

He's a deadbeat dad. You rarely see him. You grow to resent him a bit because at times it feels like you'll never see him again. Part of you gets used to life without him. **** him... we don't need him. Then he shows up one day out of the blue. He's armed with a handful of the latest computer games that you wanted. The new Fifa?!? Mum would never buy you that... He's loud and funny and happy... not like mum who's struggling to make things work on her own, without him... Mum's no fun. But deadbeat dad is great. He takes you out to the zoo. He buys you the biggest ice-cream with not one but TWO ****ing flakes in it. He even gets you a baseball hat that's shaped like a monkey's head. He takes a selfie of you both, making monkey noises. Cute. Afterwards he takes you to pizza hut. Mum never takes you there. This is such fun. Everything's amazing again. Even mum seems more enthused by him being around. He drops you home and says he'll see you next week. But he doesn't show... nor the week after... nor the week after that... Mum tries to hold it all together, but there's so much work to do and she could really use another pair of hands... she's losing it. **** sake Dad, where are you? And the resentment grows again. You love him, but he's breaking your ****ing heart.

 

[AR87]

Ings, Lambert and Benteke

 

[haram]

On what planet is Benteke a taller version of Suarez

 

[RedCurry]

400 mil this, 400 million that la.


(Both the goals scored by an academy product)

 

[roonster09]

Definitely. Just look at this gem from Paul Tompkins, who completely lost it:

He is a journalist.

IIRC some liverpool and City fans used his methods to calculate inflation in which Rio cost more than any CB out there.

Also couldn't have been more wrong about squad costs. Teams that played on saturday cost nearly same and overall squad cost is also not double, more like 100 million more.

 

[tenpoless]

Bentekesaurus similar to the Brazilian Ronaldo

 

[montpelier]

qatar for carra?

Quite a bit, judging from the video.

 

[JohnnyKills]

This should be framed next to the Mona Lisa at the Louvre. One of the most artistic creations of the 21st Century. So many levels to this.

I need a new one of those. Finally feel like I've run out of things to see.

Is there a gif of their fans when Rashford scored on Saturday?

 

[montpelier]

As good as De Gea is - would he fit into our style of play?

the alleged difficulty is that DDG gets lots of protection

 

[Barnslig]

On what planet is Benteke a taller version of Suarez

Or play in any way similar to Brazilian Ronaldo

 

[montpelier]

I was reading the Amazon promotion extract of that book by Tompkins' mate when it got flagged up earlier.

Apparently, Roy Evans had the choice of going after Ronaldo when he was at PSV but opted for Stan Collymore instead.

 

[12OunceEpilogue]

Ings, Lambert and Benteke

On what planet is Benteke a taller version of Suarez

Oh God

Also the Tomkins article is a thing of beauty.

Right now though, we need to talk about De Gea:

As good as De Gea is - would he fit into our style of play? He is seriously protected by the way they play.

Bold claim, surely, considering our defenders are all shite?

I wouldn't say De Gea is overprotected at United, they've conceded the 13th most shots on target in the league at 11.8 per game, we've the second best record in the league at 7.6 per game.

United have conceded nearly 14-goals fewer than their xGA thanks to him.

I would say he doesn't command his area very well and stays on his line as much as possible which probably wouldn't suit us.

So the 'seriously protected' claim is in fact complete horseshit but now he isn't good enough for Liverpool because, if you'll recall, since Rodgers Liverpool prefer to field '11 footballers rather than 10 footballers and a keeper'.

De Gea is an incredible shot stopper. I would not be surprised if he has single handedly got them more points than any other keeper in the league with his saves.
He almost got to Bailly's OG. He got a hand to it.

Interesting.

There is no denying his ability as a shot stopper. Would he suit our player. Would he come rushing out as a sweeper. Can he distribute with his feet? If the answer is No, then I do not believe he suits out style of play and he would be exposed and concede a lot more. In other words, we would make him look worse than he actually is.

But we're back to De Gea not quite being that eleventh footballer they're looking for. However in true broken clock fashion the truth emerges.

It would be wrong to say De Gea doesn't have parts of his game he could improve but the way they have to pick fault with all things United when their two keepers couldn't lace De Gea's boots takes the cake.

 

[haram]

Interesting, I don’t think I have ever seen De Gea rush out of his box in all his years here.

De Gea is perfectly capable with his feet though.