I have a lot of respect for the members of the black community who are actively trying to influence and change the lives of those living in these deprived and crime ridden areas, but the problems they're facing cannot be resolved just by their efforts alone. When I said people need to start with themselves, I meant just that. And the idea that families staying together has a huge effect on people growing up isn't delusional, as you put it, I tell it from my personal experience and it doesn't just apply to black people, it's the same thing everywhere, no matter your race, nationality or background. I should be responsible for my own life, for my children, for my family, nobody else. It's great that there are active members of the community who offer help and assistance but unless I teach my kids by my own example and take responsibility for myself and my family, I can't expect any real positive changes. It's quite popular in America to blame schools for failing kids, especially from poor neighbourhoods but for my money, the problem starts at home. There's a reason kids who go to the same school end up in a different situations afterwards, and more often than not, it's their situation at home that either leads them to becoming a valued member of society or makes them stray onto a wrong path. There are exceptions, of course, but they only prove the rule.
Secondly, I never said that gang culture, poverty, drug dealing and violence is a ‘black thing’, like it only exists in black neighborhoods. That's what I hate the most, it's when people misquote others just so they could make their point more emphatically. Nice try, though.
Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks lived in a very different time in a very different country. They could only dream of the opportunities black people have now, despite all the racism, whether systemic or individual, it's incomparable to what it was like 50-60 years ago. It's fine to criticize modern America for everything that's wrong with it, including racial issues, but you can't honestly tell me there wasn't a huge progress made in the last few decades. People may feel it's nowhere near enough, and rightly so but that's a different argument.
My initial post was made to bring attention to the fact that due to the outrage aimed at police for killing another black man people en masse jump on the 'blame the system' wagon and it's easy to follow the well-beaten path either through fear of otherwise being called a racist or due to simply wanting to blend in and look 'liberal and progressive'. All the issues you've mentioned, including criminalization, mortgage and employment discrimination etc, are real and it should be rectified, no one argues that. But I stand by my opinion that the real change starts at home, and that applies to every nation or race.