redknight - a forgotten man, a forgotten profession from a forgotten era. or so he should be. redknight is a 47 year old man who lives at home with his mother and fifteen cats. by day he whittles away the hours playing world of warcraft. his character, redknight. by night, he whittles away the hours playing world of warcraft. his character, redknight. then the weekend arrives. redknight dons his suit of armour and goes and re-enacts various glorious and bloody battles from history in the woods near his house with his best mate kevin. the battle of hastings being his person favourite since he gets to poke kevin in the eye with his fleshy arrow. the only thing that breaks the illusion of redknight being a mighty warrior is his small frame, terrible acne and lisp but kevin assures him the girl's go crazy for that. they like nothing better than a 47 year old virgin who still lives with his mum and re-enacts battles on the weekend. redknight. the knight with an acne riddled red face.
poster origins
- Thread starter rimaldo
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Genius thread.edit: I have a feeling i should have stayed out of it mind.
solvista – mexican in origin. roughly translates into english as “one who lays with goat” and solvista is just that. a small time goat herder exiled to spain for violating livestock. he’s made a new life for himself in espana. a life away from the calls of "goat fecker" as he walks down the street. a life away from the frigid goats of the english dales and into the open arms of the slutty balearic ones. it had all been going swimmingly for sol as he frolicked with his hairy concubines. his misdemeanours have brought him trouble with the spanish policia in recent times though. it all culminated in a recent stretch inside for interfering with a kid.
Goat fecker!!!!
Well, they grow on trees around here. I only take the windfall ones though.
*Insert witty phrase to somehow hint at the fact that I'd like one too without being too up front about it.*
Everyone molests animals?
Only when you're watching Girish, we're just trying to make you like us.
*Insert witty phrase to somehow hint at the fact that I'd like one too without being too up front about it.*
me!!
It's true, I only signed on here to wait for Espada to die, then make sexy-time with his corpse.
I'd love one old son 
i'll do my best to type up those that have been requested. maybe now. maybe not.
Just do me first and get it over with while you're still on a run.
The more I sit and read this thread, the funnier it gets.
weastedevil - a gentleman exiled to spain from weaste? a gentleman who supports united? all makes sense yes? there's nothing else to see here? you're wrong. weastedevil is actually a typo which we'll come to later. weaste is the lesser known and less fortunate brother of james dyson. they both set out with vacuums in their hearts and a joint vision for the world of cleanliness. this all changed when weaste decided he had a different path to take to impress lonely housewives with his new invention. the wastedevil. it would rotate the opposite way to dyson's hoover. this was key to weaste as apparently jizz was less noticeable when whirling round at hundreds of miles an hour clockwise than it was anti-clockwise. john just didn’t think this to be a key selling point as most prefer a vacuum to clean a dirty floor. not fellate a horny teenager. as was explained in the release brochure listing the various plus points of dyson’s breakthrough vacuum. the shame of this drove weaste to despair. he emigrated to spain and has since become a total recluse. the only glimpse you will get of this failed inventor nowadays is the odd flash of light as he takes his latest dirty photo to look at whilst he is being sucked off by his failed wastedevil.
done.
jveezy - a failed columbian butler who never quite graduated from butler school. the will to succeed was in his heart but the brain to succeed in any profession was lacking for poor jveezy was strangled at birth. not by his umbilical cord no, but by his father. jveezy was born into a rich white family in california. his dad was so excited to have a son and couldn't wait for him to arrive. as the head crowned his eyes lit up with wonder, joy and amazement. this soon turned to shock as a strangely brown, gooey lump with three arms and one eye emerged for the shrubbery woodland of his wife's nether regions. rage built up inside him and the facially challenged boy was strangled to with an inch of his life before his father set off in his car to confront the columbian gardener who had been spending a strange amount of time gardening in the varying rooms of the house with his wife who had suddenly developed a massive interest in botanics. jveevzy was a kind hearted soul even though he was in all honesty as thick as two short planks. he applied to butler school as a tender 18 year old as he enjoyed pleasuring older men but was turned down due to his horrible learning disabilities. he spelt jeeves, jveevzy on his application form. he never even made it to an interview.
This is quality
the red baron - german of descent, german in the sack. the red baron is the hottest gay porn star this side of the rhine. born in frankfurt it was inevitable that the red baron would grow up to like nothing more than a hot sausage or two. although not well endowed in size in any way, shape or form it was the red baron who coined the phrase "could suck a golf ball through a hose" and this is what shot him to stardom. his uncle adolf was the first to spot his undoubted talents when the red baron was just 6. soon videos appeared of his acts and works all over the internet. he was a star in the making. when the time was right he was thrown into top shelf magazine shoots and the world of straight to dvd productions. his early works included “the red baron shoots all over hms (hairy male sluts)” and “spitfire? well i swallow cum” the red baron. german porn legend. loose anus.
Me too please please please
How the feck do you think these up?
Legendary stuff Rimmy, thread of the year so far for me.
marchi-91 - a lazy mexican musician, too lazy to form an actual group and too lazy to spell the word mariachi correctly. stereotypes are usually wide of the mark and deeply offensive. the lazy mexican hat fits marchi-91's head perfectly. just like his sombrero. not a great fan of the taco, marchi is more of a burrito man. a 6” meaty pipe seems a far more interesting proposition to marchi than a flat taco. born in tampico ,marchi soon discovered he had no musical talent whatsoever but he so loved listening to the mariachi and longed to be one. he grew tired of being unable to make the trumpet sound no matter how hard he blew. that soon changed when he met guillermo. a few hours of teaching a day and marchi could blow like no other but still failed to get a band together. he is just too sleepy.
How the feck do you think these up?
just think of the first thing that comes into my head when i either think of the poster or read the username and just work from there. depends on if their name looks like another word or where there from etc.
Legendary stuff Rimmy, thread of the year so far for me.
that is high praise indeed. thanks nomers.
I'm scared to ask...
the law of denis - like sarah's law, only the complete opposite. where sarah's law wishes to control paedophiles and monitor their movements closely, the law of denis wishes for laws on paedophiles to be relaxed. absolutely entirely in fact. he sees nothing wrong between the love shared by a man and a small child. why the ancient greeks sweared by it. well the boys normally did during it anyway. the law of denis states as its main party line “no man should ever want for that, that is the warmth of a child that layeth next to them” the frontrunner behind this movement and this redcafe poster is believed to have this tattooed about his person. some say alongside one claiming “warming – risk of choking on small parts. all children should be supervised whilst playing” on his midriff with an arrow pointing towards his crotch. the law of denis. in this age of free speech for all some should still be denied it.
Me please, if you can
There are some big Caf personalities missing from this thread Rim.
Great thread Grandson!!have just been doing them of the people who posted in the thread so far. if you can think of anyone to add let us know and i'll do what i can. bob is next i think then i'm nearly up to date.
Good work rim, only noticed it now
mockneyrevil - this makes no sense right? that's because it doesn't. it's an anagram. it's supposed to read "never lick my o" a staunch conservative mockneyrevil has devoted many years of his life to proving that gays are evil and should not be tolerated and should have no rights whatsoever. They should be locked up away from the good, “normal,” righteous people. he claims homosexuality to be a lie, a way of getting back at daddy or gaining attention. it's immoral and against the good lord. some say he actually once had sex with a man and really rather enjoyed it but has his heart broken and ever since has cursed the love of a man. some say his dad left his mum for another man when he was just 6. other’s just think he needs to experience the love between to men to understand it. everyone thinks it’s the first one. mockneyrevil. don’t you dare try to lick his o.
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