EDIT - Not real, folks. He isn't really leaving.
Breaking News. We go live to Old Trafford, where David Moyes is set to announce that he is resigning as manager of Manchester United. It appears that they've set up a stage with some performance lights and smoke machines. Wait... does anyone else hear music...?
Dun-dun-dun-duhduh-dun...
Dun-dun-dun-duhduh-dun...
Yo, MUFC, Let's kick it!
Nice, nice Davy.
Nice, nice Davy.
All right stop, capitulate, no vision,
Moysie here on a terrorist mission.
Just when you think we start to play brightly,
I'll change the line up, next time play shitely.
Would it ever stop? Yo - I don't know,
It's not Sir Alex would tell me to go!
To the extreme, I make us cross like Dracula,
Went from fun to boring like I flipped it with a spatula.
Ashley, down the wing and then BOOM!
Don't look up as you smash the ball across the room.
Deadly, with Juan or Shinji in the centre,
But I think that Rooney can do better.
Love me or hate me, you better calm down,
Because I'm here until we turn it around.
If there is a problem, yo I'll solve it,
With tactics so static you'll think the team is on Prozac.
Nice, nice Davy.
Nice, nice Davy.
Now that Fellaini is jumping,
With his elbow sticking out, Zabaleta's face hurting.
Against Ribery, cannot pass? Don't matter,
Just run the ball out, piss ourselves with laughter.
Lack of pace? Need someone quick and nimble.
The solution's Cleverley? Yeah man, it's that simple.
As he's warming up, to my words he listens;
'I want you to run around like a headless chicken'.
Take heed, cause I'm a tactical genius,
Your faith as a fan was my only weakness.
I hoped to surprise all you haters next season.
And get Osman on deadline day at a premium.
But, this morning the Glazers called me into a meeting,
They told me exactly how they were feeling.
My tactics, like T-Rex, are prehistoric,
So Klopp's coming in, and he's gonna evolve it.
Yo man, I'm out of here. Word to your mother!