It landed on time. Fog drifting across the runway like a prime George Best, effortless and with the faint odor of gasoline. Inside the plane began the stirring of some passengers as they readied for arrival. Two seats, however, remained in use for several minutes after the final stewardess had fixed her skirt and thanked Snowjoe for his routine servicing...
"Sigh," she sighed.
"Thees weather ees mucho coldio."
Frenkie also sighed, but with more sighness. "
We're not in Spain anymore, Mikky. Speak Englishings." He removed the prop moustache he had culturally appropriated from Catalonia and switched it for his backup bucket hat. There was no doubt that Ryanair would have sent the suitcase with the primary one to Karachi or the Moon by mistake.
Mikky gave Frenkie a sad face like you would see from a cat or duck or something before you smashed it's face in with one of your dad's golf clubs.
"Why did we come here, Frenkie? London has dickhead cyclists that we could clip with our Range Rover on days out, and they have at least one restaurant that's good. Manchester hasn't been relevant since Whiplash."
"First off; James also brought out a little album called 'Pleased to Meet You' years after Whiplash so you're just plain wrong. Secondly..." Frenkie raised his hand to stop Mikky talking back, like he had learned from Centrist and critical thinker Andrew Tate.
He ruffled under his chair for his shotgun and night vision goggles.
"Ninja Cyborg Badgers. They've followed us. Get behind me Mikky!"
@rimaldo take the wheel.
“shtop trying to make ‘ninja cyborg badgers’ a thing. no one will say it, you’ve got more chance of barcelona paying you what you’re owed.”
“that’s right, it’s us, the lethal weapons!” exclaimed murtough and rich in a disjointed unison which only hinted at their incompetence.
“i’m just three days from retirement,” said murtough as the elastic on his tracksuit bottoms finally gaveway, exposing his marvel superhero y-fronts. rich shuffled through a stack of creased papers, “now, franky baby, i’m sure you’re wondering exactly what these two definitely the right men for the job are doing here, along with this very professional looking dossier? well it’s no coincidence. we are manchester united and these are a printout of scouting reports that murtough got on his fm 16 save and before you sign for your new club, we want to convince you to come to manchester united instead.”
“but i’m already here to…” rich placed a finger on frenkie’s lips in a shushing motion. the only sound now was murtough fighting to get his trousers to stay up.
“hear us out. we think you will be a perfect fit in our midfield with casio and sony ericsson.”
“another shrewd sponsorship-cum-player deal from the absolute maestros” murtough interjected; missing a fist bump with rich.
“i know, that’s why i’m…”
“shush now, let me speak.” the only sound to be heard now was mikky rifling through the duty free trolley and buying all the perfume so she didn’t have to smell the porcelain faced wenches that would greet them as they made their way through border control.
“how much are they paying you? we’ll double it!” murtough shouted before returning his attention to the mustard stain on his t-shirt.
“but it is you who are..”
“christ, man! we’re busy people, we don’t have time for this. rich is up to level 5 on candy crush and i’m about to get sacked from the aldermaston job if i lose the crunch match against slough town this weekend on fm. i’ve lived every manager’s dream, starting out at the top with manchester united, and ending up in non-league football.”
“it’s what we all dreamed of as kids,” said rich as he wiped a tear from his cheek.
“it’s 350,000 a week, but in accordance with british press tradition, it will go up 50,000 with every bad performance.”
“like i said, we’ll double it, so that makes………..carry the three………. how does……………. 575,000 sound?” said murtough as he counted his fingers and toes.
“just take the money and we go!” shouted mikky, as the rain somehow pelted her whilst inside the plane.
“huzzah; another victory!” exclaimed murtough. “we need to run or we’ll miss our connecting flight to frankfurt. murtough has found and up and coming goalkeeper on his fm save, keith traps, and we need to snatch him up.”