Bastian Schweinsteiger

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shit bump after he signed a new contract, colin you fecking twat.
 
Plechazunga said:
Take it away, Mockers...



A darkened bedroom, lit be the lone glare of a laptop.

The sun is out, this flaming June
The gloomy clouds have gone,
But I’m up here, shut in my room
With my computer on;
You call upstairs, “Let’s go outside!”
But I’m quite deaf to you:
The transfer window's open wide,
So what's, a, boy, to, do?......

Speculate
We can only sit and speculate,
Each ten seconds click and check the state
Of the Trans-fer Round-up Paaage...
Regulate
Our emotions we can’t regulate!
Half the day we seem to vegetate,
Then just escalate, to sudden raaage -

“Gimme Sneijder, gimme Neuer
Gimme a midfield destroyer!”
“Gimme Sanchez, gimme Cesc
Modric, right now, on my desk!”

But don’t be fooled by my roving eye -
My heart is moved by just, one, guy...

Oh –

Schweini,
I'm dreamin' of you, Schweini,
Don't mean to sound too, whiny,
But, blimey, you’re what we need:
Your just the kind of Ubermensch I wish the Gaffer went for,
The Fatherland is rather bland, unlike the Trafford Centre,
With us you’d conquer England, like the old Lutfwaffe meant to,
So come and anchor our midfield!

(INSTRUMENTAL, during which the bedroom turns into a Hall of Mirrors, between which move a Chorus of newspaper reporters, agents, and penises in different football kits. A cock in a Chelsea shirt engages Plech in conversation:

COCK: Hey Plech, you still stalkin’ that Kraut?
PLECH: You betcha, Gretchen!
COCK: I don’t blame ya: he’s a Teu-tonic for all ailments!
PLECH: Hey! Keep yer doity Hans off of him, else I’m Gunther knock you down like a Klaus-line in a Gustav wind!
COCK: Easy, tiger!
PLECH: Did someone say ’steiger?!?!
COCK: Gee, fella’s got Schweinsteiger on the brain! Whadya say, doc? Case of Germanic Depression?
PASSING DOCTOR: More like Schweini Fever, if you ask me.
COCK: It’s a shame...he usta be such a Bastian of saniddy!
DOCTOR: Ouch!
PLECH: Gesundheit!)

- Spaculate
That’s what they call it when we f@p-till-late,
We can enter an enraptured state
Over any quote we’ve seen,
Immac-u-late-
-ly researched or plain inacc-u-rate,
Chances are we’ll still ejaculate
On the glaring, glowing screen -

“Wanna star, not Leon Osman!
Wanna legend, on a Bosman!”
“Wanna swap? - Don't even go there,
Berbatov ain't goin' nowhere!”

Yet I’ve got eyes for just one Aryan -
A big, blond, lantern-jawed Bavarian...

Schweini,
I'm dreamin' of you, Schweini,
My scheme of a new, shiny
Future depends on you!
You stand out in midfield like you'd stand out in Soweto,
You crush opponents like your granddad crushed the Warsaw Ghetto,
We won't swap you for Sneijder, even if they throw in Eto'o,
Forget-o, your debt-o, to mean old Ger-man-y,
Get up that old M-6, and join the elect,
So we can hold our dicks, forever erect,
And turn our Spec, -u, -lation
Into, Ec-, sta-, syyyyyyyyyy!
Click to expand...


:lol: simply brilliant.
 
I was excited when I saw this thread bumped
Can we get some fake news stories or "ITK" twitter leads to get the ball rolling on signing this guy please
 
I don't understand how anyone can think Schwien has a chance of going anywhere. He's like our Giggs/Scholes to Bayern Munich.
 
Plechazunga said:
Take it away, Mockers...



A darkened bedroom, lit by the lone glare of a laptop.

The sun is out, this flaming June
The gloomy clouds have gone,
But I’m up here, shut in my room
With my computer on;
You call upstairs, “Let’s go outside!”
But I’m quite deaf to you:
The transfer window's open wide,
So what's, a, boy, to, do?......

Speculate
We can only sit and speculate,
Each ten seconds click and check the state
Of the Trans-fer Round-up Paaage...
Regulate
Our emotions we can’t regulate!
Half the day we seem to vegetate,
Then just escalate, to sudden raaage -

“Gimme Sneijder, gimme Neuer
Gimme a midfield destroyer!”
“Gimme Sanchez, gimme Cesc
Modric, right now, on my desk!”

But don’t be fooled by my roving eye -
My heart is moved by just, one, guy...

Oh –

Schweini,
I'm dreamin' of you, Schweini,
Don't mean to sound too, whiny,
But, blimey, you’re what we need:
Your just the kind of Ubermensch I wish the Gaffer went for,
The Fatherland is rather bland, unlike the Trafford Centre,
With us you’d conquer England, like the old Lutfwaffe meant to,
So come and anchor our midfield!

(INSTRUMENTAL, during which the bedroom turns into a Hall of Mirrors, between which move a Chorus of newspaper reporters, agents, and penises in different football kits. A cock in a Chelsea shirt engages Plech in conversation:

COCK: Hey Plech, you still stalkin’ that Kraut?
PLECH: You betcha, Gretchen!
COCK: I don’t blame ya: he’s a Teu-tonic for all ailments!
PLECH: Hey! Keep yer doity Hans off of him, else I’m Gunther knock you down like a Klaus-line in a Gustav wind!
COCK: Easy, tiger!
PLECH: Did someone say ’steiger?!?!
COCK: Gee, fella’s got Schweinsteiger on the brain! Whadya say, doc? Case of Germanic Depression?
PASSING DOCTOR: More like Schweini Fever, if you ask me.
COCK: It’s a shame...he usta be such a Bastian of saniddy!
DOCTOR: Ouch!
PLECH: Gesundheit!)

- Spaculate
That’s what they call it when we f@p-till-late,
We can enter an enraptured state
Over any quote we’ve seen,
Immac-u-late-
-ly researched or plain inacc-u-rate,
Chances are we’ll still ejaculate
On the glaring, glowing screen -

“Wanna star, not Leon Osman!
Wanna legend, on a Bosman!”
“Wanna swap? - Don't even go there,
Berbatov ain't goin' nowhere!”

Yet I’ve got eyes for just one Aryan -
A big, blond, lantern-jawed Bavarian...

Schweini,
I'm dreamin' of you, Schweini,
My scheme of a new, shiny
Future depends on you!
You stand out in midfield like you'd stand out in Soweto,
You crush opponents like your granddad crushed the Warsaw Ghetto,
We won't swap you for Sneijder, even if they throw in Eto'o,
Forget-o, your debt-o, to mean old Ger-man-y,
Get up that old M-6, and join the elect,
So we can hold our dicks, forever erect,
And turn our Spec, -u, -lation
Into, Ec-, sta-, syyyyyyyyyy!
Click to expand...


says video is private ffs
 
To be fair, there is real cause for concern this summer, what with us getting absolutely nowhere near winning the Champions League last year and being fairly off the pace in the league. These ridiculously hysterical reactions are warranted.

I'm surprised we stayed up, in all honesty.
 
KingEric7 said:
To be fair, there is real cause for concern this summer, what with us getting absolutely nowhere near winning the Champions League last year and being fairly off the pace in the league. These ridiculously hysterical reactions are warranted.

I'm surprised we stayed up, in all honesty.
Click to expand...

Yep you definitely left your humour at the entrance.

Lighten up fella.
 
Before the muppets start crying & throwing insults all over the place, I heard this on the 8.30am Talkshite bulletin, but it was not included in the main bulletin at 9.00am, so it was probably a mistake or something. No one else has reported it either so take it how you like.

United were reported to have made a bid of £30M for Schweiny.

That's what I heard at 8.30, but no mention at 9.00...

Ducks for cover...:nervous:
 
Lad outside Carrington on SSN just mentioned him alongside Nasri, Sneijder + Modric. So it appears his name has entered the fray. Tentatively at best because Bayern will never sell.

He's exactly what we need however, but I don't think he'll fill the creative void. He'd just give us some much needed bollocks.

Idealistically, acquiring Bastian and one of the others would be best, imagine, muppets thus;

--Carrick--------Schweinsteiger
-----------Sneidjer------------

With Fletcher and Anderson as cover.
 
Actually, If i'm going into full muppet mode then I'm fecking going for it;

Banega-----------Schweinsteiger
---------Sneijder---------------

We'd smash Barca, we'd smash the four legged Mololoionans of the Planet C-31S in the Sirius Star System who famously beat the 12 foot high Korlocks of the Planet Korlock B, 12 nil.
 
We don't need Swiney and Schneider. Just the former. People seem to have trouble going on the belief that Rooney can happily play in the hole, and with Schweinsteiger and Carrick behind him it'd work great.

But yeah, we'll never get him anyway.
 
For when we do need a 2 man midfield;

Valencia-Schweinsteiger-Sneijder-Nani
----------Rooney--Hernandez--

For when we need a 3 man midfield;
---------Carrick--Schweinsteiger
Valencia----Sneijder-----------Nani
-------------Rooney-----------------

Go on Gill, get it sorted.
 
Colin129 said:
Before the muppets start crying & throwing insults all over the place, I heard this on the 8.30am Talkshite bulletin, but it was not included in the main bulletin at 9.00am, so it was probably a mistake or something. No one else has reported it either so take it how you like.

United were reported to have made a bid of £30M for Schweiny.

That's what I heard at 8.30, but no mention at 9.00...

Ducks for cover...:nervous:
Click to expand...

fapityfap
 
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