I refer you to my post on this thread (No 4851);
Breaking News;
Ramon Calderon, the controversial and embattled President of Spanish giants Real Madrid, has let it be known through local daily 'Marca' that after protracted behind-the-scenes negotiations the club are set to announce the successful acquisition of well-known cosmological football-phenomenon God, in a deal said to be worth almost two fifths of global GDP. Questioned as to how the money would be raised, Calderon replied that he had, through the good offices of Spain's Ministro de Asuntos Exteriores, Miguel Angel Moratinos, persuaded The Papal Nuncio to make representations to Pope Benedict XVI explaining that only by successfully landing God at The Bernabau might the souls of all practicing-footballers be certain of salvation. 'If Real Madrid fail to win the Champion's League next season' explained Calderon, 'there is a real danger that many souls will be lost to The (Red) Devils.'
Coach Bernd Schuster has apparrently been made aware of God's special requirements, including training in the art of controlling his temper, which has in the past led to entire nations being smitten, causing great wailing and gnashing of teeth, purely because he wasn't awarded exclusive rights to his own image by Jewish first-division side 'The Idolators'.
Calderon went on to say 'I've spoken to the kid, and he told me he has always supported Madrid, and on many occasions has used his influence to shield the club from evil spirits, particularly those from the diabolical region known as Govan. Hopefully this will put an end to all the snide rumours and unhelpful gossip calling for my resignation.'
Ends