101 Uses for Emmanuel Eboue

[BazzaBear]

30. Giant yoyo. Tie a bit of string round his waist, throw him off a high building, and watch him 'walk the dog', and all the other tricks I can't remember the name of.

Yes he does. He actually gets faster 'mid roll'.

He defies all laws of physics.

Eboue.

He doesn't defy the laws of physics, I think you'll find that Eboue is such a pro-roller that he manages to impart spin to himself, in much the same manner as a snooker player putting top-spin on a shot.

 

[noodlehair]

31. An Astronaut

I don't think any further explaining is required

 

[Elliott]

32. lower-level fullback

 

[fredthered]

33 An old fashioned music machine.

Get him to stick his arms and legs out and as they hit Ronaldos teeth he can play "waltzing matilda"

 

[fredthered]

34 Stick a broom up his arse and you have an instant paint roller...

 

[fredthered]

35 Cant give up smoking ? Try the Eboue hypnosis machine. Keep your eyes on the Arsenal badge and repeat to yourself "I hate fags".

Job done...

 

[fredthered]

36 WHolegrain flour anyone ? Place your Eboue on a circle of concrete. Tie his feet to a pole in the middle. Place the wheat on the conrete and lo and behold. 20 minutes later perfectly ground flour.

 

[fredthered]

37 Ten pin bowling. Become an olympic gold medallist with Eboue ball. Unlike the Henry model it never misses a strike....

 

[Stick]

38. Crop circle maker. Tired of spending those endless hours stamping down corn. Simply thether eboue to a post and watch the crop circles grow.

 

[Dumbstar]

39. Prototype rolling barrel (one of many) in the forthcoming Mario vs Kong movie.

 

[fredthered]

40 Dual drill attachment. On one side fluffy matting ( hair) to polish and shine, the other end is rough ( studs) for removing rust and sanding down...

 

[Stick]

40 Dual drill attachment. On one side fluffy matting ( hair) to polish and shine, the other end is rough ( studs) for removing rust and sanding down...

Sorry this could sound racist but you could label the brand a "black and hit the decker"!! Sorry!!

 

[fredthered]

41 Got a carpet that needs lifting. Just tape to the Eboue and let him loose. 10 seconds later perfectly rolled carpet, and just move to desired location, then let go and it rolls itself back out again...

 

[fredthered]

Sorry this could sound racist but you could label the brand a "black and hit the decker"!! Sorry!!

Brilliant...

( I would use the smileys but mine arent working for some reason).

Thats superb though...

 

[Stick]

Brilliant...

( I would use the smileys but mine arent working for some reason).

Thats superb though...

I bet ye I get banned for it though....I couldnt resist!!

 

[Dumbstar]

42 - Deep-excavation oil drill. Put him on his head and watch him go down under. Note: tie rope to feet to pull out before he ends up in China.

 

[Stick]

43. Tsunami defence mechanism. Simply release eboue into the ocean facing the oncoming tsunami and watch as the awesome power of his roll quashes the tidal wave.

 

[RedCanuck]

44 - Sewer cleaner.
Kind of like a big swab.

 

[FlawlessThaw]

45- Human Woodstain cleaner- Tired of all the woodstains going out? Just get Eboue to roll about and clean it all off. It does exactly what it says on the tin.

 

[Giggsy PO]

46. main driving axle

 

[Rona1do]

47. U.S.O.

Unidentified Spinning Object. A new fad begins....

 

[Plechazunga]

This is a brilliant thread. Well done me for suggesting it to Noodle.

48. Jacuzzi

Stick Eboue in the bath and watch those bubbles go!

 

[roonaldinho]

49. Fitness Instrument

Want to keep fit?

Try and chase down this rolling Eboue! We guarantee you won't stop him.

 

[green demon]

50. Government Health Warning. Advising children what would happen if they drink alcohol or take drugs.

 

[Plechazunga]

51 Retro Arcade Game

Stare at it long enough and it stops rolling, and the yellow bit looks like Pac Man, eating a pair of legs

 

[Dumbstar]

52 - Politically correct tumbleweed in Spike Lee movies

 

[roonaldinho]

53. Dangerous Weapon

Attach Knifes, bats, whatever you want, this Eboue is more useful than a Swiss Army Knife, attach what you require and throw him at your mates.

 

[green demon]

53. Dangerous Weapon

Attach Knifes, bats, whatever you want, this Eboue is more useful than a Swiss Army Knife, attach what you require and throw him at your mates.

What nice mates you must have.

 

[manifique]

107 Pitch/paint markings tester....


Find out if the paint is dry by watching his judo rolling then checking his shirt to see if the paint is dry.

 

[Stick]

52 - Politically correct tumbleweed in Spike Lee movies

 

[Stick]

53. Chimney sweep.

CHIM CHIMENEY CHIM CHIMENEY CHIM CHIM CHEYROU

No one cleans chimneys like Manni Ebou........................e

 

[Plechazunga]

54. Carwash

Attach bristles to the Eboue by ramming porcupines into him, then foam up your car and run him over

 

[cesc's_mullet]

32. lower-level fullback

Funny how he's surpassed Neville as the quality RB of the EPL, along with Chimbonda. But don't just take my word for it mate, go ask the experts, they all seem to agree.

54- As a top quality Right Back. Oh wait, he is.

52 - Politically correct tumbleweed in Spike Lee movies

PS: That rolling was over the top.

 

[Plechazunga]

Moving on from Cesc's spastic and innumerate outburst...

55. Minesweeper

Roll him at mines...if he survives, you know where to follow, if he doesn't, you know where the mines are, and as a bonus get to watch him explode

 

[manifique]

56. Epilectic training video for St Johns ambulance


See how potential new recruits would cope with calming down potential victims

 

[roonaldinho]

Thread for the classics? maybe.

57. Target practice for soldiers.

See if todays recruits can target and destroy the master Ebouedodger.

 

[Big Andy]

58. Environenmentally Friendly Tumble Dryer

Stick Eboue into the ground, feet first, and hang all your laundry on his arms, then pretend to kick him, and watch him spin and spin, and dry your clothes quickly and without damaging the environment.

 

[Plechazunga]

Classics when we reach 101, I think roon

59. Anti-Racist Shock Therapy

See if, by rolling a black man at racists at hight speed, you can shock them out of their prejudices

 

[Big Andy]

60. Expendable Commando

Drop him from a plane, watch him parachute behind enemy lines, and upon landing, begin his perpetual rolling towards enemy strongpoints, severely injuring enemy soldiers along the way.

 

[SmashedHombre]

61. Decoy

Surrounded by bears? Pop out your rolling Eboue and watch him roll off! his erratci movements and chirlish screams will cause the bears to chase after him, allowing you to escape as he is quickly ripped to pieces