Weird feelings of football

Crystal Palace have a team of black wingers and some guy who looks like Dan Blizerian at the back

Chelsea havent had an english player since Frank Lampard signed

The grass at Wembley is longer than any other pitch

Ronaldinho never played against us

There is no video footage of our 1999 european cup campaign bar juventus away and the final

At one stage in the early 90s, every lower league premier league team had a player called Sinclair in the team

Its always dark when we play at stanford bridge

Antonio Valencia has never spoken to any member of our team
 
Dortmund have never won the Champions League/European Cup.

Big and tall players are slow unless they're black.

All black players are fast but have poor technique.

All South American players grew up dirt poor in the favelas.

All English players and managers are thick.

All Asian players have great stamina and work ethic.

It is always snowing in the Russian league.

Every team has atleast one Brazilian.

Arsenal have a new young talent every year that are touted as the next big thing only to completely disappear off the face of the earth in two seasons.

Italy can win the world cup even with average players.

Brazilian players start declining after 27 years old.
 
- You can generally tell how good/shite any young British player will be purely by how cool/boring sounding their name is.
- Aston Villa are on Sky nearly every week despite the fact nothing interesting has ever happened to them, and if they were suddenly erased from existence no one would even notice.
- West Brom never get relegated despite the fact they never win any league game, against anyone. Ever.
- Sam Allardyce is still West Ham manager
- No one really understands what a foul throw is
- Anytime anyone is revealed to currently or have at some point played for, managed, been employed by, or supported West Ham, I immediately presume that they're an idiot.
- Sunderland and Southampton are twin clubs formed at either end of the country where living conditions are harsh, in order to give inhabitants there a glimpse of the modern world.
- Everton fans have a weird bitterness towards absolutely everything. They hate their previous manager for the unattractive type of football he had them play, they hate their current manager for changing the type of football they play. They hate Rooney because he doesn't play for them, they hate everyone who does play for them. They hate Liverpool, they hate every team who hates Liverpool.
- There's certain teams (e.g. Brazil, United, Juventus, Barcelona) who's kit colours remain somehow completely unique and recongisable to them, despite not actually being unique at all.
- The later a game kicks off, the more confidence I have in the team I'm supporting to play well (with the exception of United at the moment, who I expect to lose regardless of the tiime or opponent)
 
Whenever you are watching a game with a foreign commentator, you don't understand a word and get the most random names thrown in at random points. Like you hear an Arab commentator talking during a big Barcelona Real Madrid game then all of a sudden he will say ''Danny Mills''. Happens every time.
 
There has been no England international where English fans start chanting the national anthem in the middle of the game
 
Phil Jones will stop getting injured one day

Sheringham's goal was more exhilarating than Solskjaer's

Cantona was with us for longer than he actually was

All Liverpool managers become horrible people and look like they're lying in every post match interview despite some of them being quite like-able prior to coming to Anfield

All rejected United youth players somehow end up at Sunderland

Cameron Jerome and DJ Campbell are the same striker

Commentators bang on about Fellaini's aerial presence yet he's shit in the air.

All Uruguayan players are despicable cheats other than Forlan

You have to be short to be a good fullback
 
Matt le Tissier was just too socially disfunctional to move away from Southampton.
 
Shinji Okazaki is perpetually off-balance

Mark Albrighton is actually Russian.
 
Gary Lineker doesn't really like football. He likes the football world that he found himself in.
 
Marcus Rashford has been getting regular football for the past couple of months.

Arsene Wenger left Arsenal in 2004, and was replaced by a different Arsene Wenger.
 
The first team to miss a penalty in the shoot-out always, always, ends up winning the shoot-out.
 
Shots are never deflected wide. Every time a shot is deflected, it always loops perfectly over the keeper.
 
Altrincham never move and have been one place above the relegation places in the conference since the early 1900s.
 
David Petrucci is still in United's U21s and is still a good midfield prospect for the future, just as long as he gets over his injury problems.
 
Needham said:
Matt le Tissier was just too socially disfunctional to move away from Southampton.
Click to expand...

Or too ugly to make it abroad, players like Le Tissier, Rooney and Scholes were never properly chased by a big latin team cause they were so ugly

where as Beckham was because of his looks and marketability.
 
Some players, like Charlie Adam and James Morrison, made a deal with the devil, wherein they can only score five goals a season, but they'll all be wondergoals.
 
Sunderland get relegated from the Premier League every season for the last five years.
 
The basic reason Mark Noble is not more highly rated as an England prospect is man's subconscious discrimination against the bald eagle nose-dominated type of Caucasian facial physiognomy. See Matt le Tissier.
 
Every time commentators mention how United haven't lost a certain fixture in X number of years/decades, we end up losing.
 
the only foul throw of the season is inevitably given when one of our idiots tries to take a throw in quickly when we're losing and fecks it up.
 
Needham said:
The basic reason Mark Noble is not more highly rated as an England prospect is man's subconscious discrimination against the bald eagle nose-dominated type of Caucasian facial physiognomy. See Matt le Tissier.
Click to expand...

Plus he has the personality of a camel.
 
bubbles_ said:
Schweinsteiger is an ex player who just encourages United on twitter
Click to expand...

I keep forgetting he's a United player.

When somebody says "x player always scores against us" that player will have only ever scored one goal against their team.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.