SNOOP RECOGNISES KOSOVO
The fledgeling state of Kosovo received a major boost today when Snoop
Dogg officially recognised it. "For sho', you know I gots to recognise,"
remarked the hip-hop artist and sometime procurer of prostitutes,
impressed by the extent of the sex and drugs trades in the breakaway
republic. "Oh, they pimpin' ", he commented, "And homie got some blow,
for real. Ooh-whee, put it in the air."
Snoop was joined in his act of recognition by the US, Dr. Dre, Britain,
Germany, France, Bishop Lamont, and Italy. Earlier in the day, the self-
proclaimed Government of Kosovo had sent a letter to all 192 UN member
nations, proclaiming statehood and requesting formal recognition.
Snoop: "I gots to recognise"
However, security council members Russia, China and Fifty Cent have
all rejected the claim. Russia referred to the new entity as a "false state",
while Fiddy was reported as shouting in an animated fashion, "Them
bitches need a slap-down, knowmsayn? Because shit is fecked up." And
legendary New York rapper Tim Dogg, in a rare display of East Coast -
West Coast unity, agreed, saying, "You cain't just go sendin out no letter,
expectin to be recognised or whatever. You want niggaz to recognise, you
gots to make 'em recognise, knowmsayn? You gots to take a muthafeckin
corner, shoot a cop, lay down a muthafeckin beat,
something. A
letter - that is some bitch-ass shit, knowmsayin'? That be, like, a weak-ass
move," adding, " 'n' shit."
With the security council split, and EU members Spain, Cyprus, Romania,
Bulgaria, Slovakia, and Slick Rick all demurring, due to fears over their
own separatists, solidarity with Serbia, and drunkenness, respectively, the
Kosovars look to have a long wait in store for membership of the UN. But
president Hashim Thaci remains in ebullient mood, saying, "We have
waited for this day for a long-ass time." From today, he said, Kosovo was
"proud, independent, free, and wilin' out. Niggaz best watch they backs,
knowmsayn?" A statement that will certainly not fall on deaf ears in
Moscow, Beijing or Compton tonight.