Film The Redcafe Movie review thread

Rooney in Dublin said:
You should stop drugs.

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You don't anything about TMNT? What's wrong with you.
 
Written on the Wind - Essentially a big silly 50's melodrama on the surface but with so many subtleties underneath it, just masterfully directed, and the colours man, the colours! The likes of Almodovar and Fassbinder must have watched this and Sirk's other films over and over.
 
When I was a younger man in China, me and a friend bought a couple of turtles from a street urchin to save them from been eaten, and named them Donatello and Michelangelo. We raced them, hung out with them and then at the end of the day we set them free in one of the canals.

This is the story of how I learned turtles don't swim.
 
Archie Leach said:
When I was a younger man in China, me and a friend bought a couple of turtles from a street urchin to save them from been eaten, and named them Donatello and Michelangelo. We raced them, hung out with them and then at the end of the day we set them free in one of the canals.

This is the story of how I learned turtles don't swim.
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Sounds like a great movie.
 
Archie Leach said:
When I was a younger man in China, me and a friend bought a couple of turtles from a street urchin to save them from been eaten, and named them Donatello and Michelangelo. We raced them, hung out with them and then at the end of the day we set them free in one of the canals.

This is the story of how I learned turtles don't swim.
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Must have been tortoises then, as turtles definitely do swim.
 
Mockney said:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - On the plus side, the Turtles were good. They didn't ruin or feck with the turtles themselves, so that's a plus. Michaelangelo still gets all the good lines, Donatello is still a geek (in fact slightly more discernably geeky than previous iterations, which I liked) Rafael is still basically an asshole who comes round and saves the day & Leonardo is still the one without a personality. In fact I actually quite enjoyed most of the time the Turtles were on screen. Trouble is, someone has decided that they shouldn't be on screen all that much, because this is really a film about Megan Fox. Because everyone who goes to a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie really wants to see a film about Megan Fox. Megan Fox saving the world with....Super reporting?

Either the writer was trying to impress Megan Fox, or someone in the production chain felt the premise of giant wisecracking super ninja turtles wasn't enough to carry a movie, and it needed more expressionless botox shouting and a contrived plot involving human characters no one cares about. Fox's April is at the center of everything here. The implausibly stupid plot, the dissmissively stupid new back story (which involves the turtles learning ninjutsu from a disgarded picture book to take their minds off Gwen Stefani - I'm actually not joking) and about 4 other stupid sub-plots, including Whoopie Goldberg and Will Arnet as charactes with absolutely no need to be in this film.

It's also appallingly written. Not just the dialogue, which was really bad most of the time, but to the extent that in the opening scene it's explicitly stated to be a beautiful day in Sping and in the next scene it's snowing. It's that indifferent to it's own internal logic. It doesn't even open with an action sequence either, it opens with a cartoon picturebook half origin set up, that it repeats half way into the film anyway, which has the effect of boring you straight away. I could tell within 30 seconds I was going to dislike it, because the opening dialogue was so bad. And I mean, inexcusably bad. Repeating itself 3 or 4 times bad. Like it had been written on a napkin at a cocaine fuelled powerlunch bad.

Also Shredder is a Transformer, for absolutely no reason.

BasicallyMichael Bay should die. I know he didn't direct this, but he still definitely should.
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I guess unless the film is called 'Megan Fox nudey in the shower', I think any film involving Megan Fox is a top shout for being absolutely shit.
 
I mean there's a huge plothole right there at the beginning where it's meant to explain their existence! It says that they were in contact with this liquid that turned them into what they'd most recently been in contact with, so they turned into humans/turtles cos Splinter (still in human form) had just picked them up, yet Splinter turns into a rat even though he very clearly just picked up the turtles. Sure he was friends with rats and shit but they weren't the creatures he'd most recently been in contact with.

And don't get me started on the little dickhead that walks the streets with an aquarium of turtles and just drops them in the sewers and doesn't seem to care.

This has actually made me angry.
 
I stopped watching when it came to the journalist woman in her yellow suit thing, cos no one would get a respectable job wearing that piece of shit, and journalism still meant something back then.
 
Rooney in Dublin said:
I mean there's a huge plothole right there at the beginning where it's meant to explain their existence! It says that they were in contact with this liquid that turned them into what they'd most recently been in contact with, so they turned into humans/turtles cos Splinter (still in human form) had just picked them up, yet Splinter turns into a rat even though he very clearly just picked up the turtles. Sure he was friends with rats and shit but they weren't the creatures he'd most recently been in contact with.

And don't get me started on the little dickhead that walks the streets with an aquarium of turtles and just drops them in the sewers and doesn't seem to care.

This has actually made me angry.
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Because he was a snitch yo why do you he was hiding in the sewers and shit?
 
R.N7 said:
Because he was a snitch yo why do you he was hiding in the sewers and shit?
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He wasn't a snitch at all ffs it's very clear he was set up by a wanker in his dojo, I mean the leap of faith required from the audience to accept that going from being respected in an order of ninjas to living in the sewers of NY befriending rats is big enough, but the reaction to the chemical bit is just too much. I'm sorry Nilsson but this just does not sound like a plausible story.
 
Rooney in Dublin said:
He wasn't a snitch at all ffs it's very clear he was set up by a wanker in his dojo, I mean the leap of faith required from the audience to accept that going from being respected in an order of ninjas to living in the sewers of NY befriending rats is big enough, but the reaction to the chemical bit is just too much. I'm sorry Nilsson but this just does not sound like a plausible story.
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Magic realism, man.
 
The Secret in their Eyes - Argentinian film about a murderer/rapist and a decades long crusade to catch him. Absurdly brilliant. End left me thinking about it for days. Not a single scene in this movie that isn't wonderfully shot, acted and written. It came out the same year as The Prophet (which was fantastic) and I was genuinely angry when it beat said movie to the Best Foreign Language film Oscar. Then I watched it and I could be angry no more. 10/10

The Skin I live in - Jesus feck it's creepy. Another weird Almodovar movie but well worth a watch. One of the better, more intriguing films I've seen in a long time. Antonio Banderas is great. 8/10

This is the End - Just awful. Quite a few people in it that I like and yet I managed to hate all of them by the time this movie was over. 3/10

The Expendables 3 - Appalling. Everything that made the previous two films decent entertainment has been stripped away. The opening scene when they rescue Wesley Snipes is the best part of the film. After that it's all downhill. They changed the rating from R to PG13 and it shows. There's no blood at all, so the gratuitous violence of the previous movies are gone. Which sort of negates the whole point of this throwback series. The acting is crap and the dialogue worse. The action is too far fetched, even for this genre, at times; and the CGI is more special needs than special effects. Half the film is spent following the exploits on a new generation of expendables. Crappy actors that I've never heard or seen before. What's the point in assembling all these old action stars and then giving half the film to a bunch of crappy no marks. 2/10

Love Jones - My wife and I agreed to each watch one movie from each other's childhood. An icon film that we love to this day. She chose Love Jones as hers. It's a black romantic comedy. And by Black, I don't mean dark humour, I mean African American. (She's black, so it figures). Anyway, it was fecking crap. Like really, really offensively crap. It had every 80's and chic flick cliché and added in there, a whole bunch of cultural references that I couldn't follow. And oh yeah...there was poetry too. Offensively awful. 1/10.

Predator - Is it the best sci-fi/action film of all time? If it isn't it's close. Well this was my pick and she hated it, but I don't care because I just spent the whole film imagining Arnold Schwarzenegger shooting the shit out of the entire cast of Love Jones. How can anyone not like Predator? That's just downright weird. 9/10

Maleficent - Meh 4/10

Generation Iron - Backstage look at the life of a few top bodybuilders competing for the Olympia. Reasonably interesting but really doesn't tell us anything we don't already know; and doesn't delve anywhere near deep enough into the dark side of the game. Not even close. 5.5/10

Once - An irish film about some bloke who sings in Dublin town center. He meets a woman who needs her hoover fixed, so she inexplicably brings it to him while he's playing the guitar the next day. Could barely understand a fecking word they were saying, and all the cnut did was sing endlessly for the first 10 minutes of the film. That's when I turned it off; because there is nothing I hate more in films than people singing all the time, except people singing all the time in a thick, unintelligible irish accent. Based on 10 minutes viewing: -3/10
 
simonhch said:
Once - An irish film about some bloke who sings in Dublin town center. He meets a woman who needs her hoover fixed, so she inexplicably brings it to him while he's playing the guitar the next day. Could barely understand a fecking word they were saying, and all the cnut did was sing endlessly for the first 10 minutes of the film. That's when I turned it off; because there is nothing I hate more in films than people singing all the time, except people singing all the time in a thick, unintelligible irish accent. Based on 10 minutes viewing: -3/10
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:lol:Sounds dreadful and really not my cup of tea, but it got a whopping 97% on Rotten Tomatoes.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/once/
 
Thank you for those who gave good reviews for The Lego Movie. I thought it was fantastic :lol: I have quite a childish sense of humour. Could easily laugh at most things. But yeah thought the film was fantastic, straight from the first scene.

Very clever dialogue :lol: For me, it was a solid 9/10.
 
Yeah I liked Locke. Not getting much love on the Caf.

The Seventh Seal - haven't watched this in a while and didn't realise how jarring the sort of slapstick, vaudevillian stuff with the troupe and the blacksmith was. Other than that a supremely interesting film.
 
Jodorowsky's Dune (2013, documentary)

Finally got to see this... and it was great. A story about great minds/spiritual warriors interacting together towards the creation of a project that was way way way ahead of their time.

Good fun. 8/10
 
Heli: Low budget but solid and engrossing crime drama about a family who inadvertently get mixed up in Mexico’s drug trade. Solid performances all around by the actors, this is a film that is an odd mix. On the one hand you have some very off beat humour that reminded me of Napoleon Dynamite, on the other hand you have a quite prolonged and graphic torture scene that leaves you in no doubt as to just how much trouble the main character is in. The whole movie in fact has a very detached, laconic style to it that makes it occasionally hard to tell whether the actors performances are lacking a little emotional depth or whether the actors are deliberately performing a certain way to show how emotionally detached the characters have become amidst the background of harsh poverty and occasional violence (I think it’s the latter). Quite surreal at times and on other occasions brutal with its violence this is one I’d recommend to fans of foreign cinema, not an outstanding movie but a good solid one albeit with a few rough edges.

7/10
 
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The Double: Off the back off reading several scathing reviews (some from this forum) I was expecting to take a serious disliking to this. However upon actually watching it and giving it time to settle into its pace I can honestly say I was enjoying it up until the final 30 mins or so. Fair enough there is nothing really original here in terms of its influences, however I don’t really see that as a problem as there is very little in cinema today that can actually claim to be truly original. It is more about how a film uses its influences rather than the fact that those influences are there, and this is a film that for me uses its influences quite well to construct an often surreal, occasionally quite amusing black comedy which sadly loses its way quite a bit in the final 3rd. I found it inventive (in how it uses its influences), well acted (particularly by Eisenberg) and quite sweet in parts before the messy 3rd and final act. I have been reasonably impressed by Ayoade’s work so far, however this did deserved a more intelligently constructed final act. Worth seeing but disappointing ending after much initial promise.

6.5/10

PS: Mia Wasikowska is cute and the Goth girl (Yasmin Paige) would definitely get it.
 
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