Artemis Fowl
I've left it a good 24 hours after watching this to comment, mainly to see whether my initial massive disappointment would die down and I'd see things differently. It hasn't, and I dont.
First things first, I know that this movie isnt made for me. This is adapted from a young adult series of books that i read and greatly enjoyed probably 20 years ago. I shouldn't care really, but I'd been anticipating a movie adaption for quite some time, and when Branagh took this on I had some hope.
Its dreadful. Really dreadful. I hated it. If I was the author of these (Eion Colfer) I'd be out for blood. Why adapt a book if you are going to change everything that made those books what they are? On the page, Artemis is an antisocial, cynical, child genius and also (crucially) the villain of the piece. In this he's a surfing, happy and pretty dull character, a normal kid who we are supposed to see as a troubled and tortured genius merely because they tell us he is at the beginning. None of it comes through in the movie.
Key plot points are changed. The story is rushed and incoherent. It's obviously been butchered in the editing room (I suspect Colin Farrells part in this was shot after the event and stapled in. Key characters ruined and badly miscast. One is changed from a man to a woman I assume simply because they could get Judi Dench. A humorous side character becomes the narrator of the piece simply because it makes no sense otherwise (another reshoot no doubt).
Two other characters drafted in from later books, one clearly because the suits thought they needed more kids, the other because they felt they needed a Voldemort type recurring villain. Artemis's butler (a great character in the books) completely butchered. An invented macguffin added to avoid having to paint Artemis as what he was, a thief.
Theres so much box ticking here. I think that's what made me so mad. They bottled it. This could have been a unique kids franchise if they'd just respected the source material. Instead, to me at least, it becomes a perfect symbol of where Hollywood is at. Playing it safe, trying desperately to please everyone and, more importantly, offend no-one.
Non book readers will just see this as another bland kids film that they will instantly forget. There are still good stories out there, but studios are too scared to make them. What a waste.
2/10