Our transfer saga so far:
Ed: Done it mate. Dan James, 15 beans.
Ole: Oh, nice one! Keep me informed.
Ed: Rapid this lad. Signed the form in record time.
Ole: Splendid. What about that Right Back we've needed since before you got the job?
Ed: That One Bissaka lad? He's on the cards. Speaking to Woy right now actually...
Ole: Oh? Good news I take it?
Ed: Unfortunately, not quite.
Ole: Why's that?
Ed: They want £50m! I specifically asked for One Bissaka not Two, I'll have to work my magic.
Ole: Add-ons?
Ed: You know me too well, Ole.
Ole: ...
Ed: Got him! £45m upfront. Lad's a unit and his name is like 11 letters long with that hyphen! Raking it in!
Ole: Nice one Ed! Any news on Harry or Bruno? And what about that Longstaff kid at Newcastle?
Ed: Oh, don't get me started on Longstaff. I thought he was another £15m steal, but Steve Bruce came in and said he'd deck me if I don't give him £50m. Have you seen his nose? Can't have mine looking like that. The kid's got a pretty good name, but his staff ain't anywhere near long enough for £50m! Got to keep some funds for those marquee guys you want.
Ole: Fair enough, hopefully, they're fighting relegation in January and he wants out!
Ed: Yeah, I love a bargain me. Let's wait until Ashley sinks the ship and pull his pants down. Fat cnut.
Ole: Oh Ed
Ed: Woody!
Ole: What? You are Woody...
Ed: No, I've got a WOODY!!
Ole: Oh no, not this again...
Ed: El Paulo Diablo mate! He's coming!
Ole: What? What about Bruno Fernandes?
Ed: He's good, but Jew Veil have offered us this little devil in exchange for Lukaku. Going to take it.
Ole: Bruno looks a great prospect though and he fits what I'm trying to do.
Ed: I appreciate that, but he doesn't give me a woody like this guy. Have you seen how handsome he is? And with a name like El Diablo he's got massive marketability for the Red Devils
Ole: His name is Dybala, Ed...
Ed: It's alright we'll make it work.
Ed: Oh, we've also signed that McGuire lad you wanted. £80m beans! Got well mugged off there so you owe me one!