If you're serious ... give 13 reasons why Ronaldo is signtificantly better than Messi.
1. He played for Utd whilst Messi is notoriously lacking in this department
2. Ronaldo can do dozens more chinups
3. Ronaldo is friends with Patrice Evra
4. Ronaldo makes me feel far more self conscious about my own body. Has Messi ever inspired me to get on a treadmill? I think not.
5. Sly probably likes Ronaldo more due to his masterful ability to be from Portugal. Sly knows best.
6. Ronaldo has scored far more goals against Brad Friedel
7. Ronaldo is far more willing to put his kids in a documentary thus inducing many "aw he likes his kid just like me" moments
8. feck did Messi ever do against Bolton in 2003?
9. Nani was decent for United whist trying to do his best impression of Ronaldo. Di Maria was crap.
10. Di Maria was actually decent for us a lot of the time but I want to be a scout, leave me alone.
11. England are in a fecking final, if Messi was Danish this would probably not be the case. I blame Messi for this intimidating thought.
12. That really cool video where Ronaldo hugged Sir Alex after winning the Euros.
13. That time he made Ashley Cole fall over in a comical fashion.
I will await my PM with the offer.