noodlehair
"It's like..."
Onana - he's a goalkeeper and the most comfortable I feel about his abilities is when he's in the opposition box trying to score a header. This is not a good thing
Dalot - Some more trademark sideways passes to no one, conceded the worst defended goal of all time (if you ignore most of the other goals we concede), ruined our last chance by deciding to pretend he was Messi for some fecking reason. If you measured his footballing intelligence as alcohol, he would be an empty bottle of alcohol free alcohol.
Varane - channelling his inner Lindelof. This is not a good thing.
Lindelof - channeling his inner himself. Felt like he could have just prevented the second goal if he wanted to, but he does that sort of thing a lot. You know, nothing.
Amrabat - I mean, he's not a fullback I guess. I'm not really sure why we're pretending he's one. Did we just pick the person who looked the least comfortable at it in training? Are all our u21s injured as well?
Casemiro - I thought he was good until Onana sent him off
Mount - I thought he performed fine. It took bringing on Eriksen to get any control over the game and Mount also looked better after this, which should tell ETH that Mount isn't a CM. It won't.
Fernandes - like one of those jelly bean boxes where some of the flavours are things like strawberry or delicious ice cream, but others are things like unwashed socks or getting a cactus shoved up your bum.
Rashford - I felt sorry for him with that chance. I thought if he doesn't pass here and misses he'll get destroyed. Then he did pass but managed to feck that up instead. Also though if you're a top player and the kind of human god that is allowed to travel round in a white rolls Royce, you can't go so far to pieces when in bad form that you mess something like that up. That's not white Rolls Royce, it's 30 year old lime green Vauxhall Astra that's been sitting in the corner of the council estate car park with a slashed tire for 6 months.
Hannibal - unlucky to come off but not sure why other than that he wasn't really worse than anyone else.
Hojlund - One of the best nights of his career ruined by his team mates celebrating his goal by ramping the incompetence up to 100/10. I really like him.
Subs:
Eriksen - quite a bit better than anyone except Hojlund. The only time we look even half convincing is when he's on the pitch and isn't tired yet. This already leaves very limited time and ETH's way of utilising it is to avoid playing him. A bit lost on that I'm afraid.
Garnacho- looked OK.
Martial - pretty sure he managed to lose a 50/50 to himself
Antony - I saw him come on. Then that was the end of Antony’s contribution to the evening's fun.
ETH - I would say what can you do as a manager about that level of idiocy, but he did kind of sign Onana and I still don't know what he thinks he's doing with our midfield, other than butchering it.
Overall - Maybe we juat need to stop picking players who drop to a 0/10 as soon as they're under any kind of negative pressure, but then I'm not sure who that leaves. This problem is made worse by our players interpreting things like scoring a goal and the whole crowd roaring you on as negative pressure.
Also, we are an extremely stupid football team. I don't like being so overly jarsh when it's not partly tongue I check, but my god what are we doing sometimes.
Dalot - Some more trademark sideways passes to no one, conceded the worst defended goal of all time (if you ignore most of the other goals we concede), ruined our last chance by deciding to pretend he was Messi for some fecking reason. If you measured his footballing intelligence as alcohol, he would be an empty bottle of alcohol free alcohol.
Varane - channelling his inner Lindelof. This is not a good thing.
Lindelof - channeling his inner himself. Felt like he could have just prevented the second goal if he wanted to, but he does that sort of thing a lot. You know, nothing.
Amrabat - I mean, he's not a fullback I guess. I'm not really sure why we're pretending he's one. Did we just pick the person who looked the least comfortable at it in training? Are all our u21s injured as well?
Casemiro - I thought he was good until Onana sent him off
Mount - I thought he performed fine. It took bringing on Eriksen to get any control over the game and Mount also looked better after this, which should tell ETH that Mount isn't a CM. It won't.
Fernandes - like one of those jelly bean boxes where some of the flavours are things like strawberry or delicious ice cream, but others are things like unwashed socks or getting a cactus shoved up your bum.
Rashford - I felt sorry for him with that chance. I thought if he doesn't pass here and misses he'll get destroyed. Then he did pass but managed to feck that up instead. Also though if you're a top player and the kind of human god that is allowed to travel round in a white rolls Royce, you can't go so far to pieces when in bad form that you mess something like that up. That's not white Rolls Royce, it's 30 year old lime green Vauxhall Astra that's been sitting in the corner of the council estate car park with a slashed tire for 6 months.
Hannibal - unlucky to come off but not sure why other than that he wasn't really worse than anyone else.
Hojlund - One of the best nights of his career ruined by his team mates celebrating his goal by ramping the incompetence up to 100/10. I really like him.
Subs:
Eriksen - quite a bit better than anyone except Hojlund. The only time we look even half convincing is when he's on the pitch and isn't tired yet. This already leaves very limited time and ETH's way of utilising it is to avoid playing him. A bit lost on that I'm afraid.
Garnacho- looked OK.
Martial - pretty sure he managed to lose a 50/50 to himself
Antony - I saw him come on. Then that was the end of Antony’s contribution to the evening's fun.
ETH - I would say what can you do as a manager about that level of idiocy, but he did kind of sign Onana and I still don't know what he thinks he's doing with our midfield, other than butchering it.
Overall - Maybe we juat need to stop picking players who drop to a 0/10 as soon as they're under any kind of negative pressure, but then I'm not sure who that leaves. This problem is made worse by our players interpreting things like scoring a goal and the whole crowd roaring you on as negative pressure.
Also, we are an extremely stupid football team. I don't like being so overly jarsh when it's not partly tongue I check, but my god what are we doing sometimes.