Morgan Schneiderlin | Everton Player

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Shark said:
I'm glad he's gone, without sounding too harsh. A complete waste of a signing.
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That is harsh though. We all expected him to fit in really well. For whatever reason he's not made the step up. It's not as if it's been easy to join United in the Moyes-Gaal period. A club in chaos. I expect him to do well at Everton, if that's where he'll end up. It's not as if he's our worst midfielder.
 
With Gueye in the midfield alongside, Schneiderlin will shine in my opinion.
 
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
 
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Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
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Wow, you lead a busy life i take it?
 
Jacko21 said:
Similar to Hernandez, Kagawa etc.
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Chicha helped us win 2 league titles in his time here. He lost his confidence under Moyes and then LVG, but under Ferguson he was a key contributor that popped up with match winning contributions all the time.

Kagawa looked promising under Ferguson, but wilted under Moyes, like everybody else, and got flogged off by LVG. I believe he would have come good under Fergie, but since leaving he hasn't been able to reach the levels of his peak performances.
 
Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
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WTF :lol:
 
AR87 said:
Chicha helped us win 2 league titles in his time here. He lost his confidence under Moyes and then LVG, but under Ferguson he was a key contributor that popped up with match winning contributions all the time.

Kagawa looked promising under Ferguson, but wilted under Moyes, like everybody else, and got flogged off by LVG. I believe he would have come good under Fergie, but since leaving he hasn't been able to reach the levels of his peak performances.
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Hernandez was never a regular starter under Ferguson, purely an impact sub. He wasn't indispensable.

Kagawa too. Admittedly RVP joining meant that Kagawa was not utilised in the intended way, but when de did play, he seldom showed the kind of form that he did for Dortmund. He never settled. He never adjusted.

Both good players, but both with sufficient question marks against their mentality to justify the club selling them - for there own good as much as anything else.
 
Jacko21 said:
Both good players, but both with sufficient question marks against their mentality to justify the club selling them - for there own good as much as anything else.
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Agree with that. Kagawa in particular I thought. Chicha's knack for popping up with match winning goals was something I suspect a better appointment than Moyes to follow up on SAF would have been able to utilize and keep in the squad. Kagawa was always a tougher fit, especially once we committed to keeping Rooney.
 
Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
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Not sure if post of the year but probably a contender for the longest.

The EFC shop address is funny though?
 
I think he's a better player than Herrera, but his mentality is just not good enough for such a big club.
 
Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
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we have only played west Bromwich once... so I assume the rest of your post is null and void
 
prath92 said:
@Elastic Fish we have played WBA only once. West Ham are the only team we played twice so far.
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ChaddyP said:
we have only played west Bromwich once... so I assume the rest of your post is null and void
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Just as Morgan is limited as a player when it comes to finishing, pace, vision and so on, maybe I'm limited as a poster when it comes to knowledge, facts and accurate footballing commentary. In some ways, we are all Morgan Schneiderlin. Maybe Vinnie's cat was Morgan not Ronald. Maybe it wasn't. I think it's slowly becoming apparent that I don't really know enough about Morgan Schneiderlin to continue my contributions to this particular thread, so I'd like to thank you all very much for your time and take this opportunity to depart. In ten minutes I'll mean as little to you as the words Memphis Depay will in five years time.
 
Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
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I don't even know where to begin...hilarious though
 
Donut said:
I think he's a better player than Herrera, but his mentality is just not good enough for such a big club.
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that's utter nonsense, agree with mentality, and that's an important part of a players most important attributes but noo he's definitely not better than Herrera, even herrera who was supposed to be more attacking of a midfielder than defensive showed he can win the ball the most times in the league and in every echnical aspect he's better than Schnedierlin..
 
Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
Click to expand...
:lol: Great stuff. If that doesn't get you promoted soon enough I don't know what will.
 
Its a real pity he's leaving as I think he could be a big player for us giving a run of games but we can't guarantee him those games.
 
Silverman said:
Its a real pity he's leaving as I think he could be a big player for us giving a run of games but we can't guarantee him those games.
Click to expand...


José seems to be saying he isn't until someone dobs us more swans. Then again he says he won't play tomorrow because we are "waiting". Total confusion reigns methinks.
 
Elastic Fish said:
Just as Morgan is limited as a player when it comes to finishing, pace, vision and so on, maybe I'm limited as a poster when it comes to knowledge, facts and accurate footballing commentary. In some ways, we are all Morgan Schneiderlin. Maybe Vinnie's cat was Morgan not Ronald. Maybe it wasn't. I think it's slowly becoming apparent that I don't really know enough about Morgan Schneiderlin to continue my contributions to this particular thread, so I'd like to thank you all very much for your time and take this opportunity to depart. In ten minutes I'll mean as little to you as the words Memphis Depay will in five years time.
Click to expand...
:lol: fecking hell, that's hilarious!
 
Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
Click to expand...

:lol: absolutely loved this! Bonkers but funny.
 
AR87 said:
Then he's not a better player.
Click to expand...

Yeah, basically.

What I'm trying to say is take Herrera's mentality and Morgan's football ability and you have a better player than what Herrera is.
 
Elastic Fish said:
Just as Morgan is limited as a player when it comes to finishing, pace, vision and so on, maybe I'm limited as a poster when it comes to knowledge, facts and accurate footballing commentary. In some ways, we are all Morgan Schneiderlin. Maybe Vinnie's cat was Morgan not Ronald. Maybe it wasn't. I think it's slowly becoming apparent that I don't really know enough about Morgan Schneiderlin to continue my contributions to this particular thread, so I'd like to thank you all very much for your time and take this opportunity to depart. In ten minutes I'll mean as little to you as the words Memphis Depay will in five years time.
Click to expand...
:lol:
 
Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
Click to expand...

Worth the long and strange read just for that gem
 
Elastic Fish said:
Just as Morgan is limited as a player when it comes to finishing, pace, vision and so on, maybe I'm limited as a poster when it comes to knowledge, facts and accurate footballing commentary. In some ways, we are all Morgan Schneiderlin. Maybe Vinnie's cat was Morgan not Ronald. Maybe it wasn't. I think it's slowly becoming apparent that I don't really know enough about Morgan Schneiderlin to continue my contributions to this particular thread, so I'd like to thank you all very much for your time and take this opportunity to depart. In ten minutes I'll mean as little to you as the words Memphis Depay will in five years time.
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
It's gonna be funny when it breaks on 31 January that we've sold him for £14m and everyone loses their shit.
 
Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
Click to expand...

:lol:

Promote this man.
 
Elastic Fish said:
Just as Morgan is limited as a player when it comes to finishing, pace, vision and so on, maybe I'm limited as a poster when it comes to knowledge, facts and accurate footballing commentary. In some ways, we are all Morgan Schneiderlin. Maybe Vinnie's cat was Morgan not Ronald. Maybe it wasn't. I think it's slowly becoming apparent that I don't really know enough about Morgan Schneiderlin to continue my contributions to this particular thread, so I'd like to thank you all very much for your time and take this opportunity to depart. In ten minutes I'll mean as little to you as the words Memphis Depay will in five years time.
Click to expand...

I love you.
 
Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
Click to expand...

Brilliant. 10/10!
 
Elastic Fish said:
Yeah to be honest I’d be fine with him joining Everton (although I’d prefer West Brom – we’ve already played them twice in the league), especially since it looks like we’ll recuperate most if not all of what we paid to sign him.

What I won’t enjoy though is the smugness that I guarantee will emanate out of Goodison Park as soon as he turns in even the most remote prospect of a 6/10 performance. You see, I’ve discovered in the past half an hour that Everton as a football club have mastered the art of smugness. Let’s consider the managers first. Way back when, bulging-eyed Davey Moyes was heralded as the salt-of-the-earth, British jobs for British workers man of the people that every football club should want to have in the dugout. Match of the Day’s questionably-shirted scholiasts used words like ‘proud’ and ‘dogged’ to describe Everton, although for some reason not to describe their proud tradition of dogged failure to beat a top six team away from home. Then it turned out that, away from the flattering blue lighting of their half of Merseyside, Moyes was just bitter and incompetent (although the eyes really did bulge). But I’m not sure they actually noticed this, because at the time they had Roberto Martínez as manager.

It was at this point that Everton really became the epicentre of all that was beautiful and good about football. They played the right way, with the right players, and the right manager doing the right things with the right chairman and probably the right ball boys too. They were never as vocal about real or perceived excellence as Liverpool, but I never said they were brash, just smug. 'Pool have always been very proactive in their self-delusion, Everton prefer to bask in the light of their own (self-)righteousness. The ‘the school of science’ was now back (other teams in English – and indeed world – football had of course by now reverted to offering sacrifice to Zeus and occasionally Odin, before deciding their next line up by watching the flights of birds). Unfortunately like a large number of unregulated free schools, their performance soon left a lot to be desired. Undeterred, Everton swiftly put that behind them with the perfect managerial appointment for their club: Ronald Koeman.

Now what’s smug about the current Everton manager isn’t what’s made of him by the fans so much as his own personal demeanour. Ronald is a man of quite exceptional smugness. Take the post-match interview after the Southampton game just gone. Ronnie spends the whole interview fighting a battle with the corners of his mouth, which are coiled and ready to curl up into the conceited smile of a smug, smug man. Sometimes he lets them win, sometimes he appears to have chased off the smile entirely, only for it to come back. He’s not even that happy that Everton won, just that Southampton lost, and they’ll be unhappy. He’s doing it just to spite them (and not even because they used to employ him, although it definitely helps). Ronald Koeman is the kind of man who would smear himself in marmite and roll around in your clothes and bank-notes. Not because he’d enjoy it – I don’t think there’s a man alive who wants to be covered in marmite, clothes and cash – but because you’d hate it more than he would.

He reminds me of my cousin Vinnie’s cat. This cat ran the show at Vinnie’s house, and would shit on the floor at will, for no other conceivable reason than just to spite Vinnie. He seemed to do it constantly; although in retrospect it may have just been triggered by my presence (can’t think why though). Mercifully the cat died some years back in a surprisingly bloody collision with an agricultural vehicle. Its name escapes me, but may have genuinely been Ronald, which would have been fitting. He also really looked like Ronald: plump and ginger, with a certain greasy radiance of dubious origin. It wasn’t that he lit up the room, more that you couldn’t help but notice him out of the corner of your eye and shudder slightly. If Ronald Koeman were shitting on your floor I expect it would be much the same.

Returning at not-unreasonable length to my actual point, we should prepare for Everton’s smugness about having ‘brought Schneiderlin back to his best’, ‘shown the true talent of a quality and underappreciated player’ and possibly ‘saved ickle Morgan from the nasty men’ if we sell him to them. This is the club that opened a shop in the Liverpool One shopping centre called ‘Everton Two’. The address is thus ‘Everton Two, Liverpool One’. In fairness this is definitely funny, but to my mind it’s made even more so by their complete inability to actually get a winning scoreline against the Dippers on the pitch since the time of the prophet Roy (Kopites 26.35). The smugness continues unabated, which in hindsight makes them a perfect club for Tom Cleverley, whose Spanish style isn’t appreciated elsewhere.
Click to expand...
Brilliant post! :lol:
 
unitedbhoy said:
Will he come in as a starter for Everton? They seem to be doing well with Barry and Gueye as the deep midfielders, with McCarthy returning from injury soon and the young fella Davies as back up.
Click to expand...
Gueye has just left for the ACON so he will come straight in. The last few weeks Koeman has clicked that Barry is causing us problems with his lack of mobility and has played both McCarthy and young Davies in place of him at times. With Barry in the team we automatically drop 10 yards deeper to not expose ourselves. I can't wait to see Gueye and Schneiderlain partnership and for us to finally start pressing from the front like Koeman wants.
 
BigDunc9 said:
Gueye has just left for the ACON so he will come straight in. The last few weeks Koeman has clicked that Barry is causing us problems with his lack of mobility and has played both McCarthy and young Davies in place of him at times. With Barry in the team we automatically drop 10 yards deeper to not expose ourselves. I can't wait to see Gueye and Schneiderlain partnership and for us to finally start pressing from the front like Koeman wants.
Click to expand...

how will that work though? neither of them are attack oriented at all? you wouldnt have any attackng contrib from midfield
 
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