Liverpool 2014/15 | WARNING: Contains strong amounts of Scouse nonsense

Fener1907 said:
The way I see it, we, Liverpool football club, need to ask ourselves a few questions. From my time spent mentoring Bootle AFC's U12s, I've concluded that we need to meet certain criteria for next season if we're to have a realistic chance of making it 19 Premiership trophies. Many would balk at the notion of us challenging for honours, but you'd actually be surprised how close we are. Here's my criteria and assessments:

Penetration - Sterling is the key. He's leaving, you say? Hold on a second, soft lad. Get a host of legends down to Anfield and sit Sterling in a room with them. Steven Gerrard, Rafael Benitez, Robbie Fowler, Kenny Dalglish, Djimi Traore... don't let him leave that room until he knows the significance of this club. Real Madrid? Barcelona? Juventus? Bloody Arsenal? No, son, this is Liverpool Football Club.

Width - Two words - Jordon Ibe. Don't worry if you're not familiar with him, as you will be by this time next year. This guy's the shite-lite version of somebody like Theo Walcott. He's got rockets on his feet.

Mobility - When he's not on crutches, Sturridge's mobility astounds me. I've sometimes had to press pause and go back to confirm that I saw what I thought I saw, and then I try my hardest to copy it in my shorts and socks on the living room carpet, but I usually end up on my ass with the dog trying to hump my leg. Ever been in Tesco and had an old man whiz past you on a mobility scooter, leaving you surprised at how nimble he was? That's Studgeo.

Depth - Not quite there. However, I think we should seriously be in for Pogba, Gotze, Reus, Martinez, etc. Do you think we can't sign those players? I beg to differ. Some people think we shop at Aldi. On the contrary, mate, we're off to Waitrose this summer because we're Liverpool Football Club. However, I think Brendan might be our Achilles heel on that front, which brings me to...

Creativity - See below
*Ring ring*
"Guten Tag"
"Jurgen?"
"Ja"
"This is Liverpool Football Club. You've been selected. See you at Melwood tomorrow.
"Ach mein Gott!"

Enough said.

Finishers - Hear me out on this one. I've done my coaching badges, so I know talent when I see it. My solution here? The name's Bale. Gareth Bale. Get him on the phone, let him know it's Liverpool Football Club calling, and get ready for fireworks next year. Old Trafford? No, lad, Anfield is the only place for you to truly resurrect your career. Based on extensive viewing of YouTube clips, I've concluded that Bale would make a fine finisher and I'm surprised I'm the only one to have picked up on this so far. I've spoken to the lads down the pub about this over a few pints, and they always end up nodding in agreement. I just wish our manager had the foresight that I do.

In conclusion, I'm content. Not all of the ingredients are there, so the meal tastes a bit shite at the moment. However, a sprinkling of Parmesan and a dash of salt could make next season a slap-up three course meal. We're hungry and we want it. We're Liverpool football club and we go again again.
Click to expand...


Gold :lol:
 
Fener1907 said:
The way I see it, we, Liverpool football club, need to ask ourselves a few questions. From my time spent mentoring Bootle AFC's U12s, I've concluded that we need to meet certain criteria for next season if we're to have a realistic chance of making it 19 Premiership trophies. Many would balk at the notion of us challenging for honours, but you'd actually be surprised how close we are. Here's my criteria and assessments:

Penetration - Sterling is the key. He's leaving, you say? Hold on a second, soft lad. Get a host of legends down to Anfield and sit Sterling in a room with them. Steven Gerrard, Rafael Benitez, Robbie Fowler, Kenny Dalglish, Djimi Traore... don't let him leave that room until he knows the significance of this club. Real Madrid? Barcelona? Juventus? Bloody Arsenal? No, son, this is Liverpool Football Club.

Width - Two words - Jordon Ibe. Don't worry if you're not familiar with him, as you will be by this time next year. This guy's the shite-lite version of somebody like Theo Walcott. He's got rockets on his feet.

Mobility - When he's not on crutches, Sturridge's mobility astounds me. I've sometimes had to press pause and go back to confirm that I saw what I thought I saw, and then I try my hardest to copy it in my shorts and socks on the living room carpet, but I usually end up on my ass with the dog trying to hump my leg. Ever been in Tesco and had an old man whiz past you on a mobility scooter, leaving you surprised at how nimble he was? That's Studgeo.

Depth - Not quite there. However, I think we should seriously be in for Pogba, Gotze, Reus, Martinez, etc. Do you think we can't sign those players? I beg to differ. Some people think we shop at Aldi. On the contrary, mate, we're off to Waitrose this summer because we're Liverpool Football Club. However, I think Brendan might be our Achilles heel on that front, which brings me to...

Creativity - See below
*Ring ring*
"Guten Tag"
"Jurgen?"
"Ja"
"This is Liverpool Football Club. You've been selected. See you at Melwood tomorrow.
"Ach mein Gott!"

Enough said.

Finishers - Hear me out on this one. I've done my coaching badges, so I know talent when I see it. My solution here? The name's Bale. Gareth Bale. Get him on the phone, let him know it's Liverpool Football Club calling, and get ready for fireworks next year. Old Trafford? No, lad, Anfield is the only place for you to truly resurrect your career. Based on extensive viewing of YouTube clips, I've concluded that Bale would make a fine finisher and I'm surprised I'm the only one to have picked up on this so far. I've spoken to the lads down the pub about this over a few pints, and they always end up nodding in agreement. I just wish our manager had the foresight that I do.

In conclusion, I'm content. Not all of the ingredients are there, so the meal tastes a bit shite at the moment. However, a sprinkling of Parmesan and a dash of salt could make next season a slap-up three course meal. We're hungry and we want it. We're Liverpool football club and we go again again.
Click to expand...

:lol:

Sensational.
 
_83201499_@henryflynn1997.png


L'pool season in emoji.
 
Kraftwerker said:
It's funny because of all the absolute dross they wasted the Suarez money on, he was the only one who managed to string a few performances together

But turns out he's actually shite too.
Click to expand...

He's not a bad player, he's just played wayyyy out of position.
 
SteveJ said:
Well, The Soup's pretty good but after that I'm struggling. :D
Click to expand...

I would need industrial quantities of E if I wasn't so amused and perversely hopeful for significant changes next year. If anyone thinks they can explain our selection/formation and justify it, I'd dearly love to hear it.
 
From what Ive seen, Can seems a decent prospect if played in his best position, which seems to be sitting in front of the back four and breaking up play. Instead BR seems to insist on doing a Valencia to him by forcing him to play at RB, where he has been shocking almost every time.
 
Hectic said:
:lol: From page 22 you can read more of the upbeat Liverpool fans battling it out with...fecking Orc (an undercover chelsea fan) who made a surprising number of decent points, he's quite convincing!
Click to expand...
fecking hell :lol:

Mali_Zeus said:
Its a nice red from page 22.
Look at this one being all giddy and sh.t.

Also when did Orc get out of closet exactly? :)
Click to expand...
Ah, good old njred. Will never learn

Fener1907 said:
The way I see it, we, Liverpool football club, need to ask ourselves a few questions. From my time spent mentoring Bootle AFC's U12s, I've concluded that we need to meet certain criteria for next season if we're to have a realistic chance of making it 19 Premiership trophies. Many would balk at the notion of us challenging for honours, but you'd actually be surprised how close we are. Here's my criteria and assessments:

Penetration - Sterling is the key. He's leaving, you say? Hold on a second, soft lad. Get a host of legends down to Anfield and sit Sterling in a room with them. Steven Gerrard, Rafael Benitez, Robbie Fowler, Kenny Dalglish, Djimi Traore... don't let him leave that room until he knows the significance of this club. Real Madrid? Barcelona? Juventus? Bloody Arsenal? No, son, this is Liverpool Football Club.

Width - Two words - Jordon Ibe. Don't worry if you're not familiar with him, as you will be by this time next year. This guy's the shite-lite version of somebody like Theo Walcott. He's got rockets on his feet.

Mobility - When he's not on crutches, Sturridge's mobility astounds me. I've sometimes had to press pause and go back to confirm that I saw what I thought I saw, and then I try my hardest to copy it in my shorts and socks on the living room carpet, but I usually end up on my ass with the dog trying to hump my leg. Ever been in Tesco and had an old man whiz past you on a mobility scooter, leaving you surprised at how nimble he was? That's Studgeo.

Depth - Not quite there. However, I think we should seriously be in for Pogba, Gotze, Reus, Martinez, etc. Do you think we can't sign those players? I beg to differ. Some people think we shop at Aldi. On the contrary, mate, we're off to Waitrose this summer because we're Liverpool Football Club. However, I think Brendan might be our Achilles heel on that front, which brings me to...

Creativity - See below
*Ring ring*
"Guten Tag"
"Jurgen?"
"Ja"
"This is Liverpool Football Club. You've been selected. See you at Melwood tomorrow.
"Ach mein Gott!"

Enough said.

Finishers - Hear me out on this one. I've done my coaching badges, so I know talent when I see it. My solution here? The name's Bale. Gareth Bale. Get him on the phone, let him know it's Liverpool Football Club calling, and get ready for fireworks next year. Old Trafford? No, lad, Anfield is the only place for you to truly resurrect your career. Based on extensive viewing of YouTube clips, I've concluded that Bale would make a fine finisher and I'm surprised I'm the only one to have picked up on this so far. I've spoken to the lads down the pub about this over a few pints, and they always end up nodding in agreement. I just wish our manager had the foresight that I do.

In conclusion, I'm content. Not all of the ingredients are there, so the meal tastes a bit shite at the moment. However, a sprinkling of Parmesan and a dash of salt could make next season a slap-up three course meal. We're hungry and we want it. We're Liverpool football club and we go again again.
Click to expand...
Excellent! :lol:
 
lysglimt said:
Today he has been a bad player - I know, I am watching the game :)
Click to expand...

He's doing about as well as I expected - Play ADM as a CB and see what happens :lol: The fact Rodger's didn't make a sub/change until half time is just laughable.
 
Is there a downside to finishing 6th instead of 5th? Europa qualifying games or anything?
 
Sied said:
Is there a downside to finishing 6th instead of 5th? Europa qualifying games or anything?
Click to expand...

Only if Villa win the FA Cup final: If Villa win they go straight into the group stages and Liverpool start from 3rd qualifying round. Spurs start in group stages regardless.
 
GlastonSpur said:
Only if Villa win the FA Cup final: If Villa win they go straight into the group stages and Liverpool start from 3rd qualifying round. Spurs start in group stages regardless.
Click to expand...
Lovely, another reason to support Villa then.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.