Film Indiana Jones 5

Big Andy said:
Isn't the Cannes film festival all about the weird independent films about weird shit, like a man whose head is made of cheese and he goes off to join the army, and does really well, but he gets too close to a bomb and his head melts off, and then he goes back home and everyone is like "look at that guy with melted cheese for a head, what a cnut" and then he tries to commit suicide but can't hang himself as the noose keeps slipping on the melted cheese and falling off.

Be a director called Timothy de la Wanksock-Jizzmonkey, film that in black and white, and in Serbian or Estonian. Guaranteed 20 minute standing ovation.

Indiana Jones isn't for Cannes where they judge you on how the camera was 40mm too far left on that shot, it's for the 40/50 year olds who watched them as a kid and think Indy was pretty fecking cool.
Click to expand...
:lol:
 
Herman Toothrot said:
It's very old-fashioned, I read unfair comparisons to Mission Impossible which seem to somewhat miss the point, it's a deliberate throwback. That said, I genuinely did not know what was going to happen at the end, which is quite unusual these days!
Click to expand...
Agree with this. I feel James Mangold's biggest success was to capture the essence and ambiance of Indy, inject some freshness mainly through Phoebe WB's character (and her sidekick), and not try to reinvent the wheel.

Quite underrated director.
 
Big Andy said:
Isn't the Cannes film festival all about the weird independent films about weird shit, like a man whose head is made of cheese and he goes off to join the army, and does really well, but he gets too close to a bomb and his head melts off, and then he goes back home and everyone is like "look at that guy with melted cheese for a head, what a cnut" and then he tries to commit suicide but can't hang himself as the noose keeps slipping on the melted cheese and falling off.

Be a director called Timothy de la Wanksock-Jizzmonkey, film that in black and white, and in Serbian or Estonian. Guaranteed 20 minute standing ovation.

Indiana Jones isn't for Cannes where they judge you on how the camera was 40mm too far left on that shot, it's for the 40/50 year olds who watched them as a kid and think Indy was pretty fecking cool.
Click to expand...
:lol:
 
Big Andy said:
Isn't the Cannes film festival all about the weird independent films about weird shit, like a man whose head is made of cheese and he goes off to join the army, and does really well, but he gets too close to a bomb and his head melts off, and then he goes back home and everyone is like "look at that guy with melted cheese for a head, what a cnut" and then he tries to commit suicide but can't hang himself as the noose keeps slipping on the melted cheese and falling off.

Be a director called Timothy de la Wanksock-Jizzmonkey, film that in black and white, and in Serbian or Estonian. Guaranteed 20 minute standing ovation.

Indiana Jones isn't for Cannes where they judge you on how the camera was 40mm too far left on that shot, it's for the 40/50 year olds who watched them as a kid and think Indy was pretty fecking cool.
Click to expand...
Not particularly no. It's a little more poncey than the Oscars, but it's quite eclectic. Pulp Fiction won the Palme d'Or for example and Top Gun Maverick (which was an absolute turd) got very good reception at Cannes last year.
 
Big Andy said:
Isn't the Cannes film festival all about the weird independent films about weird shit, like a man whose head is made of cheese and he goes off to join the army, and does really well, but he gets too close to a bomb and his head melts off, and then he goes back home and everyone is like "look at that guy with melted cheese for a head, what a cnut" and then he tries to commit suicide but can't hang himself as the noose keeps slipping on the melted cheese and falling off.

Be a director called Timothy de la Wanksock-Jizzmonkey, film that in black and white, and in Serbian or Estonian. Guaranteed 20 minute standing ovation.

Indiana Jones isn't for Cannes where they judge you on how the camera was 40mm too far left on that shot, it's for the 40/50 year olds who watched them as a kid and think Indy was pretty fecking cool.
Click to expand...
Lay off the cheese before you go to bed.
 
Big Andy said:
Isn't the Cannes film festival all about the weird independent films about weird shit, like a man whose head is made of cheese and he goes off to join the army, and does really well, but he gets too close to a bomb and his head melts off, and then he goes back home and everyone is like "look at that guy with melted cheese for a head, what a cnut" and then he tries to commit suicide but can't hang himself as the noose keeps slipping on the melted cheese and falling off.

Be a director called Timothy de la Wanksock-Jizzmonkey, film that in black and white, and in Serbian or Estonian. Guaranteed 20 minute standing ovation.

Indiana Jones isn't for Cannes where they judge you on how the camera was 40mm too far left on that shot, it's for the 40/50 year olds who watched them as a kid and think Indy was pretty fecking cool.
Click to expand...

:lol: :lol: Damn, now I want to see this movie. Sounds like a fantastic adaptation from the War and Cheese novel.
 
Krakenzero said:
:lol: :lol: Damn, now I want to see this movie. Sounds like a fantastic adaptation from the War and Cheese novel.
Click to expand...
public
 
Big Andy said:
Isn't the Cannes film festival all about the weird independent films about weird shit, like a man whose head is made of cheese and he goes off to join the army, and does really well, but he gets too close to a bomb and his head melts off, and then he goes back home and everyone is like "look at that guy with melted cheese for a head, what a cnut" and then he tries to commit suicide but can't hang himself as the noose keeps slipping on the melted cheese and falling off.

Be a director called Timothy de la Wanksock-Jizzmonkey, film that in black and white, and in Serbian or Estonian. Guaranteed 20 minute standing ovation.

Indiana Jones isn't for Cannes where they judge you on how the camera was 40mm too far left on that shot, it's for the 40/50 year olds who watched them as a kid and think Indy was pretty fecking cool.
Click to expand...

I think every one agrees, sending Indy to Cannes was a little odd for a number of reasons. Not the least of which is, as you say, it's not really weird enough. Theres 2000 movies get submitted to Cannes every year. The review panel watches them all and then makes a selection out of that of usually around 50 films. BUT, it seems that more and more "normal" movies are taking spots there now. Top Gun Maverick took a spot there last year. And the reviews... shockingly enough were good. Both films received a 5 minutes standing ovation, which I believe is the bare minimum. Killers of the flower moon got 9 minutes. Which is even better when you consider the movie is 3 and a half hours long.
 
Norman Brownbutter said:
I think every one agrees, sending Indy to Cannes was a little odd for a number of reasons. Not the least of which is, as you say, it's not really weird enough. Theres 2000 movies get submitted to Cannes every year. The review panel watches them all and then makes a selection out of that of usually around 50 films. BUT, it seems that more and more "normal" movies are taking spots there now. Top Gun Maverick took a spot there last year. And the reviews... shockingly enough were good. Both films received a 5 minutes standing ovation, which I believe is the bare minimum. Killers of the flower moon got 9 minutes. Which is even better when you consider the movie is 3 and a half hours long.
Click to expand...
Who claps for 5 minutes, let alone 9 minutes.

fecking circle jerk, that's all it is.
 
Big Andy said:
Who claps for 5 minutes, let alone 9 minutes.

fecking circle jerk, that's all it is.
Click to expand...

Yeah, pretty much. They say it's a mark of respect of the film makers coming and showing their films, but I think it's just a bunch of people who like movies a little too much. Oh, and if you think 9 minutes is bad. Pans Labyrinth got a 22 minute standing ovation...
 
The movie was ok but I can’t believe they missed out on an obvious chance to at least make a perfect ending to the franchise. Leave him live in history and then when they go back to the modern world they’ll discover some artefact that he left to find and they’ll put it in a museum. “That thing belongs in a museum” come to life. It was RIGHT THERE.
 
AaronRedDevil said:
The movie was ok but I can’t believe they missed out on an obvious chance to at least make a perfect ending to the franchise. Leave him live in history and then when they go back to the modern world they’ll discover some artefact that he left to find and they’ll put it in a museum. “That thing belongs in a museum” come to life. It was RIGHT THERE.
Click to expand...
That's not great or obvious at all.
 
I mean, the whole theme of “old man living in the past needs to be shaken back to life and realise he’s got something to live for” wouldn’t have really worked if he literally stayed in the past. But then themes are for pussies. Good movies should strive to say nothing.
 
Big Andy said:
Isn't the Cannes film festival all about the weird independent films about weird shit, like a man whose head is made of cheese and he goes off to join the army, and does really well, but he gets too close to a bomb and his head melts off, and then he goes back home and everyone is like "look at that guy with melted cheese for a head, what a cnut" and then he tries to commit suicide but can't hang himself as the noose keeps slipping on the melted cheese and falling off.

Be a director called Timothy de la Wanksock-Jizzmonkey, film that in black and white, and in Serbian or Estonian. Guaranteed 20 minute standing ovation.

Indiana Jones isn't for Cannes where they judge you on how the camera was 40mm too far left on that shot, it's for the 40/50 year olds who watched them as a kid and think Indy was pretty fecking cool.
Click to expand...

This might be one of the greatest stories ever told. Amazing.
 
Just got back and thought it was a cracking popcorn movie. Both PWB and Ford played their characters incredibly well and the plot/dialogue felt a lot more sincere than most AAA Hollywood movies I've seen in recent years.

The only distraction was the CGI in the horse scene and some of the tuk-tuk stuff.
 
The run on the train roof aside, which looked like a scene from Flashback on the Amiga, I really enjoyed it.
Ties with ToD in 3rd for me, Last Crusade obviously at the top. Crystal Skull can go feck itself, best to pretend it never exists and only watch 4 Indy movies for the full set.
 
I like Mangold, but feel Spielberg would have shot more of the action stuff for real and was surprised Mangold didn't.
 
I actually enjoyed it more than I expected to, but thought Mangold's direction was one of the biggest issues. The action set-pieces were ugly, hard to follow, lasted too long, and really over-relied on CGI.

Obviously Harrison Ford wouldn't have been capable of doing half of the stunts that we see... but find a way to write around that. The CGI-fests and de-ageing scenes just took me out of it completely. The section on top of the train and took the Tuk-Tuk chase were particularly painful.

Otherwise, the last 45 minutes were an unexpected treat, with what felt like a genuinely heartfelt epilogue. Loved the scene where the baddies on the plane realise they haven't arrived where they think they're going, I thought that was the best sequence of the film.
 
ThierryHenry said:
I actually enjoyed it more than I expected to, but thought Mangold's direction was one of the biggest issues. The action set-pieces were ugly, hard to follow, lasted too long, and really over-relied on CGI.

Obviously Harrison Ford wouldn't have been capable of doing half of the stunts that we see... but find a way to write around that. The CGI-fests and de-ageing scenes just took me out of it completely. The section on top of the train and took the Tuk-Tuk chase were particularly painful.

Otherwise, the last 45 minutes were an unexpected treat, with what felt like a genuinely heartfelt epilogue. Loved the scene where the baddies on the plane realise they haven't arrived where they think they're going, I thought that was the best sequence of the film.
Click to expand...
Thought the same. Enjoyed the movie but such a shame the action scenes relied so heavily on CGI. The tuk tuk sequence was boring as a result and I ended up hoping there wouldn’t be many more action scenes.
 
Quality control
On track to be the biggest flop in Disney history, losing hundreds of millions of dollars. It was obviously going to flop because it wasn't made for entertainment, rather to spite fans, but I don't think anybody expected it to become Disney's biggest flop in history :lol:

Keep in mind that when adjusting for inflation, every other Indiana Jones movie made over a billion!

Disney: releases another film shitting on a male legacy character they bought in order to propel their identity politics.

Fans: nah, we're done with you inserting your politics into everything.

Redcafe:
Surprised_Pikachu.jpg


It's not just Lucasfilm. Marvel is now the M-she-U and both are producing flop after flop because fans are waking up.

On recent releases, Disney have lost over $900 million, and Disney+ is losing hundreds of millions every quarter resulting in BILLIONS.

It's time for Redcafes favourite saying. Go woke, go broke. Disney have now listed a load of their ips/assets for sale in order to actually make some money.

The upcoming Marvels and Snow White movies that are filled with the usual identity politics are surely going to correct this course for them :lol:
 
@Yagami what in the actual feck are you going on about? Disney does indeed do a lot of made-by-committee/identity politics shite to appease popular taste but this isn't one of them. It's nothing akin to Star Wars or Marvel.

I think it's failed because its primary audience - judging by my screening at least - is older people who are already fans of the franchise. There's probably not enough of them anymore.

Ironically, it might have fared better had it sold out to the TikTok kids.

Edit - I don't dispute that Marvel is losing traction as a lot of fans I've spoken with are burned out by them. Some have cited the changing of stars with lesser talent to be a problem.
 
Last edited:
Vidyoyo said:
@Yagami what in the actual feck are you going on about? Disney does indeed do a lot of made-by-committee/identity politics shite to appease popular taste but this isn't one of them. It's nothing akin to Star Wars or Marvel.

I think it's failed because its primary audience - judging by my screening at least - is older people who are already fans of the franchise. There's probably not enough of them anymore.

Ironically, it might have fared better had it sold out for the TikTok kids.
Click to expand...

GULP!
 
Vidyoyo said:
@Yagami what in the actual feck are you going on about? Disney does indeed do a lot of made-by-committee/identity politics shite to appease popular taste but this isn't one of them. It's nothing akin to Star Wars or Marvel.

I think it's failed because its primary audience - judging by my screening at least - is older people who are already fans of the franchise. There's probably not enough of them anymore.

Ironically, it might have fared better had it sold out to the TikTok kids.

Edit - I don't dispute that Marvel is losing traction as a lot of fans I've spoken with are burned out by them. Some have cited the changing of stars with lesser talent to be a problem.
Click to expand...

I have this person blocked, but let me guess, 'go woke, go broke'?
 
It’s a movie that probably shouldn’t have been made because the first three are all excellent movies so there’s a ridiculous standard to uphold, there’s no Spielberg to direct it, there’s no Lucas to provide creative ideas and then there’s the 4th movie while being a decent enough movie isolated from the first three, pales in comparison to the precedessors. Crystal Skull could have been awful if not for Spielberg turning it into a 7/10 movie, against the first three being 9/10 or 10/10.

And how many times can you do the ‘Indy vs Nazis’ story without feeling somewhat hesitant? He literally came face to face with Hitler in Last Crusade. I think after that you’ve peaked. I get the feeling that’s why Temple of Doom gets so much more appraisal these days.
 
Yagami said:
On track to be the biggest flop in Disney history, losing hundreds of millions of dollars. It was obviously going to flop because it wasn't made for entertainment, rather to spite fans, but I don't think anybody expected it to become Disney's biggest flop in history :lol:
Click to expand...

According to box office mojo it made about 350 million worldwide so far, already over the 290-300 million budget. It doesn't sound like a flop to me, unless someone was expecting it to be winning awards.
 
Watched the original Indiana Jones recently and it had a woman in it. Sick of politics tbh.
 
Krakenzero said:
According to box office mojo it made about 350 million worldwide so far, already over the 290-300 million budget. It doesn't sound like a flop to me, unless someone was expecting it to be winning awards.
Click to expand...

That's just the production budget, as far as I know a movie has to make 2-3x times that to break even if you include marketing and distribution costs. (Don't forget that theatres are getting their cut of ticket prices.)
Justice League for example made $657,9m against a budget of $300m, but had to make around $750m to break even, so it was a huge disaster. Those numbers for Indiana Jones sound very bad right now.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.