I just got a PM

[Spammy]

Could somebody please briefly summarise the events of this thread for me? I seem to have missed it.

Cheers.

Hectic ate a jar of beetroot, and was then PM'd by a mod telling him that said jar of beetroot was out of date. Pert then waded in, saying that beetroot doesn't go out of date, but what the feck pert, everyone knows that honey is the only food that doesn't go out of date, you silly fecker.

 

[rednev]

Hectic ate a jar of beetroot, and was then PM'd by a mod telling him that said jar of beetroot was out of date. Pert then waded in, saying that beetroot doesn't go out of date, but what the feck pert, everyone knows that honey is the only food that doesn't go out of date, you silly fecker.

I see. Well that doesn't sound half as funny as some of the posts I've just been reading through. That PM of accusing the newbie of racism had me in stiches. Fair play to Hectic.

 

[rednev]

Here's one I just sent to someone now.

Congratulations.

You have been randomly selected for promotion with several others.

Unfortunately you have did not win the promotion.

Goodbye.

 

[pert]

https://www.redcafe.net/showpost.php?p=3344759&postcount=421

Good times

 

[Dave89]

time to bring this back? ive been reading through it and it seems legendary!

 

[Jimble]

love the underage post

 

[Dave89]

love the underage post

agreed. the first one pert sent was ok, but the second cracked me up!

 

[I_live_cement]

time to bring this back? ive been reading through it and it seems legendary!

Anyone wanna do this?

 

[LizardKing]

Hehe, we can do it again but only a small number of us have newbie access.

 

[I_live_cement]

Hehe, we can do it again but only a small number of us have newbie access.

How come?

 

[pert]

Hehe, we can do it again but only a small number of us have newbie access.

Do you have it?

 

[LizardKing]

Nope

 

[Gaz.]

I want newbie access

 

[I_live_cement]

How would you get newbie access, other than infiltrating their lair with a new account or being an admin?

 

[LizardKing]

Suck off a dog and post the video?

 

[I_live_cement]

Suck off a dog and post the video?

I'm right on it...

 

[comlag]

This is why they don't let us in the newbies. Imagine the persecution!

 

[LizardKing]

I got promoted thanks to this thread. I latched onto it whilst I was in the newbies and whored myself to get promoted.

 

[I_live_cement]

I got promoted thanks to this thread. I latched onto it whilst I was in the newbies and whored myself to get promoted.

You dirty amphibious whore you.

 

[pert]

Hi, I can get you promotion, but it will cost you.

How much would you be willing to pay?

Mate I'd pay with a lifetimes servitude loving and supporting the greatest team in all the world, Manchester United. I promise to never relinquish my love for our club and I will always treat this site with the utmost regards, knowing that redcafe LITERALLY is not only the BEST site for United fans, but also the BEST I've seen for General football discussion as well as General BS!!

Now that I'm done with the corny shite.....it would be nice to hold discussions with the other lovers of United in the main forum. I just want to share the knowledge I've got in the main as well as absorb the YEARS UPON YEARS of experiences, as well as knowledge in the main!!

If you can help....all the thanks in the world mate!!

Cheers!
SirRedDevilFan7 aka Gummy
"Main Forum Hopeful"

 

[comlag]

pahaha! thats hilarious! what a dweeb

 

[LizardKing]

I just got a PM from some user called Pert and according to him you have to be 21 to post threads in the forums? is this true or is this dickhead taking the fiddlers?

It's true I'm afraid. Quite a few people have had their accounts deleted for being underage - silly rule I know but you have to obide. Did you not read the terms and conditions before signing up? It was made quite clear.

well tbh mate i just clicked agreed didnt really think about it. I presumed i was the right age to join. That pert guy has got us wound up though, could him hit so hard in the jaw he would have to chew with his hands. So what now do i have to just leave the site for good?

something amusing about this londonredmaniac? I strated this thread because of some Pert pm'ing me and i want to know if im allowed to stay on this website.

I don't find this amusing mate - in fact I think it's stupid that you have to be over 21 but if you don't leave you will probably have your account deleted anyway. You know what they say...life's a bitch!

ok im sorry for breaking the restrictions and if thats the rule then thats the rule, ill just leave the site then im sorry for the disturbances i have caused.

Ok buddy, sorry to see you go! We'll be waiting for you when you're of the correct age!

cant believe i fell for that prank. sex offenders lol was thinking wtf has that got to do with manutd, well unless paul dickov was on a transfer for us

...

 

[I_live_cement]

Could you guys all see the newbie forums when you did this?

 

[comlag]

Christ I need to pm a newbie....i literally bursting with mischeviousness

 

[I_live_cement]

Christ I need to pm a newbie....i literally bursting with mischeviousness

Me too!

 

[Loops]

Make Brad your first victim, he'd fall for it

 

[comlag]

Me too!

Unfortunately with our low post counts the likelihood of a newb taking us seriously is pretty low, unless they happen to be particularly poorly evolved.

 

[I_live_cement]

Unfortunately with our low post counts the likelihood of a newb taking us seriously is pretty low, unless they happen to be particularly poorly evolved.

That's where member names come in to it.

 

[comlag]

That's where member names come in to it.

So anyone called Yo3NiTD_brapboi1 (or something similar) is well worth a shot

 

[I_live_cement]

So anyone called Yo3NiTD_brapboi1 (or something similar) is well worth a shot

 

[pert]

Some n00bs have post counts in the thousands, they must be really shite

 

[pert]

TBH your posts are quite poor

At the moment you would add little to the main forums

However you can pay me to get in

Thanks. Thats the most depressing response I think I could of probably gotten from someone. I appreciate it.

Cheers.

Hehe...

 

[I_live_cement]

Hehe...

He's resigned to the fact that he's shit.

 

[comlag]

Hehe...

haha pert you have, in one fell swoop, destroyed some poor blokes self esteem and utterly made him feel empty inside. I applaud your evilness.

 

[Sam]

RedCafe.net - View Single Post - I just got a PM

Good times

Kinell, just read the whole thread. Hectic you are a legend!

Surely the pranks have to be bought back ?!

 

[Dave89]

Some n00bs have post counts in the thousands, they must be really shite

any word on green united? he had quite a high count when i got promoted, but i haven't seen him since

 

[Deleted 20801]

Kinell, just read the whole thread. Hectic you are a legend!

Surely the pranks have to be bought back ?!

Great times.

I don't think I can bring them back though.

 

[Deleted 20801]

THE PLAN

I have the plan sorted. Relx want’s serious revenge on his cousin, how do we go about it?

heinzefan and air-_mood is going to post to Kirk Hammett (relx cousin) and complain that the graphic material he is sending them is seriously offensive and he has to stop or they will complain to the mods.

I am then going to pm him and say I have recieved serious complaints about him that exceed simple bannings, I will say I have traced his IP Adress back to his house and give him a little warning and say, yes I know where you live (I have his actual address thanks to relx but can’t post due to security reasons) and then I will tell him the internet police have been informed as it's a serious charge.

Here is heinze's complaint to Kirk.

hey man will you stop sending disgusting porn links to me via private message. im not that type of guy. im not as disgusting as you.
so STOP being such a dick man.

Following heinze’s and air’s pm’s of complaint, I wrote this to Kirk.

We have received serious complaints from other posters about you. It seems you have grossly misused your private message functions and have been sending extremely graphic material to posters.

Not only is this sort of behaviour completely against the Redcafe.net rules, but it seems you have seriously offended one of the posters, who I might add is a minor. These actions are nothing short of disgusting. I will allow you to state your case before you are permanently banned from these forums.

I was worried he might not take the bait, but that was until heinzefan showed me Kirks reply.

no mate I swear I didn't send any porn links to anyone here honest. my account was probably hacked and another person send them to you please don't report to the mods they might take serious action

As well as this to me:

i didn't send any porn links sir, seems like someone hacked my account then sent those porn links using this account. i swear i didn't do it, honest. i admit i surf porn, but i don't forward links to other people. please be lenient on this sir, please i beg you.

Notice he calls me sir.

After a couple replies here and there from heinzefan, Kirk begins to lose it:

no no no i didn't send anything man. the pm i sent to you was the first time i've ever used the function. do the right thing man, don't report me for an offense i didn't commit. please i beg you. i'll say it again, do the right thing man, do the right thing. Doing the right thing isn't reporting me to the mods, just ignore the offensive pms the other guy sent you.

Then:

job man, good job. i hope you feel better ya bloody grass. you wank at Gabby Heinze's photos before you sleep, that explains your chosen nickname. i suggest you change your nickname to grassman, yes grassman.

or maybe grassfan, whichever you prefer.

So, I thought to myself, how can we really scare him. So I sent him this:

It seems you have not heeded my previous comments. You continue to send abusive graphic material to posters, one of which is nowhere near old enough to view such material.

I have no choice but to pass this on to the IWF (Internet Watch Foundation) who deal with individuals like you, who send abusive images to minors. We have of course alerted your Internet Service Provider - Singnet about your actions. If you think this is an idol threat then you are mistaken.

We are very serious about our posters on here, and our no tolerance attitude is effective. We have traced your IP Address back to the following residence: (Can’t show for security reasons)

This information has been forwarded to the proper authorities.

What do you have to say for yourself?

He came back shook!

i didn't do it sir, why don't you check the list of IPs which logged in to my account, that should give you the IP address of the real culprit. you got my residence spot on too, i don't think it's a joke.

do the right thing sir, do the right thing. i swear i didn't do anything wrong so far here. i've been framed.

I tried to milk it for another response:

You sound pretty honest to be far but the charges are extremely serious.

The address was no joke, it should have been perfect. I'm not sure what to do with this now, I will have to investigate it further and then discuss it with the Moderation Team.

I don't want to have to send this to the police, but it is just that serious.

Have you anything to say that could convince me this definately wasn't you?

Finally, he came back with this. He has a long way to go in life

i still have a long way to go in life, just hope that you scan the IP addresses that were used to login into my account here. it wasn't me, and i'm 100% sure that it was another person framing me. i didn't post anything disturbing here. leniency is the best policy in this case.

Now that’s a prank! He even admitted to surfing porn!

I forgot about this guy!

 

[Tyeza]

 

[relx]

I forgot about this guy!