How many goals could YOU score up front for United in a season?

Up front on your own every minute for 38 games!! I reckon anyone who's played at any decent level and can still run a half marathon would get 6-7 just goal hanging.
 
I have no strength, no stamina, the technique of a duck, the grace of phil jones, my right foot is purely for balance and I am not the smartest with tactics.

So maybe 3 goals at best.
 
Sonny1972 said:
I reckon 99.9999 % of the ppl on redcafe wouldnt even make it till halftime
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DWelbz19 said:
We'd all pull up within the first couple of training sessions, let alone 90 minutes for every fecking game
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The OP says 90 minutes every game.
You could be puking on the pitch, and half-feinting, but you'd be playing on unless you collapsed.

It could be the 90th minute, the team could completely bypass you and ignore you all game. But a corner could ricochet into you path as your stand on the line with an open goal.
 
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I think I could get 10-15 goals if I played most of every game. I reckon I'd be ready to come off after 70 mins though, due to the pace.
 
Considering United get a good cup run, FA, League and Euro and play 50+ games, that's about 4500 minutes of football. If I was to score once every 10 games say, that's 5 goals for the season. 5. One of them being a deflected Rooney shot, that hits me square in the back, 'cause I'm facing the wrong way, glances off John Terry's knee and goes in bottom corner.

Still more than Falcao.
 
Seeing so many players point to the sky to thank their god for helping them score while their deity lets kids starve to death every day, as an atheist I'd say:

None
 
Speak said:
The OP says 90 minutes every game.
You could be puking on the pitch, and half-feinting, but you'd be playing on unless you collapsed.

It could be the 90th minute, the team could completely bypass you and ignore you all game. But a corner could ricochet into you path as your stand on the line with an open goal.
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Hahahah ever heard of offside?? You can't just sit down and wait for the ball ..lol
 
Ish84045 said:
United of last season who struggled to create....very little. 0-3.

A dominant United creating 6-10 chances per match...around 10....at least :D
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:D You must be playing league football.
 
Sonny1972 said:
Hahahah ever heard of offside?? You can't just sit down and wait for the ball ..lol
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United have some of the highest possession percentages around. Most teams are extremely deep and almost stationery at Old Trafford.
And even if you are offside half the time - who cares?

Your team can just play on without you, and then once play catches up with you, get as involved as you can.
 
None of us would last 5 minutes in the premier league! If you get any space around or inside the box you'd be closed down instantly.

Imagine though. I'd love it.
 
Speak said:
The OP says 90 minutes every game.
You could be puking on the pitch, and half-feinting, but you'd be playing on unless you collapsed.

It could be the 90th minute, the team could completely bypass you and ignore you all game. But a corner could ricochet into you path as your stand on the line with an open goal.
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Not just puking, injuries. If footballers like Jones, Rafael etc. are all pulling up with hamstring/calf/whatever injuries every few weeks it's safe to say most of us will. Are we going to be forced to play through those?
 
Hahahahahaha love this thread.......i feel id have decent enough technique to score a few goals...........the fitness would have to be improved.
 
DWelbz19 said:
Not just puking, injuries. If footballers like Jones, Rafael etc. are all pulling up with hamstring/calf/whatever injuries every few weeks it's safe to say most of us will. Are we going to be forced to play through those?
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Of course we'd be forced to play, how could they survive without us?

I'm going 0 too.
 
DWelbz19 said:
Not just puking, injuries. If footballers like Jones, Rafael etc. are all pulling up with hamstring/calf/whatever injuries every few weeks it's safe to say most of us will. Are we going to be forced to play through those?
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You'd have to be pragmatic. You know you're worse than everyone, so don't try half the stuff they do. Basically goal-hang, and avoid contact at all costs. Stand offside if you're tired. Don't even attempt to out-jump Huth or Collins or anyone. Don't bother defending or chasing back. Goal-kicks? Let someone else go up for the challenge.
You will be lucky to win five headers all season, so don't bother.

Basically let the other guys get on with it, resist the urge to try to get on the ball and 'dictate play' and try to score the most simple goals possible.

They pick up injuries from running about. So don't run about.
Don't try and out-run, out-jump, out-dribble people who are five times the athlete you are. Just stand around and hope you occasionally get a chance to shoot into a free net.
 
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People are forgetting that the offside rule would help because you could hang out offside once you get exhausted around minute 20 or so.

The team would be much worse playing 11 on 10 basically, though. So a lot less chances created.

I'm a terrible finisher and a great passer, so I'll say 1 goal and a healthy 3 assists. I'd lose the ball too much to get passes unless I was crazy open, so that would hurt my assist total.
 
Speak said:
You'd have to be pragmatic. You know you're worse than everyone, so don't try half the stuff they do. Basically goal-hang, and avoid contact at all costs. Stand offside if you're tired. Don't even attempt to out-jump Huth or Collins or anyone. Don't bother defending or chasing back. Goal-kicks? Let someone else go up for the challenge.
You will be lucky to win five headers all season, so don't bother.

Basically let the other guys get on with it, resist the urge to try to get on the ball and 'dictate play' and try to score the most simple goals possible.

They pick up injuries from running about. So don't run about.
Don't try and out-run, out-jump, out-dribble people who are five times the athlete you are. Just stand around and hope you occasionally get a chance to shoot into a free net.
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There is actually some method in this madness. Replicate a technically inept, physically deprived, nowhere near as suave, Berbatov for as long as possible.
 
you'd score a couple for sure.
just from sheer averages.

I remember playing against some good teams as an amateur, where I'd barely touch the ball, would barely have any impact, but still managed to get a few chances and odd goal
 
My goal tally would depend entirely on the number of penalties we were awarded. They may be a better at, y'know, actual football, but I'm pretty confident that my powers of persuasion and general negotiating skills could convince Rooney and RvP why they shouldn't be taking penalties. Then it's just my job to slot the first one in.
 
With a full pre-season under my belt, 0.

I'd break the record for most times caught offside in a game, though. Then score, only to find out I was offside.
 
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With the right service, at least 25. That's just in the league.

Add on 5 or so for FA and league cup. I'd come alive on the big European nights, so add another 7 for the CL.
 
I'd miss an open goal 9 times out of 10 so zero
 
Realistically 10 but since this is purely hypothetical, I'm going to say 20.
 
In my playing Days (at very low level) - but when I actually had the stamina to last at least 45 minutes, I could probably score a goal or two, if I was allowed to play 90 mins for 38 matches. Not because I was good enough but because my teammates would probably gift me a goal. But today ? Not a chance I would score
 
Being completely honest - easily 10 goals. Probably not good enough for a striker, but better then some. Im a street footballer style like Rooney, I don't need to overthink scoring opportunities im just raw.
 
Pentame said:
@NL Max I'm eager to hear your prediction! I hope you're at least going for 15 league goals
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:lol: ffs

Memphis playing every single match as striker would easily get 15 goals in his first season, but the rule that I.. can't take freekicks would be bs and limitting.
 
I used to get 50-60 goals a season at Sunday league. So during my prime with a fully functioning United team creating chances for me I'd probably say 5-6.

Edit: In hindsight I think I'm talking bullshit. Id probably be lucky to get one or two.
 
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It's so difficult to judge something like this.

Adam Burchill (former Gillingham and Dover player and Arsenal trainee) went to my secondary school and all of our PE teachers were raving about him and saying that he was the biggest talent they'd seen in 30 odd years of teaching.

He was a few years younger than me, but you could see he was in a different class to the rest of us. He literally ran rings round people and looked destined for big things.

I guess my point is if someone with his level of talent was still light years behind professional footballers, I doubt many of us (especially me) would even score a goal in the premier league.
 
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