Grand Christmas Board of Fortune Game (2017) - Guess Who's Who?

At least I've managed to write one. Should see me safely through going off the efforts so far.
 
They can’t comprehend
The format of a haiku
Ban them for a year
 
Haiku Effort

the king of the scouse
we don’t care about Dem-ba
coz Istanbul la

ffs.
 
Oh damn, I kinda wasn't around yesterday so didn't know to pick a box.
Am I ok to just put one in now?

@Edgar Allan Pillow
 
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Is there such thing as a good haiku, or are they all as shit as this?
 
I'm not stroppy you bag of cocks. I'm only 1 of 4 that's received a feckin penalty despite bribing EAP. It's a farce! What did you offer him? Sexual favours like normal?
5c083bea17f2fef6714c5100078c3e7b5b3088fa_hq.gif
 
So far:

Grylte - Not a Haiku (5-7-7 instead of 5-7-5)
maba723 - Not a Haiku (6-7-7 instead of 5-7-5)
MJJ - Not a Haiku (5-8-7 instead of 5-7-5)
rampo - Not a Haiku (5-8-5 instead of 5-7-5)
RobinHood - Not a Haiku (5-5-6 instead of 5-7-5)
TheReligion - Not a Haiku (5-7-6 instead of 5-7-5)

Adzzz
BerbaDean
Can7onA
Classical Mechanic
Cliche Guevara
CrackersJr
Dolf
Gregawa
LInkash
McGrathsipan
Momochiru
nc_13
No Idea For Nickname
Panther
RedElf
SaboTaj
saik
sallycinnamin
Sunny Jim
SwedishFish
Toad
ThierryHenry
ThomasEmil
Toddler
van der star
VanGaalEra
Vato
verminater
Von Mistelroum
Who's Kissing Cameras?

Achilles McCool - Done
Billy Blaggs - Done
CM10 - Done
FultonRed - Done
GBBQ - Done
P-Nut0712 - Done
Welsh Wonder - Done
Nick7 - Done
SS - Done

:(
 
Jokes on you, I got 1,000$ with my bribery, meaning whatever insult you may throw is just an implicit insult of your own even worse situation.

I am fully prepared that I will have 3 Turns or less in this game. Just take down Fake Crackers and Grylte please. For this I shall be in your debt.