BREAKING NEWS: 2010 Ballon d’Or Cancelled: Gareth Bale Wins Award Despite Lack of Nomination
"In what will be shocking news to football fans around the globe, this year’s Ballon d’or has been cancelled.
All nominees for the world player award were notified prior to the news being leaked to press, David Villa has commented ‘Of course I’m disappointed but what can you do when faced with such talent? I totally understand the decision.’
His Barcelona teammate, Lionel Messi, added ‘I heard an English commentator say he has the best left foot in world football. I am grateful as it means there is another level I can attain. I’ll be modelling my game on his.’
It’s the first time the prestigious Ballon d’or has been cancelled. The organisers made the decision after they realised the omission of the world’s best player made it a farce. Instead, this year the award will be given directly to Gareth Bale to recognise his achievements at the very top of the game.
Bale mania has been sweeping the world and has even touched his childhood home in Whitchurch, Cardiff. Rhys Jones, head of Whitchurch & Tongwynlais tourist board said ‘We’ve had visitors from everywhere on the planet. Last year we had 4 tourists, though we think one may have been a lorry driver lost through his Sat Nav, so this has really helped. There’s a spring near Gareth’s old primary school and people have been bottling the water to take home.’
Rafael Benitez is still struggling to recover from his team being torn apart by the Welsh Wizard, he shared his pain with us ‘What can you do? No point crying over spilt milk. We need to take the medicine like men, a spoon full of sugar should help.’
In Catalonia Carles Puyol was found having his ‘CESC MUST COME TO BARCA’ tattoo changed, tattooist Pablo Cunacho said it would be an easy job ‘Luckily Bale and Cesc are both four letter words so it’ll take no time at all. ‘
Meanwhile, more shocking news has emerged from Germany. Heinz Stein, director of communications at Berlin Aquarium was forced to face the international media after rumours started circulating regarding the death of Paul The Octopus™ “We can’t keep it a secret anymore, it’s true. We gave him four food pots, each with the name of a top football player so he could predict the world’s best. The pots, which were full, were labelled Messi, Ronaldo, Bale and Sniejder. Paul swam to the Bale pot like a torpedo and ate the entire contents in four seconds, this is far too quick but he was incredibly excited. He didn’t stand a chance, his digestive system literally exploded.”
We contacted Gareth for comment on this as the news broke but ‘his people’ were unable to grant an interview as he was busy at a local primary school. His PR manager, Max Clifford, told us ‘Gareth spends his days off helping the local community and is currently teaching football skills to children at a local school. After the Inter Milan game he went straight to the local soup kitchen to help serve the needy and vulnerable a much needed snack. You could have spoke to him on Sunday but he’s using that day off to visit his mum and cook Sunday lunch for all the family.’"
BREAKING NEWS: 2010 Ballon d
