United line up for the match tomorrow. Cold breeze. The typical Australian winter bringing a hint of evening dew on the brows of the players as they stand ready for the whistle to blow. But it doesn't blow. Instead there's just.
Silence.
An endless void. The fans look around in confusion. The players remain where they are. Nonchalant. Biding their time for they already know what is coming next.
The lights go off! The sound of a bass drum thumps out. One-two. One-two. Gaining tempo with each bar. Until the sounds of penny whistles and recorders play out. The lights spark back into life. The pitch splits in half revealing a rudimentary hatch and elevator. And, riding that wave of steel to the top is none other than Ronaldo.
He waves to the crowd, clutching a white fur robe. His crown adorned with rubies and emeralds glisten as he smiles in delight. Patches of the crowd politely clap, others boo. The players remain still, showing no emotion. Maguire grits his teeth. Ronaldo doesn't notice any of this, nor does he notice the object swinging towards him.
"OHMYGAWD! OHMYGAWD!" screams out Jim Ross. "HE'S GOT THE STEEL CHAIR!!!"
Frenkie swings again. Ronaldo grunts. Teeth go flying. The crowd goes wild. Ten Hag puts on a pair of clogs and dances about. Maguire chuckles. Ronaldo struggles to get to his feet and doesn't see the elbow come until the last moment.
"HE'S CLIMBED UP TO THE TOP OF THE ROOF AND ELBOW DROPPED HIM. OHMYGAWD!!!"
Frenkie stands up and puts his hands in the air. The team run up to him and celebrate, ignoring the Portuguese dickhead under their feet. A banner is rolled down from the roof. WELCOME TO MANCHESTER.