I don't think it's wrong that you keep pursuing the coach' absolute #1 target. However it does seem a little bit too obvious that De Jong is the absolute #1 target and Ten Hag only wants him. It does look like it has put Barcelona in a position that they won't give in. On the contrary, to me it sounds like they are even asking for more now. In the beginning of the saga it seemed like Barcelona were going to settle for a huge part of their initial investment (around €70m), however now there are rumours they want the full €86m they invested (although I don't think they have paid that full amount yet, as part of it were through bonuses - 75+11, for which I don't think all conditions are yet met).
To me it does sound like you've made it so obvious that FdJ is the #1 target and that you have no backups to go to, that Barcelona just feels like eventually you'll pay up anyway. I don't think it is wrong to fully focus on the managers absolute priority, but I do think United could have made it way less obvious to put more pressure on Barcelona (as it was also obvious that they need to sell).