Massive Spanner
The Football Wrench
I have a theory that the dumber you are off the pitch i.e Rooney and Ferdinand, the more intelligent you are on it...
Or maybe footballers are just really thick.
I think possibly a combination of both.
Football intelligence.
In the same sense that Scholes looks permanently retarded when he is doing anything. He is using 98% of his brain on football, leaving just a meager 2% for stuff like facial movement, speech, ability to stay clothed etc.