Daily Mail

[Jippy]

This story is a masterclass in writing a minor story up, rather tongue in cheek, as if it were a Pulitzer-worthy epic.


Woman says catfish fell from sky, striking her near Art Museum

'The injuries: Minor. The trauma: Immeasurable. '

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/2...l_from_sky__striking_her_near_Art_Museum.html

 

[Member 39557]

This story is a masterclass in writing a minor story up, rather tongue in cheek, as if it were a Pulitzer-worthy epic.


Woman says catfish fell from sky, striking her near Art Museum

'The injuries: Minor. The trauma: Immeasurable. '

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/2...l_from_sky__striking_her_near_Art_Museum.html

She got prescribed antibiotics. The mind boggles!

 

[Jippy]

She got prescribed antibiotics. The mind boggles!

The story does rattle along at a breathless pace though.

Lobree immediately buckled to the ground, screaming - the only logical reaction when one is assaulted by a flying fish with whiskers. Her friend started screaming something about a fish. People were asking if she was OK. There may have been some crying involved.

 

[SteveJ]

Sounds like Dylan Moran wrote that.

 

[Jippy]

Sounds like Dylan Moran wrote that.

Thought you'd appreciate the penmanship.

 

[SteveJ]

 

[Jippy]

Wow, this guy's actually a councillor. People voted for him.

Anger over changes to Jarrow bus route

http://www.shieldsgazette.com/news/anger-over-changes-to-jarrow-bus-route-1-8103278

 

[SteveJ]

Has he considered that the buses might not be stopping because of his clothes?

 

[Dan]

Wow, this guy's actually a councillor. People voted for him.

Anger over changes to Jarrow bus route

http://www.shieldsgazette.com/news/anger-over-changes-to-jarrow-bus-route-1-8103278

Reminds me of Colin Hunt from The Fast Show.

 

[Dan]

 

[Dan]

Sex-crazy Galapagos tortoise fathers 800, saves species

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/...ise-fathers-800-save-species-newser/90475418/

 

[SteveJ]

Astonishing stuff, even for the Mail:

 

[Jippy]

Astonishing stuff, even for the Mail:

Mac did a similar one a way back that caused a stir- can't remember what it was about, but had the same bones through noses etc... depictions. I guess it's part of his shtick.

 

[Bury Red]

Mac did a similar one a way back that caused a stir- can't remember what it was about, but had the same bones through noses etc... depictions. I guess it's part of his shtick.

Think that was when Tom Jones was getting a DNA test to see if he had any black ancestry, don't know how they can get away with it now.

 

[Jippy]

Think that was when Tom Jones was getting a DNA test to see if he had any black ancestry, don't know how they can get away with it now.

Ah, yep, that was it. A part of me would miss the DM were it to go away. It's a strangely fascinating window into a certain strata of society.

 

[Jippy]

Wow, this artist's impression of a double UFO sighting has an eerie photo-realism about it.

Man claims he saw two UFOs being chased by a helicopter in Devon on Monday night

http://www.torquayheraldexpress.co....monday-night/story-29714189-detail/story.html

 

[Sassy Colin]

Wait what?

The blue triangles are supposed to be the UFOs?

Edit: No I see now, it's an artist's made up impression of some deluded lunatic's fantasy?

 

[Jippy]

Wait what?

The blue triangles are supposed to be the UFOs?

Edit: No I see now, it's an artist's made up impression of some deluded lunatic's fantasy?

Makes me laugh that the editor obviously said 'yeah, feck it, that'll do'.

 

[SteveJ]

Maybe the Mail's protecting the UFOs' privacy?

 

[Silva]

Makes me laugh that the editor obviously said 'yeah, feck it, that'll do'.

I reckon they didn't even bother getting the graphics person to do it, just opened up paint and clicked triangles.

 

[Jippy]

I reckon they didn't even bother getting the graphics person to do it, just opened up paint and clicked triangles.

They should take a leaf out of their neighbours in Plymouth's book and put a bit of effort in. This was great.

Papers should definitely do more crude photoshop 'artist's impressions' of events (real or not).

Missing lynx threatens Plymouth couple's dream wedding day

http://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/ply...missing-lynx/story-29509857-detail/story.html

 

[Jippy]

Accrington man filmed himself having sex with horse in stable

'After he left Mrs Hilary went about seeing to her horses and noticed a ‘substance’ on the back leg of one of her horses and cleaned it off with a tissue before contacting the police.'

http://m.lancashiretelegraph.co.uk/...lmed_himself_having_sex_with_horse_in_stable/

 

[PedroMendez]

Not daily mail, but come on.
http://ottawacitizen.com/news/local...allegedly-smuggled-in-body-cavity-judge-hears

Canadian Mint employee accused of smuggling $180K of gold in his rectum

 

[Jippy]

Not daily mail, but come on.
http://ottawacitizen.com/news/local...allegedly-smuggled-in-body-cavity-judge-hears

I bet they were queuing up to volunteer.

Investigators also found a container of vaseline in his locker and the trial was presented with the prospect that a puck could be concealed in an anal cavity and not be detected by the wand. In preparation for these proceedings, in fact, a security employee actually tested the idea, Barnes said.

 

[Jippy]

Boring story, but great pic with even the dog getting in on the action.

Bewdley pollution problems could punish council for millions

http://www.kidderminstershuttle.co....n_problems_could_punish_council_for_millions/

 

[Jippy]

The same local news blog chap even dug out this, which is deemed the worst misprint in newspaper history.
A bloke has even read it as a poem. http://michaelspicer.tumblr.com/post/150769635705/here-i-read-my-favourite-poem-the-memories-live

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/jubilee2-1.jpg

 

[Grinner]

'Incurable' public masturbator has his life sentence overturned after Oregon Supreme Court finds it unconstitutional

• Dennis James Davidson, 39, was sentenced to life in prison without parole under the state's three-strike law for repeat sex offenders

• He received multiple public indecency convictions from 2006 to 2011

• Was caught masturbating in parks, school playgrounds and parking lots

• But the Court ruled his punishment did not fit the crimes and reversed it

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...urned-Oregon-Supreme-Court.html#ixzz4L60Dmc1T
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

 

[Giant Midget]

http://www.timeout.com/london/blog/...he-sun-its-just-whining-leftie-pc-crap-092316

lol wut?

This is what counts as journalism in the UK these days?

 

[Jippy]

http://www.timeout.com/london/blog/...he-sun-its-just-whining-leftie-pc-crap-092316

lol wut?

This is what counts as journalism in the UK these days?

It's a comment piece in a freesheet. You aren't going get Watergate broken in it.

 

[SwansonsTache]

The fecking size of this Anaconda..

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ver-10m-anaconda-Brazilian-building-site.html

 

[Jippy]

Er, I can't imagine it does, really, unless they are super-ugly and pull a stunner who doesn't actually charge them.


Having more sex makes men more likely to believe in God

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...y-believe-God-miracle-them.html#ixzz4LIY2aCFB

 

[Dan]

Spider bites Australian man on penis again

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-37481251

Once is unlucky, twice well...

 

[Pogue Mahone]

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/blac...rden-is-arrested-303?utm_source=vicetwitteruk


Blackburn Man Does Five Lines of Cocaine, Has a Forty Minute Wank In a Beer Garden, Is Arrested

 

[Dan]

Man Injured By Falling Sheep at Porth Medical Centre

http://myrhondda.com/rhonddanews/man-injured-by-falling-sheep-at-porth-medical-centre/

 

[Jippy]

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/blac...rden-is-arrested-303?utm_source=vicetwitteruk


Blackburn Man Does Five Lines of Cocaine, Has a Forty Minute Wank In a Beer Garden, Is Arrested

When I did coke/mdma in my 20s I could go all night. Late 30s and I needed a splint. This guy had stamina and must be feeling a bit raw.

 

[Jippy]

Spot the typo in the standfirst.

TYRANNOSAURUS SEX
Woman who had public sex with a model dinosaur at children’s playground is identified by cops
'The statue has been giving a deep clean using "strong disinfectant" following the lewd act'

Spoiler: NSFW

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/18915...t-childrens-playground-is-identified-by-cops/

Some of the comments on the DM version made me chuckle.

Jonno, Swanley, United Kingdom, 39 minutes ago
What was the DM journalist looking for when he discovered these pictures.

ooaarrr me luvvers, exeter, United Kingdom, 33 minutes ago
So that's what wiped them out then

ImFreeMrHumphries, Stratford Upon Avon, United Kingdom, 5 hours ago
Sometimes needs must.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ex-act-fibreglass-dinosaur.html#ixzz4LrZ7FJZx

 

[Jippy]

DM questions woman's suitability to be a teacher after she got a vibrator stuck up her bum and broadcast it to the world. They still have this on their home page, but have toned it down when you click through to the story.

Would you let this woman teach your children? Student teacher, 24, reveals she had to undergo surgery to remove a sex toy from her bottom in a very awkward Facebook post

'Doctors offered her the toy as a keepsake but she declined.'


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-pink-sex-toy-boyfriend-got-stuck-BOTTOM.html

 

[Sassy Colin]

DM questions woman's suitability to be a teacher after she got a vibrator stuck up her bum and broadcast it to the world. They still have this on their home page, but have toned it down when you click through to the story.

Would you let this woman teach your children? Student teacher, 24, reveals she had to undergo surgery to remove a sex toy from her bottom in a very awkward Facebook post

'Doctors offered her the toy as a keepsake but she declined.'


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-pink-sex-toy-boyfriend-got-stuck-BOTTOM.html

Can't believe you got in before me Must have a cnut like a bucket.

Anyway:

 

[Jippy]

Can't believe you got in before me Must have a cnut like a bucket.

Anyway:

It was up her arse!

 

[SteveJ]

'Government cuts space exploration funding'