Daily Mail

[Solius]

Purple Aki!

 

[SteveJ]

He was only 3-foot-9 & six stone when Klopp took over.

 

[Jippy]

He was born to commit this crime.

Gwaun Valley man called John Thomas 'accidentally sent penis pictures to teenager'


http://www.westerntelegraph.co.uk/n...rss&utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

 

[Dr. Dwayne]

 

[Jippy]

Thrilling live blog of found hand grenade drama.

10:00am

Eyewitnesses say the police have yet to put up a cordon but they are keeping people away from the area.

It is understood that the hand grenade was found by a dog walker who moved it to the side of the field by the fence.

Officers said the grenade does not appear to have its pin in.

http://www.dorsetecho.co.uk/news/14461185._Hand_grenade__found_in_field/

 

[SteveJ]

Exclusive interview with the dog that salutes Hitler.

 

[Jippy]

Harrowing scenes in Watford.

http://www.watfordobserver.co.uk/news/14449618.Fire_crews_called_to_woman_with_trapped_arm/

 

[SteveJ]

Good bleedin' grief.

 

[horsechoker]

Good bleedin' grief.

Even on the bus our players are out of position. Vaginal out!

 

[Jippy]

Yay, William Hanson, their 'etiquette expert', has done another piece. Cereal is for plebs.

We are repeatedly told that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It is also important in understanding what background, social class and aspirations a person has and how they are setting themselves up for the day.

How we eat our toast could be an entire article, if not book, in itself.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...cial-class-having-bowl-cereal-downmarket.html

 

[SteveJ]

F*ck am I saluting the national anthem while me n' my whippet eat toast in a bath full of coal. Sod off, Hanson.

 

[Grinner]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencet...e-traveller-using-smartphone-record-bout.html

They debunk their own story in the article itself.

 

[Jippy]

Diners were incensed when they discovered that wraps have been included in the sandwich section of the menu at South Downs Nurseries in Hassocks.

http://www.midsussextimes.co.uk/new...wich-say-angry-diners-1-7374769#ixzz496znSGcZ

 

[Wibble]

Diners were incensed when they discovered that wraps have been included in the sandwich section of the menu at South Downs Nurseries in Hassocks.

http://www.midsussextimes.co.uk/new...wich-say-angry-diners-1-7374769#ixzz496znSGcZ

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo - say it aint so.

 

[Jippy]

A headline you never thought you'd see#3827

'Extremely drunk' student stabbed a tram shelter


http://www.nottinghampost.com/Extre...tram-shelter/story-29265538-detail/story.html

 

[Dan]

Old Cwmbran residents upset over death of popular duck

http://www.southwalesargus.co.uk/ne...n_residents_upset_over_death_of_popular_duck/

 

[Jippy]

Old Cwmbran residents upset over death of popular duck

http://www.southwalesargus.co.uk/ne...n_residents_upset_over_death_of_popular_duck/

'One family, who don’t wish to be named, have said they are sad she’s gone.'

 

[Jippy]

That's what they all say.

Grandfather claims police planted animal porn compilation DVD in his living room

http://www.thisislancashire.co.uk/n...rss&utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

 

[Jippy]

Helpful healthcare advice from the DM, with added bonus points for use of 'dry humping'.

How you can getl pregnant with your clothes ON: Conception expert reveals the shocking ways you can accidentally conceive

• FEMAIL busts the myths surrounding conception
• You can get pregnant from 'dry humping', even if your underwear is still on
• Breastfeeding doesn't prevent women from conceiving
• You can get still pregnant if the man hasn't ejaculated at all

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...eals-shocking-ways-accidentally-conceive.html

This comment:

Sagon Penn, JacksonHole, United States, 5 minutes ago
We all know someone who was strained thru a pair of jeans....

 

[Tyrion]

A headline you never thought you'd see#3827

'Extremely drunk' student stabbed a tram shelter


http://www.nottinghampost.com/Extre...tram-shelter/story-29265538-detail/story.html

The first half was so common it was almost boring. The second half was so weird I'm not sure if it's gramatically correct.

 

[SteveJ]

Helpful healthcare advice from the DM, with added bonus points for use of 'dry humping'.

How you can getl pregnant with your clothes ON: Conception expert reveals the shocking ways you can accidentally conceive

• FEMAIL busts the myths surrounding conception
• You can get pregnant from 'dry humping', even if your underwear is still on
• Breastfeeding doesn't prevent women from conceiving
• You can get still pregnant if the man hasn't ejaculated at all

It's science, but not as we know it.

 

[Jippy]

Beware of contagious red hair.

School kicks teenager out of classes because she dyed her hair red

"That wasn't a problem. But this morning, I got a call from her head of year saying Leah had been put in isolation and taken out of her classes."

http://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/Yea...-school-hair/story-29260208-detail/story.html

 

[SteveJ]

Looking at her hair, that seems rather harsh. She's not exactly turned into Ronald McDonald, has she?

 

[Jippy]

Police pursue swan in 2mph chase on Carholme Road roundabout

"Swans are large birds who potentially could take a child's eye out."

http://www.lincolnshireecho.co.uk/P...tory-28950661-detail/story.html#ixzz49ralp8di

 

[Jippy]

Actual DM story for a change.

Race row over Chinese detergent advert showing a woman shoving a black suitor into a washing machine and then smiling in delight as he emerges as an Asian man

• The commercial started airing this month on Chinese television
• It shows a woman shoving a black man into her washing machine
• At the end of the cycle, the man emerges as a light-skinned Asian man to the Chinese woman's delight
• As many have pointed out, the commercial could be a reflection of the Chinese obsession with white skin
• Many Asian woman use beauty products meant to make their skin lighter

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...achine-smiling-delight-emerges-Asian-man.html


Selected comments:

John, West London, 3 hours ago
Well obviously the black actor didn't think it racist. But of course they only use that card when they need it to their advantage.

Nelly1986, London, United Kingdom, 45 minutes ago
So the black actor didn't object when there was a big fat pay cheque being offered? The race card is only pulled out when it suits!

 

[Wibble]

The only thing more stupid than the Mail is the Mail's comments section.

 

[DOTA]

The only thing more stupid than the Mail is the Mail's comments section.

I dunno. I think that advert is up there...

 

[Wibble]

True. Just when you think the Mail has hit peak stupid they surprise you yet again.

 

[Jippy]

I dunno. I think that advert is up there...

'Playing the race card' is another comment section staple.

 

[Mrs Smoker]

 

[Jippy]

Islamic terrorist group is preventing a woman from Abingdon from doing her cross-stitch.

http://m.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/1451...ss_at_risk_of_being_refused_orders_by_Paypal/

 

[Jippy]

Bored girl sends a letter to herself
'Her dad bought her a stamp and helped her to post it.'

Clearly worth of four photos and a video.


http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/t-be...tory-29266274-detail/story.html#ixzz48fwOCx6n

 

[Dr. Dwayne]

Islamic terrorist group is preventing a woman from Abingdon from doing her cross-stitch.

http://m.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/1451...ss_at_risk_of_being_refused_orders_by_Paypal/

Bored girl sends a letter to herself
'Her dad bought her a stamp and helped her to post it.'

Clearly worth of four photos and a video.


http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/t-be...tory-29266274-detail/story.html#ixzz48fwOCx6n

 

[SteveJ]

Bloody hell, it's all happening in Hull.

Ghost-hunters get the willies by stumbling on 'porn shoot' in Hull graveyard

Ghost guide Mike Covell said: "One elderly man was so incensed, he was ready to chase after them with his walking stick but I persuaded him to calm down and eat his sandwiches."

More news: 'I've had a cactus spine stuck in my finger for 20 years'

http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/Ghos...tory-29340636-detail/story.html#ixzz4AELFTNJ9

 

[Jippy]

Bloody hell, it's all happening in Hull.



http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/Ghos...tory-29340636-detail/story.html#ixzz4AELFTNJ9

They certainly love a sensationalist headline in the regions.

Welling man mistook noisy pigeons for neighbour having an orgasm following solar panel hell


http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/1..._having_an_orgasm_following_solar_panel_hell/

 

[SteveJ]

 

[berbatrick]

They certainly love a sensationalist headline in the regions.

Welling man mistook noisy pigeons for neighbour having an orgasm following solar panel hell


http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/1..._having_an_orgasm_following_solar_panel_hell/

Comments:

How insulting and intrusive is this story to this man's neighbours. Because of his sensationalist misconceptions and the lax reporting of NS who do not appear to have even spoken to the neighbours these neighbours who will be easily identified within their own neighbourhood have had a highly embarrassing story printed about something which they did not do and which should be private anyway and not even discussed.

The Brussels and control freak Anti British federal monster EEC (Uncommon Market) intend to ***BAN organisms** after 10.OOa.m. and also BAN ***any breaking of wind in both private or public.

 

[Dr. Dwayne]

Comments:
The Brussels and control freak Anti British federal monster EEC (Uncommon Market) intend to ***BAN organisms** after 10.OOa.m.

That's the natural world screwed right there. Always knew humanity would legislate itself into oblivion but didn't think we'd have the gall to take it all with us. RIP in peace, every living thing.

 

[Jippy]

The Welling story has one of the most disjointed headlines ever. Sounds like the neighbour having a noisy orgasm is a direct consequence of the 'solar panel hell'.

 

[Jippy]

Excruciating live blog about the opening of Nottingham's eighth KFC branch in a new low for journalism.

http://www.nottinghampost.com/Live-...9277918-detail/story.html#f9tjXxhzeLyUmOhJ.01