“Once, twice, three times a lady” some fella sang, then followed it with “hit me with your huge moose knuckle designed by Calvin Klein, while he wore worn-out pants”. Unlike Steve Coppell, who complained that an unlucky Richardson nearly beat the dog that he sniffed.
Goat-Man, aka Whinger, thought that he saw Cabbage-Face. Jose was thinking of Terry and Obi Wan, while dreaming of being spit roasted by Abramovich and Fred Dibbah. The RedCafe does a fantastic fry-up before every contest, encouraging fat, useless, Lumptard to eat shorts. There must be some Swede looking for some pussy in Man Shitty because it is obvious that she sucks.
Goat-Man, who has a breast infected by small bugs that were, alas, tasteless yet somehow tasty, began feeling lady-testicles that felt very smooth and crinkly, like Cherie Blair’s armpit hair. Incidentally, Cabbage-Face traveled with droves of Martians that eat rats for lunch (not unlike a group of traveling scousers) because bananas were unavailable due to a revolt of bridge-trolls locked up behind a Moose Asylum in Bangladesh. This resulted in a catastrophe.
“Spanktastic” said spankers, “are pistachios the favorite nut in the Caribbean?”.
Drogba, who is Snoop Dogg’s pooper-scooper and also his cook, puked again which turned into a lovely curry-filled pastry, freshly baked out of Baker Bob’s pyjamas. Pangolins wanked over Adriana Lima whilst sniffing Anna Kournikova’s sphincter, while plundering her stamp collection that she had collected since the 1950’s.
Goat-Man returned, naked, with Cashley Cole and Fabregas’s llama, wanking each other so profusely that flames shot-up their jock, burning themselves, the village the were in, and their ravishing wind-chimes. In the meantime, Cabbage-Face had a submariner’s prawns, and invented titanium underwear, which weighed as much as Lumptard’s arse when someone spunked on top of Beswick’s Broken-Back mountain.
Anyways, loose porpoises (or as the cool kids liked to say “Loose Porpii”) caused a bad rash on Lumptard’s knob that flared up in Drogba’s pussy and armpits. Lipstick worn by Marcos, is slightly out of date because it is orange; however, if Ronaldinho decides upon transferring to Leeds United for peanuts, Wisey will eat pies competitively in order to become Lord Mayor of Duseberry.
Meanwhile, wanking was prevalent in the crack-house known as Planet Anfield, where Rafa was deluded by O’Shea’s winner which crushed Gerrard’s tiny balls.
Manchester is a faithful refuge amidst the stormy passage. It demonstrates exothermic properties that startled chinchillas that were disposed of by Nelson Mandela, while he was imagining lucid turtles flying over Piccadilly. Meanwhile, Stuart Pearce continues to delude giraffes. Craig Felony is a sexy, first-class, golf-maniac who loves rimming spiders while humping hippos through the walls of Scouse Land.
Mourinho lost Roman’s asshole toy to some goblin’s deep inside Terry’s rectum. Mourinho then rimmed him aggressively to a messy orgasm.
Big Andy is big like the Tower of Pisa, which is located in the inside of the colon. Anyways, Bob the Builder, the Ninja Turtles, the Teletubbies, and Rayman studied the mystery of the scouse stupidity of losing 1:0 to the mighty United.
O’Shea clenched his overstretched rectum while Red Rat Racer was rimming spastics so hard they almost went through the walls, which dripped blood and semen.
Meanwhile, Lumpard yelled “Gash Out” and inserted his carrot-shaped, peewee, spud-gun into the hands of Jimmy Hendrix’s corpse. While mounting horses, Mihajlovic smiled, Vlad cringed agonizingly while analyzing the foul smell of “semiopacous”, while the Romanian government executed Got-Man’s intestines, without their signature condoms that are inside-out.
Mourinho sucked his small intestine out through his nostrils with all of spastics in Stamford Bridge and Emirates. Meanwhile, the toaster exploded into pieces of sphincter juice. Lumpard went limp in Old Trafford.
In the latest episode of the United Hour Podcast, Nik (@Rood) and Jamie (@Vault Dweller) are here to celebrate rare back-to-back victories for Manchester United! They analyse the late win in the Europa League vs. Rangers and then try and find things to analyse in a pretty dour game vs. Fulham. They also chat about the latest Marcus Rashford news, and look at the latest transfer news.