Film The Redcafe Movie review thread

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

That woman that hosted late night b-movies and horrors in America starring in her own film. It's every bit as crap as the films she presented which I assume was on purpose. It's like a tongue in cheek kind of shite. It's also very of it's time, most of the jokes are about her having massive tits, her being a bit of a slut or people being prudish. She owns it all though with her double entendres and her sassy attitude. She owns the screen when she's on it and embraces it all with gusto. If it was made today weirdos on Twitter would go mental, yet Elvira could easily be considered "a strong female character" despite spending the entire film in a ridiculously skimpy outfit and constantly using her tits for comedy value. She gets pushed around by no one, when people take it too far with her she puts them in their place and despite her flaws she embraces them and does her thing. She's a better character than Rey or Captain Marvel because she's an actual character and she has charisma.

The ending involves a Vegas show where Elvira raps, sings, dances, there's a tarantula thrown in there and her nipple tassle dancing is art. Turns out Cassandra Peterson is a former Vegas show girl so could easily do all that. Yet it still had a wonderfully cheesey Bart Simpson rapping "Do the Bartman" air to it.

The story is pure nonsense. She quits her hosting job because her new boss tries to grope her, then decides she's going to Vegas but needs $50,000 to put on her show, then gets a letter saying her great aunt had died and she left her an inheritance in a tiny town in Massachussets. So off she goes to get her inheritance and then witchcraft gets involved along with prudish locals and it all goes a bit mental. I think I laughed way too much at Elvira as a baby, it was the confused look on the poor kid's face as it sat there in Elvira make up.

Its shite, but it knows its shite and just embraces the absurdity of it all. I enjoyed it. The 80's and early 90's were great.

7/10
 
Conan the Destroyer

I don't think I've seen this in about 20 years. Worryingly despite what I forgot about The Wickerman in just over a month, I remembered this almost scene for scene. I worry about what gets retained in my head.

It's not entirely terrible, it has its moments, but as a sequel to what in my opinion is the best fantasy movie ever it's just nowhere near the quality of the original. They tried to make it family friendly, so they removed the nudity. He decapitates several people within the first 5 minutes. Grace Jones rams a stick right through atleast 2 people. He launches his sword through a wizard that turned into a fairly scary monster. There's throats being slit. He rips the horn right out of the head of another monster in a lengthy horn ripping sequence. Family friendly entertainment...

I always thought Olivia D'Abo was just a bad actress, but it turns out she was only 14 during this, which makes some elements of it a bit questionable. Also Andre the Giant was inside the Dagoth monster costume at the end. Facts I learned.

I will say the cult leader wizard guy was fantastic and the weird battle of wizardry he gets into with Mako was a joy to behold in its full blooded ridiculousness. It did leave me questioning why they built a door that could only be opened from the inside. Who closed it in the first place?

It's just not as quotable and lacks a lot of the charm of the first. Even the opening monologue by Mako feels lacklustre compared to the first one, which was epic. Sounds almost like a take of the monologue he did for the first one that got cut.

I might watch Red Sonia at some point this week but I fear it being a lot worse than I remember and I don't remember it being all that good.

6/10
 
Mrs Smoker said:
I can't remember the music from it, even though the Great Basil made it as well...worth getting the OST?
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If you're a fan of his work then yeah, I always thought the OST from the first was excellent, the second is pretty good too if a little more ethereal from what I can remember of both. The main title theme from the first was epic.

Conan the Barbarian intro:



Conan the Destroyer intro:



You can hear the difference in the two Mako monologues in those two tracks too. One sounds like he's acting and the other like he's just reading.
 
Art Vandelay said:
Conan the Destroyer


I might watch Red Sonia at some point this week but I fear it being a lot worse than I remember and I don't remember it being all that good.

6/10
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Watch The Sword and the Sorcerer for a really fun film of this genre. I rate it as highly as Beastmaster.
 
Grinner said:
Watch The Sword and the Sorcerer for a really fun film of this genre. I rate it as highly as Beastmaster.
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Sweet Jesus, as highly as Beastmaster? That's some praise. I think I saw it on Amazon Prime the other day so might give it a watch tonight actually if it's still on there.
 
Archie Leach said:
I bought tickets to see it at the film festival in a couple of weeks just so I can come in here to tell Nilsson how wrong he is.
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Now, at 46, Korine has a little more control over his own creativity, he said. But his studio is still dense with the products of his overflowing mind: Cohiba cigar boxes painted in bright colors, scrawled with Korine's child-like writing. “People always make fake cigars. I wanted to make my own fakes,” he said. He showed me a bound manuscript that he said was a book of poems that he wrote entirely on his iPhone, using the Tom Hanks typewriter app. The manuscript's title was Destiny's Aborted Child.
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Hell House, LLC
Five years after an unexplained malfunction causes the death of 15 tour-goers and staff on the opening night of a Halloween haunted house tour, a documentary crew travels back to the scene of the tragedy to find out what really happened. For some reason, I saw the sequel first, which I quite enjoyed. Found this on Amazon Prime so stuck it on. It is critically received better but I enjoyed it less. There were some really creepy bits and one scene that had some great tension building but it just had quite unlikeable characters and a lot of the run time had not much going on 4.5/10

Hereditary
After being slightly disappointed by Midsommar, I decided to watch this again. A lot less horror in it than I originally remember from when I saw it in the cinema but still creepy as feck with great direction, acting and overall narrative. All the scares worked just as effectively as the first time. Love it. A modern classic in my eyes 9/10
 
First Blood - A lot different from what I was expecting. I've always had this image of the Rambo films as mindless uber-macho action, maybe the sequels are still like that but this was a rather low-key thriller at times about a man suffering from PTSD. John Frankenstein Rambo. It definitely could replace the much more offensive The Deer Hunter on canonical lists.

Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story by Martin Scorsese - Scorsese, presumably fresh out of watching The Other Side of the Wind, seemingly got the idea to make this a Wellesian documentary with fake people and made up anecdotes. Dylan, I imagine, had no problem participating when he was asked to bend the truth a little. Making a docu on the idea of the Rolling Thunder Revue rather than the actual event could have worked but the execution was so half arsed and it didn't follow that thread in the end and just petered out in concert footage.

Silent Running - As shrill as Joan Baez's singing voice. Sorry @Silent_Running. A pissy Bruce Dern with his jumbled hair and ugly little blue tracksuit is not the kind of actor to hold up a movie on his own.

The Driver - A rather pale imitation of a Melville gangster, no wonder Refn likes it so much. The car chase scenes were spectacular though I have to say and Ryan O'Neal did surprisingly well. Isabelle Adjani looked hot in a suit but the hat she was wearing was a complete disaster. At this point I was getting really sick of Bruce Dern as well.

TRON - Corny as feck but the visuals did pique my interest a little bit. Nothing else quite looks like it.
 
R.N7 said:
First Blood - A lot different from what I was expecting. I've always had this image of the Rambo films as mindless uber-macho action, maybe the sequels are still like that but this was a rather low-key thriller at times about a man suffering from PTSD. John Frankenstein Rambo. It definitely could replace the much more offensive The Deer Hunter on canonical lists.

Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story by Martin Scorsese - Scorsese, presumably fresh out of watching The Other Side of the Wind, seemingly got the idea to make this a Wellesian documentary with fake people and made up anecdotes. Dylan, I imagine, had no problem participating when he was asked to bend the truth a little. Making a docu on the idea of the Rolling Thunder Revue rather than the actual event could have worked but the execution was so half arsed and it didn't follow that thread in the end and just petered out in concert footage.

Silent Running - As shrill as Joan Baez's singing voice. Sorry @Silent_Running. A pissy Bruce Dern with his jumbled hair and ugly little blue tracksuit is not the kind of actor to hold up a movie on his own.

The Driver - A rather pale imitation of a Melville gangster, no wonder Refn likes it so much. The car chase scenes were spectacular though I have to say and Ryan O'Neal did surprisingly well. Isabelle Adjani looked hot in a suit but the hat she was wearing was a complete disaster. At this point I was getting really sick of Bruce Dern as well.

TRON - Corny as feck but the visuals did pique my interest a little bit. Nothing else quite looks like it.
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The speech at the end felt a bit painful and awkward to watch when I watched it again a couple of years back, but it is a decent film. The sequels did deviate quite a bit from the original, the 4th one was enjoyable though in its uncompromising brutality that harkened back to the 80's casual attitude to graphic violence and one man army action flicks.



dumbo said:
Missing Link is the latest from Laika. Watch it for the animation and design, because the script is their most pedestrian to date.
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That's a shame, I really enjoyed Kubo.
 
R.N7 said:
Silent Running - As shrill as Joan Baez's singing voice. Sorry @Silent_Running. A pissy Bruce Dern with his jumbled hair and ugly little blue tracksuit is not the kind of actor to hold up a movie on his own.
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I actively hated this film.

Bruce Dern: "We have to change the world."
Everybody else: "But we've eradicated disease, eradicated poverty and everyone has a job"
Bruce Dern: "Bah, that's your answer to everything" *murders everybody*

Then Joan Baez warbles for a bit. Then Bruce Dern, genius botanist, forgets that plants need sunlight. The end.

It's like Wall-E if if Wall-E was also the Unabomber. Bah. If this was supposed to be Trumbull's response to 2001 then I'll take Kubrick's dead-eyed approach every time.
 
Which 2000 Mars movie is the preferable one to watch? Mission to Mars or Red Planet?

I remember bits and pieces of both, but no idea about which movie being better.
 
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Inside Man (2006)

This. was. bad.

3/10
 
Ramos said:
Which 2000 Mars movie is the preferable one to watch? Mission to Mars or Red Planet?

I remember bits and pieces of both, but no idea about which movie being better.
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Red Planet is marginally better on account of the 'robot AMEE going rogue' element of the film.
 
Love, Death & Robots (2019)

Available on Netflix. Anthology of 18 short animation films loosely based on the themes of love, death and er, robots but mainly covering a range of popular film genres such as sci-fi, comedy and fantasy. Each short is a mini story told through the medium of animation (apart from Ice Age which features some live action). This means we get an eclectic mix of animation styles and techniques, the quality of which some are truly amazing and allows the directors to share their visions in ways that only animation can.

Now don't be fooled by the animation theme because cartoons for kids these definitely are not....well a good chunk of them anyway. Some feature nudity and most are quite graphic in places. Some of the themes are pretty dark but add substance to the stories rather than overpowering them. We get war, murder, rape, sex etc, and although I'm probably painting a bleak picture, it's not really as bad as it sounds...but it is rated 18 so you will get an idea of what to expect. For example, although there is nudity, it has it's place and is never really gratuitous or salacious in tone. The same could be said for the violence and gore which is very graphic in places but again we don't necessarily dwell on this but it certainly spices things up a bit.

Whether this anthology is based on short stories or simply an animation project by an individual or group of individuals I'm not sure but they certainly pack a punch. Normally between 10-17 minutes long, each story is completely unrelated and very random in subject matter. There's something really satisfying about a short story that is able to have a beginning, middle and end, cut to the chase and still make a statement and lasting impression on you. One minute you'll get three funny robots exploring earth after humans have been wiped out, in another story you have a group of farmers using mecha-type robots to protect their homes from alien invaders, then on a completely different tangent you get a couple who discover an ancient civilisation in their fridge!

There's too many to list here but they all have a poignant ending and some great twists and reveals that in some cases you don't see coming. Very cleverly done I'll say. There's bound to be something here for everyone in regard to to the type of animation they prefer, whether they're after nudity or violence, robots or monsters, vampires or werewolves, action or comedy etc., etc., I could go on. Modern day animation has come so far it's unbelievable. Once they've fully cracked the facial expressions side of it, there'll be no stopping it, but some of these efforts come pretty close. The detail in 'Beyond the Aquila Rift' is just awesome. My personal favourite was 'The Witness', an animation style I've never seen before (looked a bit like that Spiderverse movie), but visually striking nonetheless. Honourable mentions also go to 'Sonnie's Edge', 'Suits' and 'The Dump'.

I'm giving this an 7/10.
 
RedPed said:
Red Planet is marginally better on account of the 'robot AMEE going rogue' element of the film.
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Yeah, that's what i ended up watching. Mostly because i remembered too many important plot points from Mission to Mars (one scene in particular). So Red Planet felt more fresh.

Wow, what a complete mess of a movie this was. It's all over the place. Cost 90 mil to make. 90 by 2000's standards! It did have enough fun parts to be somewhat entertaining though. And it has Val Kilmer with Eminem hair.
 
The Curse of La Llorona

Ignoring the eerie warning of a troubled mother suspected of child endangerment, a social worker and her own small kids are soon drawn into a frightening supernatural realm.
Was not expecting too much form this , been disappointed too many times.
Not anything you have not seen before in a haunting/possession film and they use the playbook to the max and even go into overtime.
Not the worst I have seen , but it was average with a pretty lame ending.
Music was pretty haunting , more so than the film.

4/10
 
The Dark Within

A disturbed man with unknown psychic abilities tries to unravel the mystery of his parents' disappearance while battling his own demons.
The acting was dreadful , but the story I thought was really good , it was way better than I expected.
Will not be to everybody taste.

5/10
 
Scanners (1981)

Available on Prime BFI Player. One of David Cronenberg's finer pieces of work (though I still need to see Naked Lunch) and regarded as a classic, I remember the iconic video cover always used to freak me out when I was younger. Scanners follows the lives of people with telepathic powers, able to control the minds and actions of others, inflict pain and in extreme cases literally pop a head or two.

Michael Ironside stars as Revok, a particularly powerful and malevolent scanner who heads up an underground movement intent on using their powers for bad and ultimately world domination. Patrick McGoohan stars as a doctor who works for a corporation carrying out scientific research on these human phenomenon and stumbles across a scanner called Cameron Vale with untapped potential in psychic ability. However, Revok is intent on undoing all of his work and eliminating other scanners not aligned to his cause. To prevent this Vale is persuaded to find Revok and take him out first.

Although we see some similarities to the X-Men, the film doesn't really get into the political and ethical dilemmas of whether these people are freaks, outcasts, threats to society etc. That would certainly add an extra dynamic to this film. Rather it focuses on the main character, struggling to make sense of his own existence and later questioning whether he is actually on the good or the bad side. Stephen Lack who plays Vale does a decent job in portraying that inner struggle with that wide eyed vacant, troubled gaze in almost every scene. Cronenberg opts for the eerie soundtrack which is very effective and an abundance of full screen facial shots, which I suppose is essential when trying to convey ESP and mind control without any spoken word. However, rather than get caught up in the suspense of the moment, I did find myself chuckling a few times at the gurning on display. This would have been great for a Phil Jones cameo.

Although billed as a horror, the film is more a graphic sci-fi thriller. Michael Ironside is really creepy as the main antagonist though as mentioned earlier, he really needs to work on his facial expressions when getting into people's heads. Cronenberg had some issues during the production, which meant he had to rush the filming and it kind of shows. The final showdown, although quite impressive just happens without any dramatic buildup then it's done. The film ends just as it was getting warmed up and interesting and you come away feeling that nothing has really been resolved. It's as if Cronenberg just said, we need to finish this movie now, let's just end it here with this final scene.

There is something to be said though about the old school effects as opposed to CGI because if done to a decent standard the impact can be truly more visceral and shocking. The two standout graphic moments in Scanners are still worth a watch even by today's standards. I thought there would be more but it's still an interesting movie. Not brilliant but a good watch nonetheless. Need to dig out the sequels now.

I'm giving this a 7/10.
 
Lifeforce (1985)

Available on Netflix. Haven't seen this in a while, but having done so today have fallen in love with it all over again. It's just fecking great. There's just something great about the 80s sci-fi and horror movies set in the UK as opposed to the US. They just have that look and feel that I can't explain but it gives the film that distinctive character and vibe. It was similar with American Werewolf in London. I know the whole premise was about being in London but I don't think it would have had that same appeal if set anywhere else. Anyway, I digress.

Lifeforce is one of those films that surely holds a special place in most people's hearts. If not purely for the stunning and perfectly formed Mathilda May who is practically naked throughout the whole movie but also for the fact that it is also actually a pretty damn good movie with a very strong British cast, great sets and special effects. I hope that this movie is never re-made because you just know it would be a vacuous, CGI-driven, PC piece of hogwash. It's typically British and manages to retain it's charm without being too self-indulgent but nonetheless we get a classic piece of sci-fi storytelling that is compelling and very satisfying.

The movie looks great from start to finish with striking visuals and special effects that were cutting edge of the time pre-CGI. With plenty of standout moments, great characters and a story that is easy to follow albeit a little disjointed at times, there are very few periods during the film where you find your attention and interest levels dipping. The film centres around three space vampires who are discovered during a space exploration and brought back to earth. However, once they are awakened, London is soon plunged into anarchic chaos as it becomes infected by these otherworldly beings.

Most of the damage is caused by the female vampire, who doesn't really have a name, as she wanders the streets of London, captivating all who come before her with her hot bod and mesmerising powers before sucking out their lifeforce and turning them into rabid zombies. It's left to the Colonel who found them to put things right resulting in a climax of apocalyptic proportions, where the world's very existence is at stake. However, things become a little complicated as the Colonel and the Space Girl kind of fall for each other. The final carnage is brilliantly shot though the ending is a little lame, quite common for sci-fi flicks.

Mathilda May is the obvious star of the show here although her screen time is surprisingly less than I remembered and although she doesn't really say much, she is able to convey so much and drive the story narrative with just a look, an expression. She manages to retain that sense of mystery and intrigue and pretty much gobbles up every scene she is in. Perhaps the fact that she didn't speak much English at the beginning of the film contributed to this. Though by the time filming had finished, she had actually become quite proficient, thanks to the help of the crew. The production company went all out on the special effects which must have cost a fortune at the time and although they ultimately paid the price for it financially, it's meant that the legacy of this film will live on for a very long time to come, thanks to the great production quality.

Just appreciate this film for what it is, ignore the plot holes and jumbled story, revel in the beauty and spectacle on display and you won't be disappointed.

I'm giving this a 8/10.
 
RedPed said:
Hey @Grinner not heard of this one but like the premise. Apparently 5 sequels as well? When is it landing on Netflix?
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I think it's DVD only (yes I still order DVDs). Jack Deth was a bit of a cult hit. Zone Troopers is hard to find though. I remember watching it on VHS and liking it.
 
sullydnl said:
I actively hated this film.

Bruce Dern: "We have to change the world."
Everybody else: "But we've eradicated disease, eradicated poverty and everyone has a job"
Bruce Dern: "Bah, that's your answer to everything" *murders everybody*

Then Joan Baez warbles for a bit. Then Bruce Dern, genius botanist, forgets that plants need sunlight. The end.

It's like Wall-E if if Wall-E was also the Unabomber. Bah. If this was supposed to be Trumbull's response to 2001 then I'll take Kubrick's dead-eyed approach every time.
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I haven't watched it in years but I liked it far more than 2001 at the time. The main gripe with the plot was that
they somehow forgot that plants need light.
 
Let Me Eat Your Pancreas (2017)

Story of a japanese high schooler that's diagnosed with terminal illness. I cried like a baby watching this, it's been a while since a movie did this to me. I don't think I can watch the animated version. 8/10
 
Finally managed to see Far from Home. It was decent! A necessary palette cleanser after the emotional weight of Endgame. I like Tom Holland a lot, I like Zendaya a lot, I like Jake Gyllenhaal a lot, so I had a nice time with this. It was a lot funnier than most Marvel films I've seen as well (maybe I just get the humour now). I did have problems with it, though - the monster fights were really dull, in fact most of the fight sequences were pretty bland, and once the turn/twist took place I thought it started borrowing too much from The Incredibles (those who've seen both will know what I mean) and didn't really go deep enough into the motives behind the turn/twist. It felt pretty choppy tonally and visually as well, but that's a minor thing. Still, this was likeable, the cast are all lovely, and as "Part 1" of Phase 4 I thought it was a nice start. 6.5
 
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