Film The Redcafe Movie review thread

To weigh in on the Cloverfield Paradox discussion, I thought it was hugely enjoyable. Not in the conventional way, of course. Or indeed in any of the ways they presumably intended. It was utterly terrible by any and all conventional standards. But it managed to be that very special kind of terrible that was both unaware of, and completely committed to it's own utter terribleness. Something which made its many frequent ridiculousnesses almost charming. In an amusingly terrible way.

One of my favourite aspects of it's almost endearing terribleness, is that it can't be pinned down or blamed on it's re-writing, or indeed on any one particular thing. The bits that were very clearly added in later to retcon it into the Cloverfield Universe were spectacularly terrible, sure. But they were no more or less terrible than some of the more terrible parts of the evidently original film. And even without plotting of near satirical terribleness, you'd still be left with dialogue that renders most of the characters at Prometheus levels of cinematic space job incompetence...

In a word. Terrible.

Highlights include.

A clearly added on subplot about the main character's husband rescuing a little girl from...somewhere?...that impressively managed to both ruin the entire suspenseful conceit of the main plot (by revealing both the status of the Earth and the existence of the monsters half way through the film) and go absolutely nowhere and achieve absolutely nothing as it's own thing.
The crew's doctor chickening out of performing an autopsy - the one and only doctory thing required of him (shout out to Prometheus! Wat Waaat!) and then doing absolutely nothing of any note for the entire rest of the film.
Chris O Dowd losing his arm in a comical slap stick scene
Chris O Dowd's disembodied arm coming back to life in comical a slap stick scene
Chris O Dowd's now sentient disembodied arm writing a message in pen that solves a crucial plot point in a comical slap stick scene
Anything involving Chris O Dowd's comical disembodied arm.
The bit where the entire plot is essentially explained by a cheap looking News Bulletin interview with a conspiracy theorist that they're all somehow watching on an International space station.
Anything involving Chris O Dowd's comical disembodied arm.
All of the dialogue.
WORMS!!
The bit at the end where Gugu (I've no idea what her character's name was) decides to stay in that dimension, but abandons her escape pod to stop Crazy Blonde Lady killing her crew, only to arrive after she's essentially already killed them all (at least to her knowledge) bet then decides to fight her to the death anyway, despite them both essentially having the same goal 5 minutes ago, and there being basically nothing left worth staying for anyway.
The English husband of the English lead listening to radio reports about the devastation of "Downtown" and "The Residential District"... Because 'places'.

I very much feel this is the kind of list I'll enjoy returning to.

I feel like Chris O' Dowd's arm deserves more mentions.
 
To weigh in on the Cloverfield Paradox discussion, I thought it was hugely enjoyable. Not in the conventional way, of course. Or indeed in any of the ways they presumably intended. It was utterly terrible by any and all conventional standards. But it managed to be that very special kind of terrible that was both unaware of, and completely committed to it's own utter terribleness. Something which made its many frequent ridiculousnesses almost charming. In an amusingly terrible way.

One of my favourite aspects of it's almost endearing terribleness, is that it can't be pinned down or blamed on it's re-writing, or indeed on any one particular thing. The bits that were very clearly added in later to retcon it into the Cloverfield Universe were spectacularly terrible, sure. But they were no more or less terrible than some of the more terrible parts of the evidently original film. And even without plotting of near satirical terribleness, you'd still be left with dialogue that renders most of the characters at Prometheus levels of cinematic space job incompetence...

In a word. Terrible.

Highlights include.

A clearly added on subplot about the main character's husband rescuing a little girl from 'somewhere' for 'reasons', that impressively manages to both ruin the entire suspenseful conceit of the main plot (by revealing both the status of the Earth and the existence of the monsters half way through the film) and also go absolutely nowhere and achieve absolutely nothing as it's own thing.
The crew's doctor chickening out of performing an autopsy - the one and only doctory thing required of him (shout out to Prometheus! Wat Waaat!) and then doing absolutely nothing of any note for the entire rest of the film.
Chris O Dowd losing his arm in a comical slap stick scene
Chris O Dowd's disembodied arm coming back to life in comical a slap stick scene
Chris O Dowd's now sentient disembodied arm writing a message in pen that solves a crucial plot point in a comical slap stick scene
Anything involving Chris O Dowd's comical disembodied arm.
The bit where the entire plot is essentially explained by a cheap looking News Bulletin interview with a conspiracy theorist that they're all somehow watching on an International space station.
Anything involving Chris O Dowd's comical disembodied arm.
All of the dialogue.
WORMS!!
The bit at the end where Gugu (I've no idea what her character's name was) decides to stay in that dimension, but abandons her escape pod to stop Crazy Blonde Lady killing her crew, only to arrive after she's essentially already killed them all (at least to her knowledge) bet then decides to fight her to the death anyway, despite them both essentially having the same goal 5 minutes ago, and there being basically nothing left worth staying for anyway.
The English husband of the English lead listening to radio reports about the devastation of "Downtown" and "The Residential District"... Because 'places'.

I very much feel this is the kind of list I'll enjoy returning to.

Well said, except I didn't enjoy this at all after about first 15 mins. Just finished watching this, and echo your 'terrible' review.

Weak and contrived storyline, inept screenplay, tired cliches and cheap melodramatics ruing what could have been a decent movie. I had to cringe when the lead lady was sending a message to herself. Was as cringe-worthy as Anne Hathway explaining love in Interstellar! Movie just drags and slows to standstill after first 15 mins and what the feck was the climax?

You can hear cheering over the mike when she announces that the beam is stable, and then no time to talk about monsters!
Of all the people only Schmidt knows what's happening and rest are just useless

3/10 - all for Chris O'Dowd and his arm!
 
I feel like Chris O' Dowd's arm deserves more mentions.

To be fair to Chris O' Dowd, he was the only person who knew precisely what kind of B-movie trash he was in, and was acting accordingly.

Which kind of made everyone else’s utter earnestness all the funnier.
 
To be fair to Chris O' Dowd, he was the only person who knew precisely what kind of B-movie trash he was in, and was acting accordingly.

Which kind of made everyone else’s utter earnestness all the funnier.

Indeed.

 
I loved the part where a random person from another dimension got stuck in their wall.

Spectacularly terrible film. Shame, as I liked the second one.
 
Well said, except I didn't enjoy this at all after about first 15 mins. Just finished watching this, and echo your 'terrible' review.

Weak and contrived storyline, inept screenplay, tired cliches and cheap melodramatics ruing what could have been a decent movie. I had to cringe when the lead lady was sending a message to herself. Was as cringe-worthy as Anne Hathway explaining love in Interstellar! Movie just drags and slows to standstill after first 15 mins and what the feck was the climax?

You can hear cheering over the mike when she announces that the beam is stable, and then no time to talk about monsters!
Of all the people only Schmidt knows what's happening and rest are just useless

3/10 - all for Chris O'Dowd and his arm!

In all seriousness (not that anyone should take anything about this movie remotely seriously) the only bit of true terribleness that actually derails the movie is...

The whole husband plot line, and its baffling dedication to ruining both of the films quasi-interesting mysteries, right off the bat. I mean, it was always going to be a B-level Schlockbuster, just 'cos the script is so awful, but the only things it plausibly had going for it were the "Where has the Earth gone?" and "How does it tie into Cloverfield?" mysteries it was at least savvy enough to base it's brief but effective promotional materials around.

And yet the film decides to answer both of them less than half way through, and in the former's case, no more than 10 minutes after it was even posed!. And in a C-story that has no impact on the movie at large, and doesn't even pay off it's own inconsequential non-side plot. You've almost gotta give them credit for the sheer incompetent insanity of it all.

I loved the part where a random person from another dimension got stuck in their wall.

Spectacularly terrible film. Shame, as I liked the second one.

I liked how she was then completely fine, presumably only hours later, after having a good lie down.



It almost makes you think...Why would they hire the only comic actor to play the most overtly farcical role?

I mean, I’m not saying it is a Producers like situation. But if they were going to do something like that, it might look a bit like this, is all.
 
Lady Bird - a terrific, sweet little film from Greta Gerwig. Hits a lot of familiar coming-of-age beats but everyone involved is just so damn good, especially Saoirse Ronan, Laurie Metcalfe and Tracey Letts. Very funny, quite moving, a damn good time!

Dave Matthews Band are fecking awful though.
 
Wuthering Heights (2011) - A lovely visceral adaptation by Andrea Arnold. Fantastic cinematography as always, great sound design, just a fantastic sense of enviroment overall with so much sensory stuff going on in the corner of the eye. Ending it on Mumford and Sons song was a big negative though.

Desert Hearts - Very impressed with this, an intimate and thoughtful romance between two women in 1950's America. It was basically everything that Carol ended up being a glimmering, hollow imitation of.
 
The Florida Project - Charming, moving and full of outstanding performances from an unlikely cast filled with several first-time actors (and veteran but equally excellent Willem Dafoe in a supporting role). The main characters are Moonee, a 6 year old girl living together with Halley, her deeply flawed but caring mother, in a cheap motel on the outskirts of Disney World, surviving on the edge of poverty. I found both irresistible in their roles, making it impossible not to care for them and their struggles.

A truly powerful movie that really got to me. Arguably the finest I've seen from 2017.
 
The Cloverfield Paradox
Got round to seeing it and wasn't as offended as some people. There were some cool idea and some fun scenes, Chris O'Dowd was hilarious. Funnies bit:

Government: we've got contact with your wife, she's coming home
Husband: Didn't you tell her about the monster?
Government: oh sheeet... Forgot bro
Husband: you fecking cnut :lol:

Silly, stupid, forced to tie into Cloverfield and the end scene was beyond funny 5/10

The Ritual

A group of friends go hiking in a Swedish forest then are terrified when they come across some strange shit. Really enjoyable and fun. Takes a left turn about mid way through and I can see that having a Marmite effect on people. I didn't mind it though, I am biased as I know the writer of the film. I had a good time 7/10
 
The Cloverfield Paradox
Got round to seeing it and wasn't as offended as some people. There were some cool idea and some fun scenes, Chris O'Dowd was hilarious. Funnies bit:

Government: we've got contact with your wife, she's coming home
Husband: Didn't you tell her about the monster?
Government: oh sheeet... Forgot bro
Husband: you fecking cnut :lol:

Silly, stupid, forced to tie into Cloverfield and the end scene was beyond funny 5/10

The Ritual

A group of friends go hiking in a Swedish forest then are terrified when they come across some strange shit. Really enjoyable and fun. Takes a left turn about mid way through and I can see that having a Marmite effect on people. I didn't mind it though, I am biased as I know the writer of the film. I had a good time 7/10

Last ep of The Exorcist to watch and I may well be watching these , glad to see a review on Cloverfield that is not completely pants, my brother in law watched t said it was OK
The Ritual looks decent.
 
Black Panther - one of the good ones and God knows they're getting rarer. Visually striking, much more so than the overrated Thor:Ragnarok, and works as a self-contained film as well as part of the MCU. Chadwick Boseman is good even though T'Challa is pretty dull, a bit too Captain America. Michael B Jordan is absolutely electric and I feel a little underused; the film lights up whenever he is on screen and Killmonger is an excellent villain, up there with Michael Keaton in Spiderman:Homecoming as one of the best. I was actually rooting for him. Letitia Wright is adorable and hilarious.
 
Critters (1986)

Available on Amazon Prime Video. It follows a typical sleepy US farm town plagued by some furry runaway aliens called Crites who are being chased down by a pair of ruthless galactic bounty hunters. An unsuspecting family gets caught up in the mayhem as these Crites or 'Critters' develop a taste for the local inhabitants and have to be stopped by the badass bounty hunters hot on their tails.

I remember watching this many moons ago and it scared the shit out of me. Guess I didn't quite understand the concept of horror comedies back then. For a fairly cheesy 80s movie, it still quite holds up today and I've seen a lot worse in the effects department too, though the main protagonists look a bit naff now, pre CGI. It was typical of the movies back then like Gremlins (which I think this film partly imitated), Howard the Duck and The Last Starfighter etc., so if you like those kind of movies, you'll enjoy this.

At just under 90 minutes, it doesn't drag but jogs along nicely and gets straight to the point. Nowhere near as scary now as it was back then but things have moved on so much in the last 20 years. I reckon it would still scare the pants off my youngest though.

The film spawned 4, yes 4 sequels, which I've seen only once I think, apart from Critters 5, which was only made 4 years ago. But I'm definitely going to dig them out again. I think one was set in space if I remember correctly and another in an apartment block (bit like Attack The Block), but they usually run out of ideas eventually. It was good to catch up with this gem again.

I'm giving this a 6/10.
 
Escape Room
4 Friends go into an escape room for a bit of fun but it soon turns sinister as the actor playing a chained seriel killer gets possessed and starts killing them one by one. I quite liked the idea and at times it was fun but it felt cheap and it had my pet peeve - characters doing stupid shit when the answer is right in front of their face if they just used their brain in the first place 3/10
 
The Ritual
A group of friends go hiking in a Swedish forest then are terrified when they come across some strange shit. Really enjoyable and fun. Takes a left turn about mid way through and I can see that having a Marmite effect on people. I didn't mind it though, I am biased as I know the writer of the film. I had a good time 7/10

Ask him

Why the feck he wanted to show the deity as some kind of mutated moose. That is not how a jotne look, they are giant trolls
 
Ask him

Why the feck he wanted to show the deity as some kind of mutated moose. That is not how a jotne look, they are giant trolls
Asked him. Said producers were worried about the comparisons to Troll Hunter with both being set in scandinavia...
 
I just watched Fargo (the film). I liked the acting, the cinematography and the music. I didn't like everything else. Could someone tell me why it's so highly rated? I read a few reviews and they all say the film is "different", "real", "believable", "simple" and not much else. I'm not in disagreement with any of that but I don't think it has anything to do with a film's quality.

It's not the first time I disagree with the majority about a Coens' movie, so I'm willing to admit there's something I'm missing in their work. I don't know what though. I didn't get what the big deal about The Big Lebowski was, I liked No Country for Old Men, True Grit and Inside Llewyn Davis but not nearly as much as most people seem to. Oh Brother is really their only film I love.
 
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I'm not always a huge lover of Coen films but Fargo is superb, their best film with the possible exception of Blood Simple. Darkly hilarious with brilliant performances from the main cast.
 
I just watched Fargo (the film). I liked the acting, the cinematography and the music. I didn't like everything else. Could someone tell me why it's so highly rated? I read a few reviews and they all say the film is "different", "real", "believable", "simple" and not much else. I'm not in disagreement with any of that but I don't think it has anything to do with a film's quality.

It's not the first time I disagree with the majority about a Coens' movie, so I'm willing to admit there's something I'm missing in their work. I don't know what though. I didn't get what the big deal about The Big Lebowski was, I liked No Country for Old Men, True Grit and Inside Llewyn Davis but not nearly as much as most people seem to. Oh Brother is really their only film I love.
Have you seen The Hudsucker Proxy? If O Brother is your favourite, you may enjoy that more.
 
I liked how she was then completely fine, presumably only hours later, after having a good lie down.

There was some *cellular growth accelerant* in play, whatever that is. And I could buy that (if I really have to). But what I can't is magic and obvious supernatural stuff. Never explained and completely detached with overall main plot.

Pretty much anything with Volkov, voices in the head, eyes, being alive even for a minute with couple of kilograms of worms inside him, not to mention metal ball the size of the head...Then the arm, oh that arm. Never mind now the wall getting grabby for some reason, but the arm gaining sentience plus doing a stellar Hercule Poirot job and deducting that gyro is in Volkov's arse.
 
Started watching Cloverfield paradox last night - couldn’t get beyond 20 minutes - it’s pish. Reminded me of the plot of something I might of written in school where I just made random shit up that I thought sounded cool.
 
Started watching Cloverfield paradox last night - couldn’t get beyond 20 minutes - it’s pish. Reminded me of the plot of something I might of written in school where I just made random shit up that I thought sounded cool.

Yeah same. Got to the bit where the guy's eye went funny then someone knocked on the door which was my prompt to bin it off.
I just watched Fargo (the film). I liked the acting, the cinematography and the music. I didn't like everything else. Could someone tell me why it's so highly rated? I read a few reviews and they all say the film is "different", "real", "believable", "simple" and not much else. I'm not in disagreement with any of that but I don't think it has anything to do with a film's quality.

It's not the first time I disagree with the majority about a Coens' movie, so I'm willing to admit there's something I'm missing in their work. I don't know what though. I didn't get what the big deal about The Big Lebowski was, I liked No Country for Old Men, True Grit and Inside Llewyn Davis but not nearly as much as most people seem to. Oh Brother is really their only film I love.

I think it's their idiosyncratic brand of humour. You either click with it or you don't.
 
The Secrets Of Emily Blair
A woman is possessed by a demon and her fiance enlists the help of a priest to exorcise it. Firstly, who the feck is Emily Blair? Hate it when films put random names on the title but that's neither here nor there. Awful movie. Bad acting (except Colm Meaney... he's always great!), laughable "special" effects, the cinematography felt like it was DP'd by a blind person etc etc. Also, the ever changing powers of the demon... It can telekinetically lock doors, it has super strength when it needs it but is slapped around when the plot decides the protagonists need the upper hand, it can drain people's phone batteries and the funniest bit is that it can be killed by being pushed in the chest three times. What a load of tosh. I will only score it for my love of Colm Meaney 2/10
 
The Shape of Water

Some good performances, especially by Sally Hawkins, and a lot of style didn't really save this for me. I know the central conceit has been done before in films like King Kong but this took the romance a step further, which I found utterly bizarre. And the base /military instillation has to be the single worst guarded building in film history.

Don't believe the hype.

5/10
 
The Secrets Of Emily Blair
A woman is possessed by a demon and her fiance enlists the help of a priest to exorcise it. Firstly, who the feck is Emily Blair? Hate it when films put random names on the title but that's neither here nor there. Awful movie. Bad acting (except Colm Meaney... he's always great!), laughable "special" effects, the cinematography felt like it was DP'd by a blind person etc etc. Also, the ever changing powers of the demon... It can telekinetically lock doors, it has super strength when it needs it but is slapped around when the plot decides the protagonists need the upper hand, it can drain people's phone batteries and the funniest bit is that it can be killed by being pushed in the chest three times. What a load of tosh. I will only score it for my love of Colm Meaney 2/10

Feckers just can't do a proper possession movie no more. Besides Exorcist (movie and series) the only one I rate is that movie with that court case (can't remember the name, but it was named something like "the possession of *name of a lady*.)

Have you seen the following two movies:

The Possession of Michael King (found footage)
The Possession
?

They both seem to be somewhat rated.
 
Feckers just can't do a proper possession movie no more. Besides Exorcist (movie and series) the only one I rate is that movie with that court case (can't remember the name, but it was named something like "the possession of *name of a lady*.)

Have you seen the following two movies:

The Possession of Michael King (found footage)
The Possession
?

They both seem to be somewhat rated.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose?
 
Feckers just can't do a proper possession movie no more. Besides Exorcist (movie and series) the only one I rate is that movie with that court case (can't remember the name, but it was named something like "the possession of *name of a lady*.)

Have you seen the following two movies:

The Possession of Michael King (found footage)
The Possession
?

They both seem to be somewhat rated.
Definitely seen possession of Michael King... I think I enjoyed it... Not sure.

As the the possession, such a basic title, I've probably seen it :lol:

The Taking of Deborah Logan is a good possession style movie.
 
Feckers just can't do a proper possession movie no more. Besides Exorcist (movie and series) the only one I rate is that movie with that court case (can't remember the name, but it was named something like "the possession of *name of a lady*.)

Have you seen the following two movies:

The Possession of Michael King (found footage)
The Possession
?

They both seem to be somewhat rated.
My Fav sort of horror, but they are just so bad.
These 2 are OK AND THE The Exorcism of Emily Rose is decent.
Even the Exorcist film does not do it any more.
I long for the day for a really scary possession film.
 
How about The Really Scary Possession of Pauldy from the Caf?
 
Lady Bird. Pleasant enough coming of age thing. It has the essence of one of the better Nickelodeon teen dramas of the 90s - good hearted, brash, slightly mawkish. Clarissa... or Sister Sister.

Gods of Egypt . Watched it on a whim. Too silly to be as long as it is but it contains some ideas and the visual design is at times impressive. Ra dragging the sun across the earth whilst battling chaos was particularly good. It certainly contains more imagination than the superhero cesspit currently stinking up the fantasy genre.

Also this beautiful bit of petulance from Proyas after the film's critical mauling might apply equally to the reception given to both these films. Rambling incoherence is rarely so insightful:

"Now we have a pack of diseased vultures pecking at the bones of a dying carcass. Trying to peck to the rhythm of the consensus."

NOTHING CONFIRMS RAMPANT STUPIDITY FASTER…Than reading reviews of my own movies. I usually try to avoid the experience - but this one takes the cake. Often, to my great amusement, a critic will mention my past films in glowing terms, when at the time those same films were savaged, as if to highlight the critic’s flawed belief of my descent into mediocrity. You see, my dear fellow FBookers, I have rarely gotten great reviews… on any of my movies, apart from those by reviewers who think for themselves and make up their own opinions. Sadly those type of reviewers are nearly all dead. Good reviews often come many years after the movie has opened. I guess I have the knack of rubbing reviewers the wrong way - always have. This time of course they have bigger axes to grind - they can rip into my movie while trying to make their mainly pale asses look so politically correct by screaming “white-wash!!!” like the deranged idiots they all are. They fail to understand, or chose to pretend to not understand what this movie is, so as to serve some bizarre consensus of opinion which has nothing to do with the movie at all. That’s ok, this modern age of texting will probably make them go the way of the dinosaur or the newspaper shortly - don’t movie-goers text their friends with what they thought of a movie? Seems most critics spend their time trying to work out what most people will want to hear. How do you do that? Why these days it is so easy… just surf the net to read other reviews or what bloggers are saying - no matter how misguided an opinion of a movie might be before it actually comes out. Lock a critic in a room with a movie no one has even seen and they will not know what to make of it. Because contrary to what a critic should probably be they have no personal taste or opinion, because they are basing their views on the status quo. None of them are brave enough to say “well I like it” if it goes against consensus. Therefore they are less than worthless. Now that anyone can post their opinion about anything from a movie to a pair of shoes to a hamburger, what value do they have - nothing. Roger Ebert wasn’t bad. He was a true film lover at least, a failed film-maker, which gave him a great deal of insight. His passion for film was contagious and he shared this with his fans. He loved films and his contribution to cinema as a result was positive. Now we have a pack of diseased vultures pecking at the bones of a dying carcass. Trying to peck to the rhythm of the consensus. I applaud any film-goer who values their own opinion enough to not base it on what the pack-mentality say is good or bad.
 
My Fav sort of horror, but they are just so bad.
These 2 are OK AND THE The Exorcism of Emily Rose is decent.
Even the Exorcist film does not do it any more.
I long for the day for a really scary possession film.


The Reincarnation of Peter Proud is memorable for naked Margot Kidder. An early wank fantasy
 
Happy Ending. Michael Haneke's descrete charmless banality of bourgeoisie evil. It follows a young female tabula rasa who, after her mother is taken into hospital, is given over to the amoral guardianship of her extended family. Her character serves both as an indictment of familial moral negligence, and as a reflection of the director's trademark paedophobia. There's a very loose link to Amour, and the film breifly explores the effects of actions carried out in the earlier film. A strange impromptu song and dance number halfway through, to Sia's Chandelier, looks like something out of Claire Denis. The familiar theme of modern technology and it's numbing effects is expressed through scenes of character dehumanisation via the artificial lense and the derealisation one experiences with instant messaging, camera phones and wildlife docs.

I liked this one quite a lot. Quite typical but with less hectoring than some of his previous films.
 
The Shape of Water. I was more interested in what it attempted than what it actually achieved, but it was an entertaining couple of hours all the same, and Sally Hawkins was a delight. 7/10.
 
I'm quite disappointed with Lady Bird, considering my expectations.

Having no story to tell and using a variety of cliches is not necessarily a fatal flaw when it comes to coming-of-age films but not being relatable is. I couldn't connect to it, at all. The family drama didn't feel real to me and the impudence and entitlement of the main character greatly overpowered what was supposed to be the relatable quirkiness, unpopularity and out-of-place feeling. I like Saoirse as an actress and she wasn't bad here but I don't think she was right for the role. She is simply not that character - she doesn't look 18, she is too pretty, she is not quirky and odd. It's not convincing.

I suppose it's in the nature of the genre that different people will see and experience the film differently. It just didn't work for me. It was boring and awkward to watch at times, it felt very empty and basic, it wasn't charming or relatable in any way.