The RedCafe Annual Awards 2011 | First Page Edited With Insults

brewlio said:
Best thread 2011 - by rimmo

there are many a great wordsmiths upon fair caf. many that will be able to tell you exactly what was wrong with the preceding sentence. many, who over the course of a year will use their not inconsiderable talents to pen prose and verse that could tempt the gods out of the skies. or spoony from a weight stack. or noodle from fiery misfortune. or dwayne from the carcass of a moose. with such great creators of manuscript and doctrine at our disposal you’d assume a renowned literary scribe of caf lore would be the proud recipient of the best thread of the year award. you’d be considered fairly fecking foolish were you to assume some sort of veiny shaft worshipping, extra-terrestrial loving, shite music listening, meterosexual experiment gone wrong, man-queen was able to come up with the thread of 2011; all whilst probably gyrating uncontrollably in a manner that could only be described as “unsexy” and “bent as feck,” to ‘single ladies’ by beyonce, and getting simul-bummed by rizzle kicks. but the caf is anything but predictable.

this year’s winner of the “best thread award” is none other than Attack the space, by boss.

just what is “attacking the space?” what does it mean? can it even be qualified or quantified? is it as simple as a footballer using basic common sense, seeing some unguarded space ahead and running into it, rather than charging, head down, in the form of a spastic rhinoceros into the opposition dug out? don’t be stupid, that’d be crazy. it’s the ability to manipulate matter and bend time. “where there is space, there is a way” anything is physically possible as long as you have space to utilise.

the very best players are master exploiters of this technical wizardry. for three years running lionel messi has been voted “physicist of the year” for his command of anti-matter; mainly through his ground breaking research into running past players, rather than attempting to run through them. for the very best players occupy themselves with finding runs that make use of the vast amounts of free space between players, rather than attempting to run through them, being immediately tackled and shouting “can i live?”

2011 will be remembered for many things, well i lie actually, it would appear it is remembered for very little, apparently so little that Attack the space has also won Best caf moment 2011, too. you all realise that other stuff of note probably happened this year too, right? there was that massive thread started by boss that had classic lines such as "you don't have me on ignore, you love my style," and that other one where boss fell out in a manner that could only be described as “spectacularly gayly” with brwned.

yep, plenty of other good stuff probably happened this year, more than attack the space, so just why has it received so many accolades? well “attack the space” had it all, an e-fight, a meltdown, a faux exit, countless photoshops and gifs, innumerable deletions and re-incarnations, and not an unhealthy dose of hyperbole and melodrama. most of all it encouraged us all to take a step back, look at ourselves in the mirror and decide if we liked what we saw. profound words, delivered by one of the caf’s greatest lyricists. that should probably say ‘benders’.
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Just been reading the Attack The Space thread, fair play that is absolutely hilarious.
 
BRAVO.gif
 
Great stuff all around, folks.

Congrats to everyone who won....even Kid Cunto - something is better than nothing...well maybe not. But heh... And a fantastic return to form for Mockney, he deserved the best poster award.
 
Brilliant job Brophs and Brew. Best Awards-ceremony eva.
 
Mockers: The Man, for all reasons.

Many congratulations, mate. :)
 
Mockney won with 4 votes for Most Improved out of 44. One more than adexkola, JayWalker, Solius, Boss, rcoobc, and Chief.

The Best Poster Award was stacked at the top, but Mockney's 11 votes edged out Hectic with 10, Brwned with 9, Brophs with 8, and Pogue with 7 to capture his second Best Poster award. Congratulations to Mockney.
 
Well played Man Utd cnuts, I basically beat out Dumbstar and Team Lame Brain - you had some real competition.
 
jveezy said:
Mockney won with 4 votes for Most Improved out of 44. One more than adexkola, JayWalker, Solius, Boss, rcoobc, and Chief.

The Best Poster Award was stacked at the top, but Mockney's 11 votes edged out Hectic with 10, Brwned with 9, Brophs with 8, and Pogue with 7 to capture his second Best Poster award. Congratulations to Mockney.
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Damn. :(
 
nice work, Brophs and Brew. And not to be overlooked, jveezy who has done terrific commentary on the sidelines.
 
On a side note, one of Mockney's more unheralded achievements this year was somehow appearing so contrarian to TheMancRedDevil's views on race that TMRD decided the most prudent course of action was to not only pretend to be black but to also claim to have done it as a favor to Mockney.

True fact.
 
Cheers lads, was a pleasure. Plenty of spastics to work with so the awards practically wrote themselves. Weaste is a pervert, Randall's shit and Boss is gay. It's not rocket science, merely elementary.
 
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