The Omegle Collection

You: Hello. I'm going to waste your time, remember that.
Stranger: id like to see you try, ill just leave
You: Shut up.
Stranger: well thats rude
You: See my second response.
Stranger: what?
You: Shut up.
Stranger: oh i see, thanks.
You: Silence.
Stranger: you cant stop me from talking
You: Silence.
Stranger: i have a voice you know an that cant be stoped
You: Shut up.
Stranger: real original
Stranger: hello?
Stranger: ...
You: Back!
Stranger: where did u go
Stranger: ??
Stranger: ....
You: Shut up.
Stranger: come off it
You: Only kidding. I've got a very good joke though.
Stranger: go on then, i deserve a good laugh for waiting so long
Stranger: go on then!
Stranger: hello????
Stranger: ......
Stranger: are u still there??
You: Pick a hand, left or right.
Stranger: right hand
You: Shut up.
Stranger: fecksake lefthand then
You: Silence.
Stranger: this is tedious an that wasnt a joke
You: One moment.
Stranger: fine but hurry up
Stranger: im going to go unless you tell me what the point of all this is!
You: See my first post.
Stranger: omg. im a dick.
You: I told you to remember.
You: It would be best if you just left now I think.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hello.
Stranger: hello
Stranger: Where you from?
You: I'm from Canada.
Stranger: oh cools, im next door haha!!
You: In America? Why don't you hop over....
You: And we can put another shrimp on the barbie!
Stranger: wtf
You: You know.....Let's slip another Shrimp on the barbie.
Stranger: that aint how canadians speak
Stranger: shrimp on the what?
You: Shrimp on the barbie.
Stranger: what the fuccck is that
You: Shrimp on the barbie.
You: Lets.
Stranger: lets what?
You: Put another shrimp on the barbie!!
Stranger: my head hurts
You: I know how to cure that, just need a bit of Shrimp on the barbie.
Stranger: come on lets talk about somethin else
Stranger: asl??
You: Shrimp/on/Barbie
Your conversational partner has disconnected
 
You: Hello there.
Stranger: hey
You: Tell me a good story, go on, make me chuckle or throw my head forward in hilarity.
Stranger: lolll mmmmm i cant think of any good stories though!!
You: It can be a past experience, perhaps a fantasy, whatever takes your fancy.
Stranger: alright then
You: Fire ahead!
You: ....
You: Don't take forever, send whatever you've typed so I can have some visual stimulation!
Stranger: one time, i was with one of my friends and we went to this mall right, there was some weird lookin guy following us about for a bit
Stranger: can i continue now?
You: No no no.
You: This isn't going to work, I can't understand it!!
Stranger: how come ??
You: It's going to sound very strange, but I have opticulous :( It's an eye condition and sometimes the retina on my right eye swings back and forth.
Stranger: omg are you serious ?? what does that mean
You: Basically, on occasion, my right eye will spin and everything appears backwards, as if you were standing in the mirror, if you get what I mean.
Stranger: thats terrible!!
You: Tell me about it, I find it so hard to follow typed-conversations and people find it too freaky when they see it happen in real life, so I just stay on my pc and talk to strangers :(
Stranger: thats really really sad
You: It's alright I guess, it was a condition I picked up when I was young, so I've got used to it. Anyway, back to the point, I can't read your story because it's all backwards to me :(
Stranger: but how can you type so well but cant read my story bit
You: I can touch-type, so I remember where the letters are out of habit and feel, and I can read your posts, but it takes forever to work out what you mean, I'm so stupid.
Stranger: no ** not. dont say that!!
Stranger: what can i do?
You: This is going to sound so stupid, and I'm sorry in advance, but could you type out that first bit of your story again, but backwards so I can read it?
Stranger: of course i can x
Stranger: lol it will take me a few minutes, hold on hun
You: No problem, I'm a patient man.
Stranger: tib a rof tuoba su gniwollof yug nikool driew emos saw ereht, tghir. llam siht ot tnew ew dna sdneirf ym fo eno htiw saw i, imit enO
You: Much appreciated, give me a minute.
You: Oh no!!!!!!!!
Stranger: what is it!?!??!?!
You: It's flipped again, and I just made you right all that out and my eyes gone back to normal!
Stranger: thats alright though
Stranger: you can just scroll up and read my 1st one
You: I can't, my scrolls broken!
You: Can you type it again, but leave out the filler words, so it's easier to read?
Stranger: will that help you?
You: It might do. Also, can you cut out the middle part and go to the ending.
Stranger: do you want me to tell you this damn story or not lol
You: Now that you mention it, not really.
Stranger: oh ok. is it because of your eye condition?
You: What Eye Condition?
Stranger: the optical thing
You: Oh that, Nah I made all that up.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hello.
Stranger: hi
Stranger: they call him yossi, yossi benayoun.
You: And he is inbred, because his father is a raccoon.
Stranger: oi!!
You: Only kidding mate, love Liverpool I do.
Stranger: YAWN!!!!
You: I love Liverpool, but Kuyt does occasionally get on my nerves.
Stranger: i no what u mean mate, hes good but not amazing
You: And Babel, I mean, is he really Liverpool quality?
Stranger: ns ns
You: ns??
Stranger: not sure
You: Ah, right.
You: And Gerrard, loveable Captain that he is, sometimes I just think that his smugness, will haunt us if we lose.
Stranger: nah, ste is a god!
You: I know, I know. Well, he's a god compared to that idiot Carragher, why do we still play that decrepit cumboat?
Stranger: not jc!! bit slower these days but hes alright
You: Just wish we had Ronaldo.
Stranger: me too, but i ll never admit it out loud!!!!
You: I know what you mean, he's just amazing. And Macheda, he is a legend already.
Stranger: a legend? more like a fukin cancer
You: If only Neville had been our Captain, it all could have been so different.
Stranger: g neville?
You: The same.
Stranger: never lol
You: I know that us Liverpool fans usually have a deep hatred of Neville, but he would have been good for us admit it.
Stranger: true maybe
You: And if we could somehow have swapped Ferguson for Rafa, and Old Trafford for Anfield, our history for theirs, our hate for their respect and so and so on.
Stranger: hang on
Stranger: wat??
You: Basically, what I'm trying to say is feck Liverpool.
Stranger: oh yeah? u the fecking scum then, let me tell you somethin about United
You: Nah, no time for wind-ups.
You have disconnected.
 
You: Hello, this is me, Stevie G.
Stranger: lol i wish!!
You: Aha, a fellow Liver Bird supporter, it's taken me a while to find one.
Stranger: loadsa mancs on here!!!
You: What do you expect after that late win against Villa, they proper bottled it. But as long as you have faith in me, we will win.
Stranger: you type better then i thought you would SG!
You: Don't call me SG.
Stranger: sorry.
You: Anyway, I can prove this is actually me speaking.
Stranger: how?
You: Rare facts that no-one but myself knows of.
Stranger: go on then
Stranger: ..
You: Gerrard progressed from the Liverpool Academy and made thirteen appearances for the Reds during that season with his finest moment undoubtedly being in the Merseyside derby against Everton when he cleared a Danny Cadamarteri shot off the line.
Stranger: why would you speak in the third person?
You: Two reasons. It adds dramatic effect, and when I read it aloud, it makes me feel invincible.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: i still dont believe you
You: Gerrard seems to have limitless energy in the engine room of Houllier's side and during the course of the 2000/01 season chipped in with his fair share of goals - usually blistering long-range strikes.
You: If this wasn't actually me, how could I know that?
Stranger: but its not specific!!!
You: Who said it has to be? I'm the one winning matches week in week out for us, and you are taking me apart because I'm not specific. Support the bird FGSG.
Stranger: FGSG??
Stranger: what does that mean?
You: For God's Sake Gerrard
Stranger: lol why would you put your name on the end
You: Because it motivates me.
Stranger: fair enough
You: In 2004 December Steven Gerrard got the player of the year after coming back from injury and still doing great at what hes good at.
You: I was pleased with 2004.
Stranger: you were a hero for us, and still are!!
Stranger: but I still think you are joking
You: I swear on the existence of the Liver Bird, that this is me, Stevie G.
Stranger: you have to prove it
Stranger: tell me something that hasnt happened and if it comes true then i will no its you and i can email you or something
Stranger: ??
You: In 2012, Steven Gerrard joined Hull City in the Premier League. After three hard years of accusations and suspicion of people-trafficking, as well as being fingered as the Kingpin of an Underworld sex-trade, Steven Gerrard made his professional comeback.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hey there!
Stranger: hey xxx
You: A bit friendly aren't we?
Stranger: cant a girl be friendly?
You: Yes.
You: But the question is...
You: Can a girl be a dirty cyber slag?
Stranger: lol i can cyber, but im no slag!!!
You: Then we are in business.
Stranger: lol
You: Ok, I see you by the door, I'm 20 yards away, I start to move, every inch I near you, my heart beats faster....
Stranger: romantic!
You: I come closer, I can almost taste your scent on the breeze, you look magnificent, my eyes mist over.
Stranger: mist over?
You: My eyes mist over. I open them again, and blink with two different coloured eyes, I let off a ear-shattering howl and get on my hands and feet.
Stranger: what??
You: I sniff the air, I CAN taste your scent on the breeze, I start to run full pelt at you.
Stranger: im scared
You: You move away at the last second, I smash hard into the door and knock myself briefly unconscious.
Stranger: stands confused
You: Twitches.
You: Begins to stir. After a moment of confusion, I shakily rise to my feet.
You: I'm schizophrenic my dear, I have three personalities.
Stranger: on a chat room though?
You: Especially on a chat room.
Stranger: so one was a romantic, one was a werewolf maybe? whats the third one??
You: I don't think you want to know.
Stranger: i do i do, its alright you can tell me
You: :(
Stranger: i wont mind i swear, and after that we can finish where we started off!!
You: I move closer to you, holding you in my arms, our bodies feel whole again.
You: Do you promise?
Stranger: yes, what is your third personality??
You: The Aids Virus.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hello.
Stranger: yooooooooo
Stanger: i be puff daddy
You: Interesting, didn't think he would know about Omegle.
Stranger: i do you no, how you do that?
You: Do what exactly?
Stranger: how you do that stop bit
You: Are you talking about a full-stop?
Stranger: am i?
You: I think so, but it seems a bit unrealistic that Sean Combs doesn't know about full-stops.
Stranger: who????
You: Maybe not as unrealistic as not knowing his own name though.
Stranger: i dont get you man, you problems.
You: Mo money, money problems.
Stranger: shit song
You: Yet you are on it?
Stranger: im no good at this am i :(
You: Not when you can't speak English properly.
Stranger: not my fault, i want to be puffy
You: But you're not are you, you are someone who wants to be someone else....If we break it down, it shows that you are a nobody.
Stranger: diddy be sad now
You: Except, diddy isn't sad now, because you aren't diddy.
Stranger: stop
You: No no, you need to just press the key above 'Ctrl', that's full-stop
Stranger: no no i want you to stop
Stranger: im kurt russel and i say stop!!!!
You: We've been through this, you are not Kurt Russel either.
Stranger: i hate my life
You: I know you do, and you seem to worship random celebrities.
Stranger: i need kill myself smilie
You: How many people do you know that smile when they die?
Stranger: i dont no nobody
Stranger: fecking none
You: Stay inside a lot?
Stranger: yes
Stranger: dont go out, it bad for me
You: I think by staying in, you are doing people great favors.
Stranger: are you word hurting me?
You: Do you mean insulting?
You: Then, yes I am.
Stranger: why
Stranger: why you do this?
You: Because I am you, and you are insulting yourself.
Stranger: no your not whats your name then
You: Puff Daddy.
Stranger: make it stop i cant take it anymore?
You: What's happening to you?
You: Or should I say us?
You: Seen as I am Kurt Daddy
Stranger: mindfeck BRAIN RAPE!!!!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Brain rape, that's a new one.
 
You: Hey there!!
Stranger: hey mr stranger!!
You: Are you of the female species?
Stranger: haha you betcha
You: I whip around on instinct, I detect beauty in the air, I hunt down it's scent, moving closer to the glimmering body of ecstasy that radiates perfection.
Stranger: oooh
You: Join me my twin spirit, let two vessels of perfection collapse into one moment of unparalleled passion!
Stranger: I turn around and i feel butterflies at this gorgeous man coming close to me
You: Yes, yes that's it!
Stranger: I bite my lip and guide you closer to me
You: I breathe in your heady fumes, and kiss you passionately, then I pull away and look you up and down.
Stranger: i shiver with the thrill of your touch, i smile at you as i get on my knees
You: As you graciously extend towards my lower region, I unzip my trousers and dangle what seems to be on first appearance, an over-sized Clitoris.
Stranger: ewwww cant you just say its a normal penis?
You: No.
You: Everything must be exactly as it is in real life, or I can't do this babe.
Stranger: huh ok, can you make it do something for me?
You: Oh yes, that I can do.
You: I begin to stroke it, summoning as much force and gusto as possible. I push it to the limits.....
Stranger: mmmm I wrap my warm hand around it
You: And then it starts to bleed a little.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Welcome, to a chat with the man of your dreams.
You: I'm strongly banking on you being a woman here....
Stranger: Haha you are in luck!
You: Good good, shall we get down to the nitty gritty then.
Stranger: what do you mean?
You: You know, a bit of text-banging, maybe a tit munch?
You: Scrap that last one.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: only if you write me a poem first!!
You: A poem, you like a bit of romance then I imagine?
Stranger: oh yes
You: Well what a place to find it in. Now it seems, you are in luck.
You: Ah yes, I've got something that should suit the occasion, very endearing.
Stranger: give me your poem hun, and I will give you your wildest dreams!
You: Roses are red
You: Violets are blue.
You: I have a gangrene penis,
You: Fancy a chew?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hello there, man or manwo?
Stranger: im a girl lol
You: I can see the future, it worries me.
Stranger: aww why?
Stranger: what do you see
Stranger: ?
You: I see, 'Your conversational partner has disconnected.'
Stranger: lol why would i disconnect?
You: Exactly, you barely know me.
Stranger: tell me something about you then
You: I have a rape kit, called 'trusty'.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hello there.
Stranger: heyyy
Stranger: where are you from?
You: I'm from a place far from here, close to there, but nowhere near.
Stranger: that rhymes
You: You have a talent, don't abuse it.
Stranger: haha thanks xx
You: Yes.
You: I open the door and instantly I falter. In front of me is the most beautiful woman I have seen, my attention is zeroed in on you.
Stranger: are you trying to cyber?
You: Yes, you have a talent, don't abuse it.
Stranger: ok, but what does that even mean?
You: It means cyber.
You: Now!
Stranger: ok ok!
You: I take a step closer toward you, breathing in your scent, yearning to touch your skin, and to feel the warmth of your body.
Stranger: ooooo
Stranger: I giggle as you come closer and begin to slide my straps lower and lower....teasing you
You: RONALDO!!!
You: Get the feck in.
Stranger: what?!
You: Oh sorry about that.
You: My eyes open wide with your seductive methods, I feel encompassed by this angel.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: I smile again and take a step nearer you, my hips swaying as I reach out with a hand for yours
You: BBBEEERRRBBBAAAAA!!!!
You: You lazy cumbuster you!!!
Stranger: alright what are you talking about??
You: Sorry babe, it's just the football match is on and I'm really excited.
Stranger: its alright but do you have to type it out?
You: I guess not.
You: Won't happen again sweethips.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: I fall into your arms and plant a kiss on your lips, I whisper in your ear, what do you want me to do?
You: feck OFF YOU cnut!!!
Stranger: excuse me?!?!
You: Sorry, they just scored.
Stranger: omg not again
Stranger: how are you watching and talking?
You: I'm reliving some highlights in my head.
Stranger: wait
Stranger: so there is no live match on now that you are watching?
You: Oh no, the match was on yesterday.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hey there!
Stranger: hey, m or f?
You: I am man.
You: And I've got a reward for you.....
Stranger: you do...?
You: Are you a female for a start?
Stranger: yep
You: Good, just sit back and enjoy this then.
Stranger: enjoy what?
You: The romance......
Stranger: hehe alright
You: I walk casually over to you, I see you lying there, so still and at peace, you look beautiful.
Stranger: do you want me to reply??
You: Nope, you just relax and enjoy it.
Stranger: well this is different!
You: I pass a hand through your hair, so soft and long, my fingers make contact with your smooth skin, slightly cold to the touch.
Stranger: I shiver in delight!!
You: Woah!!!!
You: What the feck is that?!!!!!
Stranger: im confused what happened baby?
You: You.......You're moving.....
Stranger: is that wrong?
You: See, don't take this the wrong way....
You: But I'm a necrophiliac.
Stranger: whats that??
You: It's a misunderstood occupation.
Stranger: a job?
You: It's kind of a chore.
You: I feck dead people see.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hello.
Stranger: heya
You: Hey.
Stranger: hey lol!!
You: So's, how about it?
Stranger: how about what??!
You: Me and you.
You: We take a little stroll.
Stranger: a walk?
You: Yeah, down cybertown.
Stranger: omg that was the worst
You: And yet I still said it, now how about you play along as the helpless victim of my reckless charm.
Stranger: im lost but ok!
Stranger: wait
Stranger: what do I have to do?
You: Just keep up with me.
Stranger: ok lol
Stranger: still there?
You: Hand in hand we walk down the crafted alleyways, soaking in the wonderful atmosphere around us. I shake the grin off my face as we approach.
Stranger: where are we?
You: Amsterdam my sweet.
Stranger: wow cool! always wanted to go there
You: I take a look at you, proud at my work, the new clothes you have on advertise your beauty like a billboard, so tempting. Finally, the man comes, we move over to him and I exchange a mysterious object wrapped in cloth.
Stranger: what was that??
You: I lean in towards you are place a final kiss on your lips.
Stranger: what was the mysterious object??
Stranger: why is it a final kiss?
Stranger: answer me!
You: I shake hands with my friend, he rubs his fat stomach and burps abruptly. I can smell him from a distance, and I hear his evil cackle as it echoes through the alleyway.
Stranger: wtf just happened
Stranger: did I just get sold?
You: You my dear, just got pimped.
Stranger: PIMPED?!
Stranger: ON THE INTERNET?!
You: Should I carry on?
You: I glance back and see his grubby hands running all over you, his lazy eye unfocused in ecstacy, as he orgasms right then and there.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hey
Stranger: Hello
Stranger: who are you?
You: Aha, that's part of the game isn't it?
Stranger: is it?
You: Yes. 11 Questions, last one has to be the guess.
Stranger: and Im meant to guess how, and on what??
You: Guess ahead.
Stranger: Man or woman?
You: Man.
Stranger: black or white?
You: Black.
Stranger: famous or not famous?
You: I would go with semi-famous, he's appeared on television before.
Stranger: Is he in any sports?
You: Yes, kind of.
Stranger: Is he a musician?
You: Some people call what he does a form of music.
Stranger: where was he born?
You: Uganda.
Stranger: Who is his enemy?
You: 3 more questions. His enemy is probably his brain.
Stranger: Does he have any famous friends?
You: I've always wondered if he was in league with the Sting-ray that got Steve.
Stranger: what the hell does that mean?
You: Bad question, 2 left.
Stranger: Is it Dizzee Rascal??
You: No. Last guess.
Stranger: feck feck feck, is it....Sol Campbell?
You: Ahhhhhhhh.
Stranger: I did it?! I got it right!!?!!
Stranger: that was unfeckingbelievable!!!
You: Afraid not, it was Bear Grylls.
Stranger: feck!?
Stranger: from the tv?
You: The very same.
Stranger: wait
Stranger: hes not black. hes not from UGANDA. he doesnt fecking make music either and he has his own tv show!!!
Stranger: what the hell man
Stranger: WHAT THE HELL
You: You aren't by any chance the guy who played 20 questions and couldn't guess stone are you?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Well, well, well
Stranger: hey
You: Well.
Stranger: well what?
You: Who would have thought, of all the places to meet, it wouldnt be Omegle.
Stranger: what are you talkin about
You: You and me, right here, right now, it's fate.
Stranger: destiny?
You: Is destiny spelt fate? No? Shut up then.
Stranger: wow
You: I'm sorry, it's a delicate subject for me.
Stranger: haha yea ok
You: Anyway.....
Stranger: .......
You: How about we do a bit of role play?
Stranger: rp? sure, what/where are we?
Stranger: make it good though
Stranger: wait...do you mean cyber?
You: This is that fate/destiny situation all over again.
Stranger: ok ok dont tell me to shut up again though
You: Good, good, we are emulating a married couple very well in our role play.
Stranger: ffs
You: I move closer to you, cutting off the angles of escape, I flash a smile, my teeth glisten in the dark, I hear your breathing rise....
Stranger: i run my tongue over my lips, im a dirty girl, i flash a glimpse of my curved breast...
You: Oh the titty.
Stranger: you sound surprised?
You: I thought you were a cyclops is all.
Stranger: wtf...a what?
You: It doesn't matter...
You: It's like a very sexy dominatrix.
Stranger: and they dont have breasts?
You: They do, they do.
Stranger: I wrap my arms around your head, bringin you closer to me, i kiss you hard and withdraw straight after
Stranger: a taster!
You: How is your imagination?
Stranger: pretty good lol
You: I lust after those lips again, I move in closer, but then I get a phone call.....
Stranger: Who is it?
You: Oh no.....
You: feck!
Stranger: what is it hun?
You: It's my dad...
Stranger: is the phone call in rp or real life?
You: Role Play silly! Pay attention!
Stranger: sorry xx
You: He....He says he knows about us...
Stranger: he does? so?
You: Mom....we have to stop this....he's my dad, your husband.
Stranger: OH...MY..GOD
You: I'm your SON for fecks sake. We HAVE to end it!!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Female?
Stranger: yea
You: Finally, took me 6 attempts to get one.
Stranger: get one? we aint a piece of fish
You: I won't respond to that.
Stranger: lol
You: Let's get down to the Pro's and Con's here...Give me a minute
Stranger: oook -_-
You: Pro's - Internet Bangs, funny conversations, wind-ups...Con's - Old men pretending to be girls, the occasional spammer, retardedly stupid sayings and emoticons.
Stranger: heyy i love emoticons
You: And that's why you will never be a Transformer, but enough of this, I laid out the pros and cons, which side do you want to be on?
Stranger: hmmmm
You: My time is valuable, waste it, and I'll waste you.
Stranger: jesus christ, pros then i think.
You: Exactly, Pro's. How are you at internet banging?
Stranger: ive never heard it said like that
You: I'm a level 42 at it.
Stranger: there are levels?
You: Yeah, once I beat the boss, then I went down for IBA.
Stranger: iba??
You: Internet Banging Assault, crazy stuff.
Stranger: im not even going to ask what that is
You: Wonderful.
You: I turn some music on and dim the lights, I slowly extend my hand towards yours, do you accept?
Stranger: I do - i take your hand in mine, and let you take up my other hand as we slowly dance to the music -
You: That's awesome
Stranger: the dance?
You: No no....The moon.
You: I spin you around and show you the moon, a giant white globe in the distance.
Stranger: its so bright, its beautiful
You: It is bright isn't it.
You: Wait...
You: It's getting brighter!!!
Stranger: it is?
You: Wait.....
You: That's no moon at all, on the soul of Moses that is an explosion.
Stranger: what?!
You: It's getting closer. OH MY GOD, I see the Mushroom cloud. It's a nuclear explosion.
Stranger: what?!?!?!?
You: QUICK. TO THE BUNKER, follow me my love!
You: TAKE MY HAND DAMN YOU!
Stranger: -takes hand and follows-
Stranger: where are we going?
You: Closes and locks the door with triple bolts, We are safe now, thank god.
You: We can survive out here, in the bunker, till the fallout passes us.
Stranger: what was it, a bomb?
You: Yes and no.
Stranger: which one?
You: Peels back his mask.
You: Starts to laugh like a maniac, dribble runs freely down my face, my eyes roll back.
Stranger: stop that!! what is happening?
You: I turn around and face you, my burn face is hideous, I have one normal eye, that weeps puss, it focuses on you as I snarl in a redneck voice, I gots you alls to myself baby!!!
Stranger: what about the bomb?
You: It was a lie, I made it up so I could have my way with you.
Stranger: omg....all of that?
Stranger: whats wrong with your face?
You: I have evil slack face jaw, now call me Sally in your manliest voice!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: hey there x
Stranger: Hello
You: whats up hun? fancy a roll down the garden?
Stranger: what?
You: A bang, an internet bang, you know?
Stranger: oh right I get you know, yeah im a bit horny anyway lol
Stranger: only thing good about this place
You: yeah, call me DLC baby
Stranger: dlc? I like that, what does it mean?
You: ask me again in 5 minutes, and I'll tell you.
Stranger: lol ok then babe
Stranger: should I start?
You: Yes, I look at my watch, shock, surprise, it is ticking.
Stranger: alright alright lol ill hurry up
Stranger: I start to kiss you, my hands move all over.
You: wow...romantic.
Stranger: are you being sarcastic?
You: No..No...not at all, oh wait..someone just knocked on the door.
Stranger: your door?
You: Knock Knock
Stranger: oh, on here
You: answer it then
Stranger: Whos there?
You: Delivery for DLC
Stranger: delivery?!!
You: Oh it's just my medicine.
Stranger: medicine for what? oh and its been 5 minutes, what does dlc stand for?
You: Takes a swig of her medicine, moves over and kisses you passionately...
Stranger: mmmmm....I feel the swell in my trousers rise, I get into the bed with you!
You: Oh, by the way, it means Diseased Leper Chick.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: hey.
Stranger: hello
You: Are you giving or taking?
Stranger: excuse me?
Stranger: what does that mean??
You: Male or female, do you give it, or take it?
Stranger: not heard that before, err female
You: Sure?
Stranger: very lol
You: Sounded like I caught you off guard for a second, perhaps you are hiding something?
Stranger: no, im a gurrrrlll
You: For realsies?
Stranger: what?
You: I just want to make sure you are not a middle-aged builder, who works down my street.
Stranger: where do you live?
Stranger: hun?
You: My gender-senses are tickling, they are warning me that I am facing a predator. Are you a predator?
Stranger: wtf is this shit, i aint no guy.
You: Beginning to sound like one though...
Stranger: yeah..so
You: Are you an old man, pretending to be a girl.
Stranger: NO.
You: Fine Fine, I have to be sure of these things,
You: What do you want to do then?
Stranger: cyber?
You: I fecking knew it, you dirty old perv you.
Stranger: arrrgghhh
Stranger: c'mon
You: I don't think so.
Stranger: why the feck not
You: That's not a very feminine response, no?
Stranger: so?!
You: So you seem a bit eager don't you?
Stranger: no i dont, i just dont want to waste my time.
You: Alright, I'll start then.
Stranger: yay!
You: I take off my mask, SHA-POW! I'm a really old man. Haha, I fooled you!
Stranger: wait
Stranger: what?
You: I'm old, liver spots, no hair, receeding hairline, grouchy, wife-beater top, white hair on my arms etc.
You: Let's do this babe.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: hey, m or f?
Stranger: f, u?
You: I am a male, you can tell, because I have taken the lead in this conversation.
Stranger: thats very sexist!
You: Oh yeah? Then why is it if you remove the 'st' out of the equation, you are calling me very sexy.
Stranger: but I didnt say that
You: Prison is full of people who didn't say stuff...
Stranger: what?
You: Nevermind, fancy a bit of a role play?
Stranger: nothing extreme
You: Of course not, consider this the PG of roleplays.
Stranger: lol kl
You: You look beautiful, in the half-light, the air shimmers around you. I invite you into my glorious castle.
Stranger: castle?
You: Roll with it babe, castles always lead to fun.
Stranger: i accept and follow you in, wow, its huge!
You: Yes, size being the difference between say a normal house, and a fecking castle.
You: Alas, I regress.
You: Will you do me the honour, of standing by my side?
Stranger: lol, of course!
Stranger: i move by your side and take up your hand....
You: I take your hand, the skin so soft, so.....so.....Surprise Bitch! That was a trap door.
You: I watch you fall away from me, as darkness envelopes you. I shout 'enjoy the snakes' and send a gob full of spit after you.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hey
Stranger: what the hell is this
You: This is Omegle Chat, welcome to the OC Hub, please select the user you want to talk to.
Stranger: i dont no how this works though, what do i do?
You: I am a Chat Guide, before you get to speak to someone, you can either select a known person and we will connect you, or you can opt for 'Stranger Chat' which will place you randomly with someone.
Stranger: oh thats cool, i didnt no you could find people on here
Stranger: how do you do that?
You: All you have to do is give me their details and I can narrow our database down for you.
Stranger: ok, shes a girl haha obviously, err what other details?
You: My mistake, please describe her as much as you can and include an email address, if you have one.
Stranger: ok. brown eyes black hair. slim and she wears glasses.
You: She wears glasses? Almost had a match there, but no this isn't her. Anything else?
Stranger: her email is ********@hotmail.com that should help right? she goes to my school too
You: Indeed it does, thank you, we have a match. I have to request her to join you, as she is currently talking to another user right now, do I have your confirmation that I can do this on your behalf?
Stranger: you do, i swear it.
You: No need to swear, I can't hear you anyway.
Stranger: lol
You: Alright, can I have your name or email address as she wants to confirm it's you.
Stranger: yea, michael and ******@hotmail.com
You: Wonderful.
Stranger: thanks mr guide...this thing is awesome huh?
You: Yeah, apart from the spammers and people on wind-ups, it's pretty great.
You: Oh no. Oh heavens.
Stranger: what is it?
You: This is a new one. She has rejected your invitation, and has sent you a message.
Stranger: rejected? why though? what did she say, send it to me
You: Are you sure you want to see this, it's pretty brutal, friend.
Stranger: haha we are gd friends, i can take it
You: I'm sorry.
You: Michael, I don't know what your problem is but I want you to leave me alone. We've been friends for a long time now, but you cant take a fecking hint, im not into you, I've been seeing someone anyway, and he keeps asking me to choose. I love him, but I don't love you, so please, stop stalking me and leave me alone. Yah, it was fun and stuff, but your not my type, and im way above yours...so please, just let go.
You: For what it's worth, Im really sorry, you sound like a great guy.
Stranger: i dont no what to say
You: If it was me....I wouldn't take that, I would fight for her. Forget her boyfriend, forget what she says, go get her man!
Stranger: you no what. your right, feck it im gonna get her
You: Go get her back!
You: NOW!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

What a fecking idiot, pretending to be a CG (if they exist) works everytime.
 
You: Hello
Stranger: hey, m or fem?
You: M
Stranger: im fem
You: Fem...Femdom? Feminate...Femple?
Stranger: what is a femple ?
You: It's a Temple, replaced by an 'F'.
Stranger: ah right
You: So, what's up?
Stranger: nm u?
You: I'm the same, very bored, are you up for a role play?
Stranger: what kind of rp?
You: A romantic one, nothing too crazy.
Stranger: yea ok
You: I whisper in your ear, 'You are beautiful, you are my only light in a world of darkness' I see you smile and my heart skips
Stranger: i blush deeply
Stranger: say it again, but louder
You: I bite my lip, I would love to my sweet, I say quietly, but we can not risk it, my dove.
Stranger: risk? by saying it louder?
You: Yes, my eyes dart left and right, I take a deep breath and then swallow back my response, I look into your eyes, held by the beauty.
You: You are right, some things are worth the risk. I LOVE YOU!!
Stranger: blushes uncontrolably
You: Oh no...Oh gods no...Please...I love her is all, I'll never say it again..
You: PLEASE!!!!!
Stranger: whats going on?!!?!?!
You: My dove, my innocent dove, I'm so sorry, I should have kept it to myself.
You: They are taking me away now...
Stranger: what? why? where are we
You: Amistad....Have you seen the movie?
Stranger: amiwhat? no....whats it about
You: A slave ship, and we are the slaves.
Stranger: im not a slave
You: No..You won't be much longer, you will be set free my dear, I shall be....
You: ACK....They got me princess...take my hand, come closer please
Stranger: - comes closer - baby what is it?!
You: Our captives laugh at us, and one leers at you, his dirty brow dripping with sweat. Blood dribbles down my chin, I open my mouth to say my last words, and blood spews uncontrollably out my mouth, into your face. I vomit, mixed with blood, over your white dress. My eyes roll back, i slump forward and headbutt you as my lifeless body pins you down. I am dead.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hello
Stranger: hey baby
You: hey hey
Stranger: lol
You: whats up?
Stranger: nothing or i wouldnt be here !!
You: Good point, in that case, shall we make this interesting?
Stranger: yaaaaaaa
You: I unzip my jeans, and take off my shirt, revealing a athletes body, I register the momentary awe in yours eyes, and smirk in response.
Stranger: oh yeah? i slide my panties down and kick them off at you with my feet, i see your erection start to build
You: Oh yeah, it's getting bigger like my savings account...mmmm
Stranger: i go over to the bar and make us a drink
You: Do you have anything stronger, yeah I could do with something to take the edge off baby.
Stranger: hell yeah, now were talking
You: break it out
Stranger: i move over to the dresser and take out a little pouch, i tap the power on the table and hand you a note
You: mmmm
You: I roll the note in my hand, making a perfect connicle shape. You first babe.
Stranger: i take the note, put it to my nose and take a hit mmmm nice
You: I take the note back off you, I bend lower towards the line of cocaine, I hesitate only momentarily, i forgot to say....
Stranger: hit it baby
You: The door bursts open, men swarm in with automatic guns, THIS IS THE FBI BITCH GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!!
Stranger: wtf....is this still rp?
You: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?
Stranger: omg
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Well, hello there, nice to meet you.
Stranger: hello, nice to see some polite people still left on omegle!
You: Yeah, how about that.
You: May I ask, male or female?
Stranger: im a female, thanks for asking.
You: ....
You: FLAWLESS VICTORY!
Stranger: what?
Stranger: wait
Stranger: thats not funny at all, why is that a victory?
Stranger: because im a girl?
Stranger: what a pig, what gives you the right to say that?
Stranger: well?
You: All of your responses above. Round 2.
Stranger: feck YOU!!
Stranger: ya its easy to talk shit on a private chat but do you find it empowering?
Stranger: well?
Stranger: answer me
Stranger: what do you get out of this?
You: Another FLAWLESS VICTORY!
You: Game over.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Well, hello there, may I ask, male or female?
Stranger: hey. female here!
You: Wonderful to speak to you, miss stranger. Are you well?
Stranger: yes lol...a bit posh for omegle
You: Well, as they say, politeness is next to godliness.
Stranger: do they say that?
You: I do. I used to follow a different philosophy, but my life changed.
Stranger: ok sounds a bit serious
You: You could say it was an awakening of sorts.
You: Would you be up for acting out a little role play?
Stranger: sexual ??
You: That's entirely upto you, my sweet.
Stranger: ok yeah but i want you to lead
You: Not an issue. I turn on some music, pavarotti's voice circles the room, creating a warmth inside both of us. I take your hand and place a gentle kiss on the surface.
Stranger: oooo, i let out a moan
You: I survey the view from my balcony, life is good, I remove my pipe and my monacle, and let of a rich, hearty laugh.
Stranger: what are you laughing at?
You: I turn around, slowly, I can almost hear your heart thumping against your chest.
You: My mask slips off slowly, I see your mouth open in shock, as I say,
You: I'M ONLY DANNY DYER AINT I!!
You: feckin ell love, its me DANNY LIVE UNTIL I DYER.
Stranger: danny dyer? omg not again
You: AGAIN?
You: NAH
You: NAH. ITS ME. THE feckING BUSINESS.
You: FORGET ROSS KEMP, IM THE REAL GANG WHISPERER
Stranger: well this was a big turn off
Stranger: feck off
Stranger: did you see what i said?
You: I SAID NICE 1 BRUVVVAAAAAAAA!!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hello there,
Stranger: hey x
You: whats up, are you a girl?
Stranger: yep, where you from?
You: America, new york.
Stranger: serious?! im from nj!!
You: Really? I hardly ever see people from America on here.
Stranger: me neither, so whats up?
You: Nothing much, just felt a bit lonely so I thought I would find a stranger to cheer me up.
Stranger: awwww, ill talk to you baby
You: Thankyou, I appreciate that. So, you ever been to the apple?
Stranger: Yaaaa! its awesome, have you ever come down to jersey?
You: I can't say I have, is it worth the venture?
Stranger: i would say so, not as much to do as ny but nj is still nice
You: That's cool, tell me about yourself.
Stranger: im a girl, 20 and I loooove music, i teach dance to kids and eventually i want to move to new york and do that properly
Stranger: what about you?
Stranger: ??
Stranger: hey
Stranger: dont go i was enjoying our talk
Stranger: im gonna go then
You: Yeah, I'm really sorry about that, I didn't mean to take so long
Stranger: yaa where were you though?? you took ages i thought you had left me
You: I know, go ahead I'm ready now. Truly very sorry.
Stranger: where were you babe?
You: Taking the grimiest shit I've ever had. Argh my colon!
Stranger: grimiest shit?!
You: Yeah. I think I punctured something.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hey there
Stranger: hey, whats up
You: nothing much, just a bit bored, yourself?
Stranger: im packing. well i was
Stranger: but im taking a omegle break now
You: Haha, cool, where are you going?
Stranger: christmas holidays, visiting some family in the uk!!
You: Oh that's cool, I'm from England, it's a shame you chose christmas though
Stranger: wowow!! i love england. why is it a shame though?
You: You haven't read about the exchange rate?
Stranger: dont think so
Stranger: what about it?
You: Oh I am sorry, since yesterday it's official, England is no longer on the Pound. It's very sad for us people who have grown up with it all our lives, and now we are stuck on the euro.
Stranger: please tell me you are joking
You: I wouldn't jest about something so serious to me, I hope this doesn't effect your holiday does it?
Stranger: my husband has already changed our money over to pounds. we cant now change that to euros or we lose loads more. how can this happen? !!
You: The pound had been week for the past weak, and after the strikes, we lost the battle, the Euro is officially in place, even the banks have stopped all outgoing pound notes now, all that's left is the stuff in circulation.
Stranger: oh my god all of our holiday money is changed
Stranger: why would they not tell us at the exchange!!!!
You: I have no idea, that's very poor of them, because it's been major news for the past few weeks that we were nearing a decision.
Stranger: but surely you can still use pounds no?
You: Not anymore, the government are trying to discourage people and shops still using it, because they want the switch now.
Stranger: i cant believe this is happening to me
Stranger: im going to call up the exchange and complain
You: You should! It's not right, especially as the Euro has dropped rapidly compared to what it was last month.
Stranger: i feel faint
You: Give them a call and see what they can do, if not, then you will just have to cut back on the holiday or the presents.
Stranger: we cant do either! and we dont have the money to keep exchanging.
You: I'm sorry, I really am.
Stranger: no no you have been wonderful. if i didnt come here and find out we would have gone to england and woldnt be able to spend anything!
Stranger: thankyou for your help, but this has ruined my day
You: Still, I heard the pound is still used in Wales, so technically you could just change the flight tickets and spend christmas in Wales?
Stranger: i really dont want to do that. we have family in england and ive never been to wales, or my husband.
You: It's beautiful, it puts England to shame, call up the travel people and see your alternatives for the british pound.
Stranger: im going to do that now. thank you omegle stranger!
You: I advise you to not leave it too late, the Euro has dropped 9% since we started talking!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Yo, speak to me now.
Stranger: hiya im here lol
You: You man or bitch?
Stranger: wow....
Stranger: you must be good with the girls
You: Don't need to be.
You: I've GOT a girlfriend.
Stranger: congrats?
You: Yeah, congratulations to me, I'm moving up in the world.
Stranger: she must be nice
You: Doesn't matter. She's mine.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: so, whats up?
You: Nothing. Just making my girl a valentines card.
Stranger: valentines?! that is early
You: WHAT?!
You: You must be alone.
You: This is what you do when you have a girlfriend.
Stranger: i have a better half actually
You: He cheats. Definitely.
You: Ask him if he's made you a valentines card, if he hasn't, he's got a girlfriend.
Stranger: what are you talking about???
You: Boothy's the name.
Stranger: what?!
You: You know what I'm saying, they let me out man.
You: Out of the cage you know.
Stranger: your freaking me out a bit
You: Yeah?! YEAH?! HAHA! It's me, B Double Zero to the TH, why?
Stranger: why what?
You: No no. That's my name, B-00-th-why
Stranger: what?
You: Boothy (why is the last letter)
Stranger: omg
You: Do you need sexual comfort?
Stranger: what the flip
Stranger: what happened to your girlfriend?
You: I GOT A GIRLFRIEND
Stranger: your crazy
You: She's very lucky, she never stops talking about how we met.
Stranger: how?
You: Funny story actually, I was talking to her on Omegle, I played it cool, said I had a girlfriend, and eventually she caved in to my charm and now we are it and em, an item.
Stranger: wait
Stranger: are you talking about me?
Stranger: you are a FREAK WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS
You: Oh Yeah, Boothy likes to shake and jingle it.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hello!
Stranger: hey there
You: Do you want to hear a funny joke?
Stranger: what kind of joke is it i hope its funny
You: Knock Knock!
Stranger: whos there?
You: Tiger......
Stranger: tiger woods?
Stranger: .....
Stranger: well?
You: Tiger leaps forward and bites your arm off, you reel back in utter shock, groping with your other arm, eyes jammed shut, you feel the bloody nerve-endings hanging from a mutilated stump where your arm used to be.....
Stranger: omg why would you say that
Stranger: ewwww thats horrible why would you go into so much detail
Stranger: i dont understand
You: You slam the door shut, tears stream down your face as you silently thank god the tiger has gone. As you slump to the floor, you hear a faint scratching. You look to your side and BANG!! another tiger mauls you to the floor. He lets out a savage laugh and calmly walks to the door, opens it and lets his tiger partner inside. After they high five each other, they pounce simultaneously and kill you.
Stranger: OMFG. HOW CAN TIGERS DO THAT!
You: My bad. Wrong conversation, yeah you had it right ages ago, it's Tiger Woods.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Well well well
Stranger: what/?
You: So you've come back have you Brad, I knew you wouldn't leave.
Stranger: what are you talking about
You: You Brad, are you wearing green lycra shemale shorts?
Stranger: no of course not
You: Exactly, and you know why?
You: Because this isn't the time for games.
Stranger: ok then
You: So, couldn't take the heat bubs?
Stranger: what the feck, i dont understand a god damn thing
You: Ignorance is blitz
Stranger: dont you mean bliss?
You: Thought you don't understand anything, another lie?
Stranger: i wasnt lying i meant before
You: Oh, so suddenly it all make sense now does it, give it up Brap.
Stranger: brap? i thought i was brad
You: So you WERE Brad were you?
You: You thieving gypsy, Brad wants his rent money.
Stranger: i cant be gypsy and brad and brap
You: Yes you can, and you know why?
Stranger: why?
You: Because you are crazy bud, you are losing your mind.
Stranger: I am?
You: Is that a question or an answer?
Stranger: both?
Stranger: oh shit
You: Hearing the voices yet?
Stranger: kind of
You: Time to stop the liquer man, he needs his £30 back!
Stranger: i dont drink, im a honest king of guy
You: You are a king?
You: I'm sorry, but that's farfetched.
Stranger: whoops. i meant kind
You: Ignorance is blix
Stranger: bliss
You: Shut up.
Stranger: my mistae.
You: Your mistake. AGAIN!
You: I don't know why I even both with you brapley.
You: What the hell do you offer me?
Stranger: i dont offer nothing
You: No, you are useless.
Stranger: i no
Stranger: what should i do?
You: You should take a while out and think about some of the things I've said.
Stranger: alone?
You: Yes, alone. Get out of my sight immediately.
Stranger: now?
Stranger: do i say goodbye??
You: Just go Brad, just go.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
Stranger: hey
You: Hello stranger
Stranger: hehe so are you
You: You would think that, wouldn't you......
Stranger: yes?
You: Yes. You will.
Stranger: i will?
You: Stop fecking around Mc Nabbersby, complete the mission and make your way back to base.
Stranger: what the hell?
You: MC NABBERSBY THAT IS A GOD DAMN ORDER.
Stranger: wow.
Stranger: no need to go mental at me
Stranger: where do I go?
You: Base. Now.
Stranger: 3rd base haha?
You: Wait a few minutes while I type the instructions.
Stranger: instructions? for the base?
Stranger: you need instructions for 3rd base? haha haha
Stranger: 3 minutes...
Stranger: .....
Stranger: hurry up its been like 5 minutes already
Stranger: hello?
Stranger: oh god hurry up i gotta go already
Stranger: HELLO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
You: Right, are you ready to follow instructions now?
Stranger: christ yes i thought you had left. you said a few minutes that was ages!
Stranger: where are the instructions then?
You: Turn left at the road, and enter the base.
Stranger: then what?
Stranger: wait. thats it? I waited nearly 10 minutes for TURN LEFT?!
You: Private these instructions are confidential. You can not repeat them.
Stranger: TURN LEFT TURN LEFT TURN LEFT
You: I slowly shake my head and then deliver a sweeping thunder-kick, completely hollowing out the area your balls were once in.
Stranger: omg
Stranger: im a girl i dont have no balls!
You: Mulligan.
Stranger: mulligan?
You: I slowly shake my head and deliver a sweeping claw through your breast area, completely scything the area your tits were once in.
Stranger: OMG i feel sick what did you just do
You: I delivered a level 9 swipe, engaging the enemy above the waist, disarming them in the process.
You: Would you like it explained in a more simple manner?
Stranger: yes
You: I just clawed your fecking tits off.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Well, well, well
Stranger: hello
You: You've got some nerve coming around here, after last time.
Stranger: there was no last time
Stranger: what are you talking about?
You: Shut Up.
Stranger: right
Stranger: thats rude
You: So, hows mother? Still running the place?
Stranger: my mother?
Stranger: shes dead....
You: WHAT?! Don't do this to me Phil. I've been away, I've lost my family, my kids - possibly - my pub...
Stranger: my mothers dead, I dont no about yours is what i meant
You: WHAT?!
You: Are you trying to say she is not my real mother Phil?
You: PHIL?
Stranger: stop calling me phil im not even a man for gods sake and i dont know your situtation
You: I miss her Phil. I miss the square, the whole lot. I wish I hadn't of left.
Stranger: where did you go?
You: To be honest Phil, I can't even remember anymore. I left and joined some bad people...
You: Started to hang around gangs, dangerous ones, the worlds most dangerous ones.
Stranger: drugs?
You: Well, we are talking drugs, murder, major crime....I saw a lot of bad stuff
Stranger: why dont you go home?
You: I can't. I can't even remember why I left anymore. All I know is that the people I love are either dead, or have moved on.
Stranger: moved where?
You: Not sure, some just left, couldn't take it anymore, others moved on to better things...
You: Look Phil. I want to apologize, I always treated you badly, and when I moved away...people were shocked...you remember the ratings.
Stranger: ratings? what do you mean?
Stranger: i am not called phil
You: You know....When I left the Vic...things changed didn't they...I even changed my name, my biggest regret.
You: I took it all for Grant-ed
Stranger: vic? hang on what is your name
You: Ross....
Stranger: holy feck
Stranger: no no no no
You: ....Kemp
Stranger: so you have been calling me phil because...
You: ....I am your brother....It's me...Grant...Grant Mitchell.
Stranger: i cant believe this
Stranger: WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT?
Stranger: THIS IS NOT EASTENDERS
You: I miss the square, and Peggy....Oh Phil, I wish I had been a better Mitchell.
Stranger: ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: will they take me back at the square? I've stopped the Gang stuff and I heard there's another gang in Walford.
You: The balham gang...I could speak to them...maybe they would listen.
Stranger: please god stop i hate eastenders so much
You: I'll stop
You: Look, I'm sorry for this.
You: I'm sorry for trying to drown you back in 2005 Phil, I was having a bad episode.
Your conversational partner has disconnected
 
You: Hey, I'm the king
Stranger: haha king of what?
You: Democracy, religon, bitches, kang
Stranger: kang?
You: King kang you caveman, how have you not heard of that?
Stranger: im sure you mean kong there
You: what the hellfeck is a kong? Apart from being the ending of a country?
Stranger: what?
You: What the feck?
Stranger: oh I see, hong kong
Stranger: no no, as in king kong the ape
You: Yeah that's it, I'm the king of apes, im like the hong kong of apes
Stranger: that....doesnt make any sense
You: Which part? The part where I upper-cut accross your cheek and split your brain in two before you even register a single heartbeat?
Stranger: doesnt sound plausible or possible
You: Well...You are fecked then, because it's entirely plaussible (combined the words)
Stranger: i still have my doubts
You: Doubts are what almost what called Gwen Stefani, before she escaped.
Stranger: very clever there, i see what you did
You: You know what else is very clever, the part where I keep you talking long enough so I can trace back your IP.....Steven!
Stranger: my name is not steven
You: It hardly ever is, still, the one day I get a Steven he will probably turn paraplegic.
Stranger: you cant turn paraplegic
You: Yes you can. I've seen it done once before. When you spin around fast enough, several nerve cells can get trapped, and with that quick, sudden movement, you can literally rip the legs from underneath you, just by turning your neck fast enough.
Stranger: im not sure i believe that, where did you see this?
You: McDonald's drive through. The man's spine was in tatters.
Stranger: that does sound quite amusing
You: It's not so amusing when you have to perform a triple-spine bypass with your bare teeth for fear of infection. Is it?
Stranger: not really no
Stranger: but again...it sounds a bit far-fetched?
You: You want to see far-fetched then go buy a dog and throw a stick far away from you.
Stranger: I dont have a dog
You: Funny you never mentioned that before....
Stranger: why would I?
You: Exactly, why would you?
Stranger: I dont know
You: Have you ever known? Or did you just do it for the rush?
Stranger: wait
Stranger: what?
You: Give it up guy....We know all about you.
Stranger: You do?
You: Yeah.
You: We know you have been *fiddling with the....younger....**animals.
Stranger: thats a horrible thing to say
You: *fecking **Baby rats
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Good evening
Stranger: hello
Stranger: its 8am by the way
You: Calm down, it's only a commercial.
Stranger: whats a commercial?
You: Car Insurance?
Stranger: oh ok
You: Yeah, that settles that.
You: Male, or manwo?
Stranger: I like that, manwo
You: I teach a class of retarded kids, one of them came up with it.
Stranger: wow
You: Impressed huh? I can get them to do loads of stuff!
Stranger: no. I mean wow as in 'retarded kids'
You: Yeah they exist you know, not as bright mind, but a beautiful, wonderful bunch.
Stranger: I know they exist
Stranger: I mean you call them 'retarded' thats not fair
You: Well, it wouldn't be fair to call them 'Shock-absorbant' either, because they are not. But retarded is what they are, you see?
Stranger: thats a really bad example
You: No it's not. In fact I teach a class of shock-absorbant kids, and they don't mind when I call them retarded.
Stranger: hold on
You: Cue hold music - boop beep da da beep (Loop for 7 minutes)
Stranger: not a single bit above makes sense. You just said you couldn't call retarded kids shock-absorbant but you dont mind calling shock-absorbant kids retarded?
You: Now who is throwing the 'retarded kids' bit out there with reckless abandon eh?
You: YOU ARE.
Stranger: im just saying you shouldnt be so casual
You: Casual is a place where I go to get dressed and how I like my sex.
Stranger: what?
Stranger: or insenstive then
You: Insensitive is how I am after sex, i.e 'babe, how was that for you', 'Shut up, bitch?'
Stranger: good example
You: So, fancy coming over, hanging out with a coupla tards and essays?
Stranger: essays? as in exams?
You: essays = sa's = Shock-Absorbant kids (unretarded ones)
Stranger: wow very complicated and not very nice either
You: Nice is something I grab, take into the middle of the street and feck over with my gun. Nice is the portion of crabs I left at a sea-food restaurant.....On the seat.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Nice to make your acquaintance.
Stranger: well hello to yourself
You: Charmed I'm sure...
Stranger: very posh aren't you
You: ......my nig
Stranger: your nig?
You: Nevermind.
Stranger: so, fancy any fun?
Stranger: im f by the way
You: Nice to meet you f, I am P.
Stranger: p as in?
You: Prominent.
Stranger: no im f as in female
You: Yes, I'm P as in Prominent.
Stranger: but you are male right?
You: Yes, but what does this have to do with P?
Stranger: i am very lost
Stranger: why are you using letters?
You: Because that is the way I speak. You see, these letters, joined together can form words that can be spoken and understood, by others.
Stranger: thats not what i meant
You: So f, I like the way your tyres spin, care to take me for a ride?
Stranger: that is just about the worst line ive ever heard
You: Oh, so your tyres are flat?
Stranger: what tyres?
Stranger: oh right!!
Stranger: no my tyres are the right size
You: But they can't take the weight of the car?
Stranger: yes they can they support the car completely
You: That's a shame.
You: I, like your titties (tyres), have become deflated over time.
Stranger: thats just rude
You: I think I'll take the bus.
Stranger: why?
You: Bigger wheels.
Stranger: fine fine fine
Stranger: ill take you for a ride
You: Excellent.
You: I swing in through the open window and kick you in the face. Blood pours from a broken nose, your broken nose.
Stranger: what the shit
Stranger: i thought we were cybering
You: Before you recover, I disable your communication box with a placed jab. I then open your door and use both my feet to kick you out.
Stranger: what kind of fecked up game is this?
You: I turn on The Beat 102.7 and drive off.
You: GTA Bitch.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hello, my cat is missing...
Stranger: awwww im sorry to hear that
Stranger: thats awful
You: ...It's legs.
Stranger: what do you mean?
Stranger: wait
You: Yes, think it through...
Stranger: noooo thats horrible
You: She got it trapped....
Stranger: oh my god what a poor thing
You: ....In my hands
Stranger: i dont understand
You: Think it through....
Stranger: oh my god oh my god you pulled its legs off!?!
Stranger: why would you do such a thing you are sick
Stranger: i dont understand how people can be so sick
You: Me neither....
Stranger: then WHY did you do it?
You: Definitely not because I wanted it to match my three-legged dog....
Stranger: then why?
You: I've already answered that.
Stranger: what
Stranger: i dont understand
You: Think it through....
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Hey how's it going?
Stranger: you know, its actually going good for once
You: Moving on.
You: Will you play a game with me?
Stranger: sure as long as it's not perverted
You: It's not, and thanks.
Stranger: its okay
You: thanks.
Stranger: ok....
You: thanks.
Stranger: can we start please?
You: Yes, okay. Thanks. Let's go. Start with an easy one, 5 lettered word, begins with M.
Stranger: oh okay, erm let me think.
You: You can have as many guesses as you like.
Stranger: March?
You: No.
Stranger: moody?
You: No, getting closer.
Stranger: I am?
You: Yes.
Stranger: mommy?
You: No.
Stranger: can i have a clue?
You: Sure, it's M o _ _ _
Stranger: aha, Money!
You: Very close, but it's not the one.
Stranger: Hmmm, motor or movie?
You: No, and no.
Stranger: this is hard, mount? moved?
You: No and no again.
Stranger: another clue please
You: It's a breathing animal.
Stranger: now you have made it too easy
Stranger: mouse!!!
You: No
Stranger: really?
You: Yes.
Stranger: in that case how about Moose!!
You: No.
Stranger: i dont understand what else it could be
You: Come on, everyone knows about this animal, very popular and it barks.
Stranger: i cant think
Stranger: ah damn it
Stranger: i have to give up
You: Sure?
Stranger: yeah, im sorry
You: It's okay, the word was Monkey.
Stranger: huh?
You: Monkey. The word was Monkey.
Stranger: it cant be.
Stranger: Monkey is 6 letters!
You: Of course it isn't.
Stranger: Count it dude! M O N K E Y
Stranger: 6 god damn letters
You: Let me verify.
You: Oh, sorry about that it seems you are correct, monkey is actually 6 letters.
You: Who would have thunk it?
Stranger: how the feck COULD YOU NOT HAVE KNOWN THAT
Stranger: what the feck, monkeys dont bark either man, what is this bullshit
You: It's just a game, not everyone is a winner.
Stranger: dude i didnt lose, you cheated!
You: I'm going to have to ask you to step away from the counter sir.
Stranger: what counter? what the feck man
Stranger: what a waste of fecking time
Stranger: what was the point?
You: I'm sorry, I thought it was plural. Monkeys. Then it would have worked. You see?
Stranger: what the feck man....that would make it 7 letters
You: Oh my, so it would.
You: New game, 4 letters, begins with C ends in unt?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: Round 1....Fight!
You: Gender, Now!
Stranger: female lol
You: Equip and use superior wit! Sidesteps complaints, counter-attacks with domineering presence and increased brain power!
You: .....Fatality!
Stranger: what just happened?
You: Mortal Kombat bitch.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
Stranger: hey
Stranger: ???
You: Don't question me bitch.
Stranger: woah
You: Yes, woah, I better slow down because I'm not used to these speeds.
Stranger: excuse me?
You: Your excused, get out.
Stranger: outdoors?
You: Outdoors, out the room, out of my god damn sight.
Stranger: thats a bit strong isnt it?
You: I'm not a man to boast, but I could probably kill everyone you ever knew, face.
Stranger: face what?
You: In your face.
Stranger: what does that mean though?
You: I'm putting it in your face, you've been faced. Face.
Stranger: wow thats real mature
You: Thanks, although I wasn't trying to be
Stranger: i was being sarcastic
You: A spastic?
Stranger: sarcastic!!
You: I'm never sarcastic about spastics. Rule No 1.
Stranger: oh god ive had enough of this rubbish
You: Well that's the difference between you and me.
You: Willpower.
Stranger: what?
Stranger: that doesnt even make sense
Stranger: willpower to leave?
You: Yes, I can just leave when I want, you wait around for the next part, you mushroom cloud.
Stranger: mushroom cloud? what in the feck?
Stranger: well
Stranger: heres some will power for you, you idiot!!
You: Too late bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have disconnected.
 
You: Hi there
Stranger: hello
Strange: asl?
You: No thanks, it spoils the fun.
Stranger: fun?
You: You know what I mean.
Stranger: well
Stranger: i dont no what you are talking about but yes
You: Okay.
You: Let's start with a basic question, asl?
Stranger: wtf
Stranger: 18/f/uk
You: uk? I've never seen that before, is that England?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: you have never seen it? where are you from?
You: England.
Stranger: wtf??
You: Indeed.
You: Right, anyway, we finish our meal at a classy restaurant, after I get the bill, I take your arm in mine, and we walk by the riverside.
Stranger: what?! is this what i think this is?
You: I can't read minds, just hearts. Stay with me, we are walking down the riverside and you say....
Stranger: i really enjoyed the meal?
You: It was my pleasure, I spot a bench and we make our way over to it, I reach into my coat pocket, can you guess what's inside it?
Stranger: a ring?!
You: A can of guiness. I crack open the guiness and down it in one. Drink splashes over my face, I do not look concerned.
Stranger: wow thats a turn off
You: The alcohol juice runs down my scraggly beard, I turn back towards you, you jump away in fright.
Stranger: why would i jump away?
You: I have an eye missing from my socket. I start laughing retardedly, one of my yellow teeth falls out into your open hands. You recoil.
Stranger: omg that is disgusting
Stranger: your tooth!!
You: My lopsided eyes slowly roll downwards until I'm staring at my lap, a tear rolls down my face.
Stranger: awww
You: I apologize to you and try to wipe away the tear in embarassment.
Stranger: now i feel bad, are you a tramp?
You: Kind of, yes.
You: I ask for your hand for a moment to help with the pain
Stranger: i let you hold it
You: I smile for the first time in years, I'm filled with gratitude.
You: But I start breathing heavily and I start squirming in my seat.
Stranger: whats happening
Stranger: well?
You: My left arm goes numb, I bite down on my teeth.
Stranger: are you having a heart attack?
You: I slump back against the bench, my breathing has slowed to a stop almost
You: I release your hands from mine
Stranger: omg are you dying next to me?
You: No. You've just given a tramp a handjob.
Stranger: wait what
Stranger: no i didnt what the feck happened
You: I get up, throw you a tissue, some change and stagger off into the bushes, grunting with laughter.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
You: -_ You are connecting with an Omegle Chat Operator. Please wait a few moments while we connect you _ -
You: -_Connected_-
You: Hello Stranger! I am Dave, one of the Omegle Chat Staff, is there anything I can help you with?
Stranger: woww
Stranger: is this for real? are you really working omegle?
You: Yes I am, there's a group of us who regulate the Omegle chats after security concerns were raised several months ago.
You: Have you heard of chatroulette?
Stranger: lol yah of course
You: Well, this is why we are here. It's become a risk to allow all chats to go unsupervised, we just can't be sure the content and direction of the chats are safe.
Stranger: that makes sense actually. alot of weirdos here
Stranger: not as bad as the other place but still
You: Is English your first language?
Stranger: no no but i think i speak very well
You: Have you had any problems or issues with any recent conversations?
Stranger: yes! I had a racist guy abuse me for about 5 mins
You: May I ask when this was, I can bring up the log and ban his IP Address so he can not make that mistake again.
Stranger: awesome!!!! i think it was about 2 nights ago maybe
You: Okay, I'm going to bring up the chat and review it now.
Stranger: i told him i would have the last laugh hahaa
You: Okay, I have seen the chat, and have banned him as a consequence, please bare with me.
Stranger: no problems man thanks for all of this too
You: I've just checked a few of your older chats, it appears you aren't that innocent either.
Stranger: what?!!? when?! no i never do bad on here
You: I can see you've called yourself John in many of these chats, we do not encourage or allow users to post links to pornographic content, or insulting minorities
Stranger: wow! no please listen you got it all wrong here, im minority
Stranger: my names not john though and i never done any of that i swear it
You: John, I can see your chats as clear as day, you can't complain of racism one day, then insult an entire continent the next.
Stranger: no no i dont even know what that is!!
Stranger: he was the racist not me, i just said i would laugh is all
You: Not laughing now though are you John?
Stranger: not anymore no
You: John, by Omegles rules I have to report your IP Address to both your ISP and the ISPACT (Internet Security Protocols & Anonymous Counter-Threat)
Stranger: wait wait wait please i dont know what these means
You: This means your recent activity on Omegle and your internet in general will come under review. Your ISP will build a case, and if ISPACT act on it, then you will be in severe trouble with the law.
Stranger: honestly please i only mess around on here a little bit, cyber and insults is all
Stranger: i have never in my life sent pornographic stuff, and im not a racist please dont do this
You: John, why should I believe you? You couldn't even admit this is your name.
Stranger: i admit it i do. its john alright
You: Alright John. I'm going to put you on a probation period.
Stranger: what does this mean for me
You: This means all of your internet usage will be under temporary review, this doesn't just mean Omegle, but everything.
Stranger: oh my god why is this happening
You: I strongly recommend you stay off the porn sites, as I can see you use them alot, and focus on contributing something sensible to the internet.
You: Do I have your word?
Stranger: you do, you do. word. its not me who uses the porn stuff, my sister also uses computer so i dont know
Stranger: i will contribute just please dont do anything
You: This is your last warning John, okay?
Stranger: yes i am sorry, no more!
You: No more.
Stranger: no.
You: I'll be watching you John. Now get out of here.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
 
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