Ah the diamonds of Oaencha are shining tonight! Not because they are going through, mind, obviously not. In retrospect, telling two of your already-slightly-fannyish midfielders in Nakata and Zola you have 'no defensive duties' and 'a free role' respectively might have been a bit of a managerial error, and especially after watching them admiring each other's hairstyles through much of the match. You have to admire the style, though. Not only did the lads line up in the apparently-highly-favoured-amongst-draft-managers-despite-being-shite formation also known as the sp***** diamond, there were diamonds in Nakata's ears, in Pagliuca's eyes, and very probably in Zamorano's bellend. Diamonds, of course, are famous for being a girl's best friend, and apparently this meant that Oaencha's side had to play like girls n'all. A bit sad, from a footballing point of view.
They started well enough, though, and would have taken an early lead had any of their three goals in the first half been allowed. Unfortunately, on all three occasions Inzaghi the flea was given offside. Whether he was or wasn't was really beside the point as far as the linesman was concerned, he just found Inzaghi incredibly annoying giving him problems all the time so decided to keep his flag up for the entire half. Probably the right call to be fair.
Harms' Selfies finally began to get a grip of the game half way through the first half and the Diamonds rarely saw the ball much after that. Maybe they'll pick a functioning midfield next time - who knows? Who cares, for that matter? We're all empty vessels floating on a sea of nothingness and this is a theoretical match between a bunch of old footballers on a Man United forum ffs. Anyway, the deadlock was broken when not-fat-yet-Ronaldo weaved his way past the Diamonds defenders and stuck one away to Pagliuca's right. Tough on the keeper that, his nickname of 'The Wall' not really helping him much and perhaps acting as a strange premonition of walls that are promised but don't actually come to fruition. 1-0 Selfies. Amazingly enough, Tacchinardi's immense calibre, it apparently being enough to be a football genius just by having played a lot, didn't seem to help him when up against one of the best players there has ever been. Seems you actually have to impress when playing football as well, who woulda thunk it?
After that it was pretty much one way traffic, with 'The Providence' Massaro popping up all over the pitch and adding a second from distance after some neat interplay between Jonk and Djorkaeff, them having no idea that they would both one day light up the North of England at the end of their careers, the poor sods. Half-time and 2-0 Selfies.
In the second half, the alphabetically challenged combo of Zanetti, Zamorano and Zola tried to make a game of it and managed to pull one back, though it was mostly down to Taffarel going walkabout, eventually leaving Ivan the not at all terrible with a tap in. Now then, Taffarel. OK he was the best Brazilian keeper at the time, but the second best was Gisele, and she was only ten years old. But anyway, 2-1 and could the Diamonds make a game of it?
No, of course not. There was a bigger gap in central midfield than between Ronaldo's two front teeth, and he helped himself to two more goals to complete his hat-trick. 4-1. Nice one Selfies. We'll follow your team's progress with interest, though you might want to think long and hard about your choice of keeper.
No complaints but your analysis misses a lot of the key points in the match.
