Richard Keys: The Ramblings of a Madman

Wonder how he gonna meet up with Jose after all he said about him? I watched all of his studios at BeIn sports, and every time he had a chance to attack Jose he did it with no hesitation.
 
Keys and Gray seem like such relics of the ‘90s that it’s almost implausible to think that they were only sacked in 2011. I think of them as being around during the early Mourinho days at Chelsea, when Keane was kicked out of United at the latest.

Weird to think they were around in 2010, when modern football was in full swing. Guardiola was over halfway through his third season as Barcelona coach when they were sacked. Just let that sink in.
 
RochaRoja said:
Keys and Gray seem like such relics of the ‘90s that it’s almost implausible to think that they were only sacked in 2011. I think of them as being around during the early Mourinho days at Chelsea, when Keane was kicked out of United at the latest.

Weird to think they were around in 2010, when modern football was in full swing. Guardiola was over halfway through his third season as Barcelona coach when they were sacked. Just let that sink in.
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You could go through a whole list of TV personalities and say the same thing to be honest and I'd include the likes of Kelly Cates in that. Just bland and extremely boring.
 
Briefly, I'll answer some of you. I resigned from Sky. Simple. I wasn't pushed nor was I sacked. I left of my own accord after they sacked Andy. My views on that are well known. He was a scapegoat for the mis-deeds of others, some of whom have since faced justice, others have slipped away quietly and hope to surface again elsewhere. I doubt it will happen. Not if the FBI pursue their investigations.
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When Andy and I invented MNF our objective was to talk about 'football'. It is again now that we've re-created the original formula at BeIN Sports.
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The Sunday Mirror was given the footage in which Keys can be heard calling former player David Johnson 'choco jocko' when discussing the striker's hopes of becoming a Scottish international with Ray Wilkins and Graeme Souness.

His comment came as a response to Souness asking: "He looks like a jock doesn't he?"

Keys himself has categorically denied suggestions he is racist, saying: "I absolutely refute any suggestion of any racism.

"This was off-air and 11 years ago and anyone who knows me knows that Ruud Gullit, Dion Dublin and Ian Wright are not only my past associates but some of my best friends.”
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Didn’t know about this one.
 
Also challenged Salah's peno against Brighton. He's on a roll.
 
Thats another fine mess you’ve got into Ole.

PUBLISHED: WEDNESDAY, 19 DECEMBER 2018

What on earth is going on at Manchester United? Ole Gunnar Solsjkaer. Really?

How many more times can Ed Woodward get it wrong? I don’t know Ole. I’m told he’s a lovely guy. He’s a legend at United that’s for sure - but what else about the former Molde manager, who had a disastrous spell in charge of Cardiff, qualifies him to take over from Mourinho? The answer is - nothing. Absolutely nothing.

We’re talking about Manchester United here - arguably the biggest club in world football. I know it’s only temporary - but why? It’s a staggering decision. Have they given up on the season totally?

At Cardiff Solskjaer had 30 games to save them from relegation. He won 9, losing 16. That’s it. That’s the sum total of his ‘senior’ managerial career.

‘Ah, he’s one of us’ United fans will say. So was Wilf McGuiness. And I don’t wish to be unkind - but Mike Phelan? I do know Mike. He’s a great guy, but his time has come and gone.

What I’m watching now smacks of the same decline that followed Busby, with the club following one bad decision with another. I’m not saying it will end the same way, but once rot sets in it’s very hard to cut out. This happened at Liverpool as well and it’s taken 28 years for them to get it right - in and off the pitch. They’ve got a structure in place now that is delivering top to bottom.

How United fans would love to have Klopp on their side. He’s a force of nature - right out of the Fergie mould. It’s too late if course. Too late for Guardiola. Pochettino is the man they’re closely linked with - but Real want him. That will be a fascinating tug of war if Pochettino really is the one they want. And it will say a lot about their ability to still get what they want. And let’s not forget - right now he’s Tottenham’s manager. He might just fancy carrying on at Spurs. In which case, that would make Mourinho right - no longer can United buy ‘the best’ at other clubs. It’s ironic he used Spurs as an example. Or was it? Did he know something?

I wonder if United let Fergie stay too long? In every respect United are now playing ‘catch up’. And the problem with trying to catch up is that everybody else around and about you will push on and make progress at the same time as you’re chasing them. Perhaps United should’ve started modernising sooner?

I’ve said before that United’s dominance of English football is over. They’re now ‘one of the rest’. I’ve seen it before. They were under Big Ron and for the first five years of Fergie’s reign. These are frightening times for United fans.

So what would I have done now? If I knew I’d got Poch in the bag and was simply waiting if have appointed Laurent Blanc. He’d have taken it. I’ve heard from sources that have checked.

He’s ‘one of United’s own’, so that the emotion covered. He’s hugely experienced. He’s a winner. He’s a modern coach, with all the same beliefs about playing the way United used to. His Paris teams were a joy to watch, but they also had muscle. He knows the PL and he knows all about PSG. How useful might that have been at the next round of the CL? He’s also someone Pogba would’ve loved to have played for.

United have also spoken to Zidane. After meeting in Paris two months ago, they made him an offer this week that he was unsure about. His preference is to start work in July - if the job is still on offer. I don’t blame Woodward entirely for missing out here - but what a statement that would’ve been - putting in a 3-time CL winner, whilst as the same time re-structuring the club - like Liverpool - top to bottom. Perhaps he should have locked Zidane in a room and refused to let him out until he said ‘yes’.

Ole couldn’t say ‘no’ - but he’s walked into a job that’s far too big for him - and United have made another fine mess. I wish him well - and all the luck in the world. He’s going to need it

https://richardajkeys.com/index.php/blog/202-thats-another-fine-mess-you-ve-got-into-ole
 
Haven't read this thread in ages about old hairy hands. He really is losing it. Funny thing is when he first came on sky back in 92 and BSB before that I never remember him being controversial on screen anyway, behind it he was a lairy wee hairy prick. Back then he was merely the presenter, the football side was left to Gray or whatever guest was on. Now he seems to be giving his own opinions which often seemed contrived to make him controversial. When they first started doing the PL they were a breath of fresh air, that kind of in depth analysis was new to us. People liked Gray's passion for the game and his over the top approach. Keys was kind of just there, now it seems he wants to be a bigger part of the show.
 
His blog mostly consists of:

'As I told you back in -----------'
'As I said on ------------'
'Just like I predicted...'

Tosstrodamus.
 
He’s like a modern day Cassandra........ the one from Only Fools and Horses.
 
It's a terribly written 'article'.

So what would I have done now? If I knew I’d got Poch in the bag and was simply waiting if have appointed Laurent Blanc. He’d have taken it. I’ve heard from sources that have checked.
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I have no idea what he's trying to say here. Who'd have taken it? Both of them? "...simply waiting if have appointed..." What?


Shit grammar that has been spewed out from his hairy fists reigning down on his keyboard aside, I wonder if he still feels this way some 3 months on?

I predict he is going to say something along the lines of "See, I told you he wasn't the right man" every time United drop points, despite the largely surprising amount of wins up to this point.

If not Ole, then who? Moyes was the 'cut from the same cloth' option. Failed. Both LvG and Mourinho were big name serial winners who have won the league in every country they've coached in. Failed. It's safe to say there is no obvious choice, so to lambaste United and Ed for "getting it wrong again" is a bit shortsighted even before Ole went on an impressive run.
 
Why Steve Bruce was right to take Newcastle

My goodness. There are some angry people in the world. Not just angry - plain rude as well. Experts in everything who actually know nothing about the subject they’re mouthing off about. I refer to my private life. I will not dignify the scandalous bullying and character assassination by commenting beyond saying I am a father and husband that gave everything and more to his family. Not once did I come up short. Ever.

Now. Let’s get round to the original reason for breaking my summer holiday promise that I wouldn’t blog again until the season started - Steve Bruce. Good on you Brucey. It takes a ‘man’ to step into the chaos and abuse you’re now getting - simply for fulfilling a lifetimes ambition. After previously saying ‘no’ - he’s now got the job he grew up dreaming of. Just like Bobby Robson. Do you all remember when Bob took it - at a time when Newcastle were owned by another vilified owner - the late Freddy Shepherd? Remember him? Poor fella. He got pelters for doing his best at St James’ Park. Some people have got very short memories eh? I remember saying when Mike Ashley ripped the club from beneath his hospital bed that some time soon Newcastle fans would look back on the ‘Shepherd Years’ with affection. Guess what? Yep. I got hammered then as well. Bruce is the right man for the job now. He knows the club. He knows what the supporters want. They want to be entertained and have fun when they watch their team play. Oh for Keegan’s wonderful entertainers. I’m not suggesting that there aren’t issues at Newcastle. Of course there are - but back a man like Mike Ashley into a corner and you’re only making things worse. Benitez did that - and played poker with a poor hand. None of us wants to be beaten up Ashley constantly is. I’m equally sure he meant it a couple of years ago when he said he wasn’t going anywhere until Newcastle won something. Fingers crossed if you’re a Newcastle fan - Brucey might just make that happen!
‘Sell it’ Geordie fans scream. That club has been for sale for 5 years. The question is ‘why won’t it sell’? Is it because it’s toxic? I refer again to the late Freddy Shepherd. He couldn’t escape brutal criticism - even when he went deeply into personal debt to fund the club. Nor could Sir John Hall. And he gave the Geordies their club back - and Keegan. I ask you - what’s the ‘up’ side to owning Newcastle? I’m sorry - but it’s true.

Bruce is apparently a ‘dinosaur’. Funny that. We used to call a guy like him ‘experienced’. All his life he’s been working toward this. There have been highs and lows in his career. On the upside - 4 promotions with bang ordinary teams. He gave Wigan their highest ever PL finish. He was the last man to finish in the top 10 with Sunderland, before being sacked because he couldn’t deny his heart really lay at St James’. He’s managed in a mad house at Hull. He laid the foundations for Villa to go up last season - and that’s in no way a slight on Dean Smith. Dean did a fantastic job to get it over the line. No, Bruce has a vast library of experiences to call on in a situation like this.
He was apparently little more than 11th choice for the job. Nonsense. That story came from China via a Spanish football ‘expert’. A British broadcaster ran with it - newspapers repeated it. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Sloppy lazy journalism. When I started in this line of work my first editor told me ‘check - check it again. And then check it again’. No-one could’ve checked that fairy tale.
I’ve tweeted on the subject of Benitez. I’ve blogged. I’ve said he deserved great credit for staying and getting them back after relegation - but he did have the biggest budget in the C’ship and being able to sign 18 players helped. 18 players for £102m. Fact Rafa. Chris Hughton did the same job on relatively buttons.

Which brings me to Alan Shearer’s comments saying he told Bruce not to take it. Why? They spent most of the summer together. Alan knew how it was all unfolding. Why not back his mate publicly and get Geordies on his side? I know Alan has issues with Ashley. The owner was wrong to turn Shearer’s bar into the ‘No 9’ bar. Alan is a legend at St James’ - but he forgive Ashley for turfing him out after he took them down. I remember the time well. I remember my little mate Ray Wilkins telling me after Chelsea had played them - in Alan’s first game I think - ‘Keysie, he’ll suffocate them. It won’t work’. How right was he? I must say Alan’s strange choice of assistant didn’t help. Iain Dowie didn’t do him any favours - certainly not the night I sat with him having dinner in Newcastle and he told me ‘it’s not my team yet’. ‘Yet’? Ffs. I’ll never forget that. Not quite the No2 you want covering your backside eh?
At the start of the following season Alan was in turmoil because he couldn’t nail the job. It was obviously a money issue. I called and said ‘Do it for nothing. You don’t need the money. Tell Ashley to pay you at the end of the season when you’ve got them up. You’ll cement your legendary status in concrete. He can’t turn an offer like that down’. Chris Hughton got the job. Come on Al. Give Brucey your public backing. At the end of the day - it’s Newcastle. It’s not Ashley.
Ashley will eventually leave. There been at least two bidders in the data room all summer - but still no resolution. Let’s hope for all our sakes there is soon, but if Newcastle fans want an example of bad owners look at Bolton. At Coventry. At Bury. At Blackpool. I could go on.
Newcastle are a PL team. Of course they could go down - but I don’t believe they will. If Bruce has got a deal like his predecessors then his bonuses will click in if he finishes 10th or better. Is that why Rafa always tossed off the Cup competitions? Steve Bruce is a proud Geordie. Managing Newcastle won’t mean as much to anyone else working in the game. My message to him would be ‘Good luck - and now go and win something’. Brucey knows better than anyone that it’s time someone did that at St James’ Park.

https://richardajkeys.com/index.php/blog/212-why-steve-bruce-was-right-to-take-newcastle
 
"Not once did I come up short. Ever."

What is it about that sentence that just sounds insane? It's so Partridge, yet also feels even more unhinged.
 
What on earth is going on at Manchester United? Ole Gunnar Solsjkaer. Really? ‘Ah, he’s one of us’ United fans will say. So was Wilf McGuiness.
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Bruce is the right man for the job now. He knows the club. He knows what the supporters want. They want to be entertained and have fun when they watch their team play.
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So Bruce is the right man for the job, for the exact same reason that Ole wasn’t? Erm...
 
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Richard Keys said:
Yet more nauseating shit.
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Obviously I have wasted my time writing parody threads.
 
My pal Brucey waited his whole life for the Newcastle job. Then he turned it down. Then he said he'd take it, as the shelf-stacking job at Asda had gone. As my old friend Nelson Mandela, a black man, said to me last night, "Rich, our mate Brucey will turn Newcastle into a global name...like the Umbrella Corporation." And Admiral Nelson was right. And so am I. And you're not. And neither is Benitez. Or Sky.
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I've said it before, and I'll say it again, he's worthy of being the subject of a Louis Theroux documentary. Absolute Partridge.
 
R.N7 said:
Why Steve Bruce was right to take Newcastle

My goodness. There are some angry people in the world. Not just angry - plain rude as well. Experts in everything who actually know nothing about the subject they’re mouthing off about. I refer to my private life. I will not dignify the scandalous bullying and character assassination by commenting beyond saying I am a father and husband that gave everything and more to his family. Not once did I come up short. Ever.

Now. Let’s get round to the original reason for breaking my summer holiday promise that I wouldn’t blog again until the season started - Steve Bruce. Good on you Brucey. It takes a ‘man’ to step into the chaos and abuse you’re now getting - simply for fulfilling a lifetimes ambition. After previously saying ‘no’ - he’s now got the job he grew up dreaming of. Just like Bobby Robson. Do you all remember when Bob took it - at a time when Newcastle were owned by another vilified owner - the late Freddy Shepherd? Remember him? Poor fella. He got pelters for doing his best at St James’ Park. Some people have got very short memories eh? I remember saying when Mike Ashley ripped the club from beneath his hospital bed that some time soon Newcastle fans would look back on the ‘Shepherd Years’ with affection. Guess what? Yep. I got hammered then as well. Bruce is the right man for the job now. He knows the club. He knows what the supporters want. They want to be entertained and have fun when they watch their team play. Oh for Keegan’s wonderful entertainers. I’m not suggesting that there aren’t issues at Newcastle. Of course there are - but back a man like Mike Ashley into a corner and you’re only making things worse. Benitez did that - and played poker with a poor hand. None of us wants to be beaten up Ashley constantly is. I’m equally sure he meant it a couple of years ago when he said he wasn’t going anywhere until Newcastle won something. Fingers crossed if you’re a Newcastle fan - Brucey might just make that happen!
‘Sell it’ Geordie fans scream. That club has been for sale for 5 years. The question is ‘why won’t it sell’? Is it because it’s toxic? I refer again to the late Freddy Shepherd. He couldn’t escape brutal criticism - even when he went deeply into personal debt to fund the club. Nor could Sir John Hall. And he gave the Geordies their club back - and Keegan. I ask you - what’s the ‘up’ side to owning Newcastle? I’m sorry - but it’s true.

Bruce is apparently a ‘dinosaur’. Funny that. We used to call a guy like him ‘experienced’. All his life he’s been working toward this. There have been highs and lows in his career. On the upside - 4 promotions with bang ordinary teams. He gave Wigan their highest ever PL finish. He was the last man to finish in the top 10 with Sunderland, before being sacked because he couldn’t deny his heart really lay at St James’. He’s managed in a mad house at Hull. He laid the foundations for Villa to go up last season - and that’s in no way a slight on Dean Smith. Dean did a fantastic job to get it over the line. No, Bruce has a vast library of experiences to call on in a situation like this.
He was apparently little more than 11th choice for the job. Nonsense. That story came from China via a Spanish football ‘expert’. A British broadcaster ran with it - newspapers repeated it. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Sloppy lazy journalism. When I started in this line of work my first editor told me ‘check - check it again. And then check it again’. No-one could’ve checked that fairy tale.
I’ve tweeted on the subject of Benitez. I’ve blogged. I’ve said he deserved great credit for staying and getting them back after relegation - but he did have the biggest budget in the C’ship and being able to sign 18 players helped. 18 players for £102m. Fact Rafa. Chris Hughton did the same job on relatively buttons.

Which brings me to Alan Shearer’s comments saying he told Bruce not to take it. Why? They spent most of the summer together. Alan knew how it was all unfolding. Why not back his mate publicly and get Geordies on his side? I know Alan has issues with Ashley. The owner was wrong to turn Shearer’s bar into the ‘No 9’ bar. Alan is a legend at St James’ - but he forgive Ashley for turfing him out after he took them down. I remember the time well. I remember my little mate Ray Wilkins telling me after Chelsea had played them - in Alan’s first game I think - ‘Keysie, he’ll suffocate them. It won’t work’. How right was he? I must say Alan’s strange choice of assistant didn’t help. Iain Dowie didn’t do him any favours - certainly not the night I sat with him having dinner in Newcastle and he told me ‘it’s not my team yet’. ‘Yet’? Ffs. I’ll never forget that. Not quite the No2 you want covering your backside eh?
At the start of the following season Alan was in turmoil because he couldn’t nail the job. It was obviously a money issue. I called and said ‘Do it for nothing. You don’t need the money. Tell Ashley to pay you at the end of the season when you’ve got them up. You’ll cement your legendary status in concrete. He can’t turn an offer like that down’. Chris Hughton got the job. Come on Al. Give Brucey your public backing. At the end of the day - it’s Newcastle. It’s not Ashley.
Ashley will eventually leave. There been at least two bidders in the data room all summer - but still no resolution. Let’s hope for all our sakes there is soon, but if Newcastle fans want an example of bad owners look at Bolton. At Coventry. At Bury. At Blackpool. I could go on.
Newcastle are a PL team. Of course they could go down - but I don’t believe they will. If Bruce has got a deal like his predecessors then his bonuses will click in if he finishes 10th or better. Is that why Rafa always tossed off the Cup competitions? Steve Bruce is a proud Geordie. Managing Newcastle won’t mean as much to anyone else working in the game. My message to him would be ‘Good luck - and now go and win something’. Brucey knows better than anyone that it’s time someone did that at St James’ Park.

https://richardajkeys.com/index.php/blog/212-why-steve-bruce-was-right-to-take-newcastle
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How was he ever a professional journalist? He can’t write or use punctuation properly.

None of us wants to be beaten up Ashley constantly is.
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What even is this sentence?!
 
I don't, mate. There's no need. :D
 
Ah love it when I see my favourite thread bumped, always means another round of insanity Keys, the world is a better place with his blog, thank god he took time out of his summer to update us about Bruce and what a fine upstanding family man he is!
 
I remember thinking Keys was all right on Sky, a safe pair of hands who mediated the conversation between the likes of Gray and Redknapp pretty well. Christ what a horrible dickhead he's turned out to be, with an almost criminal lack of self-awareness.
 
Meh, just a biased article from a man who would have been outraged if a well credentialed manager from outside of England got the Newcastle job.
 
At first I thought he was being stupid just to create a talking point and to stay relevant after losing the Sky gig, but it's clear these days that he is just complete Partridge instead.
 
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Will forever be immortalised for the "did you smash it? If you were anywhere near it you'll have smashed it....been hanging out the back of it" lines.

Just amazing.
 
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